I was right.

I can't believe this, but I was right.

Remember a few days ago how I posted about feeling like something bad was about to happen??

Yeah.

It did.

It did, and I'm somehow numb and brokenhearted at the same time and everything really really hurts right now.

itwasAidensfault is dead.

Yes. Actually dead.

My internet brother.

Sleeping pills.

Suicide.

His roommate messaged me earlier, and just posted an explanation on his profile.

He's gone. 

I already knew it wasn't a joke. we were mutually assholes to each other, sure, but he'd never have pulled something like this. 

I can't even begin to describe the feeling when I saw her 'He's dead' message. 

I couldn't breathe, my entire body went cold, and both my legs started shaking (which is something that normally only happens when i'm nervous)

it felt like the whole world had just...shattered.

.

There's a list I have of things and people, that if they were to leave my life, I might actually have a breakdown and die.

He was kinda near the top.

I was right.

I still can't get over that, of all things. I felt it coming. I knew it.

I've never hated being right so much.

He died November 27th, which is equally stunning to me, as I was talking to him that day.

We were joking around on Discord, making our usual idle threats and callbacks to shit we were refusing to let each other live down. We were making plans to meet IRL over the summer, mere HOURS before he died.

Anyone who knows me at all is already familiar with how important he was to me, so I'm not even gonna go into that, seeing as I'm already crying. 

I might be gone for a little while.

This really hit me over the head and needless to say, I need some time to figure out how the fuck I'm gonna cope with this. I might still post a drawing occasionally or appear on Discord now and then, but I'm not sure. 

I've never lost something this important to me before.

In early 2017, my wonderful cat Romeo died. I'm pretty sure most of my current followers didn't know me back then, but I was crushed. That sent me into my first real bout of depression, when I lost my beautiful rescue kitty that I loved more than life.

This is a thousand times worse. 

Don't tell me you're praying for me; don't say it'll be okay. Please, just...don't. It usually ends up making me feel worse rather than better.

All I can say right now is to not take the things that you love for granted, because you will lose them. Even if you appreciate them, they're still gonna be taken from you at some point. 

Until I'm well enough to face reality again,

~Rush