NB: Prepare thyself for le angst.

::CHAPTER 15::

[One Year Later]

Danyel’s POV

The cafeteria buzzed with the sounds of talking and play-fighting, but I didn’t really hear much of it. My eyes were on the new video game that Orion had lent me. Kenny and Orion were talking to some of their friends in the background while I tried to beat this new level.

“Hey Danny, whatcha up to?” Preston said falling into the seat beside me. I rolled my eyes but continued tap-tapping at the controller. Ever since that day when we’d first met, Preston had almost always been at my side. Like a more popular Kevin.

Sometimes I didn’t mind and most times I regretted tagging along with Orion to the school gym that morning and looking around to see him on the bleachers. I hadn’t taken Preston up on his offer to ditch school that day, but I had the day afterwards…and so many days after that.

Preston and I weren’t good buddies or anything and we both knew it. For whatever reason he liked having me around, and I liked his uncanny ability to take my mind off of everything. And I mean absolutely everything. It wasn’t the kind of talent that I could afford to let walk away from me. Not right now, at least. Maybe with time when I was – I don’t know – stronger. In more control over this new Chosen mind of mine.

The thing is, I’d thought I could handle Richie leaving. I’d been sure of it. We were friends, but he was just a person, not air or water. I could live without him. He’d come back. It wasn’t a huge deal.

I was wrong. Horribly horribly wrong. I couldn’t…no wasn’t handling it well. This separation thing wasn’t anything like I’d thought it would be. It was like losing a limb I didn’t know I’d needed until it had been butchered from my body.  

I know, dramatic. Even I know that sounded. If anyone had told me that I’d tell them to go get their head checked because they’d be one tequila shot and a purple nurple away from obsessive psychopath. So no, no one needed to tell me how screwed up that sounded. And still there’s no better way to describe it. It was freaking madness turned into waking nightmare. Trying to make sense out of it didn’t help either.

The rational side of me knew he was just another friend – my best friend at that – but this didn’t feel like losing a best friend. I’d give anything to feel that kind of loss instead. That was easy. This kind was nearly impossible to deal with.

 I hadn’t even allowed Orion to truly become a friend to me. We hung out and talked but I’d never let him that close. I made sure to keep our interactions few and spaced out and even when we were around each other, I knew he felt the distance. I just didn’t feel comfortable getting too close with him. It was too much like replacing one with the other.

I needed constant distractions. Allowing myself to be idle for even a moment gave the wolf too much time to miss him. It was one thing to feel an emotion, but when the wolf got involved that feeling was multiplied by two and a half. Every hurt doubled, every ache multiplied itself by two, every tear shed burned twice as badly. It hurt. It all hurt. And while my own hurt could be ignored, my hurt multiplied by two wasn’t something I could just shrug off.

It scared me, but I didn’t tell anyone. Being a Dormant Chosen was enough to worry my family and friends. They didn’t need to know that being like this was hurting me too. Their constant questioning, worried looks, concern and fear for me were enough. I hated being the one to distress the people I cared about. Telling them about this would be the icing machine in the cake factory. I’d keep it to myself. It wasn’t as if telling them would change anything. I’d still feel the same and they’d have more to worry about.

Admittedly it was kind of embarrassing too. Regular Chosen kids dealt with the wildness and intensity of their animals from as young as five and six years old. I was fourteen. I wasn’t a pup ready to complain about it. I would train my wolf with my Alpha and until that was done, I could suck it up until I was used to this.

Even with so many people who cared about me wanting to help I still couldn’t tell them the real reason I was appearing to act out. How did you admit to having feelings for a human? I was Chosen now. The idea alone was taboo. Blasphemy. A sin that was bad within itself. Against the sacred Laws of Ahmose to even entertain the thought.

Honestly I don’t know what the hell it was with Richie though.

I’ve missed things before. The wolf had missed things with me too. People weren’t an exception. Orion and Kenny had gone to camp for a few months last summer and we’d really missed them. It had been a bit tough to deal with his pouting but it was manageable. More than manageable. This was something else.

Missing those two compared to him missing only Richie was like comparing a teaspoon of water to an ocean. Sometimes I felt as though I’d never crack a smile again. I literally felt like I was drowning at times. As if I was drowning under waves upon waves of desolation. Ahmose, now just the thought sounded melodramatic. I could smack myself for it, but it wouldn’t make it stop being true.

The actual thoughts of him weren’t bad. It’s not as if I wanted to forget all about him. What got to us were the reactions to thoughts of him. The unexplainable sadness. The feeling as though any moment, my chest would tear open. That cold emptiness. As if I was about to get frostbite in my chest. There was something – so necessary that it felt like a physical something – that was missing inside. Something so necessary that it didn’t even feel like a metaphorical thing. It was as if whatever was missing was something physical that I could touch. I’d choke up inside.

Some nights I actually woke up dripping in sweat and shivering, unable to suck in air. It was like something heavy was sitting on my chest cutting off my airways. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I was pinned down in place until I could drag myself out of it. I’d fly upright feeling stripped bare.

Suffocated.

Stifled.

There was always that moment when I’d feel trapped within my own body and smothered. And then would come the point where it was as if I was going to pass out from it, but instead of going unconscious the air would come rushing back in. It felt like almost dying each time. And you’d think knowing that the air would come back before I died would be comforting. It wasn’t. I didn’t know which nights it would happen on and if I’d survive it.

And yet – damn it this sounds insane – instead of worrying about nearly losing my life on those nights, my mind would go straight to Richie. Instinctively. And it calmed me when I was freaking out. The thought of him being there and promising that I’d be fine. Him telling me that this thing couldn’t go on forever. Or rubbing my back the way only he and my mother knew how while murmuring some nonsense to pacify me. That was what calmed the panic on those nights when I could go to no one else.

It was comforting to know him so well that I could go into my mind and know exactly what he’d say to make everything better. Pulling up a memory of him consoling me was easy. I had an archive of moments in my memory banks just waiting. And it helped. For a while.

I knew my wolf was trying to tell me something, but I didn’t know what.

What I did know was who he wanted. It was obvious. But telling him no only infuriated the animal. Dormant Chosen, Chosen or wild wolf, anyone with a sliver of good sense knew that it was stupid to provoke a hostile animal. I tried not to tell him no or to actively refuse him.

The wolf really wanted to see Richie again. No. Needed to. We both did. I knew this level of, well, whatever the hell I was feeling wasn’t normal. I wasn’t stupid. But until the wolf was ready to tell me everything, I needed the animal to forget about what he wanted. I needed him distracted. That was where Preston came in.

The very first time I’d ditched school with the older boys, I had used Preston as my distraction. I’d been in no state of mind to be in a classroom. I could barely concentrate on the muddle of my own thoughts, far less someone else’s. The animal had been driving me nuts then.

Needing to be outdoors, I’d gone outside hoping the fresh air would calm him. I’d snuck out the back door to see the group of boys packing up a van in a parking lot nearby. Preston had spotted me and came to meet me. He got us out of the school through a hidden hole in a shed that I’d never noticed before. The rest was history.

Preston’s friends were wild and spontaneous and while they did some pretty reckless things, it was still a good distraction. The best I’d been able to find yet. Of course if I found one better, I’d rid myself from him and his idiots in a heartbeat. As it were, they kept the animal nearly silent for hours while I couldn’t think about anything important. It numbed me so, naturally, I went with them as often as I could.  

Once in a while we ditched school to hang out at the arcades, to parts of the forest that I usually never went or to human college parties. Yeah I know, who parties in the day time, right? These kids apparently.

Being in those parties felt a little weird. Preston and his friends fit in with the others but, unlike them, I hadn’t grown into my Chosen body yet. I still looked like a fourteen year old kid, albeit a tall one. It was obvious that I didn’t belong there with my head barely coming up to their shoulders. I didn’t care. To be fair, I didn’t care about anything when I was with Preston and his friends.

The parties were mostly in bars and underground places with flashing lights and glass bottles everywhere. People were usually in dark corners drinking, kissing and doing Ahmose knows what else. And it irritated me. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was all college kids did at parties or if they lost absolutely all control over their hormones once they finished puberty. I always hoped not, but I couldn’t figure why that mattered to me.

I’ll admit, there were days where the guys did things that I knew would make them wind up in a holding cell waiting for their parents to come get them if they were caught. And again, I didn’t care. They did it. Not me. I got some stuff out of the spoils but I didn’t actually take part in any of the riskier things. It was fun and daring and exciting and sometimes dangerous. I loved nearly every minute of it.

This past year, I had spent so much time with Preston and his friends that I had been integrated into the group. People assumed that they were my friends too. No surprise there. I did spend most of my time with them. Aunty and Uncle didn’t approve, of course. Neither did my parents when Uncle told them. That tattle tale.

Orion, Asher, my parents, Aunty and Uncle wouldn’t understand. They asked me to explain and while I wanted to ease their minds, I couldn’t. It would have been so easy to let them in. To just tell them that I hadn’t changed. That I was nothing like Preston or his friends. That I’d never really befriended them.

The village was far too small for my aunt and uncle not to know who I’d been hanging out with or what I’d been doing. I’d been banned from hanging out with the guys, but I found that I couldn’t stop. I didn’t blame my guardians for banning me. All four of them were concerned and they had every right to be. I’d be concerned too if I were them. But they didn’t understand. They couldn’t. Mostly because I refused to talk about it to them.

How could I? It barely made sense to me and I was the one experiencing it. How could I hope to make them understand? I wasn’t going to bother. Soon enough this madness would be over and everything would be back to normal.

My finger brushed the cell phone tucked away into my back pocket. I carried it around with me even though no one called while I was at school.

The calls to Richie hadn’t been as frequent as they were last year. He was busier now. He had a job and school and balancing the two was hard enough without trying to call every day and keeping up with our odd time difference. Especially with the international cell phone rates.

 I got it. I’d never once blamed him for any of this. I mean I wanted to go to college one day too. I heard that moves were being made to open the first Chosen college. I was old enough to know that this was something Richie had to do. That didn’t mean I had to like it.

It was harder to keep in touch because I wasn’t allowed to use my phone in school and that after school, Orion’s dad was working me like a dog…no pun intended.

Even after a year, Asher’s training sessions still had my body sore. I had to admit that I liked the sessions though. It kept me active and tired me out. By the time it was over, I only had enough energy to get home and sleep. My Alpha constantly pushed my body to its limit and once I got used to it, he found a new limit to push it to. Good was never good enough.

My wolf never had the time to brood anymore because he didn’t get the chance. Between Preston and Asher, lately I didn’t have to worry about my wolf. I was as close to happy as I could hope to be. I was dealing with this as best as I could.

It took a while, but eventually I acknowledged that people never missed their friends like this. With this sort of soul wrenching desperation. Until their hearts felt as if it were breaking in their chests if they so much as thought of the person’s name.

At first I had passed it off as the wolf’s feelings joining with my own…which it was. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t just that. It had been a year. That was too long to be longing after anybody this badly. My emotions had been too rough. I was too much on edge.

I didn’t want to acknowledge it and as usual I hadn’t told anyone, but a part of me was beginning to realize that I might just have feelings for Richie. Sure, I’d never really looked at him that way before, but it made sense that this would happen at some point.

I couldn’t even bring myself to tell Orion. I didn’t want to come out. Hell, I’d told him I wasn’t into guys that way whenever he flirted with me. I wish I could return the trust he’d had in me when he came out, but it was no secret that I didn’t trust him the way he trusted me.

 I couldn’t even return Orion’s trust. He’d come out to me when it must have been hard to even bring it up and I couldn’t do the same. Because they would all eventually ask the same question. Who was it that made you realize? I could have lied. But then I couldn’t. They were Pack. Lying went against the very foundation of Pack. It was built on trust. I couldn’t lie to them.

Forget about coming out, I was still hoping that this was just a phase I could get past. Like one day I’d wake up and realize that this little crush was over.

The few moments I got with Richie on the phone these days felt awkward. He was the same, maybe more lighthearted and joking, but the same. I liked happy Richie. College life had been good to him. It was stressful, but he was happy. He and that Tommy guy he had as a roommate. It was good that he had a friend who was there for him. Tommy seemed like a nice guy. I was a little grateful Richie had managed to make so many friends when he used to have so much trouble with it at his old school.

It was no secret that I looked forward to the calls and he clearly loved when I could afford to make a few. My allowance didn’t cover international rates.

When we did talk though, it was a train wreck on my end. I was forcefully introduced into the totally sucky world of Butterflies And Sweaty Palms. Oh and we can’t forget powerhouse country they called Blushing. It was unsettling to say the least.

I’m talking about answering the phone and being more interested in the sound of his voice than what he was saying. Or that warm, I don’t know, glow in me that I got from hearing him laugh. Sometimes it got so bad that he would tell me that he missed hanging out with me and I’d straight out get shy and stutter out some half-baked reply to play it cool. I didn’t like this one bit. I didn’t want to have feelings for him. He was my best bud. That’s who he was meant to be.

No matter how much I refused these feelings, the wolf was being smug about it. He thought I secretly liked it. He thought I was just playing tough. That I liked the way my heart swelled in my chest whenever Richie murmured ‘Nye’ in my ear. That I liked the way I only ever heard that name when he said it. He thought I secretly liked that soaring feeling I got when Richie said, “Damn I miss you, pup.” In that voice that wouldn’t lie to me.

He was wrong. I didn’t want it. I didn’t like it. I wouldn’t want this.

I hated that these feelings grew more by the week. I kept hoping that it would just get worse before it got better, but a part of me doubted it. I refused to acknowledge the obvious. I absolutely would not admit it to myself. That would make it more real and there was nothing I wanted less. I could not – would not – use the ‘L’ word. That four letter word was currently banned from my mind where Richie was concerned. I did not feel that way about him. I couldn’t. That would ruin everything.

I kept trying to get a grip over myself, but there were some phases that needed to be left on their own. Heck, Richie’s initial reaction to me kissing him in a platonic way was bad enough. He might just pass out if I told him that I had a thing for him.

“Hello? Earth to Danny?” Preston waved a hand in front of my face.

“Sorry, what?” I shook my head.

“I said that me and the guys are going to go out and have a bit of fun. You want to come with?”

“Yeah. Yeah I’ll come,” I told him fully intending to get rid of those thoughts.

“Where are you guys going?” Orion frowned at me as I stood up.

“Not sure yet.”

“I don’t think you should go with them,” he said glancing at Preston.

“Don’t you worry your adorable little head, Orion,” Preston grinned, “I’ll have him back safe and sound. I’m a responsible sixteen year old guy to his responsible fourteen year old. Together we make a responsible thirty year old. We’ll manage fine.”

“But—.”

“We’ll be fine, Ri,” I said and pat his back, “See you around.”

I left him there. Orion didn’t approve of my new buddies any more than his father or my aunt and uncle did. I knew why and I knew that Preston and the guys were the worst company possible, but I needed them. When all of this was over, everything would be fine.

 “Come on, slow poke,” Preston clapped me on the back and hopped into the back of his van. One of his other friends was driving while the rest of us were sprawled out in the back. I settled in and turned to Preston.

He was a relatively handsome guy with strawberry blonde hair threaded with honey brown. It fell into his eyes and he was usually seen combing it out of his face with his fingers just before it fell back into place. His eyes were a deep blue with the barest hints of amethyst invading his irises from the edges going in. His face was sharp, his nose aquiline and his eyes uptilted at the corners, giving him a more hawk-like look as opposed to anything wolf-like.

If it weren’t for his personality, he’d be a catch.

“Like what you see?” Preston asked raising a half empty bottle of beer as if to make a toast. I rolled my eyes and looked out of the window instead. Barely eight in the morning and he was already drinking. Grabbing a crushed packet of cigarettes from under the opposite seat, I pulled one out and let him light it.

By the fifth drag, I had relaxed. My mind relaxed a tad more too. I took the offered liquor bottle from a guy whose name I never bothered to remember. It took maybe fifteen minutes before my brain slurred, ‘Richie who?’

Someone rolled down the window and I looked up at the clear sky. The wolf refused to enjoy it. The animal hated when I drank or smoked. It was even less happy about me doing both. I ignored the surly looks I was getting in my mind.

The difference between my wolf and I was how we took this distraction thing. I tried to numb myself while he didn’t want to forget Richie for even a second…no matter how much it pained us. And while I got why he felt like that, I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have his strength. Not yet. I still had to grow into it.

Other Chosen grew up with their animals. They matured at the same time and learned to deal with each other from toddler years. I was only just getting to know my own wolf. I never had to deal with two sets of emotions piled onto each other before. My feelings had never had this intensity or raw, primal, animalistic edge. Sometimes it just was too much to feel all the time.

It needed to be numbed. It would send me clinically insane otherwise.

I had been issued medication to help keep that sanity in check, but it wore off too soon for my liking. The medics knew that there was no way that a teenaged human mind like my own could handle that intensity of so much emotion for long. If only my animal could figure that out and ease up a bit. I was not a child whose psyche could bounce back from the blows and acclimate. I was too used to my human life.

The animal was like a child at the moment; he knew what he wanted and wanted what he wanted immediately. He had no idea how best to get it and lashed out whenever he was denied. Essentially, I had a baby cub living in me and as much as I loved him with everything in me, I had no idea what to do with him. His emotions were all over the place and as strong as he was, he was also vulnerable. He needed me for guidance.

I was like the parent. And I knew I was doing a pretty shoddy job, but it was all I could do at this point. I was fourteen. What else could I do to deal after the medication wore off?

I shoved the cigarette box into my pocket. This stuff was completely herbal and far stronger than the regular stuff but it sure did make me relaxed.

Swallowing the burning liquid in the back of my throat, I passed the bottle to the next outstretched hand. The noise level steadily rose and the guys got rowdier. I was too used to it to complain. A long while later I flicked my second cigarette stub onto the van’s grimy floor and rolled face-to-chest into Preston.

“You alright there Danny?” he pushed me upright. I nodded and blinked up at the too bright sunlight streaming in. Trees were flying by us and soon, we were pulling onto a road. I turned to them. I was tipsy but not nearly drunk or woozy enough to miss that they had pulled into deathtrap central.

 “No,” I shook my head, “We have to go back.”

“Why? We took so long to drive out here,” Preston said with a roll of his eyes.

“Don’t you watch the news?” I demanded.

“No. You do?”

“Yes. And there are people out here who are not very happy with the Chosen.”

“Then why are you worried? You look totally human. Hell you still have a badge for a free pass into the town.”

“Well what do you think is going to happen when they find all of us? They’re not going to let me go just because,” I hoisted myself up better, “They’re killing off Chosen just to vent. We really don’t want to be on this end.”

“Don’t be such a baby, Danny.”

He got out of the van with the others and took the keys with him after locking up. I sighed and rubbed the sprinkling of hair on my head. The lack of hair on my head was a recent change that I was still getting used to. Asher – Orion’s father and my new Alpha – had it done only last week.

It was the sign of an official village soldier-in-training. It was an honor so recognized that it was seen as a serious disrespect for a person to shave their heads too close to the scalp. I remembered when Kevin got gum stuck in his hair and had to cut it all off. He got filthy glares from the other kids for over a month. It wasn’t his fault, but that didn’t stop him from attracting disgusted glances.

All in all, the haircut warranted some level of respect. And yet here I was sneaking off from school, nearly drunk off my behind. Not mention that I was already higher than the bill that came after filling up the tank of Preston’s rusty, old crapmobile.

If Asher saw me now, he would shake his head in that silently disapproving way he had. He had had faith in me when so many were against me joining the ranks. I wanted to deserve it. I wanted his pride. I hated that he found out whenever I got into trouble. He’d never scold me but his eyes would be so disappointed and sad that even my wolf would squirm.

I looked toward the trees. I could run back to the town if I wanted to. But I was still physically human and drunk on top of that. It would take a while to run back to the village in my state. I didn’t have the time to spare by risking getting lost in the forest. Aunty and Uncle would flip if I showed up two days away from now. And on top of that, I had a scheduled training session with Asher this evening.

Stumbling along, I followed them out and into the streets. One by one the guys pulled out their sunglasses and fitted them onto their faces. They were reckless but not entirely stupid.

Still, I felt uneasy.

Shoving my hands into my pocket, I scanned the small crowds of people walking around with their bags of breakfast or cups of coffee in hand. I took a swig of the nearly empty liquor bottle and passed it along. My eyes fell on a human who passed by. She had the mandatory blue wrist band on, stating to the world that she was human only by chance. She could have just as easily have been born Chosen.

“We really should not be here,” I murmured. The murder rate of Chosen after being found on this end was growing more by the month. I wanted a distraction but I didn’t count on getting shot in the process.

By treaty law between the town and the village, my abnormality had been broadcasted. It was required that any new developments within the Chosen race be made public. I was a near celebrity now. Humans becoming Chosen was a fear the town’s people had harbored for years but no one imagined that it would come to pass.

My fingers curled in as they stepped into a convenient store. The others fanned out and I just waited outside. I knew what was happening inside. Preston would buy a few useless things while the others smuggled the good stuff out.

I was anxious as usual and rubbed my hands together as two officers walked past. One of them turned to me and squinted before his gaze rose to my shaved head. “Well well well. Look who it is,” he said with a smile that didn’t quite make it to the Sincerity Awards, “Danyel Maynard. I almost didn’t recognize you with the new haircut.” I mentally cursed my rotten luck.

“Officer Scott,” I shot him my best grin, “How are you? And Mrs. Scott, is she well? And of course your beautiful daughter. Is Eliza doing alright?” His eyes narrowed. Because for all the sweetness of my greeting, for all that I had never said it out loud, he knew just how much I disliked him and his family. Eliza in particular.

 “She still yet to get over that Richard boy you used to hang around with,” he said with obvious disdain over his daughter’s taste in boys. It was nothing compared to my disdain over Richie’s taste in girls.

“He is something,” I nodded as if agreeing to a compliment that I knew damn well he didn’t give.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” he asked stepping closer to me, “You smell as if you’ve been smoking and drinking all morning. The Chosen legal age for that is sixteen…which you are not.”

“I’m from the village. You’re a town cop.”

“Your point?”

“You have no judi…juris…jus…jurisdic—,” I huffed and cursed my drunken brain, “Not your division.”

“Doesn’t matter. I like taking Chosen matters into my own hands.”

“Technically I’m not fully Chosen. So either way you have no say, Mr. Scott.”

“Dormant Chosen is still Chosen,” he glared, “No one here cares if you can go furry or not.”

My eyes went to the other officer. His disgust wasn’t even a little bit hidden. His nose was scrunched, his eyes disapproving and his mouth twisted in contempt. Even drunk and at fourteen my intelligence surpassed his enough to know that his prejudice would get him nowhere. I hoped to see the day where he would have no choice but to depend on a Chosen for help.

“Well then,” I looked at my bare wrist, “Look at the time. I really should not be on this side of town what with all the school I’ll be missing.”

“Come on, we’ll give you a ride back.”

“We will?” the other officer looked alarmed, “But he’s – uh – you know…”

“In our town? Yes, I know he is,” Officer Scott gave him a sharp glance, “And as the first line of defense, we need to return him to his forest.”

“First line of defense?” I raised a dubious brow at Officer Scott’s whiskey-and-donut gut. It was straining against his button down shirt.

“But what if it shifts in the car and it hurts us?” the other officer asked

“I have a gender you know. You can refer to me as ‘he’ if you like.”

“It’s talking to me, sir,” the wide eyed officer stepped away from me.

I bared my teeth and gave him my best growl. It was long, low, human and not very menacing. It was pretty lame as far as growls went. It didn’t matter. He gave a squeak and pulled out his baton. “Ahmose, this guy’s an idiot,” I laughed and the alcohol wouldn’t let me stop laughing, “I can’t shift. There’s nothing I can do to you.” He didn’t look convinced.

“Thanks for the offer, but no thanks. I can get back on my own,” I said with a giggle, stumbling away from them. Just as Officer Scott was about to protest, his blessed walkie talkie screeched. I gave him a short salute and watched them hurriedly rush off to their abandoned police cruiser.

The guys pelted full speed out of the store just after that. Preston grabbed me around the middle and tossed me over his shoulder. He took off at an impressive speed and was ahead of the others even with my added weight.

I laughed along with them as my head flopped all over the place. They streaked through the crowds, dashing past stores and dodging baby carriages and dog walkers along the way. Wind whipped past us and Preston leapt over a runaway scooter. Sounds of sirens followed us but we had the advantage of a head start and speed. The time it had taken to get the full report from the radio in the car, the officers had lost the chance to grab anyone.

My own heartbeat thundered in my ears and I wasn’t even the one running. I already had hiccups from laughing so much. Officer Scott was red in the face and huffing obscenities at his partner. They would not catch us in that car. Not while we were moving like this on the pavements.

Some corners and alleyways later, we had lost them and doubled back to the van. We sat around laughing and recounting all the totally impressive feats some of them did. We opened the back of the van and climbed in to check our loot.

There were bottles of alcohol, packets of cigarettes, sub sandwiches and almost too many snacks for us to get through. Some of the guys were flipping through dirty magazines and others were trying out the headphones that they’d swiped. I grabbed two cigarette packets for myself and slipped them into my pockets before taking a bottle of flavored vodka to the head. It was apple and went down with a sweet burn.

Within the next two hours, none of us could string any real thoughts together. Two of the guys were already passed out while another was giggling over the red rum spilt on his shirt. A next guy was singing a song that I wasn’t sure was a real song in the first place and his friend was swaying along to the tune as if it wasn’t off key and stupid.

I crawled out of the van with a bottle in hand. Putting the mouth of it to my head, I downed a little more of it. Slowly I staggered into the forest, still drinking the vodka straight from the bottle. I turned at the sound of Preston laughing and his phone playing a fast paced song. “Dance with me, Danny!” he said too loudly to be sober. I took his hand giggling away with him. Something about this alcohol made everything funny.

The music was clubbing-fast but we still swayed in a playful, slow dance. By the second song, the giggles faded and the swaying stopped. I was just standing slumped against him, his own head was resting on my own. I was dizzy and sweating out the alcohol already.

I moved away when Preston stumbled back a little under my weight. I wasn’t heavy to him, so I knew he was really out of it to stumble because of me.

His hands held my face up to look at him. When my head flopped around, I realized how little control I had over my body at this point.

“You’re s’cute,” he slurred. I blinked up at him. His eyes searched mine for a second before he tried to kiss me. He only just managed to hit the mark. I blinked up at him but there were two…no three…wait probably two of him. One of the blurry Prestons pressed his lips to my mouth in a kiss that was hot, a little rough and tasted like gin.

It really wasn’t too bad. At least I think so. I was so drunk that I didn’t care that it was Preston I was kissing.

He had me pressed against a tree and I let him kiss me all he liked. I didn’t remember that I disliked every bone in his body half the time. Sense didn’t exist when you were this wasted.

One minute we were kissing, the next we were bared from the waist down. Another minute again and I was being hastily prepped for something I would regret in a million different ways the next morning. But in that moment, I let him touch me in ways I never would allow normally. I let him grip me as hard as he wanted. In my state, I didn’t have it in me to be surprised that my body responded to his touch.

His palm covered my mouth, muffling the initial screams that came with a boy being entered and filled with rough, shallow thrusts for the first time.

Legs wrapped around his waist, back against the tree trunk, I lost my virginity in a drunken haze of mingled pain and pleasure, drowning in Preston’s own purely animalistic sex drive. I whimpered, gripping him tight for balance sake.

This act was not meant for a human body. It was too much to endure for long. The pounding, drilling sensation inside me made my muscles clench each time, bracing my body for yet another thrust that was always impossibly deeper than the last. I didn’t like this much. Sometimes it felt good, but it hurt much more. My body didn’t appreciate the foreign assault.

He had already orgasmed thrice to my barely once. It was a sobering reminder that he was not an average man. Size aside, he was not even really a man yet. Not even human. Only sixteen no matter how much he looked like he was over twenty.

I was regaining just enough sobriety to tell him it was enough, but he’d already pulled out of me. Before I could say anything, he had dropped to his knees and his mouth took hold of me. Before I could tell him no, he had began to pleasure me in a way I’d only heard of. This made up for the ache inside me. It drowned out the ache the longer his mouth worked. Warm, wet, slicking over hard muscle.

It was a task to keep breathing, far less tell him to stop. In fact, I hadn’t wanted him to. The pleasure rippling through me was, like my pain, doubled. Until now, it hadn’t occurred to me that the doubling of emotions could go both ways.

There was nothing romantic about any of this. It was pure drunken sex that, unfortunately, I didn’t have to wait until morning to regret. In the end, we threw on our clothes in a daze and I watched as Preston went to wake the others in a hot stumbling mess.

I had hoped for that. The last thing I needed was hand-holding, sweet talking and kissing. I didn’t think I could bare us turning into anything serious after this mistake. The last thing I wanted was to be Preston’s boyfriend. The very thought made me shudder.

My back felt bruised from being taken against the rough bark. My legs were a little shaky from the amount of energy I’d lost. He’d wrung me dry and still had enough energy to walk away. I was a Dormant Chosen but I was physically human. Human bodies weren’t designed to have sex with Chosen. They were too strong, too passionate, too large; we were too incompatible. Everywhere burned.

My phone rang and I gave a sigh. I bet it was Aunty or Uncle calling to find out why the school had reported me missing in action for another day this week. I eased myself down gingerly onto the grassy floor. I whimpered at the contact, swearing low. Pulling out my phone, I answered without looking at the screen.

“I’m fine, calm down,” I sighed in a low voice. My own talking was making my head throb adding to the ache in the rest of my body.

“You had better be,” Richie’s voice came over the phone. My stomach dropped.

“Damn it, no. Not you.”

“Yeah, damn it. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Umm…” my face burned with embarrassment and a bit of guilt, “Sitting on the ground feeling like crap. How are you doing?”

“Do not give me that shit, Danyel,” he snapped. I winced. It had been a while since Richie used my whole name. He must have been seriously pissed off.

“Who called you?”

“It doesn’t matter who. I’m more annoyed that they let this go on for a whole year. Why aren’t you in school?” he demanded, “And smoking and drinking too of all things? You’re fourteen. And way smarter that. What the hell has gotten into you?”

“Don’t be mad. I just…well I can’t exactly tell you why I’m doing this. But trust me. It’s only temporary, okay?”

“Temporary,” he scoffed before his voice went brutally quiet, “Danyel, these things are addictive. And not to mention the cutting classes thing. I thought you said you wanted to go to college? Do you think any college is going to want to take you in with that on your record? Nothing about this is temporary.”

“Don’t preach at me,” I growled, “I get it enough with everyone else. I do not need it from you.”

I hated that he could push me this hard without even trying. My chest burned and my wolf had his head bowed in shame. Richie unknowingly had the power to hurt me when no one else did. I didn’t like that he thought any less of me. What he thought meant the world and that pissed me off that his opinion mattered so much. That his voice had turned harsh with disapproval did not make things better.

“Clearly their preaching isn’t doing you any good. You sound drunk as hell and you’ve gone off to who knows where while people are being kidnapped and killed every week.”

“Screw you, Crowley,” my voice wavered.

I glared at the grass daring my eyes to water now of all times. I’d have been able to handle this conversation at nearly any other time. But not after what I’d just done. I scowled. I felt bad enough already. Guilty enough. Disgusted with myself. Mix all of that and double it and I was about ready to go off my rocker. I didn’t need him making matters worse. 

It wasn’t his fault that I was frustrated and could do nothing about it. My eyes watered from the level of sheer anger coming off me in waves. The tears never fell. I wouldn’t allow it to.

I hated that he was right and I hated that that wouldn’t get me to stop. . Still, I was pissed at him. I would intentionally ignore the fact that he was being this way because he was worried about me. He cared enough to risk me hating him if it meant that I might listen. I preferred to vent a little.  

“I don’t hear from you in over a month and the minute you hear that I do something stupid, I’m getting calls all of a sudden? What, you couldn’t make time for me before but you can now? Your precious job and precious school and precious Tommy don’t have your undivided attention anymore?”

I blinked in shock. That wasn’t what I meant to say. I wasn’t jealous of Tommy. I don’t think I was. Maybe I was speaking the mind of my animal. He didn’t like the idea of Tommy for some reason. He seemed to think that Richie and his roommate were together in some way. Impossible.

“Don’t turn this into my fault, Danyel. You know bloody well that I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy to just talk to me, but not to call and have a go at me right?” Again, I didn’t mean to say that but my anger didn’t care, “Look man, you are not my father. I already have one. So next time, you can take your concern and shove it. I don’t need it.”

“Are you really that selfish that you can’t see how much you’re hurting the people around you? I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,” his tone betrayed how worried he was even in his anger, “Would you stay away from that Preston kid for me at least?”

“Richie, you know that I love you,” I mumbled hearing my voice crack on the one word that I’d refused to associate with him for so long, “but I can’t deal with you right now. I’m sorry.”

“Nye—.”

I ended the call and shook my head. My irritation forced my hands into fists. I didn’t care that he meant well. He had the nerve to call to scold me when he couldn’t call in weeks. For once, I felt the animal’s hurt even more than my own. I reached out a hand to comfort it, but it was angry with me for making Richie disappointed in the first place. It wouldn’t as much as look at me. I’m sorry to you too. He turned up his tail at me.

In my drunken haze, I was too numb to feel him but I could now that it was started to fade a fraction. He didn’t approve of what I and Preston had done. Guess freaking what, I don’t approve either. He ruffled his black fur and rubbed his nose to me. I pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to his head. Amber eyes looked up at me. Even in his disappointment, he adored me still. His body was a warm presence in my mind, his heartbeat strong and steady.

Deciding to work off the stress, I broke into a run. With Asher’s training I was able to move faster than I used to. It still wasn’t fast enough for my animal. I took a more difficult route and still the challenge didn’t burn the anger away. At least I could move faster now that my drunkenness had worn off a little.

I knew that Richie would have been pissed if he found out about all that I’d been doing. He had too much faith in me not to be pissed. He was yet to realize that I wasn’t the kid he still thought of me as.

I dodged trees and skirted hedges and hidden animal habitats. I leapt over logs and slipped through hanging vines while avoiding grazing animals.

Stopping in my tracks, I froze. I sniffed the air. Even at a young age, my sense of smell had always been above average. I followed the metallic scent and rushed to the source. It took a bare three minutes but I wished that I’d taken those three minutes to prepare myself for what I was about to see.

Lying in the stream was a small body, still wearing the clothes that the newspaper claimed she wore while abducted only yesterday. I walked toward the stream, my anger tripling.

A human had shot a young boy yesterday, taking his little sister captive. The siblings had gone to this very stream to play like so many other children had done over the years. I recognized the description of the outfit. Lilac sundress with a satin bow at the back and yellow, light-up sandals.

My wolf recognized her very faint scent as Pack. It howled and shed tear in a way that true wolves couldn’t. I got into the water, ignoring the way it was stained red. I ignored my own rage. It was an act too sinister for words to hurt a child this way.

Her blonde hair was wet and she was lying face down. I waded to the middle and scooped the tiny body up. Her skin was grey and her lips turned blue but even then I could tell that she had been an adorable cub. I held her to my chest, not bothering to try to save her. The claw-like gashes in her chest were enough to make me sure that there was no saving her. I knew at a glance that no animal or Chosen had done this.

“Evangeline,” I murmured, “Come on, pup. Let’s get you back home.” My voice was gentle but there was definitely fury there. My past anger was forgotten now. I couldn’t think about Richie being pissed when I held a four year old’s body in my arms. What was worse, I could tell that this had been done very recently. Today.

She hadn’t gone stiff like I’d expected, but man was she cold. I couldn’t run. I didn’t have it in me to. My animal was pressed against my skin, wanting to get to her. Wanting to make her better with touch. With the feel of Pack. He wanted to reach out and nuzzle at the cub. She was one of his own. It pained him to see her lifeless form.

Her eyes were closed but I knew they were a brilliant emerald and jade that lit up her face. I knew that she wore glasses like very few Chosen whose eyesight was just too sharp for their minds to process. I’ve seen this little girl before. Alive, vibrant, toddling around and playing with her toys. Her smile was gorgeous and sweet. It had gotten to me when I’d heard that she was missing, but it was entirely different holding her dead body to my chest.

I came out of the forest much faster than I ever would have thought possible. This was the most sobering thing to happen yet.

Evening had already fallen and my body had already worked the alcohol out of my system. I didn’t know where to go from here. I decided that it was best to take her to the medic and have the parents called from there. That had been the plan anyways.

“Danyel, what’s wrong?” a woman asked. I said woman because she was already twenty three but her kind eyes, eyes that she gave her daughter, made her seem much younger. The woman was walking by with her husband in tow, his eyes still tinged with the sorrow of a man who had recently lost his son.

My hands trembled with the weight of the body and I shook my head. “I’m so so sorry. I’m so sorry,” I said. The husband, much taller than his petite wife, spotted the face of the child and clutched his heart. The woman, a submissive wolf, turned to him in a beat and began fussing.

It was only as the tears fell from his eyes and the cries of ‘my Evangie’ left him did the woman rush over to me and take her child. The Pack had not finished mourning the death of their six year old son and now we had someone else to mourn.

I found myself hating the humans who were vile enough to do this. Those monsters that stole such an innocent life. Her round face hadn’t even gotten the chance to lose its baby fat. How did a person maul a child and not feel any remorse? It was a different kind of evil. And why? Because she had a wolf inside her? It wasn’t nearly a good enough reason.

The couple cried together and I came to them, offering touch comfort. Their grief had attracted others and soon half of the village stood mourning the child we’d lost. Asher was there to hold them together and I appreciated him as Alpha more than I think I ever had. I felt the presence of his wolf reach out and comfort us all. This was the first time that I really got why an Alpha had to be strong enough to have a far reaching presence. It had as much to do with fighting as comforting.

Later that night, I went home with Aunty and Uncle. Everyone was subdued and none of them mentioned me skipping school. They seemed to think I’d had a hard day already.

I took a two hour shower that night. I wanted to wash off everything. The feel of a child’s dead body on my skin. Preston’s touch. The memory of the only fight Richie and I had ever truly had. The whole damn day. I walked out, shivering and red eyed when I’d finished. The animal licked me with open affection in my mind. Thank you, Little Wolf. I felt his paw pet my arm and let him at it.

After today, I didn’t want to roam around the town anymore. I had a weekly pass to see my parents and I’d use that gladly and leave it at that. Other than that I’d deal with my wolf with my prescribed pills and the old fashion way.

It would be harder, but I didn’t like hearing Richie so disappointed in me. I hated the thought of me being drunk and passed out somewhere in the forest and my family finding me killed. The Pack had been through enough.

Evangeline and her brother had run away to play and look what had happened. It was best that I kept my behind in school and distanced myself from Preston’s idea of adventure. I couldn’t handle another call like Richie’s or another day like this.

To think I’d gotten so drunk that I’d lost my virginity in one of the worst possible ways. And to Preston of all people. I groaned into my hand. What on earth was I thinking? A snide part of me muttered that I wasn’t thinking…not with the right head at least. It was about time that I made a few decent friends.

I had kept everyone at arm’s length. Anything it took really not to replace Richie. But he had moved on. He hadn’t said it exactly, but he had.

He had a new life in another country; new school, new job, new friends. He rarely called anymore and it was hard to get onto him if I tried. I wanted to give him the chance but I felt as if we were drifting apart more by the month. And it had only been a year since he’d left. We had three more to go and this was the mess we were in already. I could only imagine how distant we could be by next year.

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Times New Roman, 10.5 font size, single space, 13 3/4 pages, 9, 369 words. In other words, if you say 'Upload soon' I'm going to be required to verbally crucify the ungratefullness out of you :} xoxo

The things I do cuz I love you people. Like I had to rush it to get it done before some of you had heart attacks too.

*glares at web designers* and Wattpad is going to make it look like 8 pages or some crap I bet. I swear WP makes it look like you barely wrote a thing when you're burning your fingers off. Orange, grey and white bastards. 

Anyways, yeah. Votes and Comments would be nice. Ehem ehem. If it's not too much to ask. I told you that this chapter would be kind of angsty and stuff. Lots happened here and lots set up future things. Five more chapters until Part 3 (the reunion). Heads up, the next five chapters will be some emotional rides for a couple of characters. 

Next chapter is going to a a couple of big things happening. Some surprises that you'll expect and perhaps one or two that you didn't. Giggles. I've been waiting to do that one for a while ;) bet you'll love how that ends...kind of.