"The reality of the matter is, it really doesn't matter if that cute boy won't talk to you, what the latest gossip is, or being nervous about a test...  Let me tell you, It's a lot harder to smile and say everything's going to be ok, then an olympic race..." ~Me

Hello... I'm relapsing right now back into anxiety and stuff... My social anxiety and just my basic mental health has plummeted.
It goes up and down a lot...
I'm getting better at talking to people and being more social, but the voices in my brain won't go away.

My friend has such a large group of friends in real life, and she's making new friends and stuff...
And I'm really jealous, because I don't think I could ever talk to my friends about this sort of stuff.
And it's even harder to talk to you guys about it because I don't know how you'll react.

I can't talk to my parents about it either, I don't want them to be worried about me, or to cause a lot of drama.
And yes, I know I'm a huge hypocrit because of I just wrote a chapter about this.

But those are fictional characters, it's a lot harder in real life.
It's harder to swallow anxiety then pride...

I'm scared. There's no one I can talk to, and I really do appreciate you guy's support and everything. But I don't know if I can ever really talk to you guys about this stuff either, this is kind of a confession...

And I'm honestly FUCKING SICK of hearing about the media talking about gays and insecurities. And I know that it's a good thing, and that they're helping these people.

But they're just touching the surface.
They glorify the surface, but ignore the minority.

NO ONE CARES ABOUT ASEXUALS, OR PEOPLE IN ABUSIVE SITUATIONS!!!
NO ONE CARES ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE IN SITUATIONS WHERE THEY MAY ACTUALLY KILL THEMSELVES, OR HAVE TO PUT ON A FAKE SMILE EVERY DAY!

No one cares!!!!
And I'm sick of that!
All the media does is point out people who have actually killed themselves, instead of helping people who think about it every day!

Why is it so hard to talk about it!!!
And all the attention people who are depressed, have anxiety, are aromatic or asexual, or are suicidal get is hate.
"Lol slut."
"Faggot."
"Attention whore."
"DRINK BLEACH BITCH!!!"
"It's not natural not to want to have sex!!!"

Or people who are victims of sexual abuse or rape.
"You asked for it."
"You're a slut."
"Lol, take it like a man."
"Pussy."

No! This is not ok!!!
This, is not ok!!!!!!!!!

THERE IS NO ATTENTION FOR THIS STUFF IN THE MEDIA AND EVEN WHEN THERE IS, PEOPLE ROMANTICIZE IT AND SEXUALIZE IT!!!

I'm sick of being in the shadows, like most people like me are!
HEY, HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF TEACHING ME CALCULUS YOU TEACH ME HOW TO ACTUALLY DEAL WITH MY MENTAL ISSUES, AND ANXIETY!!!
HOW ABOUT YOU TEACH ME THE STUFF THAT CAN LITERALLY SAVE LIVES!!!

Oh wait, you won't...
And parents, teach your kids this stuff too please!!!

I'm sick of it!!!
People who are going through things like this who are too scared, shouldn't have to sit there terrified to speak up!

AND I'M GOING TO DO IT RIGHT NOW!!!
And how about learning how to deal with an abusive relationship? Or stuff on how to properly control our emotions or to handle a gun or fight properly so we can protect ourselves!
Or make a mental test so that certain people can't have guns so that I never have to hear about another school shooting again!!!

Or maybe I should learn how to have a healthy diet!
One out of FIVE schools in America.
ONE OUT OF FIVE!!! Serves mc donalds and fast food in their cafitirias!
And you wanna know why??!! BECAUSE THE SCHOOL DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY!!!

You know what we could do to solve this??
Stop spending so much on things that don't matter!!!

Educating out kids and other people that having depression, is normal. And their not alone.
How to deal with abuse.

Oh wait no, sorry. Cyber bullying is more important because there's no such thing as a block button, or closing the damn computer!

Why don't we focus on these things...
I'm scared, I'm really really scared... I have thought about killing myself before, and I almost legibly tried to about a month or so ago...

Why doesn't the media and schools talk about this stuff...
Because most of us are in the shadows, and we're too scared to come out... Because we're scared of being judged or we day that we're "just fine"...

We think that we have to bottle it up...
And I know I don't... But I'm too scared to tell anyone, because I don't know what's wrong with me...

But hey, at least "you're beautiful" right?