Word Count: 1891

~Avila

I can't hear anything around me.

Instead of voices, there is muffled sounds vibrating through my body. I am not present, but somewhere else entirely.

Vade squeezes my hands, pulling me back into reality.

People cheer and clap from the pews lined up in front of us. My body, smothered in suffocating white, faces Vade, my hands trembling in his.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," Roel exclaims, closing the incredibly thick book he was once reading from.

My lips part as I struggle to breathe in. I don't even think I can recall the rest of the ceremony. I vaguely remember walking down the aisle on legs that felt ready to give out, only to stand upon the dais in front of Vade, reciting the vows Roel fed to me.

Now it is done. Now I am married.

Vade reaches his hand out, resting it on the side of my face. I feel him drawing me closer, ready to finish this ceremony with a kiss to seal our fate.

I'm still as his lips brush against mine, tentative, soft.

My entire body relaxes, reacting to him. Despite all the eyes on us, all the uncertainty of our future looming over us, I feel calm for the briefest moment.

He pulls away, the kiss lasting only a few moments. I catch his silver gaze, trying to read his emotion but his expression is impassive. We haven't had a chance to talk before the ceremony, and I desperately want to know what he's thinking.

Does he regret this already? Is he going to become even colder to me now that we are married?

The clapping and cheering roars louder in my ears. These people don't know me, or at least, I don't know them. They are puppets put there by my mother, expected to share the word of Vade and I's union.

Sensing my hesitation, Vade sweeps his arm around my waist, guiding me down the aisle.

I feel people reach at me, snagging my dress, brushing their fingers against my skin as we walk past them. I try not to flinch, but it's hard. I don't want these people anywhere near me.

Vade doesn't stop leading me until we are out of the room, out of the view of all the peering eyes.

Pushing off Vade, I stumble until my back hits the wall.

The bodice of my handmade dress clings to my ribcage, restricting my breathing. I rest my hands against my stomach, sliding down the wall until I'm sitting on the ground.

I thought I was ready for this, for marriage. I thought it would be a comfort, but seeing all those people out there, expecting me to become Queen...

It's too much.

Vade crouches down in front of me, not minding the fact that he's wrinkling a very expensive suit.

"Hey. Are you okay?" He murmurs, looking over me as concern draws his eyebrows together.

This man is my husband. I man I hardly know, and yet have an inexplicable admiration for and connection to. He's going to be with me for the rest of my life...

"It's done," I whisper, looking down at my quivering hands.

Vade sighs through his nose. "It is."

I look back at him, at that devastatingly beautiful face. Tonight brings a whole host of problems regarding the consumation, but right now, the ceremony is over and I can finally stop worrying that Vade is planning to make a daring escape to avoid me.

"We're married."

"Nothing much will change now." He twists his newly acquired gold ring around his finger.

"Everything is going to change." I draw my knees up to my chest, wishing the skirts weren't so fluffy. "Everything."

Vade takes my hands into his, brushing his thumb over the top soothingly.

"Breathe," he insists calmly. "I'm here for you. We will get through this together."

I blink up at him, at the earnest look in his eyes. Last night and right now are the first times I felt close to Vade, that I've felt like he didn't resent me.

The urge to draw those soft lips back to mine again overwhelms me. So does the urge to lace my fingers through his soft, dark strands.

However, the edges of his face turn blurry, along with everything else around me. As soon as the dark spots start plotting my vision, I know what's going on, and I can't fight it.

My body slumps against the wall, all control leaving my limps as I fall back into my memories.

I'm in my bedroom, elevated off the ground as I stand on velvet covered seat. I'm facing a mirror, wearing my wedding dress.

Crimson circles me, fluffy the skirt, looking over me with sever scrutiny. I'm busy picking my nails, clearly bored.

"Beautiful, isn't it? It was your grandmothers," Crimson murmurs, smiling warmly.

"It is."

"Please try look less sour darling. This is for the best."

I roll my eyes, glaring back at myself in the mirror. In my memories, I'm so much less vibrant, so much less alive. I can't help but vacantly wonder if I was already sick at this point, and I just didn't know it.

"How can I be happy when this is the last thing I want?" I grumble, picking up a clump of hair so I can examine the edges.

Crimson steps back, folding her arms over her chest.

"Why you are so vehemently against this union is beyond me. Vade is kind and he is handsome," she rambles. "Why don't you want him?"

I cast my gaze to the mirror. My usually green eyes appear dark and haunted here. This must be soon before my death...

Did I see it coming?

"He is not the problem," I snap.

"You've told me before that marriage doesn't bother you. That you understand and accept your obligations."

"I know...you don't understand. No one understands." I step down from the seat, storming to my bed where I sit with a huff.

Crimson steps closer, rubbing her brow. "What is it? What aren't you telling me?"

I merely shake my head.

"You tell me everything. What is going on?" She asks softly.

She rarely speaks to me like this anymore. The relationship I once had with my mother is gone, and strangely enough, I don't feel miss what could have had.

"I can't marry Vade. Please don't make me marry him." I'm begging.

Even as I watch upon this memory, like a movie, like these are nothing more than characters, I can feel the desperation I once had. This begging is coming from a deeper place than just unhappiness about being forced to marry.

Something else is going on.

"Why?" Crimson asks, her voice strained. "I cannot do anything until I know why you fear a union with him so much."

"This marriage to him will only bring him harm. I know it to be true." My voice raises with every word until Crimson flinches.

"You don't know that." She brushes her hair back uncomfortably. "And why would you care? You hate him."

My head falls into my hands, and for some time, I only see darkness, and feel the frustration of my old self. This doesn't sound like an excuse I'm using to get out of this.

It sounds like I truly believe harm is going to befall Vade.

"It's more complicated than you know," I grind out.

Crimson suddenly grabs my shoulder, shaking me. "Tell me."

The memory dissolves into mist, reality beckoning me.

One moment Crimson is shaking me, and the next, I'm seeing Vade shaking my arm, trying to pull me back from the depths of my mind.

"Avila? Hey, are you okay?"

I sit up, blinking away the lasts of the memory. "I'm sorry..."

"Was it a flashback?" He asks, brushing the hair back from my face with a gentle touch.

I'm sweaty and I'm hot, but mostly, I'm confused. That memory suggested I was worried for Vade's wellbeing, which goes against my entire understanding of my old self.

"Yeah. It was." I rest my palm against my damp forehead.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," I stand, smoothing my hands down my dress as I attempt to get my bearings. "We should go to the reception and...you know."

Darkness creeps into Vade's expression. He looks like he's moments away from telling me to forget about this, about this wedding. Almost like he wants to get me out of here.

"You're flustered. What's wrong?" He asks.

I start off toward the reception but I pause, turning back to Vade.

"Are you in danger now that we are married?"
 
He frowns. "Of course not. Why would I be?"

I breathe out slowly. I doubt he knows what I was thinking back then anyways. I didn't exactly confide with him. Whatever bothered me back then may not even be relevant anymore anyway, so perhaps I should put it to the back of my mind.
 
"I don't know." I shake the thought from my head, holding my hand out to him. "Let's go."

About an hour into the reception, it became glaringly obvious it wasn't for me or Vade.

Half the time I spent sitting in the corner, stuffing food into my mouth despite my churning stomach. The latter half has been spent being passed around on the dancefloor by complete strangers.

I would find it overwhelming were I not anticipating the events of tonight.

At some point, a hand touches my arm before pulling me into dancing position. My heart drops into my stomach as I realise it's Evrek, Vade's father.

"I suppose this means you're my daughter-in-law," he muses.

I grit my teeth together, hating the feeling of his hands on my waist. Were everyone around us not watching, I might smack that disturbing smile off his face.

I hate that he's won, that he got what he wanted...

"Let's just forget any titles," I mutter, looking off across the dancefloor, hoping Vade will see me and get me out of this.

"I see the way my son looks at you. He feels strongly for you," Evrek says, smirking down at me.

"Actually, he has no romantic interest in me and probably hates me."

I don't really feel like having this conversation with him, but I'm too anxious about tonight to worry about Evrek's opinion.

Vade probably has no interest in consummating this marriage, which puts my title into jeopardy. If anyone finds out our union isn't legitimate, they will exploit it and I'll lose everything.

"That couldn't be further from the truth," Evrek says smoothly.

I frown. "What would you know?"

"Enough," he says with a shrug. "It's a shame we don't get to dance longer. It looks like it's time for your consumation."

I glance over my shoulder, watching a group crowding near the door. Vade is amongst them, and he looks concerned, his stare sweeping over the place until it lands on me.

"Oh no..." I whisper.

Evrek lets me go, giving me a push in his son's direction. "Go ahead. Your husband is waiting."

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