Brantley’s POV:
Chase, Luke, Jason, Tyler, BK, and I had all been out in the Dawg House, sent out here by my wife so she and the rest of the girls could decorate the house for this damn party Jo insisted on having. Having Brit and Caroline here was enough to make me nervous. But adding my wife’s cousin, and the wives of BK and Tyler to the mix, lets just say that I knew that what I would see when we were finally allowed inside wasn't going to be anything that I would even remotely consider approving. 

“So help me god Chase, if Jojo has convinced Amber to deck my house out in all things fucking pussy pink, I’m filing for divorce, Amber is gettign half your shit not mine, and you’re fucking paying for it.” I said with a growl sitting down at the bar and taking the bottle of water that Kolby handed to me. Days like today, when I was scared of just how much my wife’s creative side was going to come out, made me wish that I still drank. Lord knows I could sure as hell use a shot or two to calm my nerves. “And if there is glitter, get ready moutherfucker for your cell number to be made public.”

“Hold the hell up B. That party has nothing to fucking do with me. I’m just here as the best friend, being supportive.” said Chase, pointing in the direction of the house before slamming another shot of JD back. I don't know how many this was, but he was well on his way to needing to crash in one of the guest bedrooms. “Furthermore, you know just as well as I do that if your house is decked out in pink, there is only one person behind it and that's Caroline Bryan.” 

“Bullshit!” I said glaring at him knowing he was right that Caroline would convince Amber to do such shit as payback for all the times Luke and I have pranked her. “If you would just tell Jojo how you feel about her, she wouldn’t be about to play Build-a-baby with the $25 turkey baster Amber insisted that I get her as a gift.” 

“$25? Don't the ones at Dollar Tree, or should I say Dollar and twenty-five cents tree, do the same thing?” said Tyler cracking up.

“That's what I said. But Amber insisted that she need a good one. Luckily she couldn't find one like she wanted. That damn wife of mine wanted to get one that was bedazzled.” I said with a groan before taking a long pull from my water. “Told my wife I’m not eating any roasted meats that Jojo or anyone for that matter that cooks anything that has to be basted. Ain't no way I can do it. All I’d be able to think about was some random ass guy's sperm being in the food.”

“BG aint wrong though, bud. You have been carrying a torch for that woman since the day y'all met. You're making us all wonder when the hell you are going to man up and finally tell that woman that you're in love with her.” said Jason. “But hey man, do me a favor. You gotta tell her tonight. I got $1000 riding on this.” 

Chase opened his mouth to respond when the dinging of my phone pulled us away from our topic of conversation. Glancing down at the screen, I quickly read the text that Amber had sent me.

Amber: House is fully decorated. Come on up whenever. The other guys are supposed to be here in 10 xoxo

“Well boys, time to go see if I’m getting a divorce.” I said standing from my stool. “Plus, the fun is about to start. Amber said all the seed spreaders will be here in ten. I cant fucking wait to see what kind of guys Jojo had picked out.”

Jo’s POV:
The rest of the girls and I were sitting at the kitchen island barely holding in our laughter at how Brantley was going to react when he walked in the house after Amber had texted him and told him that it was safe to come inside. Safe was a relative term because nothing about the current state of their home was safe, at least as far as Brantley would be concerned. Amber had gone all out, covering every surface in the living room and kitchen with something shade of pink or something that was either shaped like sperm or a penis. There was also a board set up in the corner for “Fertilize the Egg” -a game that was a spin in pin the take on the donkey, a punch bowl filled with white punch complete with a whipped cream smear meant to look like sperm, cups for the punch that looked like specimen jars, oversized droppers filled with rumchata that mean to look like the turkey baster that I was going to use later to get myself pregnant, and last but not least, there were cupcakes that were decorated to look like eggs with cookies that were shaped sperm that read “thanks for cuming”.

We all heard Brantley yelling for Amber before the front door had ever swung open. As a group, we all ran to the kitchen window giggling at the sight we saw. Standing in the driveway looking like a bulldog ready to attach, we watched almost in slow motion as Brantley removed his trademark black hat and threw it angrily across the yard as the rest of the guys doubled over in a fit of laughter. As if he knew we would be watching in from the kitchen window, he turned his attention to us and even from this distance, there was no missing the sheer anger in his green eyes.

“Oh shit.” whispered Amber when she saw Brantley stomping towards the house, causing her to make a mad dash for the front door. Maybe it was my imagination playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn that I could actually hear the force of his stomps from inside the house. Based on the yell that came from Brantley as the door swung open, she didn't make it in time. 

“Amber Cochran Gilbert! What the fuck did you do to my fucking house?” yelled Brantley. While Amber put herself out there as meek and mild, that woman was anything but. And that sweet southern belle thing she has everyone fooled with? Yeah, that’s an act because let me just tell you from experience, that woman has a temper to rival her husbands, though it doesn't flare quite as often. 

Not wanting to miss the show, we all slinked our way towards the front of the house. We made it to the fourier just as Amber started speaking. 

“Oh Brantley, I thought you said when we got married that what was yours was mine?” she said, laying on the sweet southern bell charm.

“I did. But that didnt mean that you could make the inside of my house look like one huge fucking vagina. Jesus Christ woman, it looks like my house is one big fucking uterus and were all either the sperm or the eggs. I feel like we're walking around in Jenna Jameson’s pussy.” said Brantley, stepping further into the house. “And just what the fuck is that?” 

Peeping around Amber to see what Brantley was referring to, I nearly lost the hold I had on the laugh that had been threatening to bubble out. Caroline was the blame for this wave of his anger. Brantley's prized buck was had on a headband that looked like a uterus, a feather boa, and she had even taped a pink glittery rubber nose on the tip.

“Oh, Ambie ain’t taking the blame on this, BG. This is allll meeee.” said Caroline as she saddled up to Luke and smiled over at Brantley. “Consider it payback for you helping Luke wire that damn train horn to his truck and scaring the shit out of me a few years ago. Almost broke my damn neck over that one.”

“Luke, I take back what I said out in the Dawg House. I’m filing for divorce on the grounds of your wife defacing a monument and my wife letting her. Amber gets half your shit, and you have to pay for it.” growedl BG. Anyone who’d heard that little spill would have believed Brantley because he was quite convincing, but those of us standing in the room knew that he was full of shit. He and Amber were soul mates and he was just blowing hot air. Glancing over at my cousin, I watched as she rolled her eyes and blew him a kiss, basically telling him that she knew just as well as everyone else that he was just flapping his gums. “Blow all the kisses you want, wife, but you already know what's in store for you later.”

“Party why I did it, husband.” purred Amber. “It's been awhile. Knew I needed to do something to make you go all caveman on me. This vanilla mess is getting old quick.”

  “Oh shit” I mumbled. Tonight was going to end up with more than just me playing make a baby.

“And on that note, I need another fucking drink.” I heard Chase mumble as he walked past me. As he did, I got a faint whiff of the Jack that he evidently had been shooting down in the Dawg House. 

Since the day we had our argument, things have still been shaky to say the least but we have talked every day and hung out as often as we could. But there is still this distance between us. But it would blow over right? With a heavy sigh, I watched as Chase walked out of the house and sent up yet another prayer that I was doing what was best for not only me, but my friendship too.