Once I made it outside I took a deep breath that brought the stench of frying oil into my lungs. It was still better than sitting in there. Fake as our relationship had been, that was one hell of a way to cut it off. And the fact that she hadn't included me in the plan made the whole thing sting.

I wasn't slow, I got the gist of it. I couldn't get any closer to Dean while still fake-dating her. But I also didn't see how this would really help my case with him when he'd been in the front row of the drama.

The sudden hand that fell on my shoulder made me jump a mile high. I turned around and my heart stopped beating, because speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked, his brow creased and his body stiff.

I had to close my eyes and shake the thoughts off my mind, because I knew I was vulnerable to putting my foot in my mouth at that moment.

"I think so," I said, and that was the absolute truth.

Dean ran a hand through his hair, pulling at it slightly as he looked off to the side. "That was, um, very awkward."

I gave a weird laugh. It was the kind that screamed for a hug.

"You're telling me."

I spotted a bench close to the restrooms and parked my ass on it with a sigh. Dean joined me and for a few minutes we watched people as they came and went, most wearing jerseys from the local team and a few from the visitors. I rested my elbows on my knees watching a couple around my age. The girl flipped her long hair as she looked up at her boyfriend, who was telling her a story that kept making her laugh. His arm was around her, his hand firmly on her hip as if it couldn't possibly be apart from her.

I hadn't realized until that moment that that was what I wanted. Something simple, where everybody knew exactly what was what. It didn't matter how much Lena Lee tried to help. The fact of the matter was that I was a girl interested in a boy, who was interested in me, but thought I was a boy. My lies had check mated me even before I realized I was in the game.

"I'm sorry," he said. I looked at Dean and found that he'd also been eyeing the same couple. His blue eyes met mine. "I hope this wasn't because of me."

Oh, it absolutely was.

Yet, I figured he was meaning something different.

I shook my head. With a deep swallow I told him, "No, it isn't. I never told her." I cringed as I realized it made me sound like a cheating boyfriend. I lifted my hands. "It's just, nothing really happened and um, she and I were already have problems, so..."

He clasped his hands in between his legs and looked forward, toward the entrance that led to our seats.

"Nothing happened?" he asked. I felt ice trickle down my spine at the way he said this. "Maybe nothing happened to you, but something definitely happened to me."

"Uh, that's not what I mean-" The look on his face stopped me. He was grinding his teeth so hard that the muscles in his jaws jumped. I took a deep breath. If Lena Lee didn't kill me, eventually he would.

"I've never felt this way for another guy before," he said, now looking down at his hands. I noticed they were clasped so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "Granted, I've never exactly been girl crazy, but I was pretty comfortable with the idea of one day getting a partner — female. We might not have kissed," he said, lifting his face just enough to look me dead in the eye. "But everything's changed for me."

I tucked my chin against my chest and bit my lip to stop myself from blurting out what I wanted to say. Me too, I wanted to say. Nothing was the same since I met you, I wanted to tell him. I want you, too.

The words caught in my throat as I fought off tears.

Dean shifted next to me. His voice thickened with emotion as he said, "Charlie, I'm sorry." After a long pause where I couldn't do anything he continued. "This is not the right time. It probably never will be the right time. You... probably like girls and maybe I'm just confused-"

I looked up at him then. "I'm confused, too," I admitted, because this wasn't a lie. I was torn between keeping up the charade for the sake of my family and our company, for the breakthroughs that dad was making in town, and at the same time I wanted to be able to bare myself to this boy, who was so arrogant, who had the love of an entire town, and who was looking at me right now like he was also on the verge of tears. His cheeks were red, eyes glossy with moisture. He tore them away from me.

"That night," he said and I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down. "Did I scare you?" He met the question in my face with lowered eyes. "Did I cause those nightmares?"

"No!"

He and everyone in the vicinity jumped at my sudden shout. By impulse I grabbed his arm and pulled it towards me. I shook my head.

"No, Dean. That had nothing to do with you. You don't scare me." Then I remembered an awkward truth. I laughed a little. "Wasn't I clinging to you for comfort on the bus?"

A tiny smile reached his eyes. "You were."

"It's the PTSD," I said. I realized I was still touching him and let go. I folded my arms to prevent them from going to him again. "You know, I'm so touched in the head that it's probably a good idea I stay away from everyone, boys or girls alike."

Dean leaned back against the wall behind us. "That's a subtle way of turning me down."

My head scrambled for words and the ones it plucked out were, "I'm not turning you down."

His eyebrows went up. The tiny smile made its comeback and I felt myself flush when I realized what I'd just said. I twisted my body towards him, trying to find a better way to explain.

"Dean," I said, hoping that I sounded serious enough. "Do you realize I'm a guy?"

He snorted. "I'm aware."

"Wouldn't you prefer if I were a girl?"

A couple of beats passed with no reaction whatsoever from him. I waited for any sign that what I'd said had registered. I didn't know where I was going with this, but I suddenly had to know the answer to his question. If he said no... Well, I didn't know what I'd do.

He tilted his head. "Honestly?"

I nodded. "Honestly."

He ran a thumb across his bottom lip, and my traitorous eyes followed the motion like it was a sport.

Then he said, "I don't care."

I processed this answer for a few seconds.

"You don't care?"

He shrugged. "Fact of the matter is that you're a guy, and yet here I am fantasizing about what you'll taste like when I kiss you."

I spluttered. "When you kiss me? Aren't you a little full of yourself?"

Dean threw his head back and laughed. "Do you really want me to give you the witty reply you deserve?"

"No." I frowned at him. Clearly someone's mind was in the gutter. "Plus, what makes you think that I want to kiss you, anyway?"

"A few things," he said, lifting one finger. "The fact that you haven't punched me in the face is one. Or the other fact that you haven't ran away, screaming that I'm some sort of pervert."

I rolled my eyes at that. "I don't think that a guy wanting another guy qualifies him as a pervert."

His smile was genuine at that.

"Then," he continued. "There's the fact that you can't take your hands off of me."

I realized as he said this that I had grabbed his arm again at some point. I let him go like he was burning me.

"And then," he said, lowering his voice so that I had to lean closer to hear over the noise of people. "There's the fact that you can't stop looking at my lips."

"Well, you keep licking them seductively," I said, and I could've smacked my own forehead for admitting that aloud. I thought he was going to laugh and tease me, but something worse than that happened.

He sneaked his arm around me and brought me flush against his chest. I froze just before breaching the last breath of distance, meeting his eyes with my wide ones. I realized in them that he was convinced of what he wanted. And what he wanted was me. Regardless of whether he thought I was a boy. Regardless of the people who had paused to see as two boys suddenly embraced. And at that second I also didn't care.

"What do you think, then?" he whispered, eyes lowering to my lips. "Timing's not good. I know you just broke up with your girlfriend and that I'm not being much of a good friend for pouncing now. But... can I have a taste?"

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart pump like it was on a race.

"Fuck the timing," was all I said before I jumped off the ledge.

I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his.

At that second I didn't care if I was a liar. If it was going to hurt when my lies were aired out. I didn't care who was watching, or that I was supposed to be nursing a broken heart. I didn't care that I was a ticking bomb, that he was destined for greatness and I wasn't. That our paths were so clearly leading away from each other.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he lifted me by the waist until I was sitting on his lap. I angled my face so that I could nibble at his bottom lip. Dean sighed and I took advantage of his open lips to coax them wider with mine. A moan tore away from deep within my chest as our tongues met and that was the last second where I was certain that I'd been the one leading the kiss. I felt one of his hands squeeze my hip and the other one come against the back of my head. Even though I was on top of him, he guided my head so that he could explore my mouth deeper. Our erratic breathing mingled as we fought against the desire for more. His tongue trailed a hot path across my lips before plunging further again, stroking mine in a way that made me picture exactly just what it would be like to lay with him. I was on fire and I could feel the growing proof against my belly that so was he.

A low whistle sounded off to the right. It tore Dean and I away from each other.

I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces. Two guys who were coming out of the bathroom were looking straight at us, laughing and throwing the ugliest F-word around for everybody to hear.

Dean felt my body tense and he held me tighter.

"Ignore them," he said in my ear.

I looked down at him, his flushed cheeks and swollen lips. At his strong jaw and neck. I couldn't let this go on.

He put some resistance, but ultimately I was able to extricate myself from him and stand up on my own two feet. I was glad that my legs didn't wobble after the kiss of a lifetime or under the weight of my lies.

"You're not the slur they called you and I won't be the reason why anyone even uses that word to refer to you," I said.

His brow creased again as he also stood up. "Charlie-"

I swallowed and took a step back. With all the strength I could muster, I looked up at him and said, "You were right earlier, Dean. This isn't the time or the place for us. I don't think it ever will be."

With that I turned around. I didn't wait to see how he reacted and scurried to the entrance. I found an empty seat all the way at the top of the stadium and remained there for the rest of the game, until it ended and Lena Lee texted asking where I was. My head was a mess and all I could do was cling to the hope that I'd done the right thing. Despite everything I had revealed to him with my body. Despite everything I hadn't revealed to him about it, precisely.

It was an awful ride back to Silver Grove.

DARLIE LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!

or does it? 🤔

also fyi we have eight chapters left 😵