"Jophiel" an oddly familiar voice called out to me and I frowned, "Jophiel, you have to wake up" I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder and I grumbled as I shrugged the hand away. I don't want to wake up.

"Open your eyes, Jophiel" the voice came again, this time firmer and sterner, and I immediately snapped my eyes open. My brows furrowed together as I tried to recognize where I was, I trailed my eyes around my surrounding before they landed on the person that woke me up.

It took me a while to make out the face of the person due to the lack of proper light in the area, but the moment I did, all that happened a few hours ago flooded my mind and I immediately sprang up from my laying position.

I felt a sudden head rush at my abruptness and it took me a few moments to get myself together. The moment I did, I began looking around frantically for the person I was with a few minutes ago but he was nowhere to be found. Why? Why am I back here? There was no need for me to be back here. I was okay with Him, away from this world and all of its troubles. I did not need to be here.

"There is" the familiar small voice whispered and I shook my head firmly. There was absolutely no need for me to be back here. I want to be with Yeshua.
I have to be with Yeshua. "Yeshua is always with you" the voice assured me but I shook my head strongly, if I can't see him then he's not here.

I felt a strong hold on my shoulder and I immediately turned around to see Zadkiel staring at me with a frown. "Jophiel, are you okay?" He asked so tenderly and tears welled up in my eyes. I saw his eyes widen and he immediately pulled me closer to himself, "Please don't cry again, just tell me what's wrong"

"Yeshua" I breathed out and he raised both brows, "I want to remain with Yeshua! He saved me" I fisted my hands on his shirt and sobbed "I want to be with him, I do not want to be here! Take me to Yeshua!"

His eyes softened and the lines on his forehead relaxed as he gently pulled me into his arms. He softly patted my hair then placed a kiss on my forehead, and tears began trickling down my face. His embrace was warm, so warm it felt like home. It felt like I was held by Yeshua and I didn't want to let go.

I leaned even more into him and he tightened his hold on me, "It's fine, Jophiel. You might not be able to see him anymore, but he's here. He's with us. With you, Jophiel" he whispered into my ear and I sobbed. I couldn't see him, and it makes it so hard to believe he was here. It feels like everything would go wrong since I couldn't see him. But somehow, being held by Zadkiel made me feel as warm as I did when I was held by Yeshua.

I pressed myself further into Zadkiel's arms and he didn't hesitate to hold me as I sobbed into his shoulders. I don't know how long I stayed there but he never tried to shrug me off or move till I let go of him.

"Do you feel better now?" He asked as I slowly let go of him and I bobbed my head.

"Yes, thank you"

"Do you want to talk to me about what happened?" I immediately shook my head and he signed heavily, "That's fine, let's just sit here till you are ready to go" A small smile tugged up the corners of my lips and I gave him an appreciative nod before I laid my head on his shoulders again.

A comfortable silence surrounded us as the warm breeze brushed ever so lightly against our skin, and I found myself reminiscing on what happened not too long ago, but instead of dwelling on my thoughts about the dark cold room, I found myself thinking about the light I never noticed till I ran. Has it always been there? Have I always been so free?

I felt tears pooling in my eyes as I remembered what it felt like to be in Yeshua's embrace, I would do anything to hug him again. Anything to be with him, to have him receive me with open arms and talk to me, he was the peace I've been searching for and now I always want that peace with me.

"Yeshua isn't always visible to us with our physical eyes, but he is always with us through the indwelling of the Spirit in us and other believers" Zadkiel said and I looked up at him, only to see him already staring down at me with a small smile. "I felt the urge to tell you that," he said once we made eye contact and I breathed out a laugh.

"Tell me more about the indwelling of the Spirit, does Yeshua really live in me? Tell me all about it" I said and I felt him tense up, causing my brows to furrow instantly, "what's wrong?"

He stared down at me for a while before he shook his head and smiled, "What really happened within the hours you were alone here?" He asked and I lowered my gaze, how would I tell him all that happened? That would involve telling him about them. "The Holy Spirit dwells in anyone that believes in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He is there to comfort believers, help us, guide us, teach us and a lot more"

I bobbed my head slowly at his explanation, urging him to go on. "He is also invisible to the human eye and please know that he is not any lesser than the Father and son." He paused and I bobbed my head, "You won't always feel his presence, but when you begin to talk to him more when you begin to draw closer to him, you become more conscious of his presence." He paused and the next time he spoke, I couldn't help but notice the fondness and happiness in his voice.

"I can go on and on about the Holy Spirit, but you should read the book of Acts and the Epistles yourself before I begin teaching"

Another silence fell on us when he was done speaking and I bobbed my head as I processed all he said. "How do I get to hear the Holy Spirit for him to guide me?" I asked and felt stupid instantly. I believe it's him that's been speaking to me all this while, so why ask something so stupid?

"Well, first things first. The Holy Spirit is always speaking, but he doesn't communicate with us in the same way. Sometimes it's through an audible voice, inward witness, visions, dreams and through the written word, which is the Holy Bible" I once again nodded even tho I didn't understand what he meant by the inward witness.

"Okay, then how do I get close to the Holy Spirit so I can be aware of his presence?"

"By praying, that is constantly praying in the spirit, reading the Bible and yielding constantly to his instructions"

"How then do I receive the Spirit?" I finally asked and a short silence followed before he gently pulled me closer to himself.

"To receive the Spirit, all you have to do is believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ" he paused and I gulped, "that's all you have to do Jophiel," he said and I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply as I did.

If Yeshua is the person that hugged me back then, then he undoubtedly died and resurrected for me but if that's the case, then I'm unworthy to have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me. Not after everything I've said and believed about God. I am absolutely unworthy.

"You don't have to be worthy to receive me. No one has ever been worthy to receive me, I make you worthy" I heard the familiar voice whisper again and I sighed. He's probably right, but I still do not feel worthy.

I sighed heavily and decided to discard the thought and focus on the present moment for now. Today has been exhausting yet so beautiful, and all I can do right now to show my gratitude was to appreciate the moment and that's what I did.

I focused on the full moon that was in perfect view from our position, the sound of the flowing water in the pond, the warm breeze that brushed against my skin now and then, the quiet and beautiful atmosphere that surrounded me, but in as much as I tried to concentrate only on these things, I found myself becoming increasingly aware of the body I was pressed against

The warmth he was exuding, the confident and comforting hold he has on me, his soft and warm breath I felt occasionally on my face, how beautiful it was to be here in this present moment with him. I tried to ignore how aware I was of him, but the more I tried, the more aware I became of him and the more I wanted to press closer into his arms. He was very warm and soft.

"Jophiel" he breathed out my name and I stilled for a split second at how foreign and beautiful my name sounded at that moment. "I'm sorry for raising my voice at you earlier, please forgive me" My lips slowly tugged up into a smile at his apology, not because of the apology itself but because of the look on his face as he apologized. He looked like a scared cat.

"I forgive you, Zadkiel, thank you for apologizing," I said and his whole face immediately lit up. His eyes met mine and we stared at each other for a while with smiles on our faces before I turned to face the view once again. I'd do anything to remain in this moment forever.

"Come to me, Jophiel. I'm waiting for you" I heard the still small voice whisper as I placed my head on Zadkiel's shoulders and I smiled. If I had to go to the ends of the world to make myself worthy to receive Yeshua's sacrifice, then I will. But until then, I can't bring myself to accept him.

I let out a deep breath and pushed the thoughts away as I snuggled closer to Zadkiel, at the same time his hold on me tightened and my smile widened even more.

This was all I could ever ask for. Quietness, peace and comfort.

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I think this is my favourite chapter so far🥺🤭 I hope you guys enjoyed it as well ☺️❤️

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