Boun regretted turning the TV on the moment he saw the face that haunted his dreams. His dark eyes that were a stark contrast to his hair that was currently dyed a silver-gray. His sharp jawline. But it was his smile--oh, that smile!--that pained Boun the most. The smile that lip up the room. The smile that Boun had fallen in love with.

Boun had taken pride in the fact that in the four years since they had graduated, he had not once watched even one of Prem's shows or interviews. He couldn't. It hurt too much. But something Prem said coming from the TV made him pause, his finger hovering over the power button.

"Next week, I'm performing in my home town for the first time since I started touring and I'm so excited!" 

"Oh, that does sound fun!" the interviewer said enthusiastically. "Are you looking forward to seeing some 'Familiar Faces' in the crowd? That is, after all, your best hit song."

Prem let out a soft laugh that Boun's aching heart knew too well.

"Yes, I'm looking forward to seeing all my old friends and family, but you know, as my song says, there's only one familiar face that I care about the most."

"Oh, so you have a special someone back home then?"

"Well, I wouldn't say they are 'mine,' but they are special to me for sure--"

Click.

Boun couldn't watch anymore. He couldn't listen to the boy he used to love talk about his "special someone."

Boun grabbed his phone and tapped the first number in his favorites list.

"What the actual fuck, Kao?!"

"I'm guessing you saw the interview?" Kao's nervous laugh came across the line.

"So, tell me when exactly we're you planning on telling me?" Boun hissed at his best friend, the owner of the largest concert venue in town, the only venue big enough to accommodate Prem and his fandom.

"Well, to be honest, I was expecting you to just ignore it and pretend like Prem doesn't even exist like you have been doing for the past four years."

"That's not fair, Kao, and you know it."

"Is it not? You pretty much ghosted him, Boun. You've never watched a single interview or concert footage. Do you even know any of his songs? Of course you don't because you always turn the radio off when you hear his voice. I know you guys have history, Boun, but that's no excuse for shutting out your best friend."

"He shut me out first, Kao! And that's why it hurts so much," Boun tried to swallow the tears that threatened to spill over. 

"But at least he has been trying to make things right. For four years, Prem has been trying to make things right with you, Boun, but you're just too stubborn to see. No matter what we've told you,  you just won't listen." Kao was silent for a moment before he spoke again, softly this time. "You know, Prem asks about you. Every time we talk, he asks how you are. He still cares. He really does. Just listen." 

Boun let Kao's words simmer in his brain a little while after he hung up. Prem was the one who pushed Boun away so why would he still care after all these years?

Maybe because you didn't tell him to stay.

Boun felt like he had been punched in the gut with the sudden realization. Were things this bad because he hadn't fought for Prem? Because he let Prem go?

~

The rain made Boun feel even more depressed than usual. Normally, there was one person who could always turn his mood around and make everything better, but that one person was the source of his sour mood this time. And that one person was on his way up the walk toward Boun's door, huddled under an umbrella but still had a slight spring in his step. His dark eyes lit up the moment they spotted Boun sitting on the porch and his smile grew wide. 

Prem dropped the umbrella on the porch and wrapped his arms around Boun, tucking his chin into Boun's neck, but Boun found it hard to return the hug. 

"What's wrong?" Prem asked, pulling back as he sensed the tension in the air. 

"I've been trying to call you for hours."

"You know I had practice. I'm not allowed to have my phone on at practice. And I came right here to meet you because we had dinner plans. I don't even think I know where my phone is at the moment." Prem patted his pockets, feeling for the phone.

"Yes, dinner plans we had a reservation for two hours ago!"

Prem looked at Boun, his eyebrows furrowed.

"You didn't change the reservation like you said you were going to do?"

Boun froze. "What-what are you talking about?" he stuttered.

Prem sighed. "You said  you would change the reservation when I told you about this last minute practice last week. You must have forgotten." 

Boun turned red as he floundered to think of an explanation. Had he really forgotten? He desperately tried to think of when Prem told him about the extra practice. 

"You were probably focused on transposing the chords of that song you've been working on," Prem said, as if answering Boun's mental question. "It's okay. We can always have lunch tomorrow." Prem smiled. 

"I can't. I have a meeting between classes tomorrow. What about dinner?"

Prem shook his head. "Practice again. They're trying to make sure we're all ready before the trainee showcase next week."

"But you didn't forget about my show this weekend did you?"

Now it was Prem's turn to look shocked.

"Wait...that's this weekend? I thought it was the weekend after our showcase!"

"No it's this weekend! You said you were going to make sure you would be finished with practice in time to make it!"

Prem looked like he was almost in tears. "I'm so sorry, Boun. I really thought it was the weekend after our showcase. We have practice every night up until the showcase." 

"Prem, it might not be as important as a huge showcase, but this show is special to me. It's the first time I really get to show people my skills, besides the talent show."

Prem reached out and put his arms around Boun, pressing his forehead to Boun's chest. "I know and I'm so, so sorry."

Boun pulled away from Prem, hurt in his eyes. "How long are we going to be like this, Prem? Forgetting anniversary dinners and special events of each other's?"

"Hey, neither of us forgot dinner tonight. There was just a miscommunication."

"Then we need to communicate better, Prem! Like not forgetting to turn on your phone after practice so I can at least get a hold of you!" 

"That goes for both of us, Boun. You know, it's looking really good that I'm going to pass this final stage and get to debut. After I debut, Boun, it's not going to be easy for us. We will have to make sure we communicate even more than before, especially after I start touring. But we can do it! We just have to make a plan!"

Boun threw his hands up in frustration. "Ah, yes! Of course! We can't forget about fitting 'Prem Becoming Famous' into our agenda." 

Prem felt like he had been slapped in the face. "And what is that supposed to mean?" 

"You know, I'm the one who taught you how to play guitar, Prem. Without me, you wouldn't even have a chance to debut."

"Excuse me? You know how profusely grateful I am of what you've done for me! We've had this conversation before, Boun, and I've thanked you so many times. Believe me, Boun, winning the talent show was the last thing on my mind. I did the talent show with you because I love you and I thought it was something fun we could do as a couple. You said you weren't jealous. You said you were proud of me." 

"Well, I am jealous, Prem," Boun almost had to shout over the sound of the pouring rain. "You're living my dream, Prem. How can I not be jealous?"

"Well, then maybe...maybe this isn't going to work for us after all."

Boun could have cut the silence with a knife. Was Prem serious? So many thoughts swirled around Boun's head. Maybe he was right. Maybe it would be best to end their relationship before things get worse; before Boun held it over Prem for the rest of their lives.

Boun swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to choke back the tears. "Maybe...maybe not." 

Prem looked stunned, as a tear ran down his face. "Okay...I guess that's it then."  He swiped the tear from his cheek as he reached down to pick up his umbrella off the porch. "Goodbye, Boun. I wish you the best," Prem said as he opened his umbrella and walked away, taking Boun's heart with him. 

~

Boun always thought about that night and what could-have-been; what should-have-been. Boun thought Prem wanted to end it, so he didn't argue with him, didn't try to fight for him, but he should have. Boun's heart ached, longing for the "what ifs" that could have happened if he wasn't stubborn and prideful and given up the one person he had truly loved and, if he was honest with himself, still loved.

Boun had taken pride in the fact that he had pushed Prem out of his life for four years, but it was only a lie he had told to force himself to move on.

And now he had moved full circle and was standing face to face with the hardest decision of his life: was he brave enough to make amends with Prem?

And a question with an even more painful answer: Was he brave enough to accept it if Prem didn't want him back?