I'm twenty six and I turn up at Claire's door with a bottle of Tequila. Scott cheated on her. The wedding is off. She's devastated.

             We put on every John Hughes movies I can find. We don't need to do any kind of drinking game because Claire is drinking Tequila like its water.

I feel so bad for her. She's always been there for me and I don't know how I can be there for her.

I braid her hair like I used to when I was a kid. I find some weird DIY recipe for face mask that I can do with the stuff lying around her pantry and we do them together.

I order fried chicken and ice cream.

When she's done with her second pint of ice cream and I'm pretty sure the DIY mask is going to give her a rash she tells me, "You know what sucks? Scott kept putting off having kids. He said we should live our lives first. We waited too long. And now I'm alone. I guess I'll never have kids now."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm thirty seven years old. I've missed the train.

"Forty year old women can still have kids," I tell her, taking her spoon and scooping some ice cream from the tub she's holding in her hand.

"Yeah, in vitro or adopted. I wanted to whole cheesy thing. The big surprising moment. I didn't want to have to take an appointment to be inseminated."

I laugh but I kind of want to cry too. I stroke her cheek and smile at her sadly. Poor Claire.

We keep talking and watching movies without really watching them.

When Claire starts to doze off, I carry her in my arms to her bed.

She grabs the sleeve of my shirt after I put her down under her covers. "Were you ever in love with me?" she asks me softly.

I could lie to her, I could keep the truth for myself, but I know I owe it to her. She's always been honest with me. She's always been there for me. And deep down, I know I want her to know. "I'll always be in love with you. There's always going to be a part of me that loves you. I've always wanted what was best for you and I've always wanted you to be happy, so I get that I'll never actually date you. But I'll always love you. I'll always be in love with you."

I look at Claire. I never would have understood love without her.

I want to kiss her, and I actually think I could, but I don't want to be just a rebound to her. I've loved her for too long to just waste something so precious.

I don't need to kiss her. I've never needed it. I've always wanted it, but want and need are different things. I can live without kissing her, but I can't bear the thought of not having her in my life because I did something stupid.

So, I just kiss her forehead instead as she closes her eyes and I tuck her in her bed and I go sleep on her couch.