Sleep

By Amethyst Turner

It takes you by the collar

And keeps you by  the throat

It'll make you spill your secrets

You'll be sorry if you don't

The world of sleep

It seems to me

Is solid but can float

And you can break away from it

But you can bet I won't

XXX

Anne could breathe, but she didn't want to.

She wanted to be like her husband: doubled over and wheezing. She wanted to sob and shout like her mother. She wanted to gape in disbelief like her sister, calling out pleas to god.

Instead, she was dormant and still, like little Davey himself.

She felt hollow. She felt numb. Anyone who touched her just seemed to bounce off of her skin. She felt alone.

Davey collapsed onto her bed, his face wrinkled into sobs. He put his arms around her, but she couldn't feel it. Couldn't feel his tears landing on her neck, or his skin against hers. And it scared her. She felt dead.

XXX

Amethyst hid in the closet. Everyone was crying, great loud wails rising up from each person in the room, and it scared her. So she ran away.

She wanted to find Nick. Drawing would help her forget, wouldn't it? Leafy's voice would not leave her head. Each time she let herself sit still, his words repeated themselves until she broke down in tears again.

Davey wouldn't find her, she decided. If he did, she would kick and scream and shout. She'd throw herself out the window and run away. She'd spit in his face and dart past him while he wiped it off. Anything to keep him from taking her home.

Part of her wondered if Davey really cared about her. His wife seemed nice . . . maybe they would keep Amethyst?

But she didn't let herself think about that. If she did, she'd get too attached to the thought. And nowadays, she knew better than to get her hopes up.

She had to fend for herself. No one else was going to protect her. She couldn't trust anyone anymore.

XXX

"Minka!"

She heard the call, but ignored it. Rolling over in bed, Minka pulled the covers over her head.

"Minka!" The ringmaster shouted again. She closed her eyes, wishing the world would just disappear. Her head hurt -- and Charleston's shouting didn't help. She heard footsteps approaching the bed and squeezed her eyes shut. Go away.

The covers flew back from her head. She glared up to see Charleston standing over her with a huge grin on his face. He cradled the phone in his hands, his eyes sparkling with uncharacteristic glee. "It's for you," He told Minka, thrusting the phone toward her.

Minka gave the device a weary glance. "Who is it?"

"Davey Springs."

Minka dove for the phone without another word. Her heart rate increased by a billion miles an hour. She tried to calm herself before speaking, but couldn't wait that long. "Hello?" She breathed, clutching the phone like a lifeline.

"Is this Minka?" Said a familiar voice.

Minka's eyes widened as she responded. "Yes, yes. It's me."

The man sighed. He spoke slowly, like every word presented a great challenge. Minka tried not to let her hopes escape her -- he sounded upset. Maybe that meant bad things. But she couldn't help it. Her heart filled with joy when he spoke again.

"Well, Minka, you'll be very happy to hear that I've found Amethyst Turner."

XXX

Sunita sat Sophie down in the empty coffee shoppe, and forbade her to move from the table. She'd caught her fifteen minutes into the chase. They hadn't spoken at all on the way back to the shoppe, but this would not continue. That girl had a lot of talking to do.

She poured two cups of coffee and brought them out.

Sophie sat still with her her back stiff and her eyes darting around the room. She didn't thank Sun for the coffee, or meet her eye. She took a long drink, although the liquid was still scorching hot. The girl didn't flinch.

Frowning, Sun took a seat across from her. "Why did you run away from me?" She asked.

Sophie spared her a glance, blinking at her before taking another sip. "Why did you chase after me?" She countered.

"Because I wanted to talk to you." Sun blew on her coffee, wondering how the girl's throat wasn't burnt to a crisp yet.

"Yeah, well, I ran away cause I didn't want to talk to you."

Sunita narrowed her eyes. She took a sip, regretting it the moment the coffee entered her mouth. It took all her effort not to cry out. "Well," she said, biting the pulsing spot on her tongue, "You're going to have to talk to me."

"Why?"

"How old are you?"

Sophie just shrugged. She downed half the coffee in her cup before saying anything more. "I kinda lost track. Eight, I think. Or nine. I dunno."

How could she not know? Sun could tell the girl wasn't lying. She genuinely didn't know her age. "Where have you been?" She asked.

She swished her coffee around in her mouth for a second. Sun wondered if she was drinking so ravenously because she hadn't had anything to drink in a while. In that case, she was probably hungry, too.

After a good thirty seconds, Sophie swallowed and said, "Around."

"Where is 'around'?"

"Places. I ran into trouble down in Texas, though, so I had to trek back Ar-fucking-kansas. Hitchhiking sucks."

Sunita raised her eyebrows, taken aback by the little girl's swearing. And hitchhiking? No way. What nine year old can hitch a ride from Texas to Arkansas without the police being called? But she cleared her throat and decided not to question Sophie's antics. "What kind of trouble?"

"Uh, I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you and incinerate your body."

Sun recalled everything she knew about Sophia from before. As a young girl, she'd told Sun about her mother and father -- her mom was dead, and her father was dead to her. Sun didn't call CPS. It wasn't her business, and the kid seemed to have things figured out. She came in and got coffee, then she'd scoot. When she came back the next morning, she'd never be any better or worse off than before. Well, at least until the morning she didn't come back.

Sun cleared her throat. "Okay, then. Don't tell me." She took a sip of coffee, swilling it around in her mouth to absorb the heat.

"I have to leave," Sophie said. She stared at the door, throwing the last of her coffee into her mouth.

"No you don't," Sunita protested. "You can stay with me tonight, okay? We'll figure this out. I don't want you doing any more of this hitchhiking nonsense."

She gave a pout, dumping one last drop of her drink onto her tongue. "Do I have to?"

"Yes you do. Now, would you like something to eat?"

Sophie nodded. "That's one bad thing about being homeless. You're always hungry."

XXX

Amethyst didn't know where she was when she woke up. She rubbed her eyes, blinking in the dark. Everything was silent and dark.

She leaned back to find a wall behind her. Stretching out her hand, she found another beside her. Claustrophobia closed in on her, shaking a sob from her throat. She curled into a ball, trying to disappear.

As her eyes adjusted, she remembered where she was. She'd fallen asleep while hiding in the janitor's closet.

When she stood up, a loud clattering rang through her ears. Startled, she threw herself against the other wall, which resulted in more things falling. She needed to get out, but the doorknob was nowhere to be found.

She took a deep breath. Okay, okay. No need to panic. Closing her eyes, she put her palm flat against the wall and ran her hand along it until she came to a corner. Turning, she continued down the wall . . .

Her hand closed around something cold and solid. She yanked the door open, falling onto the tile floor outside with a quiet thud.

Cold air hit her in a thick sheet, enveloping her body. Amethyst stayed on the floor, cheek pressed to the freezing ground to catch her breath. She felt like she'd just escaped a dragon's cave.

But it wasn't over yet. She realized with a pang of fright that she still had no idea what to do. She looked up, finding that her eyes had adjusted to the dark. The ashen hospital hallway bared down at her with doors for claws and windows for teeth. She whimpered, trying to recall the number on Davey's wife's hospital room . . .

The number "112" floated into her mind. She thought back to this afternoon, peeking around the doorframe at Davey's family. Yes, that had been it, hadn't it?

The door in front of her wore the number 103 on its sign. Amethyst sighed, pushing up to her hands and knees. Her body felt heavy as lead. She decided to crawl, because getting to her feet seemed like a daunting challenge. She felt lightheaded,a s well. She couldn't remember the last time she'd drank anything, yet her bladder kept poking her stomach, threatening to explode.

She crawled away from the open door of the janitor's closet, her eyelids drooping. If she wasn't so afraid of the hallway, she might have dropped down to the floor and gone to sleep right there.

Instead, she counted the numbers on the doors. 104, 105 across the hall. The even numbers fell on her left, the odd ones on her right. Orion had taught her what an even number was. The ones that are normal, he'd said, are even. You can split them exactly in half. But odd numbers, they're the strange ones. They haven't got a place in society.

Aimee wasn't sure what society was, but she was pretty sure she didn't have a place in it, either.

112 was even. 109, 110, 111 . . .

She stopped. Yes, now she felt sure. She recognized the door. Frowning, she sat down in front of it. Part of her wanted to open it -- the other part of her wanted to get to her feet and sprint back down the hall to the janitor's closet before anyone noticed her here.

The sleepy part of her won. She felt too tired to go anywhere but in. So she stood and opened the door.

It creaked, making Aimee wince. She poked it again, the door swinging open just enough that she could slip through. She took a deep breath. Davey wouldn't be mad at her, would he? He wouldn't yell at her for hiding?

She closed the door behind her and looked up. To her surprise, someone was already looking at her.

Davey's wife had long brown hair that hung in limp strands around her shoulders. She sat very still in her bed, watch Amethyst with green-ish brown eyes. Her face was sheet white, her lips paled to powder pink. And she looked at Amethyst with such a blank stare, the girl almost wondered if she was asleep.

But she knew she was awake when the woman beckoned to her. She motioned to Aimee with one hand, the other stroking her husband's hair. Davey slept on with his head in her lap. He still wore his day clothes, and laid on top of the covers. Aimee looked from him to the woman, unsure of what to do.

The woman made the motion again, her eyes widening with it this time. Amethyst took a step toward the bed, then another. The woman kept beckoning until Amethyst was standing right beside her.

She patted the mattress next to her. Amethyst felt so numb with sleepiness that she pulled herself onto the bed without hesitation. She dropped her shoes on the floor, sighing at the softness of the mattress under her legs.

"Are Amethyst?" The woman asked, her voice quiet and thin like she'd been crying for a long time. Aimee nodded. "Good." Davey's wife wrapped her arms around Aimee, pulling the covers over her legs. She smelled of soap and something like salt. "I've been worried about you."

XXX

I went before the morning in the middle of the night
Left you with a letter I never thought I'd write
Oh, Annie, it only read, "goodbye"
I guess it needed to be said
It just ain't a word of mine though

This war has seen its roses and share of defeat
Oh, love can be a poison or the sweetest remedy
Oh, Annie, you were something good to me
Yeah, you broke me down right to the edge
But I'd do it all again.

-Annie, JOHNNYSWIM