Trust

By Amethyst Turner

Trust is fragile

Trust flies on delicate wings

And stumbles on clouds

Trust is weak

Trust depends on others

And can't stand on its own

Trust is dead

Trust falls out of the sky

And never returns

XXX

Amethyst had Brandon with her, and he was all.

Minka had left him outside on the porch for her, waiting. Amethyst remembered scooping up the little bear, hugging him tight. Looking around for Minka. Tucking her stuffed animal under the waistband of the dress Annelise had gotten her that was a size too big and flapped around her body like a saggy second skin.

She couldn't tell Leafy about Brandon. He might take him.

Poor little bear. He must miss his parents so much. Amethyst stroked his head through the fabric of her dress, hoping he wouldn't start crying. That would give him away from sure.

She sighed, looking out the window. There goes Annelise and Davey. There goes Scrubbles and Molly and Kochanie. There goes Clark.

Tears embedded themselves in her eyes. She pinched her tongue between her teeth to keep herself from erupting into noisy sobs.

Leafy looked straight ahead, glancing into the rearview mirror every few minutes. She avoided his green eyes in the mirror, tucking her head between her knees whenever he looked.

She wore her seat belt because Davey had warned her about car crashes. "If you don't wear it," he'd said, "And you're in a crash? You'll go straight through the windshield and die. So wear the goddamn seat belt, okay?"

Amethyst didn't exactly know what a car crash was, but it sounded bad. She could imagine it: the explosion, the people being pushed forward, leaping through the glass before the fire incinerated them.

She wondered about Annelise. Would she care that Amethyst had disappeared. Aimee missed her already. Would the woman cry for her every night like she had for her dead infant? Would she look at Clark, lying alone on the bed and say a prayer for her?

When the word "Prayer" entered her head, it was immediately followed by a fuzzy picture of her father's face.

He seemed so far away. So surreal. Was he her father at all? Did he exist? Had she invented him in order to feel less alone?

But thinking about him only made her feel lonelier. Crouched into herself in the back of Leafy's car, she knew that she was alone, and always would be.

XXX

Hitchhiking to Maryland wasn't as bad as Sophie thought it would be.

It took less than three hours start to finish. She stood at the side of the highway with her thumb out for only ten minutes before a little old man in a stylish red Camaro pulled over and said, "Hitchhiking is dangerous, missy. You could have been picked up by some creep!"

She thanked him and slip into the passenger seat.

The man talked and talked, even though she didn't respond. He told her about his kids and his grandkids -- in fact, he was driving to Maryland to visit the newest addition to the family.

He seemed nice enough. He offered Sophie some peanuts halfway through the ride. he politely declined, but took him up on his offer to buy her a water bottle.

Her heart beat like a jackhammer in her chest, filling her ears and vibrating her body. She repeated the address the man had given her over and over in her head.

She couldn't stop thinking of Sunita, who had gone back to sleep after she'd hung up the phone. She'd be awake now, making coffee. She'd be changing into her work uniform, she'd be pulling on her flats. She'd be getting in her car and wondering about her.

Sophie didn't expect Sun to understand.

The two of them were used to their sturdy solitude. Sun's was largely unapparent; Sophie's followed her like a second shadow. When Sun took her in, Sophie had watched the two solitudes size each other up, growing as large as they could to intimidate each other.

Her loneliness over the past few years had been such that it had physical properties. It held her close on cold winter nights. It demanded a share of whatever food she found. It swatted at mosquitoes for her, but sometimes let them have her.

She glanced at Grandpa. He'd never felt that way. She smiled. Good for him.

XXX

Annelise didn't want to cry. If she cried, she'd have to admit to herself her hopes and expectations. And all she could do right now was deny them.

Davey didn't cry. He stalked around the living room, giving frustrated yells ever few minutes. Of course, Minka cried and Rubin tried to comfort her. Anne dragged herself into her bedroom to get away from her husband's yelling.

She laid beside Clark, wondering if he knew what was happening. The hound covered his eyes with his paws, whimpering. Annie sighed, laying down with her head on his silky back. "I know," she whispered. "It's going to be okay."

She didn't believe that. How could it be okay when she'd lost both of her babies in less of a month?

XXX

Amethyst sat in the corner, her fist jammed in her mouth.

Leafy's words repeated themselves in her head. "Make one sound, and I'll kill you. Move one inch, and I'll kill you. Disobey me, and I'll kill you."

She'd been down here for nearly and hour. Maybe more, she couldn't tell. The clock on the wall had long spindled hands that spun in circles, but she couldn't tell what they meant. She wanted to cry, but didn't dare release the sob stuck in her throat.

She had a lot of time to think. Thoughts flowed in and out of her head like water, fluid and dark. Most were tinted black with death.

She thought about heaven and hell. All she'd heard about God told her that she would go to hell. She hadn't followed all his rules. Now she would burn in eternal fire.

At least, that was what Leafy said. Bad girls go to hell, he told her. And you have been a very bad girl, Amethyst.

It sent chills down her spine whenever he said her name. Her skin felt icky just thinking about it.

His face lurked in the corners of her brain. His sharp nose, his startling blue eyes, his high cheekbones. But the Leafy in her head had lips parted into a sick grin, and eyebrows raised with amusement. He laughed when she cried.

The basement stretched out in front of her, dark and endless. Past her feet, all she could see was a hazy cloud of blackness that swallowed down everything else in the world. She, Leafy and this small piece of floor were all that was left.

XXX

Davey took a deep breath, creeping up to the doorway. Annelise hadn't moved from their bed since yesterday. She had a book in front of her, but hadn't flipped a page in nearly an hour. He knew she would be okay -- Annie was tough. But that didn't stop him from worrying about her.

"Sweetie?" He said, daring to step into the room. Annie glanced up, letting the book flutter shut. "I . . . I'm going down to the station. I know it might get me in trouble, but I need to tell the chief about Aimee. It's the only way we're going to find her."

Annie sighed, burying her face in Clark's fur. "Why did you do this, Davey? If you'd just followed the rules for once in your life, none of this would have happened."

He frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Why did you have to go off and play hero. I was in labor god's sake! And the whole time I was in that damn hospital bed, screaming my guts out for you, where were you? Off in Arkansas, looking for someone who didn't want to be found."

"Annie," he snapped. "I don't need this from you, Okay? I --"

"Then what do you need, Davey?" She sat up, arms crossed over her chest. "Do you need a quiet, submissive mouse-wife to support you in everything you do? A woman who doesn't have an opinion? Someone who'll agree with you, one hundred percent of the time?"

Davey growled. "No. I just need someone who will think about someone other than themselves for a minute."

XXX

You walk in and see two kids on the floor
They playing Nintendo and he's got the high score
And sitting behind them chillin in a chair
Is your wife, when ya look, oh, you ain't there
It's some other man in the hand in hand
Now she looks so happy you don't understand
See this is an illusion, it never came true
All because of you

-Halls Of Illusions, The Insane Clown Posse