I lie in the dark staring at the ceiling of Tom's unit. It's a mottled gray in the dim light that creeps in under the door from the hallway lights and it bores me to death.

Tom's asleep on the couch, snoring softly. He gave me his bed, like he always does. 

I wish I wasn't stuck in this room with him. I need my own space after what happened yesterday with Hamilton. And being chaperoned around by two men, each with their own agenda is starting to annoy the shits out of me.  

Especially after Hamilton kissed me. 

All I could think about was that kiss. The softness of his lips and the roughness of the stubble around his chin. The smell of him still lingers up my nose like oil and metal machinery. I can still taste him too, a mixture of metal and crisp mint. 

Somehow, in that brief moment, he managed to remind me of what it was like to love him. 

Wholeheartedly. 

Unconditionally. 

In that brief moment, I wished I was his. 

But then there was Tom. Sweet, innocent Tom who knew every inch of me since we were born. Not in the same way Hamilton knew me of course, but Tom knew my soul at that counted for something. 

It wasn't fair to push him aside just because Hamilton felt like being my boyfriend again. 

I sigh and snuggle further down into the blanker. I smell the jumper I'm wrapped loosely into. It smelt like Tom's cologne.

I'm well and truly showing now and Tom suggested I borrow his sweaters from now on to hide myself better from prying and curious eyes. Hamilton offered a few times for me to use his sweaters but I always refused and he never pressed the issue.

My stomach was beginning to form a hard cinder block and Tom's sweater covered it nicely. It arched out, like I was carrying a small jiggly melon. My belly button stuck out like an awkward knob and a black line was forming straight down the middle of little hairs.

I have what Tom calls stretch marks on my hips and the underside of my belly.

To make matters worse, my breasts had grown about three sizes and I no longer fitted into any of my undercoverings.

I don't think that bit worried the boys as much as me covering up my stomach. I often caught both of them staring at me before quickly looking away when they noticed I was watching.

I sigh again, tossing with my thoughts. I can't lie there awake doing nothing. 

I'm restless and I need to pee again.

Quietly, I slip out of bed and tip toe to the bathroom. I'm careful not to wake Tom up, but as I slip by him his sucks in a deep breath and rolls over on the couch. 

I pause, waiting for him to fall back asleep. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just need to pee again," I reply.

"Cool," he says with a yawn.

I grimace awkwardly and continue into the bathroom. Flicking on the light, I stand there in the dim atmosphere and stare at myself. Tom's soft snores start vibrating through the walls again. I felt odd. I look like a bowling ball with legs. Tom said it was going to get worse than this. That I was going to get bigger and according to his book, waddle around like a penguin.

Which he thought was quite funny. 

I did not. 

I sigh, looking at the melon of a stomach I have. It doesn't hurt, but I run my hand over the arch anyway.

The skin prickles under my touch and I gasp. A fleeting swell of butterflies flutters across the right side of my stomach.

"Tom!" I shout, surprised and unsure of what just happened.

In an instant, Tom is on his feet and flying to the bathroom door.

"Beth!? What's wrong!?" Tom shouts, opening the bathroom door to reveal me standing there in my pants and his oversized sweater, completely washed in worry.

"I felt something move!" I gasp.

"What do you mean!?"

"Here!" I grab his hand. Lifting up the sweater, I place it flat against my belly.

Like clockwork the fluttery butterflies respond and flutter across my right side.

"There!"

"Woah!" he whispers at my stomach. "Looks like you've got movement at the station!"

"Movement?"

"Your little freeloader is kicking in there."

"Oh." I step back, letting his hand drop to his side, feeling stupid. "I didn't know it was supposed to move."

"Yeah. Forgot to mention that. You had me worried there for a second, Beth," he says with a smile.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." He puts his arms around me and hugs me to his chest. He smells like anti-bacterial hand wash. It's oddly soothing to my senses. He kisses my hair. "It's all new to you. To be fair, I was waiting for you to say something about it. My book said you could expect that around this time so I figured it would happen soon."

"Oh," I say, feeling even stupider than before.

He chuckles. "Well, we know it's still alive in there anyways. I wish there was a way to properly check."

"Isn't there?"

He shakes his head. "Not that I'm aware of. I'd have to go and check the med computer archives."

"When can you do that?"

"I'm afraid that would be rather risky."

"Why? Couldn't you lie and say you were curious or that it's for an assignment?"

"I'm passed assignments," he says. "Saying I'm curious would just raise suspicion."

"Then don't get caught?" I suggest.

"Hmmm."

"If they did catch you, couldn't you say you're trying to solve the fertility issue?"

"I'm a terrible liar. They'd catch me out in an instance."

"You're not wrong there.."

He furrows his brow. "I could go and see if there's a way to check on its status. If that's what you want of course."

He leans back so he could see my face. 

I nod. "Yes, please."

We stand there looking at each other for a hot minute.

A stray curl flops out of place and onto my cheek. Gently, he brushes it past my cheek and tucks it behind my ear.

I shiver at his touch.

I want so badly to make it even and kiss him. But I don't. I'm not game enough to make that move.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I know."

"You know I'm here for you, right?"

I nod. Of course I did.

"Something else is on your mind."

I nod.

"What is it, Beth?"

I hesitate. It felt wrong to tell him about what Ham did earlier. So I don't. I lie. Because lying is always easier than telling the boy you like to make the first move.

"My Mom. I've been thinking about her lately."

He cups my cheek with his hand and strokes it soothingly. His eyes fill with pity as they soften into the melted chocolate they melt into when he pities someone.

I instantly regret it.

Tom feels my pain too much. Hamilton couldn't care less.

"I'm so sorry," Tom eventually says.

"Don't be. What's done is done and now we have another life to think about."

He nods. "You're right but that doesn't make it any easier Beth. Don't go denying yourself the right to grieve. She was your Mom."

His hand moves from my cheek to my belly. The baby kicks in response to his touch.

I don't say anything but place my hand on top of his and gaze into his eyes. They're still warm and brown like melted chocolate. There's still pity there. I wonder if he feels responsible for my situation?

Without warning, he embraces me in a hug. There's no need for words as he hugs me. We both know what's on each others mind even though I so badly want to tell him what Ham did and give him a chance to even out the score.

His embrace is warm and comforting. It's strong in a way that's protective but means no harm. These arms would do anything for me.

"Ham kissed me," I whisper so low I don't think he heard me.

But he did because he's pulling away to look at my face.

"He did what!?"

Oh no!

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