A popcorn story written by GennaJ8232 and I a little while ago

I'm honestly not even sorry but I can guarantee that you will be

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Once upon a time, the universe as you know it did not exist. There were no stars, no galaxies, no aliens, no none of whatever you imagine would be in space. The only thing that existed was a burrito. A massive space burrito.

This burrito spawned tiny bacteria from its rotting layers that eventually kind of turned into life. The only life in the universe. Until Yummlez showed up.

Yummlez? Who or what is Yummlez?

Yummlez was a god, the highest of higher beings, the thing that had probably created the universe. The great Yummlez had previously controlled everything in this un-universe, and it wasn't so sure how to feel about this 'life'. Its feelings of doubt were validated when a very stupid teenage boy came out of the abyss to eat the rotted space burrito. He then had explosive food poisoning and Yummlez had to put him out of his misery by sending him to hell where he could be tortured instead. Yummlez conferred with her fellow god, Sparklepuff, and they decided to magically nuke the remnants of the space burrito so their wonderfully empty universe could stay empty and stop attracting moldy things and stupidity.

Unfortunately, as soon as their magic space missile hit the burrito, an armada of small, ugly beings came out of the disgusting layers and attacked the gods. These beings were none other than a herd of small, ugly, children who had shit all over their faces. They screeched and wailed and threw their tiny fists at the gods. Yummlez and Sparklepuff looked at each other, nodded, and ran for their fucking lives.

Well, it was more like float-flying because space. But whatever, they still escaped. The horrible shit-faced children began to eat the very universe, leaving behind a White-Out sort of substance where the void was consumed. They knew that if they ate enough of the universe, they could open a portal to summon their master, a creature called Ranavitastav who very very much wanted the two gods dead.

Ranavitastav was a small, pea-sized, Furby-like being who was the most powerful creature ever imagined. And she would consume the gods if the universe was destroyed, and repopulate it with huge, planet-sized, Furby-like beings. The children devoured more and more of the universe, and Ranavitastav looked on with pleasure.

Of course, there was still the problem (more like minor annoyance) of Yummlez and Sparklepuff, who had mysteriously disappeared. Where were they, you might ask? Well, they were already familiar with Ranavitastav and her plans, so they were gathering an army of bean bags, water, and chickens. The most fearsome of armies to combat the reign of Ranavitastav.

They charged the children and replaced all the white void with an infinite ocean, swimming with chickens that picked off anything remotely pea-sized. Now that the universe was filled again, Ranavitastav was banished back to the realm of Furbies and nightmares. But what were the gods going to do with the ocean they had created? They sat on their beanbag chairs and thought.

They eventually decided to just leave it be. Well, Yummlez wanted to leave it be, but Sparklepuff suddenly turned on Yummlez and trapped him inside a pencil case! Yummlez screamed and begged to be released, but what he didn't know was that 'Sparklepuff' was really Ranavitastav! Come on, she's the most powerful creature ever imagined, of course she can shapeshift.

She turned the entire universe into a rocky wasteland and threw Yummlez into a massive crevasse so deep that it led to another dimension. This dimension was full of the shit-faced children that Ranavitastav had disposed of because they'd tried to eat the enormous planet-sized Furbies.

They attempted to consume Yummlez as well, but she sat on them, and as he is much bigger, he killed them. Funny how they ate the universe but could be sat on and killed.

Yummlez then used the power she gained from them and ate his way out of the crevasse and sought to find the real Sparklepuff. Not that she had any idea where the real Sparklepuff was. Ranavitastav returned to her natural form and was lording over her chaotic rocky wasteland universe, and she didn't realize that Yummlez had escaped.

Yummlez began to search for his fellow god, but soon realized that the universe was far too confusing and chaotic under Ranavitastav's rule, so she enlisted the help of Boris.

Boris was a half owl half spider thingy, and Ranavitastav's ex-boyfriend. He didn't really want to help at first, because he didn't like Sparklepuff too much. But he changed his mind when Yummlez offered to pay him in punches to Ranavitastav's face. So they roamed the rocky chaos, occasionally running into the geysers of piss that exploded out of nowhere. But Boris knew how Ranavitastav's twisted mind worked, so it didn't take too long to find Sparklepuff, who was imprisoned in a purple volcano.

The two pathetic gods embraced happily.

"So, about the punching of Ranavitastav?" Boris reminded.

Sparklepuff panicked. "Punching her? No! We're not going to try to fight that crazy bitch! Lets just get out of here!"

So Boris, the angry owl-spider-thing, settled for beating up the two gods instead. Bruised and weary, Yummlez and Sparklepuff teleported to a parallel universe full of all sorts of weird paradoxes, but luckily no Boris or Ranavitastav. This universe consisted mainly of enormous mountains of cheese, which Sparklepuff quickly ate a lot of and got fat.

Unfortunately, the presence of a fat god in this universe quickly triggered the beginning of a massive paradox, and they were forced to leave before it imploded, escaping into yet ANOTHER parallel universe, where they met themselves. Yummles and Zparklpuff were the rulers over Ravanitastan, who was terrified of them. Yummlez and Sparklpuff explained their origins to Yummles and Zparklpuff, who decided to go back to the original universe and overthrow Ranavitastav so that the gods could reign everywhere.

Now, anyone with two braincells could've told them this war was a horrible idea because Yummles and Zparklpuff were no more powerful than their duplicates- it was only Ranavitastav and Ravanitastan who were different. But gods aren't known for their brainpower, so off they went.

As soon as the four of them returned to the rocky universe where Ranavitastav ruled, Ranavitastav was astounded to see the four idiots standing before her, and even more surprised when she was locked away in the reconstructed crevasse that Yummlez was thrown into.

Everything was wonderful until Sorib, Boris from another dimension, told them they'd fucked up the space-time continuum and now all the known universe was collapsing into a supermassive black hole. The four gods screamed and ran around like the idiots they were while the universe fell apart.

So they went to Ranavitastav for help, and she returned everything to nothingness and put everyone back in their own dimensions. She also made herself queen of everything in all the dimensions, like the little asshole she is. So everything went back to normal, except for the fact that Ranavitastav was secretly controlling everything.

She wanted payback on the two gods for overthrowing her, so she forced Sparklepuff to show everyone her true, TRUE form, which was so horribly disfigured that Rush chose not to describe it.

...

...

...

(Fine, Genna will do it instead.)

Sparklepuff's true true form was as follows: a ball of blood, cum, snot, and hair somehow living in a shape that could only be described as blob-like. It had eyes and teeth all over, with which to see what it devours, though how it devours anything is anyone's guess. This blob was also somehow congealed enough on the outside to have a 'skin', which was marred with cuts and bites FROM ITSELF (those teeth tho). The eyes were inflamed and swollen, and the teeth rotted and black. Sparklepuff was mobile due to tentacles of blobby hair covered in gunk that sprouted from the bottom of the main mass.

This being was somehow moving and alive, and also smelled HELLA BAD.

Everything that saw the horror that was Sparklepuff screamed and fled in terror, even the inanimate objects with no eyes or mouths. Unfortunately, Sparklepuff did not realize how hideous she was, so he didn't understand the screaming and fleeing that followed her wherever he went. So she was immensely depressed and ended up hermiting in a cave deep in the wilderness, after creating a wilderness to hermit in.

But Yummlez wanted to help his friend, so she gouged out her eyes so he wouldn't have to face the absolute horror and tried to find the cave Sparklepuff was hermited in. Unfortunately, she had already done the eye-gouging thing, so he had to resort to echolocation and praying. Since Sparklepuff was a god, Yummlez could pray to him for guidance.

Finally, Yummlez found a cave, and fell down a hole. So, since he was now blind and trapped, she decided to give up and accept his fate. So the two gods were hopelessly seperatd, which is infinitely worse than being plain old separated.

MEANWHILE, Ranavitastav had established her role as queen of the known universe. However, she really wanted to torment those stupid 'gods' some more, so she sent out a witch hunt to find them so they could be her eternal slaves. The bounty hunters looking for Yummlez and Sparklepuff were a bit confused as to how helpful the two gods would be as slaves, but they set out anyways.

It didn't take them too long to retrieve the blind Yummlez, whose hole was only a few yards from where he'd set out, but Sparklepuff's magically created hermittish wilderness proved to be somewhat of a problem because it attracted other, more aggressive ugly hermits who really just wanted to be left alone. They fought back against the bounty hunters, which resulted in lots of dead hermits.

The bounty hunters continued on, finally finding a hermit who would tell them where to find Sparklepuff. So they killed the helpful hermit and continued on because they're bounty hunters and they don't care. After 10 long years, they found Sparklepuff, who had grown mold. Lots of mold.

They put Sparklepuff in a trash bag, and the trash bag in a barrel, and the barrel in a crate, and the crate in a shipping container. Then they could only SLIGHTLY smell her. They heaved the shipping container back to Ranavitastav, who had grown quite bored of torturing poor blind Yummlez and gleefully sprang on her new victim. Sparklepuff was powerless to fight back against her tirade of demands, which of course made Ranavitastav even happier.

However, even though Ranavitastav had conquered the known universe, there was still the unknown universe to be dealt with. This universe was populated by gigantic looming spidery creatures that looked like silhouettes, and were led by the fearsome deity known as Lethomigax, a fearsome flea with mind control powers. He ruled over these spidery creatures and was basically omnipotent.

Unfortunately, Lethomigax had a big crush on Ranavitastav, and was VERY SAD when she declared war on him. However, he was leader for a reason, and he reluctantly sent his mind-controlled forces after Ranavitastav's army of floppy void cats.

But since this universe was still unknown to Ranavitastav, she didn't know exactly what she'd be up against when she decreed war on Lethomigax. So of course, she tried to be prepared for everything. Hence the void cats. Void cats know everything and can be prepared for everything. So they know Lethomigax's powers, and protected themselves with tinfoil hats and veganism. Ranavitastav was not impressed, but chose to trust them.

When one of her spies learned about Lethomigax's crush, they immediately told Ranavitastav, and she decided to try to use that to her advantage. But since Lethomigax's mind-control-shadow-spider army had spoopy mind powers and shit, they knew what she was up to. So, Ranavitastav threw Yummlez and Sparklepuff to Lethomigax's army in a rage.

To her surprise, the two useless gods actually did something. Sparklepuff was so revolting, and Yummlez so sad, that the army of mind control thingies developed emotions and LEFT out of DISGUEST and PITY.

Ranavitastav, actually wanting to win this accursed war she'd started, took this opportunity to storm the flea's 'castle', which was actually a massive space dog. But it was also still the Unknown, so the castledog just looked like an enormous shadowy maze to her.

Well, Ranavitastav was not a fan of enormous shadowy mazes, so she blew the whole thing up and tried to find Lethomigax's tiny body in the wreckage. Little did she know that Lethomigax had somehow managed to mind-control her voidcats, and was now the boss of her whole army!

Screaming in outrage, Ranavitastav gave up on fighting him and agreed to marry him for mutual power. Lethomigax was thrilled and threw a magnificent wedding. Ranavitastav was decidedly not thrilled but smiled nonetheless, cuz power. Plus, she knew she could always kill him later.

However, she never actually got around to killing him, because she was too busy enjoying her role as Grand High Queen of Basically All Universes. They ruled in 'harmony' (or the closest thing to it, anyways), for many years. Until, of course, she killed him for fun. She was sad afterwards, which was new, so she revived him, wiping his memory of the death.

But he knew anyways, so he tried to mind control her into cooperation, which only partially worked. However, unbeknownst to both of them, a new force was rising.

It did not have a shape, or even a name, but it took an interest in the two lowly and forgotten gods, Yummlez and Sparklepuff. It transformed them into mighty dragons, and they were overjoyed. They frolicked around the universe, destroying things and being cool until the mysterious force told them it was their duty to free Basically All Universes from Ranavitastav and Lethomigax's grasp.

Well, they didn't really want to, because she was dealing with other stuff now, and hadn't they already been through enough? But the unknown whatever bribed them with a fuckton of popsicles, so they agreed to at least try. What they didn't realize right away was that the mysterious force was going to help them so they could not fail.

The being supercharged their powers over Ranavitastav's, so they could do whatever they wanted and were immune to her forces. So, seemingly by accident, they overtook Basically All Universes. Which, as it turned out, didn't bode too well for anything, since Ranavitastav and Lethomigax had been ruling for so long and everything had really gotten used to how they did things.

This triggered a whole bunch of crazy explosive paradoxes, and the unknown being sat back on its unknown ass and said, "Well, fuck." as everything unwound itself back to the beginning of the story.

We were back with the empty void and the space burrito, and everything else had been erased. Everything happened exactly as it had the first time...including the big mess at the end where everything reset itself. Again. 

And again. 

And again and again and again.

Everyone was stuck in that horrible loop ofinsanity forever and ever. The end. 

Until the next burst of randomness,

~Rush