TWENTY FIVE: Zadkiel
"Don't shut me out, Zadkiel" I heard Him say as I turned my back on Jophiel and I sucked in a breath.
"Please, don't" I managed to voice out, despite the heaviness of my tongue. I didn't want to hear from him for now. It felt like something inside of me had died, but the heaviness I felt in my chest made it close to impossible to fully understand the emptiness I felt.
The rest of my walk to my last class was a long and mentally tiring one. I spent the entire walk, battling and trying to block off the intrusive thoughts that plagued my mind. I thought I'd won when I finally made it to my class and plopped down on my chair, but almost instantly I realized that I'd not even won a quarter of the battle.
Josephine and Gabriel walked into the class right after me, and they both wore a disappointed looks on their faces as they realized that just like in the morning, I had chosen a seat away from our normal sitting position. We held eye contact with each other for a while, before they slowly shook their head and walked away.
I sighed and faced the class. This was going to be a very long and tiring class.
And it was. My mind was too occupied to make space for what the professor was teaching. For the first time in my life, I couldn't comprehend what was being taught neither did I want to be in class.
The moment the class was over, I heaved a sigh of relief and immediately dashed out of the class. I thought of going to my dorm room and spending the rest of the day there, but the thought of being alone with my thoughts was scarier than anything that could happen if I stayed within the school premises. So I chose to walk to the student council office and spend the rest of the day distracting myself with the heavy workload.
"I sincerely wish Gabriel and Josephine would stay away today" I mumbled as I walked into the office, but I knew better than to have my hopes too high. With all that happened today and the fact they work here as well already makes it impossible for them to not be here, but at least I'll enjoy some peace before they come.
But that didn't happen. The moment I settled down and began reading through the pile of files on my desk, the front door creaked open and almost instantly I was filled with annoyance. "All I asked for was just some alone time and I can't even have that?" I mumbled under my breath and snapped the file shut.
I relaxed against the chair and crossed my arms over my chest, as I waited for them to come in and confront me with their questions. But it was only Josephine that walked in. She was a bit taken aback when she saw me and she chuckled nervously.
"Oh! Hi, President. I didn't know you'd be here" she said and stood up straight.
"I wasn't expecting you to come so early either, but that's fine. You came to complete your work I believe?"
"Yes, I have a few of the medical files to go through. I'd be done soon" she said and once I nodded, she walked off to her cabinet and I sighed.
I heaved another breath as I dragged my eyes away from her and tried to distract myself with the workload again, but her presence was disturbing even though she was barely making any noise. And the fact that her brother would soon come, since she was already here laid heavy on my heart and made me want to dip. But I don't trust them to be alone in this office anymore, who knows what they might do or find out.
My thoughts were still running round and round in circles when the door creaked open again and my breath hitched. I knew who exactly was walking into the room right now and I don't want to see even a glimpse of him. I clenched my fists tightly and my body went rigid as the footsteps drew closer and closer.
"It's just Gabriel, Zadkiel. You don't have to be so tense" I glanced at Josephine and her jaw was clenched tightly as she stared at me.
The footsteps got closer and I dragged my eyes away from her to look at him. Once I laid eyes on him, it felt like the breath was knocked out of me and I gripped the edge of the table tightly as I stared at him, but his gaze was fixed on Josephine with a smirk etched on his face and I slowly turned my gaze to her.
She stood rooted to the spot like she had seen a ghost. The file she held earlier was now sprawled out on the floor with the contents all over the floor. Her bottom lip quivered terribly and her watery eyes rested on the boy, standing right beside Gabriel with a smirk on his face, "Fra... Frankl.." she choked out but Gabriel immediately cut her off.
"No no no, this is Fredrick. He's a new transfer student, looks a lot like Franklin, doesn't he?" He asked with a big grin on his face and her eyes darted between their faces in disbelief. "Sounds untrue doesn't it?"
"I've heard you three say Franklin a lot" Fredrick cut in, "apparently I look like him. Who is Franklin?" He asked and I snapped my head towards him, he was good at putting up his charades. The Franklin I knew couldn't even keep a straight face to prank, someone.
Josephine chuckled, and I turned to see that colour had returned to her face. She looked relieved. Too relieved.
"You look so relieved that it's not Franklin. Wouldn't it have been a good thing if it was Franklin?"
"No!" She exclaimed almost instantly. " I don't mean it like that" She immediately said when she saw the look on my face, "I mean, I mean.. it'd be nice if he came back, but at the same, it'll be weird. I mean it's... it's been like.. 3 years?" She stuttered and just as I was about to ask her another question, Gabriel jumped in.
"What's with the question, Zadkiel? So what if she looked relieved? Anyone is bound to. You should know what it feels like to see someone you thought was dead right at your doorstep, you'd be scared, wouldn't you? So why are you attacking her?" I opened my mouth, ready to retort but one glance at Franklin made me think twice. I clenched and unclenched my fists before I took a deep breath and walked away from my desk.
"I'll leave first" I mumbled and made to brush past Gabriel, but he immediately blocked my path.
"Don't project your pain, your regret and your wishes on us, Zadkiel. We did nothing." I stared at him, then at Franklin before I sidestepped him and walked out of the office.
I had planned to walk around the school when I left the office, but instead, I found myself in the garden staring at the girl, I'd avoided in the morning staring at me with a smile on her face. "Hi, Zadkiel. I wasn't expecting you to... " I didn't let he complete her sentence before I rushed over to her and engulfed her in a hug.
She tensed up the moment I made contact with her but she soon relaxed into my embrace and wrapped her arms around me. I inhaled her familiar scent and my muscles relaxed in her hold. It felt like all the pent-up frustration and pain I felt washed away in her arms.
I held her for as long as I could and she didn't even budge till I finally and slowly let go of her. "Jophiel" I breathed out as I stared at her, and she hummed in response, "Tell me your story, why did you reject God and why do you accept him now? You never told me."
Her brows shot up at my question, and for a few seconds, she stared wordlessly at me before she smiled at me and nodded. "Let's sit down, I'll tell you everything" she urged and we both sat comfortably on the picnic mat she was seated on earlier. My body felt too weak to sit up on its own, so I laid my head on her lap and without saying a word, she began running her fingers in my hair, massaging them softly.
"Where should I start from?" She breathed out, "It's a lot to tell"
"Start from wherever you remember" I interjected and she laughed.
"Alright, I'll start from the beginning." She paused and took a deep breath, "I was 12. I was just 12 when I got locked up in the darkroom. I don't remember anything about my life before that day. That day has clouded and overshadowed any good memory I might have had" she began and I relaxed further, giving her my undivided attention.
"At first, I didn't understand why my parents locked me in a dark room. My mum had said it was part of education, that I was going to be homeschooled from then and of course, I believed her. The room was too dark for me to see so I couldn't write nor read in there but I trusted my mum. I trusted her till a man 5 times my age walked in..." I felt her grip on my hair tighten a little and I reached out and rubbed them softly. "I thought it was my tutor at first, so I greeted him eagerly. He was impressed at my welcome, till he wasn't. I had screamed and trashed around when he began feeling me up, my parents rushed in the next moment and I thought they'd come to rescue me but instead..." She breathed out a laugh and shook her head, "They hit me. They hit me so much I had no strength left in me. I thought I was going to die but that didn't stop them, they put me in chains afterwards. And my father... My father had his way with me."
"Don't cry for me, Zadkiel." She wiped the stray tears that had made their way down my cheeks, "I'm okay now" she whispered and I just held her hand. She was just a child.
A smile spread across her face and she gave me a reassuring nod before she continued. "The abuse continued for weeks. He had his way with me almost every hour in a day for weeks, and then they began to invite strangers to take their turns with me" She paused and took a shaky breath.
"You don't have to continue" She smiled and blinked away the tears that welled up in her eyes.
"Well, that kept happening for years. I was turned into a prostitute, many times more than one man had their way with me at the same time. I can't tell how I survived it all because they hit me, they always hit me. Always" she shrugged "Yeah, all of that made me abhor the fact that an Almighty God might be up there watching all these happen, yet he wasn't doing anything but I've come to realize that I was blaming the wrong person because I didn't want to face the truth. Yes, He's Almighty but those people chose to do what they did. God didn't, if anything he was the one that set me free. He isn't a God that takes away the free will he gave human beings so he wouldn't necessarily get involved in every single thing we do. He didn't hurt me. He set me free"
"That's why you believe?" I asked and she nodded.
"Yes. I realized I'd been blaming God for no reason. Yeah, God has been there but he has sent men to do the work on Earth, it's written in the Bible. I saw it. Man has been given Dominion over the Earth. It's men's duty, to the people on the streets, the dying, the sick, the poor, he gave that duty to man but man neglects their responsibilities and blame God. So I stopped blaming him and realized how good God is. If he interferes the way humans expect him to, they'd undoubtedly call him a tyrant"
I slowly sat up from her lap and stared at her, then gently cupped her face "You're a strong girl, Jophiel. Thank you for enduring and thank you for believing" I swept my thumb softly against her cheek, "but most importantly, thank you for telling me this story" She smiled.
"Why did you ask for my story, Zadkiel?" I closed my eyes and heaved a breath, then stood to my feet.
"I asked because, for the first time since I believed, I needed a reason to keep believing in God" Her eyes widened slightly and she immediately stood to her feet.
"Why? What happened?"
"I'll tell you everything later, Jophiel. I have to go now. Thank you so much for telling me" I leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, and made to walk away.
"Before you go, tell me. Did you find the reason you were looking for?" Her eyes searched my face and the corners of my lips tugged up in a smile.
"I'll see you around," I said and rushed out.
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Do you think he found the reason he was searching for?
welp! Dama and Jophiel's back story all in one❤️ I hope you enjoyed it.
Dedicating this chapter to korisa_hex
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