Rui does what she can.

She doesn't feel as though that amounts to much, but she does it nonetheless.

Before anything else, Hinata has her clean and dress her own wound. She understands without him telling her what a distraction she is, while oozing blood and with the sharp of scent of fear wreathed around her. It's still too much to look at, so she takes care of it in the bathroom, risking glances through the mirror whenever her fingers brush over unscarred flesh or the bandages unravel in her grip.

Teeth marks.

That's what she's covering up.

It was real in the moment, but now, Rui wonders if she trusts herself not to believe that everything that's happened, every revelation she's been hit with in the last half hour, was some nightmarish fever dream concocted by a grief-addled brain. It would be some sort of sick karma if her punishment for wasting her chance to save Kaori was this - entrusting her life not only to a man she's only had three conversations with (one of which taking place while he was on the verge of death and ending on quite the harsh note) but a ghoul. The creature that stalks the streets of Tokyo at night, preying on mankind without remorse - the thing she's grown up learning to hate.

But, more than that... it's Hinata.

That doesn't... it shouldn't mean anything.

She won't deny that it means everything.

Squeezing her eyes shut, nose wrinkling at the pounding in her head, Rui leans forward, bloody fingers wrapped sloppily around the edges of the sink. She's dressed the wound, but she can't say it won't get infected; God knows what Hinata has stuck in his teeth. Well, that, and her medical skills aren't exactly top-notch; she knows only what she's learned on-the-job with Kaori, a woman who was once prone to inflicting some sort of injury on herself at least once a day. But - like with everything Kaori did - she wore her cuts and bruises proudly, said they were proof she survived.

Swallowing thickly, Rui bows into the sink, forehead scraping against the cool metal of the faucet. Her stomach churns, doing flips with every throb of her shoulder. This won't ever heal right, that much is obvious to her. She's lost muscle, flesh; she'll be lucky if there's no hinderance to her movement. Surely it'll scar, puckered red flesh she'll have to hide for the rest of her life. And, again, that's if she's lucky.

God, is she shaking. Like a leaf caught in the wind. Helpless, flung around by forces she'd be so much better off keeping her distance from - but so powerful, so primal she's no choice but to follow their pace.

She wants to blame it on blood loss. It'd give her some solace if she could convince herself she's not in the middle of quite possibly the most compromising crisis of her life. But she's grown numb to her own pleading, and the protests fall silent as she breathes in and out, counting to ten in her head before releasing each lungful of air.

Hinata is a ghoul - she's trusting him.

Just... take that in. Don't get overwhelmed. He's... Hinata's still out there, he needs you.

First, though, Rui straightens up abruptly, a hand clamped over her mouth. Her feet sliding over the blood-slicked floor, she throws herself at the toilet, catching the edges as she heaves into the bowl. Bile burns the back of her throat and bubbles on her tongue; it feels like only acid comes up, and she remembers faintly that she hasn't eaten today. Lucky break, given the circumstances.

Her arms are trembling by the time she's finished, and she slumps back against the small off-white tub. The curtain dangling over the side shifts with her weight, and she groans as she has to scramble to sit up before she falls face-first into the tiled floor. Splotches of black dance on the boundaries of her vision, forever just out of reach, never quite settling enough for her to look at them directly. She closes her eyes, gives her head a quick shake, tries to even out her breathing.

Nails dig into the lines of her palms as she tips back her head, resting it on the edge of the tub. Each breath - soft and shallow - lifts her chest almost imperceptibly, but her heart is racing, and it feels as though a fist is pounding into her ribcage with every erratic beat.

She can't do this.

He's a ghoul.

But... he's Hinata, too.

She can't keep separating them in her head, thinking of them as distinctive individuals, distinctive species. Hinata the human - Hinata her friend - and Hinata the ghoul are one in the same. Gray hair, gothic style; incomprehensible tee-shirts and poor taste in transportation; brown eyes - red eyes. All of it makes up the Hinata she knows, disagreeable facets included - she just wasn't aware of that until now.

Rui draws in another shuddering breath, holds it till the count of ten, then staggers to her feet and - after flushing the toilet with a guilty grimace - pulls open the bathroom door.

"Hinata-kun?" she calls out as she rounds the corner leading from Hinata's bedroom into the living room.

She gets no response, but she doesn't need one, really, as she can plainly see him sprawled out on the couch. He's tucked his knees up almost to his chest, head pillowed on his upper arm; the other wraps around his legs, his hand caught around the rounded corner of the cushion. His eyes are only half-open, and she debates whether or not he's even awake until she's standing just in front of him, brow furrowed and lips parted slightly in concern.

It's then that he curls his lips into a faint smile.

"Rui-chan, you're... I don't even know what."

She supposes that's a compliment from the bright notes of admiration and relief laced through his rough, thick voice. Thick with what, she isn't sure; pain, most likely, though it could be hunger.

Stop that, she mentally chides herself, but instinct and tradition are difficult things to overlook, she's finding.

"What can I do?" she asks, with as much confidence as she can inject into her words. It's pitiful, she knows, but Hinata doesn't seem to mind.

"You're not... gonna like it," he murmurs between panting breaths.

"Probably," she agrees with a flimsy smile of her own.

"There's... something, in the fridge. Package, wrapped in paper. Tied up tight. Can you... "

Her throat is clogging with how much she doesn't want to, but Rui only offers another paper-thin smile before navigating her way to the kitchen. She does it all mechanically, unthinkingly, because that's the only way she can coax her muscles into completing this ungodly task. Open the fridge door, scan its contents, zero in on the requested item. Pick it up, don't think too much, don't inhale too deeply, don't press too hard against the bindings. It's a methodical, almost clinical approach that serves her well, as it allows her to return to the living room with only minimal reaction from her gag reflex.

Rui settles herself on the floor just before the couch, her back to Hinata so she doesn't see just what it is inside that paper, doesn't confirm her suspicions. Kaori would scold her, wagging a derisive finger in her face with a mock scowl on her own, for choosing to linger in the dark of ignorance, but for once, Rui can't bring herself to care about her mentor's disapproval.

"...Can you... tell me what happened now?"

Hinata tenses atop the couch; the crinkling of paper ceases for the moment, and even the sound of his course breathing fades, until he releases a short, soft sigh and resumes his unwrapping.

"'Nother ghoul," he says. "Attacked me outta nowhere. I've... never seen him around before."

"New to the ward?" she guesses, surprised by how easy it is to ask questions when she's not looking at him. In the back of her mind, she prays he can't smell the vomit on her.

"Maybe... but he was... weird."

"Weird...? Um, sorry, Hinata-kun, but you're all... weird to me..."

"Well, 'course we are, Rui-chan. But, I mean... the way he acted... didn't even say a word, just grabbed me and ran me through with his kagune. Didn't even have time to hit 'em back."

Kagune? She's heard that before, in a snippet of news, or floating around on one of her oft-visited blogs. Or perhaps Kaori brought it up one evening when she was verging on drunk and getting excited about the prospect of a ghoul-related case. She liked those, too much for anyone else's tastes, and Rui finds it morbidly ironic that her fascination was what killed her in the end.

"I don't like him, Rui-chan, and not just 'cause he roughed me up. There was... a reckless sort of hunger in him that... It's too eye-catching, ya know? Draws too much attention from those doves."

"Doves?"

She asks the question before she can tell herself to drop it. She - much like Kaori- is a bit too inquisitive for own good.

"You don't know... Oh, right, that's a ghoul thing, isn't it? My bad, Rui-chan, that's what we call ghoul-investigators. Don't know why, honestly, that's just always how it's been for me."

So Shin, and Amon, are doves to ghouls. The label seems a tad dainty to her, and the peaceful connotation of the word clashes with the animosity that tethers ghouls and their doves together. But, despite that, it's fitting, in a way she can't quite explain. Peace-keeping doves... that's their role in society, she supposes, but it's more than that, a fundamental link that she can't quite grasp. It's enough to drive her up the wall, but she shelves it for now.

The crinkling's stopped altogether, and - ashamed - Rui covers her ears while Hinata eats.

She expects a rebuke, almost craves it, but nothing comes, and she chides herself again.

She hates herself a little right now, and she can't even help her prejudice.

"Hey, Rui-chan..."

Her hands drop from her ears, revealing crimson tips, and she swivels to look at Hinata. She should have cleaned him up before worrying about herself, if only because the gore still coating him like a second skin feels so much more ominous now that she's privy to his dirty little secret.

Hinata looks at her, no longer smiling, his eyes soft and clouded beneath heavy lids. He unclasps his hand from around the couch and, hesitantly, reaches out for her.

She takes it without thinking.

"You'd be so much better off forgetting about me."

The certainty of his voice makes her heart wither in her chest, and her hand tightens around his.
Deja vu.

The coffee shop scene is fresh in her mind, vivid against the stark reality of horror that's painted itself throughout every region of her thoughts, and a strange sense of calm overtakes her in that moment. It may only be a recollection of the reassurance he gave her back then, but it's enough to allow a genuine smile to bloom on her lips.

"Probably," she says again, this time with notable humor, and the look of pleasant surprise that opens up Hinata's ashen face tells her it was the right thing to say.

How she can find amusement in such a trainwreck of a situation, she doesn't know. Likely it's the insanity creeping up on her psyche softening the blow of reality for her. Or maybe it's that she's already thrown up, gotten something out of her system that she hadn't realized was stopping up her heart. Either way, she's... grateful for it, whatever it is. It's easier to face Hinata with a smile and a distraction, anyway.

"Rui-chan... if you want to tell Nomura-san--"

"I... I won't, Hinata. If..."

"If I don't hurt anyone?"

Rui bobs her head, averting her eyes.

"I... can't promise that, Rui-chan. I... I hurt you, even though I was trying to hold myself back... It's a pain in the ass, fighting instinct..."

She understands that. Hell, it's what she's doing right now. Fighting the urge to balk, to run, to swallow her heart and call Shin, Amon. Bring the whole of the CCG crashing down on Hinata's little world.

"But you're fighting," she says softly, ignoring the crack in her voice, speaking as much to Hinata as she is herself, "and... and that's what matters. Right?"

"...Right," she hears Hinata murmur, the single word more a groan than any sort of coherent language. But she gets it just fine.

"...Do you feel better?" she asks after a heartbeat or two passes. She's fiddling with her phone in her lap, just to give her hands something to do, keep them from twisting her shorts into wrinkled messes. "After..."

"A little," he admits, and she thinks he sounds tired, a sort of grogginess muffling his words.

It worries her; she doesn't know the extent of his injuries, what if he took a hit to the head? His hair is so matted with blood, she isn't sure if it's only from the cuts that crisscross his forehead. If he has a concussion, and he falls asleep...

"I'm healing, at least," he goes on, oblivious to her inner tumult. "Not quick or anything, but... I'll get there."

"You heal that fast?" she breathes, curious despite herself.

"Not like a rinkaku, I hear they're the fastest healers of all of us, but damn fast, if I do say so myself," he chuckles.

And she's tempted to ask just what a rinkaku is, but Hinata is tired, and this is strange enough without her delving into the inner complexities of the ghoul world - a world she still feels so far removed from, to the point where she can't believe where she is at the moment, who she's talking to.

Deep breaths, she reminds herself when it feels as though her lungs are constricting, her throat tightening, and the world begins to spin again.

"Then... I'll help you clean up," Rui decides once she's brought herself back from the brink of panic and has confidence her legs will bear her weight when she stands. "And then... then we can talk about where to go from here. It's... it's, um, better than nothing, at least..."

Hinata just smiles.

"Wanna take a shower together, then, Rui-chan? Make it easier to get clean?"

"H-Hinata-kun!"

"Aw, you're all red! Rui-chan, you're so cute I could just eat you up!"

"You're awful, Hinata-kun..."

"'Snothing. You should see me when I don't have a hole in my stomach. I'm a catch, Rui-chan."

"...You're just trying to act normal, aren't you? To keep me calm?"

"Hey, it's working, ain't it?"

"...A little..."

His smile really is far too infectious for his own good.

Hm... Not sure how I feel about this chapter. It's not exactly how I wanted things to go down but I suppose it works. But if you guys think any thing's weird, tell me, please! I want to make this story the best it can be, so feedback means a lot to me!

Also! This story is entered in the Anime_WattyAwards ! You don't have to vote for me, obviously, but even just checking it out would be cool. It's a newest watty, and since I know the previous anime watty's have all kinda fizzled out, I'm hoping this one ends up being a success! Thee kinds of contests are just really fun, ya know?