Hello guyssss

So I am back with an Updateeee as I Restart my Work on Chaotic Wires 2.0!

I apologize that it got delayed by a Couple of days – as I ended up taking a couple of days longer Break in between to my Writing to Refresh and Rejuvinate myself – after finishing up Hit Wicket last Saturday!!

And this Update is 5k words – not very long - but as I wrote this Part today, I totally wanted to post this as A Stand Alone – for I felt I wanted to just Focus on Khushi's POV and her Characters Emotions after the Time Out with Arnav - In the Last Update so that you all have a Sneak peek into her Head too before the Next Day!

I mostly will be Giving Another Update too Tomorrow !!

P.S** - I am also figuring out a way in my Writing – that enables me to give More Frequent Updates – so sometimes Some Chapters will be Short in Length and Some might be Medium and Some Long – all depending Upon the Flow off Words and as to How I feel about Posting it as Stand Alone/combined in the Moment as I Finish Writing it Out!

Also please please, ignore editing errors guys – as I have not Proofread!

And I shall now let you all Dive in Without further Delay.

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EPISODE 8 – MY DESTINED ...ETERNAL ...EMOTIONAL 'CHAOS'

SAME NIGHT – 1:00 AM – KHUSHI'S ROOM – 1306 , AL QASAR, MADINAT JUMEIRAH - DUBAI

KHUSHI'S POV

I gulp down some water, as Mia continues to gape at me over and over again, pacing in front off me as I sit cross-legged in the comfort off my bed in my tee and PJ's – and I feel my discomfort rising within as I look at her nervously, waiting for her to say something, and I ask – " say something Mia..oh please come and sit here in front off me right now and start talking to me, I know you pace around furiously in strides when you are deep in thought...but you'v been at it for a while, ever since I finished filling you in on the major highlights off everything me and Arnav talked after you left and I really need you to talk to me right now...".

OK GUYS.

So remember – Arnav and Me were sitting and Chatting up over Drinks – when he Dropped the – (I never had anyone else in my life after we parted Khushi...I haven't been in any relationship with any woman for the last eight years...no steady relationship, no going back to my casual ways, no one night stands, no nothing...I haven't been with any woman in any way in the last eight years – be it emotional or just physical ) -BOMB ON ME – and I immediately joked over it stating that maybe He was Gay now?? And then we laughed like so so so much together over it – until Josh's call came and I excused myself to talk to him and use the washroom – so yeah,then I spoke to Josh for a couple of minutes as usual( but he has no information about my Encounter with The ONE FROM THE PAST as in as you all know Mia and Me are going to keep this a Secret) - and then we hung up and I used that time in the washroom – to compose myself over the confusion and the discomfort and the turmoil that, I was feeling over what I had heard offcourse for it most definitely was another Massive Bomb off Informantion that came my way – and then I just felt like that I just needed to be alone by myself to figure everything going on inside off me – so after I walked out the washroom back to where we were seated – I just politely requested Arnav if we could head back to our rooms, since I was tired, and he was all like – yes Khushi ofcourse, I want you to be comfortable - and so we headed Back to our Rooms and all through our way back, I diverted the topic off our conversation back too how excited I was to explore the Middle east etc, and we continued to talk normally over how great the Thai food was and then about Our Itenary plans tomorrow , and once we reached our Rooms – I just bid him goodnight Politely and made my way IN to my room (and he stepped into His and Our Eyes Locked with Each others Instantly as we were shutting the doors of our Room and once again – I thought I had spotted a lot off Longing and Ache and Pain in them and it pained me so much so that I had to Look away first and close my Door) and well – then I immediately got into a hot shower to refresh myself and then changed up for the night and by the time I was done with freshening up Mia came back too and I asked her how it went with Daksh – which she filled me in on offcourse and then she obviously wanted to know all about what I talked with Arnav too!

So yes,that's what we'v been at for a While Now.

And she has heard it all OUT – but all in a Pin Dropped Silence.

And she Won't Stop Pacing Still.

Ok I really need her to Start talking to Me now.

I groan as I look at her – " Mia...love..can you say something?? Anything at all??i need you to start reacting a little now..."

Mia nods, but she continues to pace as she says looking at me – " I know..you want to hear out what do I have to say to what you just told me...but just give me a couple of minutes Khushi...im just absorbing it all...its quite a bit to take in...."

HA!

WELL.

COPY THAT MIA.

FOR I AM STILL ABSORBING IT ALL TOO!!

WHY DO YOU THINK I AM FEELING SO NERVOUS WITHIN !!!

AND THE DISCOMFORT WITHIN IS ALSO RISINGGGGG!!

DISCOMFORT WHY?

ILL GET AROUND TO THOSE DETAILS.

I NOD AT HER FOR NOW, AND I STAY IN MY SPOT IN MY BED – SILENT.

AND BECAUSE I KNOW HER SO WELL GUYS – I THINK SHES GOING TO KEEP PACING THIS WAY IN SILENCE FOR ATLEAST SOME MORE MINUTES – I THINK I WANT TO USE THE TIME TO GIVE YOU ALL A LITTLE SNEAK PEEK INTO THE INSIDES OF MY CRAZY NUTCASE HEAD RIGHT NOW.

PLEASE NOTE.

THAT.

MY NUTCASE OFF A HEAD HAS BEEN IN A MASSIVE OVERDRIVE – OFCOURSE!

OK.

GUYS.

REMEMBER HOW I STATED A WHILE AGO (this morning, when I was in the Car to the Hotel ) – THAT I AM DESTINED TO BE THE DOOMED ONE WHEN IT COMES TO ARNAV?

YEAH.

SO ABOUT THAT.

NOW THAT MY ARMOUR OF PRETENCE IS OFF – I CAN SAFELY CONCLUDE THAT - I WAS REALLY REALLY RIGHT ABOUT THAT SURELY.

ITS AFFIRMED.

ITS STAMPED AND SEALED.

FOR.

I AM MOST DEFINETLY DESTINED TO BE DOOMED IN MY EMOTIONS - WHEN IT COMES TO HIM!!!!

I MEAN ALL OFF A SUDDEN MY OTHERWISE OBLIVIOUS ICU-ED HEART IS BACK TO FEELING SO MUCH EMOTION IN SO MANY FREAKING DIFFERENT SHADES OFF IT – THAT ITS BEEN INSANE WITHIN !

I MEAN – GUYS – ITS TECHNICALLY JUST BEEN A LITTLE OVER 15 HOURS SINCE THIS MAN – POPPED BACK INTO MY LIFE IN THE PRESENT DAY TODAY – AND TECHNICALLY THERES ALSO BEEN - A TIME LINE OFF 8 FREAKING LONG YEARS – IN BETWEEN OF US – AND YET – LOOK AT ALL THE EMOTIONAL RIDES I HAVE BEEN THROUGH WITHIN – IN THE SHORTWHILE OFF THE PRESENT DAY TODAY!!

BUT THEN AGAIN WHO AM I KIDDING?– I KNOW I AM FACING THIS WITHIN BECAUSE OFF MY PENT UP EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS FOR HIM OVER ALL THESE YEARS – YOU KNOW LIKE HOW THE PAST WITH HIM HAS ALWAYS REMAINED FOR ME – IN THE STORY OF MY HEART!

AND - YOU ALL ALREADY KNOW THE NITTI GRITTIES ABOUT THE SAME!!

AND WELL – I WAS PREPPED UP FOR THIS CHAOS IN MY BEING RIGHT? BEFORE I STEPPED OUT FOR DINNER – REMEMBER MY SUPERCOOL STRATEGY IN MY HEAD – TO USE THESE 14 DAYS TO STOCK UP MORE MEMORIES OF HIM TO LOOK BACK ON UNDER THE PRETENCE OFF LETS CATCH UP AS OLD FRIENDS WE USED TO BE – ONCE UPON A TIME???

YEAH.

SO THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS EXECUTING – OUT GREATLY AND EFFICIENTLY UNTIL – HE SPOKE THE WORDS THAT KIND OFF NUCLEAR BOMBED ALL OFF ME EMOTIONALLY WITHIN A ZILLION TIMES OVERRRRR!

The Raw and Heartfelt words of His Apology and then the part about everything he had been through after I left!!

ONLY I KNOW WHAT IT TOOK OFF ME TO NOT TURN AROUND TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE VERY INSTANT AS I HEARD THOSE WORDS!

AND WHY DIDN'T I TURN AROUND?

BECAUSE OFF THE VERY OWN VULNERABILITY I WAS FEELING WITHIN AT HEARING HIM SAY THAT TO ME – FOR I HAD NEVER EVEN IMAGINED HIM TO EVER GO THROUGH THE SCENARIO LIKE THE ONE HE HAD CONFESSED OUT TO ME!!

HIS REVELATION ABOUT THE SAME SHOOK EVERYTHING INSIDE OFF MEEEE!

AND WHEN I DID TURN TO LOOK INTO HIS EYES AND AT HIS FACE AS WE HAD THE CONVERSATION THAT WE DID SITTING ON THE BENCH AS I APOLOGIZED TO HIM TOO – THE RAW AND DEEP ANGST AND GUILT THAT I SPOTTED IN HIS EYES, ON HIS FACE, IN HIS BODY LANGUAGE – LITERALLY FELT LIKE A BLAST OFF ANGST IN MY VERY OWN BEING – A THOUSAND TIMES OVER !

FOR THE MINUTE I HAD SEEN IT – I HAD IMMEDIATELY REALISED THAT - I HATED THAT LOOK OF GUILT AND ANGST AND PAIN IN HIS EYES!

The LOOK OFF GUILT AND ANGST SWIMMING AND CONSUMING HIS EYES DID NOT SUIT MR TYCOON FOR REAL – AT ALL.

AND ADD TO IT IS ANOTHER ETERNAL FACT THAT - THE LOOK WAS SO RAW AND SO PAINED AND SO DEEPLY GRIPPED IN ANGST – THAT IT BORE THROUGH MY SOUL – IMMEDIATELY!

YOU KNOW JUST LIKE HOW YOU HIT A BULL'S EYE WITH A DART IN A SECOND AS YOU LET GO OFF YOUR AIM OFF YOUR HAND?

YES.

LIKE THAT.

AND I KNEW IN AN INSTANT – THAT HE HAS LIVED WITH A MASSIVE BAGGAGE OF GUILT IN HIS SYSTEMS – BELEIVING THE FACT I WAS DEAD!

And when I apologised for the Same – he said that he'd like to look at it as - A Punishment by His Fate for Ending Things in between of us that Way!

Gosh.

Just Hearing him say that – was Like very very Overwhelming for me – as I instantly realised that Me leading Him on to think that I was Gone FOR Real for whatever valid reasons I had – kind off once again – unintentionally turned out to be something that was A Flawed Approach towards Him!

Once Again in my head – I thought that I was doing the best that I could for myself – but that Best – turned out to be Such a Deep Trigger for Immense Baggage of Guilt towards Him – and that Is why I had apologised to him over again and admitted the same to Him Honestly too – that It truly never was My Intention!

And to be honest guys- in that moment – although I kept my Cover off Pretence off Calm and Composure on very well – my Insides were Trembling as my Heart told me – that Khushi just like you are a Flawed Human, so is He..and you were Aware off His Flaws, and yes his Volcanic Anger and Harshness in the ways in which he ended things was His Biggest ERROR then that Scarred you in the ways it Did – but You leading him On to believe that You were Dead has Scarred him with so Much Baggage of Guilt too!

JUST THE LOOK ON HIS FACE – MADE ME REALISE THE FACT THAT I WASN'T THE ONLY PAINED/SCARRED ONE IN THERE – IN THE WAYS THE THINGS ENDED IN BETWEEN OF US !!!!

(I Mean I had Known him through and Through in those Days and back then he would tell me Often that – Khushi, My Anger is My Biggest Flaw – it Consumes me in a Very Dark Way – but until that day when it all started going Downhill for Us – I had never really witnessed his Anger ever before , because I don't really remember us having any fights or anything ever before,and that is why another reason why I kept trying to get through to him for those 14 days apart from the fact that I had been the one to push him and trigger him to freak out that way - was This – the fact that I knew that His Anger was like This Major Flaw that Clouded and Consumed Him Bad – and that's why I would request him to think things Over – hoping that he would see things differently when Cooled down – until that last ugly showdown – when I just couldn't take it Anymore Myself as I realised that I was totally being Delusional in my Perceptions off his Emotions for Me!! – and I left and I never looked back!

And to be honest guys – I couldn't believe that I had never thought off this other possibility ever Before – I was Too consumed off thinking this through My Perspective Maybe? Or too Consumed in Just thinking About the Angry Volcanoes that Came out me in those 14 days that my Mind led me to Safely conclude – that My Existence didn't Matter to Him at All – that he would no way be Affected by the News off my Passing and Would Probably Just Shun it Away like a Fly!!

Why didn't I ever think that there could be a Possibility that the Arnav, I had known before all those Angry Volcanic Eruptions – could be Hit very Hard with Guilt with a Cause and Affect thought off that I got on that Plane because off Him!! That I probably Died because off Him!!( and Here I have been Alive All Along!!!)

And Hence I am at fault too – aren't I ?

Like this is Insane emotional Baggage I know – just the fact or a single thought that YouR Insides kind off feel like you are the one to Blame for Someone's Passing??

GODAMMIT.

I mean I keep saying that The Human Mind,its games, its judgements and assumptions and pressumptions are like the biggest weapon for our mortal hearts – then why didn't I realise even once in these Eight long Years – that somewhere down the Line – I ended up Doing the Same to Him – I ended up injuring him with so much guilt to live with all this while through the weapon off my assumptions and pressumptions and judgements off the scenario – thinking to myself that He was Better off not knowing the Fact that I was Alive!

WHERE IN – HE WAS GOING THROUGH SO MUCH ANGST AND GUILT AND PAIN IN REALITY – BLAMING HIMSELF FOR MY DEATH that way – beating himself for it over and over again – hating himself for the fact that I probably succumbed to dealth ,Hating Him!

I have Wronged Him Too.

And Just like that In that Moment off Time – Stood a Mirror in front off me which was a Trigger from Today that showed me – another set off Flaws and Errors that I had committed towards him, unknowingly!

And that Is why it was Important for me to Apologize to him that way and to Tell Him – that I want To Bury the Hatchet For Real!

Because I truly want too – Indeed!

AND WELL – EVER SINCE AFTER WE MADE OUR WAY TO DINNER- EVEN THOUGH I HELD ON TOO MY PRETENCE MODE WELL AND WAS BACK TO BEING MY USUAL SELF - ALL OF MY INSIDES WERE LIKE OBVIOUSLY CONSUMED IN THE STATE OF EMOTIONAL WORLD WAR ARNAV -2 – THAT THIS MAN WAS CAUSING IN MY BEING – ALL OVER AGAIN – BUT HIS WORDS THIS TIME – WERE MORE LIKE NUTRITIONAL VITAMINS AND MINERALS DRIPS TO MY ICU-ED HEART!

OH.

GODAMMIT.

GOD HELP MEEEE!!

I MEAN ALL THROUGH OUT DINNER AND AFTER AS WE CHILLED AND CHATTED UP – THERE WAS NO AWKWARDNESS IN THE AIR AT ALL AND IT TRULY DID FEEL LIKE MY HEARTS BEING INJECTED WITH SOME MAJOR NUTRITIONAL VITAMINS AND MINERALS DRIPS IN THE ICU– AS IT PROCESSED EVERYTHING IT HAD FELT TONIGHT – IN HIS PRESENCE.

AND WHY DO I SAY NUTRITIONAL DRIPS??

YOU KNOW HOW LIKE YOU ARE IN THE HOSPITAL FOR DEHYDRATION AND THEY GIVE YOU ALL THESE NUTRIONAL VITAMINS AND MINERALS DRIPS AS INJECTIBLES INTO YOUR SYSTEMS – AND THE CHEMICAL SALTS IN YOUR BODY START TO FEEL LIKE THEY ARE RETURNING INTO THEIR OPTIMUM CHEMICAL BALANCE AND YOUR BODY STARTS TO FEEL ALL REPLENISHED WITHIN – PHYSICALLY?

SO YES.

EVERY FREAKING THING THAT I FELT EARLIER TONIGHT – AS IN ALL THE THINGS THAT CAME TO LIGHT TONIGHT – AS ARNAV AND ME TALKED – KIND OFF MAKES MY HEART FEELS THAT – ALL THIS INFORMATION THAT I WAS NEVER AWARE OFF UNTIL NOW – IS LIKE THOSE NUTRITIONAL DRIPS FOR MY ICU-ED HEART – THAT IS WORKING TWO WAYS IN MY SYSTEMS RIGHT NOW – YES ITS IMPROVING THE BP AND PULSE OFF MY HEART – BUT AT THE SAME TIME ITS ALSO LEADING TOO ALL THESE CONFUSING QUESTIONS AND DISCOMFORT IN MY BEING TOO!

SO LET ME GIVE A CLEARED CONTEXT THOUGH.

THE FACT THAT HE ACTUALLY REMEMBERS SO MUCH ABOUT ME – SO MANY DETAILS ON SO MANY ASPECTS – IS WHAT IS SERVING AS THOSE NUTRIONAL VITAMINS AND MINERALS DRIPS – BECAUSE UPTIL NOW MY HEART WOULD ALWAYS WONDER THE SAME FACT RIGHT? – THAT DID ARNAV EVEN REMEMBER ME??

AND IT KIND OFF DOES FEEL REALLY REALLY GOOD IN MY HEART TO BASK IN THE KNOWLEDGE – THAT HE DOES REMEMBER!

I MEAN HE REMEMBERS SO SO SO SO SO MUCH ABOUT ME THAT ITS SURPRISED ME INSANELY!!!!!

I MEAN – WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OFF THAT???

OK.

WAIT.

GUYS.

SINCE I HAVE BEEN QUITE THE GEEKY ONE – ALWAYS.

I THINK IT WILL BE BETTER IF I BULLET POINT THIS LIST TO STATE OUT SIMPLY – WHAT INFORMATION IS ACTING LIKE THOSE NUTRITIONAL DRIPS AND THE ATTACHED CONFUSION AND DISCOMFORTS ARISING IN MY BEING BECAUSE OF THE SAME!!

NUTRITIONAL DRIPS TO MY HEART AND EXTRA SALTS OF DISCOMFORT AND CONFUSIONS THAT COME ALONG WITH THESE FACTS

1. The fact that he Remembers so Much about Me – in so many various Aspects be it my choices in Food, or my adventure Bucklet List or my Educational Dreams etc – and the Confusion that Comes along with this Fact is that – Why Does he Remember so much about me with all these Details??????? (as in I remember everything about Him because I loved him so deep back then, and have held on to His Memories so deeply in My Heart – but why HIM?????)

2. The fact that he literally wants to Spend the next Two weeks with us , himself – as in he brought this up first, he is Joining in on our Itenary, which I agreed to because duhhh, it would give me the best scenario to stock up more Memoriess of Him – but the confusion that comes Along with this fact is – why Does he want to be Around me this way for the next 14 days?????Whyyyyy????? I mean why does he want to Catch up this way??

3. Ok and to be fair to this Third Point – this kind off acts More like a Confusion Factor for me because I still don't know how I feel about this – as in I haven't been able to figure this out – and this is ONE OF the HIGHLIGHTS AMONGST ALL MY CONFUSIONS – AS IN WHY WAS HE SO INTERESTED TO KNOW IF I HAVE SOMEONE IN MY LIFE ROMANTICALLY? WHY WAS HE SO INTERESTED TO KNOW WHO JOSH WAS TO ME?? AND WHY DID I SPOT SOME SORT OFF A RELEIF IN HIS EYES AS I TOLD HIM THE TRUTH THAT I HAD NO ONE IN MY LIFE THAT WAY?(and I cant even begin to tell you all the things I felt within as he caressed my ring finger with his Thumb that way, and held onto My hand that way – WHY would he Do that??? Why was he Looking at me So Intently and Intently all through??

4. AND ANOTHER MAJOR HIGHLIGHT THAT HAS CONFUSED THE HELL OUT OF ME IS – WHY DID HE SAY THAT HE HASN'T BEEN WITH ANY WOMAN AT ALL IN ANYWAY EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY IN THESE LAST EIGHT YEARS????????????????????? I MEAN JUST WHYYYYY ??(I let it out in a joke in front off him , suggesting that maybe He was Gay now – only because I wanted to just steer my attention away from what I was feeling within at his revelation – but now that I am alone I cant help but wonder – WHY? And I know he is stating the truth – it was on his Face – like a eternal fact! He meant it , I know! But why? As in ofcourse – I know He Hasn't Turned Gay! I just know it!! Because of all our electric intense intimate History – I just know that He is obviously Only Interested in Woman that way – but what I can't comprehend is the Fact as to why would he abstinate from all sorts off relationships until now – emotional or physical??? WHY WOULD HE CHOSE TO BE A CELIBATE ???? WHY DIDN'T HE EVER MOVE ON??(I never moved on because off the deep ways in which I loved Him, I never touched another man, or let any other man touch me because the memories off Our Intimacies are way too Precious to me because I was Making Deep Love to Him in those moments – and My heart always wanted to Stay Loyal to Them too) BUT WHY HIM?????????

5. ANOTHER POINT OF CONFUSION - WHY IS HE SO INTERESTED TO KNOW WHY HAS MY VIEWPOINT ON MARRIAGE CHANGED?????

GODAMMIT.

MY INSIDES ARE SO FREAKING CONFUSED RIGHT NOW!

DAMM YOU FREAKING ARNAV 2.0!

DAMM GODAMMIT YOU!

WHY ARE YOU FORCING MY MIND TO LOOK INTO THE PERCEPTIONS OF MY DELUSIONAL GODFORSAKEN HEART AGAIN??

GOD HELP ME PLEASE!!

I pause in my chain of thoughts as I hear Mia's voice ring in my ears as she finally stops pacing and takes a seat in front off me and she states – " khushi...look you need to know this...I was anyway going to tell you...Arnav literally gave me a silent gesture through His eye to Say Yes – to let him join in on our Trip, and before you came in , he was talking to me about a memory of the two of you from back in London, and there was so much ache and longing in his voice Khushi, and I recognised it instantly because I spot the same ache and longing in your eyes and voice whenever you talk off him even today, and in our conversation earlier when I asked him how is it that he remembers so much about you in regards to that memory, he literally implied that – theres always more than what meets the eye isn't there Mia???"

I look at her Zapped.

Again.

And I ask instantly – " whattttt????? Can you please give me the details on this Mia???"

She nods.

And she Does.

She Quickly fills me up over the Context and once again – I feel Confusion and Discomfort Cloud My Insides.

Mia asks again – " khushi...tell me again... he literally told you this to your face right?? That he hasn't been with anyone in anyway whatsoever in the last eight years ever since you guys parted??"

I sigh as I admit again – " yes Mia...he did...and I cant help but wonder Why?? Im so confused over so many things, I need you to hear me out..."

Mia hugs me instantly and I quickly fill her in over my Confused thoughts in context to the List I have listed Above.

Ten Minutes later, once I am done, I finally take a deep breathe and Mia says – " look Khushi...theres definetly something to his side off the story in here, that you'v missed until now because he was out there thinking that You are Dead for real , and the fact that he says that he would like to believe that it was His fate's way off Punishing him for everything back then, kind of makes me think that He's been Repenting a lot over it, and maybe that's why you both met this way again, because whatever said and done, looks like someone up there is watching the two of yours honest thoughts with regards to everything that happened in the past..."

And I look at Mia, shaken as I say honestly – " I think there is definetly more than what meets the eye surely Mia, but the only sane reason that comes to my mind is – that its all Guilt, as in I know, his Anger was His Flaw back then, but now that I look back in retrospect to everything else – he is not a bad person, just a flawed one, like me...and I can only imagine the baggage of guilt that must have consumed his insides as he blamed himself for being the reason for me getting on that plane, and trust me when I say this, just when he was saying that out loud to me, a part of me wanted to tell him the truth straight away that Arnav, a part off you saved me from Death actually, but then I couldn't Mia, it was that look of anguished guilt in his eyes that stopped me too, because now that I process everything he told me today. I just feel like, me telling him the truth will make him go on another crazy guilt trip maybe, he might just end up blaming himself over what happened to me, and well, after the way iv been feeling today at spotting that guilt in his eyes over over again as he talks about how sorry he is for hurting me that way, I just feel like – he can never know the truth,I don't want to burden him with more guilt, I don't want him to think off me as someone who just gave him Baggages of Guilt to Live with Mia, for you know It was my choice to be involved with him in every way back then...and I don't have any regrets about the same..."

Mia smiles as she says, pulling me into another hug – " theres literally no one like you on this planet khushi love, and that's why we say that theres just one off you...this conviction, this strength of always standing up to what you want, the choices youv made, theres so much sincerity and purity in you that it freaking bowls me over everytime...but think this over Khushi...are you sure you don't want him too know?"

I continue to hug Mia – " yes Mia...and thanks for always being super biased when it comes to me, but like I said,earlier I never wanted him to know it because I felt he would think I'm trying to pull the emotional guns on him etc, and then he would look at me with pity and sympathy, and now to add to all of that, I think if he ever finds out the truth, not only will there be pity and sympathy for me in his eyes, he will torture himself with immense guilt, because he's obviously been aware off my love for children...and no matter what happened, I don't want to burden him with any more guilt...iv always loved him...I just want him to be happy always....gosh..this is so so freaking complicated Mia..."

Mia brushes my hair tenderly and she asks softly now – " ok ok...I understand...so what now??"

I pull back as I admit honestly – " well for now, I think I just want to take each day as it comes Mia, as in even though im so confused right now, I don't want to let my heart start on with its perceptive mode and try to read more into anything...iv always loved him yes, but I don't know If I have the courage in me to even reflect a little bit off that to him...so im just going to take his words as is, and as off now Its safe to think that yes theres been a lot off repentence in him surely for all these years which is mainly being powered by baggages off guilt over his actions back then and that maybe all that hes been through after is also a result off his coping mechanisms with regards to the guilt he felt when he got the news off my passing, and to be honest, I just hope by the end off these two weeks, when we say goodbye again, hes free- er of all this guilt that's been consuming his Insides..."

Mia sighs as she looks at me and admits – " but khushi, it just cant be guilt, I mean...all off this Intense stuff...its like super duper intense...it just cannot be powered by guilt alone...what if...just what if ...there's more...as in what If your perceptions back then.. were right?? What if he realised...it all...after you left?????and then everything came to a halt from his end because he thought you were gone all along....just what if he lo.."

I hold my hand up to Mia in a gesture to Just Pause.

For I feel Myself Shiver and Shudder as I admit honestly – " Mia...I don't want to Read too much into this right now for real..i don't know if I can handle this right now...you understand don't you?? its just too much for me to Absorb..."

Mia hugs me again and she states – " I know I know...alright...I wont say anything more for now...for I understand...just know that no matter what I am with you always...by your side...and I think you are right..its better if you take each day as it comes....",and I say immediately – " yes Mia...and I'd like to stick to my earlier plan..off being myself under the cover of pretence off this is all about us catching up as friends encounters....because that's the only way I'm going to get like truckloads of fresh memories in my stock right???"

Mia pulls back and she smiles – " yes ok...I understand...why don't you get some sleep now?? We do have to full on expedition into touristing around Old Dubai tomorrow...until late evening, and Khushi we shall most definitely dine at another restaurant at the Madinat Souk for I missed going there today..."

I smile as I say – " yes yes offcourse, I want you to see it too...cmon now you get some rest too...ill see you in the morning...goodnightttt"

Mia grins – " goodnight...khushi...see you in the morn...its going to be a good touristy day tomorrow...",and I grin back at her as I say – " a good tourist day indeed...."and she gives me another heartfelt Smile as she leaves.

And Once I hear the Door Click, I finally Dip Myself into my Covers and I close My Eyes.

Arnav 2.0's Handsome Rugged Rakish Image from Dinner Time - flashes Through My Head – almost Immediately!!

The Intense Look in His Eyes – Follows as I Recall the Way He had Been Looking at me All Night.

Followed By Our Various EyeLocks!

Followed by what I felt when He Caressed My Ring Finger and Held onto My Hand That way!

I shiver – under my Covers.

And just Like that Everything that Happened earlier before dinner, and then Over Dinner and then After and everything I felt during those times – starts to Flood Its Way In My Head and Heart Both!!!

OH GODAAMIT ME.

Guys.

He is going to Revolve Around My Head – until Sleep Takes Over – for Sure!!!

And Just Like that even Eight Years later – He's back to Being the Central Axis My Heart Revolves Around and also the Central Axis My Heart Spins Around!

Oh wait.

An Honest Correction to that – He Always was That Central Axis – Nonetheless...irrespective of the fact that He was Not Present in My Present Technically until Now.

CANT PLAY HIDE AND SEEK WITH MYSELF OVER THE SAME GUYS!

THE STORY OF MY HEART IS WHAT IT IS.

AND AFTER ALL THAT IV FELT TODAY - ITS JUST SAFE TO CONCLUDE IN THIS MOMENT OF TIME THAT ARNAV SINGH RAIZADA – STILL VERY MUCH IS – WHAT HE WAS MAYBE ALWAYS FATED TO BE TO ME - IN MY BEING!

MY ETERNAL CHAOS.

MY DESTINED ....ETERNAL .... EMOTIONAL CHAOS!!!!

..............

TADAAAAA!!!!

Let me know what you Guys think!!

I shall see you with another Update Tomorrow!!!

Much Love Guys.

Always.

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