How many of us like to pretend what happened didn't actually happen.

Ha ha ha. This is truly something everyone does. We play dumb and act like we didn't just do something we shouldn't be doing. The reasons behind can differ from. Being ashamed of what we were doing, to not wanting to get caught.

The point is who likes to remember what bad things we have said or done. The mistakes we have made. I sure don't and I'm sure you don't either. I sometimes look back and cringe at what I did. Even though God forgave what I did, sometimes I find it hard to forgive myself. Jesus forgave us at the cross a while ago. But do we forgive ourselves?

We are supposed to love our enemies, forgive them. But that can be so hard when the enemy you face, is yourself.

I struggle with this so much. I find it nearly impossible to forgive me. And really I don't think I actually let go. It's just stored away for another moment to beat myself up again, and again.

But we're not supposed to. Jesus didn't die for us to walk around with shame on our shoulders. Yet that's exactly what we do. We stare out the window and recall every single aspect of the mistakes we've made. We cringe and beat ourselves up again and again. We think 'if only I hadn't done this' or 'why didn't I see what was happening?' We put our head in our hands and cry or curl in on ourselves hating that we chose wrong. 'Why?' we ask 'why didn't I have the strength to say no? Why don't I have the strength to make this right? Why does everything I do end up going horribly wrong?'   

At my youth camp, there's this night all the campers call 'cry night'. It's pretty self-explanatory about what happens on cry night. Guess what we do, we cry. It's a night where things can get really emotional because you can see God making Himself known. You can feel Him working in and through people. See the change in their demeanor, see the miracle take place. 

This year there was a wall. The left side represented being reconciled through Christ, and the right walking in guilt and shame. You were supposed to mark where you stood along the wall. Somewhere in the middle, walking happily with Jesus or playing the Shame game.

So many marked along the left side of that wall. I'm sure over 70 percent of the camp was walking in guilt and shame. And if I'm being honest my mark was right up along with them.

As I said. "It's hard to forgive your enemy when the enemy you face is yourself."

Jesus told us to come to him with our burdens and he will give us rest. But with this generation, it's more.

Jesus: Give me your guilt and shame, come on I can take it

Us: no it's cool I got this. I'm good.

Jesus: You can't do this alone, let me help.

Us: This is good for me. It ensures I'll never make the same mistake again. 

Jesus: You've already learned from your mistake. Now all you're doing is wallowing in it. You can't move forward with me if you're stuck in your past mistake.

Us: You just don't get it, Jesus, I can never make this mistake again. 

We are overburdened ships. Lugging our cargo around while our haul drops further and further into the water. If we don't give out cargo away we'll sink. It is not healthy for us to be weighted down with shame and worry and guilt. It weakens us. It makes us easier to break and if we keep carrying it around we are going to end up on the ocean floor. Or an iceberg is going to hit us and since we've been using our strength to hold on to these burdens............ Titanic all over again.

God forgave us. What's stopping us from forgiving ourselves.

If we are made new. If God has created us and created us again why would forgiving us be too hard for Him? It is Him we have wronged and He has given us a second chance so what's holding you back for giving yourself one? Why are you holding on to all this guilt and shame? To the worry, and stress. To all the burdens of this wonderful yet brutal world. Why?

Why beat ourselves up over something God has already forgiven?

I want you guys to answer that honestly. Really, why just why?

My answer (or should I say excuse) has always been that if we hold on, we remember. If we remember it's not likely to happen again. If we don't remember then we will repeat the same mistakes." 

I was so wrong. I am so wrong. I still can't seem to help myself from going over a mistake I've made and 'what if I did that?' it till I begin to want to crawl out of my skin. I have to wake up too. Loved Soul, My Wonderful Readers. Wake up!!!! 

There is a difference from learning from your mistakes and becoming so engrossed in not repeating them they become your focus.

If you are driving a car and you forget to turn your blinker on before you turn you don't stop in the middle of the street staring at the lever. If you do you're going to get into an accident. 

The same thing is going to happen if we marinate in the shame of our mistakes. Our faith will grow stagnant; our growth cut short. If we are so consumed by that one mistake that we can't get over it. If we live in the past; regretting a wrongdoing God has already forgiven. We will miss out on the future He has planned for us. 

You can live in the past. Hold on to those mistakes. But they will eat you alive. They will tear you up inside. We can't live with them for very long before we no longer living. I'm telling you burdens will run you straight into the ground. If shame doesn't drive you to sever depression, guilt will force you to find ways to cope with it. What if your way of coping turns out to be alcohol? What if one day your drunken mind decides its a good night for a drive? What if your bloodshot eyes can't comprehend the semi-truck heading straight for you?

God's doesn't want us to live like that. God doesn't want us to die like that. His arms are open wide and He's more than willing to carry what we can't. Give it all to Him. 

Let it go.

(i swear if anyone inserts the frozen song...)

-Loved soul