The laughter from the cheerleaders was heard from outside the school cafeteria.

They burst into the cafeteria, cheering and laughing and swinging with their pompoms like maniacs, declaring that the school had won the Official School Rugby Championship.  

The people inside stopped eating and clapped, happy that their school had won. Another victory to Berk Unified School District.

It had been a tough year. Four losses but six victories while having a bunch of training in both cheerleading and rugby, multiple times a week.

Astrid and her group of cheers sat down at their usual table. She pulled her arm wrappers further down since they had slid up while cheering for the game.

She had held it a secret since she was...thirteen? Yeah, that must be it. She never wanted to tell anyone because she didn't want to worry her friends and people around her. Her parents had died in a horrific car crash when she was ten and she had to live at her aunt's house in another state.

When she turned seventeen though, she moved back to Berk and ever since then, she had gone to Berk Unified School District. This was her last year before graduation and starting her real adult life.

She was twenty now and all grown up and, while she didn't like it, many guys have tried to flirt with her and take her to the bed but she had either flipped them off or given them one nasty punch, - especially when they had tried to touch her. 

There was one guy that was always trying to hit on her. He wasn't like others and always trying to pull her against him and have sex. He was more on the flirtier side. People called him Scott but she didn't really know him personally. She had heard from other people that he had gotten his nose broken twice for being to pushy and just being a jerk.

Astrid thought he was kinda annoying so maybe he did deserve it. 

Ugh, Astrid thought and rubbed her head. Please don't let this be a migraine. She sighed. She already had enough problems as it was. A migraine at 10 AM in the morning wasn't something she was looking forward. 

Astrid was mentally and physically exhausted and she was so tired of having the problems she did. She just wanted to be happy again. 

But, when you're suicidal, happiness is a rare thing to come by most days. 

Suicidal. Such a weird name and it's so common but it's such a taboo topic. 

Astrid didn't really remember when she became suicidal. Maybe it was half a year or a year after her parents passed away. She doesn't really remember why anymore but it was such a dark period for her back then. Having lost the only two people who were there and loved her. Yes, she had her aunt there but it wasn't the same thing. She could and would never be able to be both her mother and father all in one. 

Astrid really missed her parents. She knew that it was just an accident but she had a weird feeling about then finally being happy that she wasn't bothering them anymore. She had that feeling that they didn't want her and that her mother just accidentally got pregnant and they decided to keep her but regretted it taler. 

She doesn't know why she's thinking like that because they had told her multiple times that they loved her and that they were proud of her. Maybe it was the depression making her feel that way. 

Maybe that's what had let her to harm herself. The feeling of nobody wanting her. She did loose per parents after all and, for a thirteen-year-old, that was a pretty big thing to deal with. The only thing she knew was that it felt great. The mental pain was greater than the physical pain of skin breaking under the blade. 

She felt relief when she did it and it would make her happier. She knew it was a huge problem to have and all she wanted was to get rid of it and never think about it again. She hated the person the had become but she had no idea how to stop. 

She was scared of asking for help because she knew people would think she was a freak and fucked up so she kept it to herself.

A non-suicidal person doesn't know how it feels. She really didn't want people to try it because it's a stupid thing to do and once you get "addicted" its hard to recover. The depression makes you wanna stay home and forget everything. Just disappear through the ground and off of the face of the earth.

Astrid sighed again.

"Uh..." She started as she looked at her hands before looking up at her peers around the table. They looked at her. "I'm exhausted. I think I'm gonna go and change."

They all nodded. "See you next time." One of them said and they waved her goodbye as if she was a small child before returning to their conversation.

She stood up from the table, gathered her things and started to make her way out of the cafeteria. Just as she had walked through the double doors, she bumped into her physics teacher, dropping her things and falling backwards, landing with a loud thud. "Oh, Henry, shit, I'm so sorry!" She apologized from the ground. "Nah, it's fine, I'm used to it..." He said with a small chuckle as he gathered his balance. 

He leaned down to help her pick up her stuff before reaching out his hand and pulling her up. 

"Thank you-" She said but was interrupted when she saw his eyes fixated on something. Shit, had her boob escaped from the uniform? She looked down and her heart skipped a beat. 

Her arm wrappings had slid up, exposing her scarred forearm.

Henry stared at her wrist, his mouth agape. His eyes shot up and met hers. "Astrid..." He said softly.. "I-I'm sorry...I gotta go," She said before grabbing her things from him and running  past him and off to the girls changing room.

He knows. He knows I'm suicidal. He'll tell everyone and I'm done. This is it. It's over, Astrid thought as she sat on a closed toilet, hugging herself with her knees tightly tucked into her chest.

It was over. He knew. 

And he would tell everyone.