Taehyung held the warm cup of tea in his hands, creating small ripples as he blew at the sweet liquid to cool it down.

His bloodshot eyes burned by the endless tears he had shed, his chest feeling heavy, just like his heart. Jeongguk’s words were engraved in his mind no matter how much he strove to forget them, something that had him on the brink of bursting into another round of tears at any time.

“Tae? Hey.” Jimin delicately caressed his shoulder to pull him out of his trance, and he succeeded as the boy darted his lifeless gaze at him. “Tell me how you feel. Maybe it’ll help you.”

“How I feel...” he drawled, his mind traveling back to what the younger said when Mr. Kung mentioned his feelings.

“You wanna know my fucking feelings? I’m infuriated. I hate it so much that he acts like some desperate guy and gives the right to fucking everyone to call him names behind his back because I’m the one who has to hear them and deal with them.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing his thoughts away, and released a broken sigh. “I don’t know. One moment I feel bad for hitting him, but then I think about everything he said and I want to punch him again. I feel guilty and hurt at the same time. Like I want to beg him to forgive me for hitting him and to lash out at him and hit him again for talking to me like that. I don’t know what the hell I feel.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to talk it out with him, though? I know you won’t be able to sleep tonight. You’ll think about it nonstop.”

“As far as I know, he doesn’t give a fuck anymore. That’s what he said.”

Jimin lowered his eyes as he recalled Yoongi’s message from a few minutes ago.

Jeongguk wants to apologize. I have never heard him say it himself before. He said he screwed up, but he didn’t say what happened yet. We’re going home now. How’s Tae?

“Maybe he knows he crossed the line,” Jimin uttered as he threw him a faltering glance. “Maybe he regrets it. You don’t know.”

“Yeah, as if. Of course he doesn’t regret it.”

“But remember when he called you a slut? He felt bad and apologized and told you it felt good to apologize as well. So maybe you should talk to him.”

Taehyung narrowed his vision on his friend, a flicker of suspicion rushing through him. “You’re acting weird. You should be cursing at him by now, but you’re... defending him?”

“No! Of course not. I’m just saying we should give him the benefit of a doubt. I mean, he’s not so mean as he used to be. He just has his moments.”

“I don’t know. But despite everything he said, I feel this itch inside me to apologize to him. Why do I feel this way?”

“Because you’re an angel, Tae. You can’t stay mad at anyone. You can’t stand unsolved fights. You need closure.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I hate this side of me. Why can’t I be insensitive like Jeongguk?”

“I don’t think he’s insensitive,” Jimin whispered, unsure. “I think he just hides his emotions. He suppresses everything inside him. And I think that’s why he gets mad easily.”

“Well, you’re right again.” Taehyung sighed as he rubbed his aching eyes with tiny fists. “He’s a lying dork who acts like an asshole because of his past and his trust issues. Everyone has trust issues.”

“True.”

“Anyway, I’ll stop by my house to take a few things after work and I’ll take a bus to return, so don’t worry.”

“Ask Hoseokie to drive you. He won’t mind.” He gave him a soft smile, and Taehyung returned it as he nodded.

🥀

Hoseok passed another beer to Yoongi as they were seated in the living room. A heavy mood was settled between them by the events that took place that day.

“This sucks,” Hoseok muttered with a frustrated sigh. “Holidays are coming and look at us. Everything is a mess.”

“Yeah. You think this will drag on for long?”

“I hope not. Are we really not going to tell Kook that Tae is coming?”

“He’s very vulnerable right now. If Taehyung yells at him or something, he’ll break down. The things he said to him... I know I would be pissed if I was in Taehyung’s place. It’s better if they don’t see each other.”

“You’re right. But where’s Kook? It’s his beer time.”

“I don’t know, but there’s no way he won’t drink tonight. You saw how bad he was when we came home.”

“Yeah, I’ve never seen him like that just because of something he said to someone.”

“Do you think that...” Yoongi paused as he regretted the irrational thought that popped into his head. “Never mind.”

“What?”

Yoongi remained silent as he stared at the beer bottle in his hand, analyzing his thoughts first. “It’s just that... something is different with Jeongguk. I think he changed.”

“Because of today? Maybe he just finally expressed his feelings instead of holding them back.”

“Yeah, that too, but I mean... he’s different with Taehyung. He was saying he doesn’t care about him, but whenever he didn’t join us at the cafeteria, he asked where he was. He talked to him about Johan. His eyes often linger on him. Today he asked us not to let him stay at Jimin’s place. Isn’t it strange? He cares, but he doesn’t want to show it for some reason.”

“Well, now that you’re pointing everything out, you’re right. But you know him, he’s not good at expressing his feelings.”

“Yeah. You don’t think... he likes him, right?”

Hoseok’s brows darted heavenwards in surprise. “You think Jeongguk has a crush on him?”

“I don’t know what to think.”

“Well, we can test it out.”

“How?”

“I can tell him I like Taehyung and I want to make a move on him.”

“Is that a lie, though?” Yoongi asked with a faint snicker as he gave him a loaded look.

“Yah, maybe at first I liked him. I mean, he’s hot. Everyone knows that. But I can’t see him as more than a friend now.”

“Okay then. Let’s just wait until—” Yoongi fell silent as he heard the door opening, and both rose from their seat to engulf the violet-haired boy in their hug. “How are you?”

Taehyung clasped the two tightly, enjoying the warm hug he needed so much, and pulled back. His only response to Yoongi’s question was a few frail shakes of his head with a tight-lipped, doleful smile.

“You’re mad at him, hm?” Hoseok asked in a soft tone as he caressed his back.

“I’m too tired to be mad. Except for what happened with him, my parents...” Taehyung dragged his head down as a sudden flurry of tears welled up in his eyes only by recalling his conversation with them. “We talked on the phone for twenty minutes and all they did was yell at me.”

“Just because you got suspended? But it’s only for one day,” Hoseok said with a pout as he felt awful seeing Taehyung in that wrecked condition.

“They don’t care about that. They said I embarrass them with my actions and that I’m selfish because I only care about what I want and not about them at all. They said a lot... that hurt.” A few tears trickled down Taehyung's cheeks, but he swiftly wiped them, not wanting to seem so weak again.

Taehyung forced a smile, trying to convince them he was okay, but then his eyes traveled to the French doors as he unconsciously wanted to check if they were open.

“He’s not out there,” Yoongi uttered as he caught where his gaze was riveted.

A quivery sigh seeped through Taehyung’s lips as he lowered his tearful eyes. “Am I stupid that I still care about him when he doesn’t care at all?”

The other two boys shared a downcast look, contemplating what they should say, but neither seemed to have an answer for him.

“Anyway. Hoseokie, can you drive me to Jimin’s place after I take the things I want?”

“Yes, of course. Do you want to have a beer with us first?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“I’ll get them,” Yoongi said and headed towards the fridge. His brows clumped together the moment he opened it as something seemed strange, and his eyes bulged once he realized what it was. “Guys. We had four six-packs of beer in here and the three are missing.”

“What? Are you sure?”

“Yes, Hoseok, we bought them yesterday.”

“Fuck, you’re right. How didn’t I notice before?”

“So that means...” Taehyung trailed off as a churning of worry and shock rampaged throughout his body, and he charged towards the younger’s room without thinking about it twice.

He rammed his door open, but his distress only mounted when he found the room empty.

The other two who were in a similar state checked the bathroom and even their rooms, but there was no sign of the younger. Yoongi snapped his gaze at Taehyung’s bedroom door and scuttled there a moment later.

He yanked it open and his heart sank upon seeing the boy perched on the floor, leaning against the bed, six empty bottles of beer lined up next to him, and a freshly opened one in his hand. “What the hell are you doing, Jeongguk?” He motioned Hoseok to keep the violet-haired boy away and shut the door before he hurried to his side.

Jeongguk raised his swollen, reddened eyes and held his beer closer to him as the older attempted to take it away, but he was too exhausted to fight him and yielded in just a few seconds.

“Kookie,” he whispered as he held the boy’s face in a gentle grip, noticing how tears flooded his eyes instantly. “Why didn’t you come to us? Why do you have to hurt alone?”

“I don’t want you here. I don’t want anyone,” Jeongguk croaked out as he grabbed his wrists and pushed his hands down.

Yoongi stared in wide-eyed shock as he felt a slash in his heart at his words. He had never said anything similar to him, no matter what the situation was, and it stung so much it brought tears to his eyes. “Yah, you don’t want me close to you? Your Yoongi hyung?”

Jeongguk harshly wiped his eyes, preventing his tears from falling, and plastered an austere expression on his face. “No. Leave me alone.”

“You can’t say that to me!” Yoongi cried out as he grasped his sweater with both hands, his jaw trembling lightly with the outpouring of tears that coursed down his face. “Not after everything we’ve been through!”

Jeongguk released a stifled cry as he shoved his hands away with any fragment of strength he had, tearing him away from him. “I don’t deserve any of you! I should have been the one to die back then so I wouldn’t have to live this miserable life and make others miserable too!”

“Shut up! No one should have died back then, and you’re not making anyone miserable.”

“But someone did!” Jeongguk screamed from the top of his lungs as he heaved himself to his feet. “And it should have been me. I make everyone miserable because I’m this screwed-up piece of shit.” He kicked the empty bottles with full force, cries of stark devastation flying off his mouth as the tears refused to stop.

“Jeongguk, please.” Yoongi reached out to hug him, but the younger shoved him back as another scream of agony ripped through the room.

“Jeongguk.” The door burst open then and a frantic Taehyung barged inside despite Hoseok’s efforts to hold him back.

“Tae, stay back. He’ll hurt you.” Yoongi stretched an arm in front of him, cutting his way.

“No, he won’t.”

Jeongguk’s whole body twitched and trembled as he slowly turned around to look at Taehyung, his breathing so heavy it hurt his lungs. “You think I won’t hurt you?”

“Yes,” Taehyung whispered, paying no mind to the tears gushing out of his eyes, and he edged closer without whisking his gaze away. “Jeongguk.” A choked sob fell from his lips as he kneeled in front of him, letting his head hang. “I-I’m so s-sorry for—for hitting—“

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jeongguk fumbled to pull the boy to his feet again as another wave of tears ran down his wooden face. “Never do that again.”

“I know I s-should be comforting y-you, but I-I feel so d-damn guilty and I’m so s-sorry—“

“Either stop crying or stop talking,” Jeongguk said as he swiped a palm over his cheeks, collecting his own tears and forcing them to stop. “It infuriates me when you cry. And talk at the same time,” he added in a hurry. “It’s annoying.”

“I’m s-sorry—“

“Stop fucking apologizing, fuck!” He squeezed his fists as tightly as possible while he lurched back and started pacing, the cords in his neck standing out by his turbulent condition.

“Alright, everyone needs to calm down now, okay?” Hoseok spoke up with a resounding, but still soft voice. “Let’s just take a deep breath and realize where we are and who we are with.”

Only sounds of ragged and stifled breathing could be heard in the room for a while after Hoseok’s remark as everyone took their time to compose themselves and assuage their flaring nerves.

⚜✳⚜

Omg, it feels so good to update again! The next update is coming soon💜