Word Count: 1571

~Avila        

By the time I manage to fall asleep, I'm at a point where I can hardly tell the difference between dreaming and waking.

An image materialises in my mind, ceasing my sleeping self.

I'm sitting in front of a mirror, staring at myself.

I look the same, but different. I look tired, like I haven't slept in days. There are dark, deep circles under my eyes, which themselves look dull and lifeless.

Most offensively, there are deep red hand prints on my neck, like someone just had me in a tight grasp, trying to strangle the life out of me.

My tentative fingers reach up, brushing along my skin. I can I'm in pain by the way my face contorts, a tear slipping down my cheek.

"Remember what this is all for, Avila," I grit out. "Be strong."

My past self drops her hands from my neck before adjusting where I looks in the mirror. Suddenly, I can see Vade stands behind me, rubbing a hand through his hair.

I yelp, swiping the tear off my cheek as I turn around to face him.

"Vade! You need to knock," I snap.

"I can't sleep until we talk about what happened," he says earnestly, stepping forward.

I get up off my chair, turning my body away from him, clearly trying to hide the vicious marks on  my neck.

"Leave. Please." My voice breaks in my desperation to get him out of here.

"What are you-"

Vade's words die off as he grabs my shoulder, turning me to face him. His eyes immediately drop to my neck, and a horrified expression passes over his face.

"What the fuck..."

"Don't look," I insist, bringing my hands up to cover the mark. "It's nothing."

My voice is desperate and I sound terrified. It's clear that I'm hiding something dark and terrible, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to dig deep enough into my old memories to know what I was thinking.

"That doesn't look like nothing," Vade growls, stepping forward. "Those are hand marks, Avila."

"They aren't hand marks. I'm having an allergic reaction to material from a scarf," I snap back, weaving around him.

His anger is palpable. It's all over his expression, and I'm sure when I experienced it at the time, I could feel it coming off him in waves.

"I don't believe you. Tell me what happened."

"So you think that just because we're mates things have changed between us?" I glare him down, my words not making all that much sense to me, but they come out heated and hateful. "I want nothing to do with you."

Vade winces, shaking his head.

I hate that look on his face when I watch my old self berate him. Any semblance of hope that I would treat him like an equal vanishes the moment he hears the words from my mouth, and it's breaking my heart.

"You're just saying that..."

"I'm not, okay." I fling open my bedroom door, pointing out into the hallway. "I hate you, I hate this place, I hate everything! Get out!"

The last word jolts me from the memory violently.

I sit up, darkness draped around me. My hands clutch soft sheets as I breath harshly into the night air, trying to find my bearings as reality and sleep fight to detangle from one another.

"Avila? What's wrong?" A soft, drowsy voice utters from beside me.

My muscles loosen as I force myself to relax. I'm in bed, the night of my wedding. I'm married to Vade, and the past is long gone.

"Nothing...I think I had a nightmare," I mutter, my voice painfully dry.

He sits up, his hand brushing against my back, soothing me. I lay my hand on my damp forehead, trying to push away that horrid experience.

"You're okay. You're safe," Vade murmurs.

"It felt more like a memory though," I admit, leaning on to flick on the lamp, dousing the room with enough light to let me get my bearings. "We were arguing."

Vade sighs roughly, his hair messy and beautiful from both sex and sleep.

"Then it probably was a memory. That happened often," he admits. "What were we arguing about?"

"You walked in one me looking at myself in the mirror. I had marks on my neck, like I had been strangled." I bring my hand up to my neck right now, feeling not even a flicker of pain.

Who would do something like that to me? I seemed pretty shaken up, but I was practically telling myself to get over it, to move on.

"Ah yes, I remember," Vade mutters grimly, staring off across the room, lost in thought.

"What happened to me?"

"I have no idea. You never said," I murmur. I've felt like there was something terrible going on in my life before I died, but I didn't realise I was being abused...

Was this a one time thing, or was this a constant part of my life? I need to know.

"Do you have suspicions?" I push.

Vade's expression grows dark and haunted as he recounts something from the past. Whatever he isn't sharing with me is obviously bad. Otherwise, he wouldn't be so fearful of upsetting me.

"I think it's time for you to get some sleep, Avila."

"Was it someone we know doing that to me? Was it my father?" I whisper.

The thought is terrifying, that my own father would do something like that, but everyone seems to be trying to protect me from him...there has to be something going on there that I'm not privy to.

"Get some rest," Vade encourages, pinning me with a stare that has my breath catching in my throat. "Some things need to stay in the past."

He lays back onto the bed, rubbing his eyes.

I could keep pushing for more information, but I'm not going to get anything tonight. I don't think I want to know much more anyway. That memory haunted me. Tomorrow, I'll revisit and do some investigating myself.

Once I've fulfilled some obligations first...

I flop back into the pillows. "I guess you're right."

"Sleep well. Tomorrow, we must wake early to start our post-marriage tour," Vade states, smirking a bit like the thought amuses him.

I flick off the lamp before pulling the duvet cover up to my chin. This marriage tour is going to force Vade and I into close proximity, and after tonight, I'm not sure we are going to be able to keep our hands off each other like he thinks we can.

"I'm looking forward to pretending I'm in love with you," I say into the darkness.

He laughs gently. "It shall be interesting."

***

"How do you feel?"

I shift from foot to foot, trying to keep myself awake. It is far too early right now, and after the fitful sleep I had last night, all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

"I'm fine, Roel," I mumble. "This will be good for me."

"You're going to see a lot very quickly, and it may overwhelm you," he tells me, watching the maids bring some of my bags downstairs.

Vade stands near the front door, speaking to the driver of our transport that is going to take us all around the territory we will rule over after my father.

"That's why you're coming, right?" I say. I'm not sure I could get through this without Roel's calming presence.

"Exactly." He smiles at my relief. "Your father plans to meet us at one of our destinations."

"Good. I have a lot I want to talk to him about," I mutter.

I get the feeling he's avoiding me. His own daughter has come back to life, and he's only come to visit her once, to have dinner with her, then leave.

"Right. Well, Venna also plans to join us at our first spot, so you have that to look forward to." Roel pats my shoulder.

I glance over at my husband, twisting my ring. "How will I have to act with Vade?"
 
"Ideally, like you're in love," Roel muses. "Although arranged marriages are common, they don't instil much faith in the people. They want to believe in love."

I huff out a breath. "I'll do my best."

No one has spoken about whether we consummated the marriage last night, but I can already tell everyone knows somehow. I wonder if they expected it, like they knew Vade and I would be drawn together eventually...

"It may feel like Vade is distant, uninterested in you," Roel says lowly. "I assure you, he is very fond of you. He is just preserving his feelings."

"I understand." More than ever, now.

I have no doubts he is attracted to me now. I'm even starting to believe he still loves me; he is just keeping those feelings close to his chest.

"Perhaps this is your opportunity to resolve issues from the past with him." Roel squeezes my shoulder. "I see a future between you two. A happy one."

I look at Vade. He appears ethereal in the morning light drenching him.

"I'm going to try," I murmur.

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