More than a week rolled by with the tension between the two boys calmer than usual. Maybe that was the case because they rarely talked after what happened, but they didn’t avoid each other. They simply stayed out of each other’s way, something that kind of, just a tiny bit bothered Jeongguk.

It was just strange to him. Taehyung would usually start a conversation with him, ask him if he was okay, annoy him or something, but he didn’t do any of these things the past days. He couldn’t understand why he was so weird after he told him what had happened, but he didn’t make an effort to find out. It wasn’t like he cared or he couldn’t stop thinking about it. No, not at all.

🥀

Taehyung, lying on his belly in his bed and slowly kicking his feet, typed away on his phone, so close to finishing another chapter of his novel.

He had found his pace for now, thankfully, but soon enough he would have to write a kiss scene, and damn, it had been a while since the last time he kissed someone. He just hoped he could write something decent without having to find someone to make out with because he knew it would take a while to come across someone who would inspire him.

Finally reaching the end of the current chapter he was writing, a few faint, rather weird sounds filtered through his ears, and he knitted his brows in a baffled frown as he sat straighter on the bed.

“What the...” A small smirk sprawled on his lips once he recognized the sounds as moans — a female’s moans — and he jumped to his feet, heading to the living room to gossip about Hoseok with the other two boys.

“Guys, guys—“ His smile dropped in a heartbeat and words died on his tongue once he saw Yoongi and Hoseok sit in the living room instead of Yoongi and Jeongguk as it was supposed to be.

“What’s up?” Hoseok asked, confused by his behavior.

Taehyung caught on to the situation, but he strongly refused to accept it, feeling his stomach flip with something that almost made him sick. “What are these disgusting sounds I hear?”

“If you don’t know, something is wrong, Tae,” Hoseok replied with a snicker that piped down fast when he perceived his peeved look.

Taehyung stomped towards the French doors without saying another word and yanked them open, void of any idea of why he was suddenly so worked up.

“Tae, are you okay?” Yoongi asked without moving from his seat, but when he didn’t receive an answer, he trod outside with a sigh. “Tae.”

“What?” he snarled as he glowered at him, catching him off guard.

“Wow, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Why are you so angry?”

“I’m not.”

“Tae, come on.”

“Just leave me alone,” he grumbled as he unlocked his phone and started typing here and there without paying attention.

Yoongi eyed the boy in depth as he let a few moments of silence flow by. “I’m not stupid, you know.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Damn, you act like Jeongguk right now.”

“No comment.”

Yoongi snorted at his response as he ruffled his hair. “Come inside. It’s freezing out here.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“You’re such a kid sometimes.” Yoongi tsked as he entered the house and grabbed a blanket from the couch. He returned and tossed the item on top of Taehyung's head, evoking a groan from him that made Yoongi chuckle.

Taehyung, still pouting, covered his body with the blanket as he crisscrossed his legs and peeked at him. “Thanks.”

“She won’t stay long, don’t worry.”

“I don’t—I don’t care!” Taehyung retorted with a series of awkward half laughs as he fiercely shook his head.

“Yeah. I just don’t understand why it bothers you so much.”

“It doesn’t bother me, it’s just annoying because I can’t focus with all these disgusting sounds, that’s all.”

“I said I’m not stupid, Tae.”

“Well, can you be this time?” he mumbled as his scowl was replaced by a gloomy expression, his bottom lip sticking out in a pout. “Can you pretend just this time and go back inside? Because I don’t have the answers you want, not even for myself.”

Yoongi offered him a sympathetic smile as he reached out to caress his shoulder. “Of course, Tae. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thank you,” he whispered as the other left, and he dragged his head down, sinking into a state of absolute tumult in his attempt to understand himself.

  
It was a little while later when Jeongguk stepped out of his room with the random girl, who talked to him at the uni yesterday, and she greeted the two in the living room before she bundled off.

“Why are the French doors open?”

“Taehyung is out,” Hoseok said.

“Why? It’s like five degrees outside.”

The two simply gazed at him at Jeongguk's statement as Hoseok had no idea why, and Yoongi chose to stay silent.

The caramel-haired boy clicked his tongue as he strode towards the French doors. He noticed Taehyung giving him a side look and then focusing on his phone again. “What are you doing?”

“Sitting.”

“Why out here? It’s freezing.”

“Well, there was too much noise inside so.”

The corner of his lips quirked as he examined the boy who hadn’t met his gaze yet. “Sorry about that,” he uttered, a low chuckle falling from his lips.

“Yeah, I bet you are.”

“She was quite enthusiastic. What was I supposed to do?”

“At least give us a heads up the next time!”

The younger wordlessly edged closer to have a better look of his irritated face, and he cracked a small smile. “Why do you look so bothered?”

“I’m bothered because I couldn’t concentrate with all these noises!” Taehyung's grip on his phone tightened, his insides ready to blow up by his pent-up vexation. “And since when are you talking to me, huh? Go away.”

“I—I’m not talking to you. Whatever,” Jeongguk blurted out as he pivoted on his heel.

“Assface.”

Jeongguk froze in his tracks upon hearing his mumble and twisted his head around to glare at him. “What did you call me?”

“I called you an assface, okay?”

Flared up by his aggressive tone and behavior, Jeongguk snatched the phone out of his hold and extended his hand past the railings, threatening him to drop it. “Apologize.”

“What the hell are you doing?” Taehyung shrieked as he exploded out of his seat, his now bulging eyes filled with terror.

“Say you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please, please, please don’t throw it,” the boy rambled as he ran to him and pressed their bodies together in his attempt to grab his phone.

Jeongguk sucked in a breath when he felt Taehyung latch onto him and peered at his fearful face, which was just a few inches away intensively.

“I don’t have a backup for the last chapter, Jeongguk, I need my phone!” Taehyung whined since the only thing the younger did was stare at him.

“Alright, alright,” he breathed out, retracting his hand slowly and passing the phone to him. “Here.”

“Oh God,” Taehyung muttered, his heart pounding so hard it hurt his chest.

“That was easier than I thought,” Jeongguk said with a low voice, his eyes still riveted on him, taking in every small detail of his face.

“Yeah, because I need my phone.” He peeked at him, and upon discerning his fierce stare, he ducked his head and took a step back. “You’re mean, jackass,” he murmured and scooted off as a beam popped up onto his lips.

“Tsk, you brat!” Jeongguk hissed as he watched the boy dash away, but his scowl melted into a soft smile at the unexpectedly cute sight. A chuckle bubbled at the back of his throat and forced its way out a second later as he shook his head and lowered it.

He pushed himself off the railings and grabbed the blanket before he entered the house as well, only to come to a standstill when his eyes fell on his two friends who were staring at him with crooked smiles. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Yoongi said, sharing a look with Hoseok and smothering a laugh, and then he fixed his gaze on the TV as he smiled knowingly to himself.

🥀

After a long bath, Jeongguk sauntered towards the kitchen, ready to enjoy his beer time. As he got closer to the fridge, he detected a cream-colored notebook on the counter. His eyes roamed around the room, making sure no one was there, and he inched closer to the item, his eyes glinting with his desire to have a tiny, tiny look.

A flash of anxiety hit him in the gut like a train as he grasped the item and flicked through the pages, stopping somewhere randomly.

 
Despite his flaming rage, he melted under his mind-numbing gaze, wishing he could stay in that position longer — to stay so close for a little more.

“You’re such a fucking asshole! Stop pushing people away when the only thing they want is to help you!”

Lies. He’s lying, he doesn’t want to be left alone.

Care for someone who deserves it and leave me alone.

 
Upon analyzing the last sentence he read, his eyes swelled when he remembered he had said that to Taehyung a while back. The sentence was underlined a load of times, and his confusion skyrocketed. Did he write what I said that night? Or... is it a coincidence?

“What are you doing?”

Jeongguk bounced back and dropped the notebook, a silent yelp flying off his mouth as he faced the boy who just caught him.

“Were you reading my notebook?”

“No!”

Taehyung had a stern expression on his face, but it disappeared as he broke into honeyed giggles, trudging closer to him. “I saw you, you know. There’s no need to lie.”

“Whatever, Kim, go away,” he spat out while he made a move to leave, but Taehyung sprang up in front of him, cutting his way.

“Why can’t you just admit it?”

“As If I—“

“Yeah, as if you blah blah, just admit it. Admit that you want to read my novel.”

“I don’t,” he stated with a sneer as he folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter.

“If you help me when I get stuck, I’ll let you read what I’ve written so far.”

Jeongguk's brows pulled together at his suggestion, and while his brain screamed at him to say no, he couldn’t bring himself to voice it out.

“Oh my God, you’re actually thinking about it!” Taehyung exclaimed as his eyes widened with his amusement, his lips stretched into a grin.

“No! Fuck off.”

His dour words soured his smile and brought a faint pout on his face instead. “You don’t have to be so mean. It was just a suggestion, anyway.”

Why the hell did Jeongguk feel bad when he saw his pouty face, he could swear he didn’t know. What the hell happened to him?

Despite the insane, ridiculous feeling that overtook him, Jeongguk stayed mute and resumed his way to the fridge as Taehyung stood there with his head down, biting his lip to prevent himself from unfolding his mouth.

Jeongguk reached for his beers and headed to the French doors, perching on the floor in front of them. He opened the first bottle and took a swig, then a sigh of satisfaction leaked out of his mouth.

He tossed a glance towards the kitchen, spotting the violet-haired boy, who apparently hadn’t made a single move until now. “Kim.”

He flinched at the call of his name and tentatively set his gaze on him, still nibbling his lip.

“Spit it out.”

“What?”

“You have something you want to say, so just spit it out to get this over with.”

Taehyung wavered but still crept closer to him, his dismayed eyes anchored on his slow steps as he approached him. He crouched down next to him and fell softly on his butt, crossing his legs. “I felt bad. I still feel bad.”

The younger scoped him, and even though Taehyung kept his head bowed, he could still distinguish his overcast expression. “Why?”

“Because you beat Juseong for me—I mean, not for me, but for something that had to do with me too? I don’t know how to say it because I know you wouldn’t go so far to defend me. You hate me.” He met his gaze and stared hard, searching for something, anything that would confirm his last remark, but Jeongguk remained completely still and silent.

Taehyung dragged his eyes to the floor again, unable to specify the reason for his silence. “Anyway. I yelled at you a lot that day. And I feel bad about it. Sorry.”

“Wow, you sound like you care. I’m amazed.”

“You know I care, Kook, so you—“

“Don’t call me that.”

“Fine.” He groaned as he heaved himself to his feet and glanced down at him. “You know I care. I wouldn’t have helped you that day if I didn’t. So you need to stop lying to yourself sometime soon. Because you’ll end up believing something that isn’t true at the end and you’ll get lost between the reality and the lies you created.” He stayed still for a couple more seconds and then began walking away.

“Lies hurt less, Kim.”

“No, they don’t. They’re just easier to say than the truth. It’s the easy way out of a situation you don’t want to be in.” Taehyung turned around and gazed at him through the French doors, and even in just his reflection, he could see the melancholy swirling in Jeongguk's pretty eyes.

An almost imperceptible smile crept over his lips then as his gaze softened. “It feels good to admit your feelings. Even if you don’t do it every day, even if it’s once a week or something. It feels good to say yes, I’m pissed, I’m hurt, I’m sad, that bothers me, that makes my stomach turn, I need someone to talk to, I need someone to sit with in silence, I need a hug, anything, anything, Jeongguk.

“Instead of saying every day I’m fine, I don’t need anything, I don’t feel anything, I want to be left alone, I just need my beers. And you don’t have to admit your feelings to someone else. But you need to at least admit your true feelings to yourself.”

A thick silence swept across the entire room as his words struck Jeongguk like a wrecking ball, shattering, lacerating, burning to pieces everything he thought he knew and all those years he was lying to himself to feel better.

Taehyung waited for the boy to holler at him, curse at him, or simply glower at him at any time now. But the silence and stillness carried on for a long time, confusing him more and more and rendering him at a loss about what to do.

Taehyung didn't know how much time had passed when he saw the younger grab a bottle of beer and place it next to him where he was sitting before. Even though no words left his mouth, Taehyung knew what his action meant, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t dazed to the hilt.

But in all that extreme confusion, a glimmer of joy bloomed inside him that warmed his heart and brought a smile to his lips as he headed back to Jeongguk instead of retreating to his room.

He peeped at him as he took a hold of the bottle and sat next to him, and that was how they spent a few hours together in absolute silence, gazing at the scenery in front of them and sharing a few glances here and there.

⚜✳⚜
 

We should admit and accept our feelings, everyone. It hurts sometimes, but it's the only way we can move on to the next day and eventually feel better with ourselves💜
At least that's what I think😅