Happy

By Amethyst Turner

Happiness is being alone and not lonely

Happiness is eating as much as you want and not feeling fat

Happiness is making a joke no one laughs at, and laughing in your head

Happiness is having friends because you want them,

Not because you don't want to look like a loner

Happiness is writing a poem that doesn't rhyme

And being goddamn HAPPY with it

Because it's your heart and soul

XXX

Davey and Annelise were "talking for a sec" in the other room, so Amethyst bounced on the bed with Clark.

She had never been on a bed this fluffy. It sprang right back into full form immediately, ever time she sank down into it, propelling her toward the ceiling. Clark would rise a few inches or so every time she landed, his ears flopping up.

Part of her wondered what the grownups were talking about. The other part of her thought this bed was lots of fun and this might be her last chance to play on it.

Climbing to her feet, she jumped up, reaching out for the ceiling. She giggled when she landed with an oof right next to Clark's front paw. The dog didn't seem to be having nearly as much fun as she was.

She found herself thinking about Nick, from the hospital. He would like bouncing on the bed. She wondered if he had a bouncy bed at home, and if he liked to jump on it, too.

Her box at home was anything but bouncy. It stood fraying and still in the corner of the living room, unmovable by the tides of life. She stopped thinking about it and took flight again.

Amethyst wondered if Davey and Anne were talking about her parents. She hoped not. She'd rather live here, with Clark and Annelise and The Wild Things.

She loved that book as much as Alice In Wonderland, maybe more. Max was so lucky, she thought. All he had to do to escape was put on his wolf costume and imagine things.

Aimee liked to imagine things, too. She thought for a moment. Maybe . . . maybe Clark was a horse. And Amethyst was a princess. A brave princess who fought monsters for her kingdom. And this bouncy bed were the waves of the sea as she chased down the sea serpent that was terrorizing her kingdom.

She giggled, flouncing back down beside Clark. "Swim, horsie! Swim!"

XXX

Davey tapped his fingers along the rim of his coffee mug, regretting everything.

He glanced out the window for the fifteenth time since eleven o'clock. He wasn't sure what to look for. A rental car? A circus trailer? Two people flipping down the sidewalk in full costume? Davey sighed.

Anne had gone back to her room. He could hear the bedsprings creaking. Aimee must still be jumping on the bed, although he'd told her to stop. Annie had probably told her she could do whatever she wanted.

The way Davey saw it, the most wicked thing they could do at this point was spoil her. Even if just for a few days, she needed structure and rules, not to be treated like a little princess.

But then again, what was a couple days? When Davey finally got up the nerve to confess his insubordination to the chief of police, he would inevitably send her home without further investigation. Case closed.

One thing he knew about Chief Michaelson was that he didn't like to "waste time". To him, investigating Amethyst's home and taking into custody Richard or Elizabeth Turner constituted as wasted police time.

He'd seen the man handle domestic abuse cases before. "Sorry, Ma'am, no proof no arrest . . . get him to make a confession and we'll step in . . . okay. Bye."

They just didn't want another mouth to feed down at the prison.

Davey sighed again, embarrassed to be a human.

XXX

Minka almost fell apart the moment they parked in Davey Springs' driveway. She bit her lip, looking at the pretty little house. "picket-fence" where the words that came to mind, although they only had a chain link fence in the backyard. Everything about it looked well groomed and inviting.

Rubin put a hand on her shoulder. "You ready, Kwiat?"

"No." Minka pushed her door open.

The sticky August air tried to push her back, but Minka squared her shoulders and set on. Her stomach did flips around itself, and she felt tempted to twist herself up as well, but kept hers body straightened out. The last thing she needed was Davey Springs labeling her as a freak.

Circus Freak. Devil-Cursed.

She shook off her mind's taunts, physically. Rubin appeared behind her, offering a raised eyebrow. She just shook her head.

The bear family inhabited her purse, Brandon's head poking out in the back. Scrubbles and Molly fought for space above her makeup bag and calendar.

She took a deep breath. another car was parked in the driveway, a gray SUV. The Springs' were home.

XXX

Amethyst didn't want to leave Davey and Annelise's room. She didn't see why she should. She had this bouncy bed, and Clark, and books. What more could she want?

"C'mon," Davey said for the third time. "We have a surprise for you! Don't you want to see?"

Aimee shook her head. No, she didn't especially like surprises. She liked to know what would happen before she thrust herself into dark rooms.

Davey frowned, but it was the kind of frown that wasn't sad. "I promise, you'll like it."

But promises never quite seemed to hold up. Amethyst pretended she hadn't heard, and turned back to her book. This one was called "Green Eggs And Ham". Aimee had never seen a green egg before, but now she felt determined to find one. Did a certain kind of chicken produce them? Or were they not from a chicken at all?

Davey sat down on the bed, making her bounce up a little. He took the book, folding it shut. Aimee whimpered, giving him a pleading frown. "Don't give me that look," Davey chuckled. "Tell me, what's wrong?"

Aimee shrugged. She buried her face in Clark's floppy ear, still failing to wake the dog. He didn't do much more than eat, sleep and sometimes train with Davey, but Aimee thought he was the greatest thing in the world. "Nothing's wrong."

"Sure," Davey said in that tone grown ups liked to use when they said something that they didn't mean and they wanted you to know that. "You have to be honest with me, Amethyst. Tell me what's wrong, so I can help."

She wasn't sure anyone could help at this point. "You're sending me home, aren't you?" She mumbled into Clark's fur. "That's the surprise."

"No, no." Davey gave a loud laugh, ruffling Aimee's hair. "That's not it at all. C'mon, I'll show you."

She smoothed her hair back out, not moving. Clark continued to sleep, his back moving up and down as she laid over him. "I'm sleepy," she protested.

"Quit stalling. C'mon."

Aimee sighed. She gave the sleeping dog one last pat on the head, grabbing Kochanie from where she had been sleeping under the pillow. Davey walked ahead of her, but turned around every few seconds to make sure she was following.

Amethyst's stomach twisted. She didn't want this surprise, whatever it might be. Everything she could think of to be beyond that door seemed like a dark monstrosity.

She let herself entertain appealing thoughts, just to settle her stomach. Maybe he got me a puppy. Maybe Mama's here, maybe she's going to take me to Virginia until summer is over. Maybe they found my long lost sister. Or found out I'm adopted. Maybe . . .

But it wasn't any of those things. Because when she walked in the room, she found something unexpected.

Not something, someone. Someone lithe and blonde and smiling so wide her face might break. And someone else, with his arm around her and just as broad a smile.

Amethyst looked at them. She watched the woman smile at her, watched tears leak from her eyes. She watched the man rub her arm, grinning at Aimee with squinty eyes.

And she knew who they were, she did. She just didn't want to say their names in her head, because she did not want to connect this fiery hatred she felt burning in her stomach to Minka and Rubin.

All she could see when she looked at these two people was the woods, fly past her in all directions. All she felt was the thick mud layering over her skin, the fear prickling in her veins. The tears rushing down her face.

She saw promises, she saw them broken, saw their corpses in the smile of the woman, in the hands of the man. She saw hopes, false hopes and torn dreams and two traitors and two people for whom she wasn't good enough.

So she turned on heel and left the woman to her crying, going back to Clark who, she was certain, would never leave her.

XXX

I know things weren't right
Maybe we were never cut out for the Midwest life
Maybe we'd have done much better on a coast
There are certain things I doubt we'll ever know

I know you were getting tired of my drinking
I guess I was never cut out for the coke scene
You were worried I would end up like your father and
Tired of the smoke and somewhere the wind blows

-Stay Happy There, La Dispute