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here's some senseless rambling for you because I was awake at 1am and remembered that I haven't been updating this

I'm still here, I guess

I mean I'm usually not super active during the summer but this is,, a little ridiculous

*laughs awkwardly*

I live in an oven and it's sapping my motivation to be alive

This is unjust

My insomnia has been hitting me pretty badly again, I was alright for quite a bit of May but now that it's getting horribly hot again it's getting harder for me to sleep

I really, really hate being an insomniac. It messes up your mind, which in turn basically wrecks your whole life, and I'm so sick of it. I just want to be able to sleep, goddammit.

And of course, laying awake in the middle of the night gives me an uncomfortable amount of time to Think™

My chronophobia is rearing its ugly head again, because it's June and my 18th birthday is coming up and I'm just,, ugh.

I'm so tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of being scared of everything, and I'm tired of being stressed and worried, and I'm tired of feeling stuck, and I'm tired of being lonely, and I'm tired of being tired.

And the fucking stupid thing is that I only start thinking about this really in-depth when I'm awake in the middle of the night. And I can't help being awake in the middle of the night, because Bad Fucking Genes.

Ugh.

Anyways.

Life is still life I guess. It's hot and miserable and everything makes me sad but that's not a new phenomenon.

I've randomly started wording things very,, officially, for legit no reason

Like saying 'I am immensely displeased with these proceedings' instead of just saying 'I hate this

And I recently remembered how much I love Hidden Citizens,, dammit me, you didn't need Immortalized in your head for four days straight but congratulations now you have it

I've been working on stuff,, kind of,, but I just don't have a lot of creative energy. I'd say I'm trying, but the truth is I'm not, because I don't even have the energy for that.

So I'm just kind of doodling and listening to music and dorking around in Minecraft

I'm slightly more active on Instagram (cosmicxqueer) but even then I'm not on all the time; I just post art and complain about random things on my story lol

Also this is random but I put a purple streak in my hair

It actually looks pretty cool

It's not normally that curly,, I made some mistakes lol

My sister is gone at camp for almost the whole week so I'm happy about that because it'll finally be consistently quiet and maybe I'll be able to work on stories again reeeeeeeeeeee

It's also almost her birthday which is, like I said earlier, a big slap in the face for me because then it's exactly one month until mine

Ugh

Anyways

I'm tired af so this makes no sense but uh

Yep

I'm still here

Until the next burst of randomness,

~Rush