Leaving

By Amethyst Turner

Say goodbye to the wind and the waves

Say goodbye to the trees

Walking around in the things that you saved

You never said goodbye to me.

XXX

Davey's mother-in-law called about two seconds after he'd parked the rental car at the edge of the abandoned lot. He fumbled for his phone, the new one he'd gotten from the police station so he'd be accessible. It was bulky and ugly as anything he'd ever seen, but it worked well enough. Plus, it connected to Annie's pager so she could send him angry texts when he forgot to get eggs at the supermarket.

"Hello?" He said, shoving his door open. It was around four; not optimal searching time, but good enough.

He could hear Mom sputter on the other line, gearing up to speak unnecessarily loud, as she always did when on the phone. "David Springs!" She announced. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

Davey nodded, although she couldn't see it. "I know, I'm sorry. I really meant to come clean out the gutter, I just haven't had the time."

She gave an indignant harumph. "Not that, David!"

"Then what?"

"My daughter is in that room, screaming her little heart out for you, and where are you? Not here, that's where you are!"

He froze, letting Clark's door swing shut again. "What? Why's she screaming? Is she hurt?"

"No, David! She went into labor!"

Oh god, no. Why? She was only seven and a half months in. Wasn't that supposed to happen at nine? Clark shook his head. "Oh, Annie," he whispered, more to himself than his mother-in-law. Oh, poor thing, alone in a hospital with a mother she was never sure really loved her and a bunch of doctors in white coats, white coats she used to have nightmares about from childhood, in the ICU, oh Annie . . .

"Are you there?" Mrs. Wig demanded. If he strained his ears, Davey thought he could hear his baby screaming behind her.

"I'm here," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Can I -- can I talk to her?" He looked over the field, which this time bore no indication that the circus had been there. No alien abduction ring today."

The woman sniffed. "I suppose." Davey could hear the hassle and rustling as Mrs. Wig went into the hospital room. He could hear her screaming, hear the doctors talking to each other. He'd never hated himself quite as sincerely as he did now.

Then he heard heavy breathing and a familiar scream.

"Annie?" He cried. "Annelise? I'm here, baby, it's me."

She yelled out again. "Davey," his wife sobbed. "Where are you, Davey?"

It took everything he had not to jump back into the car and race back to Maryland. "You know where I am," he sighed. "Arkansas, remember? I'm looking for Amethyst Turner."

Annelise sobbed louder. "You'd better find her," she screamed. "You better goddamn find her, or I will never forgive you."

XXX

Leafy awoke with a start, fingers wrapped around his blanket so hard that his knuckles were white. He wiped the sweat away from his forehead, springing upright. The sky had yet to darken completely, and Orion was outside the tent with the girl. The still-lit candle beside the mattress reminded Leafy that he hadn't meant to fall asleep, only to lay down for a moment.

But oh, was he glad he'd fallen asleep. His dream was important, and a time sensitive message if he'd ever heard one.

He blew out the candle, jumping out of bed. In quick, deliberate movements, he stuffed his feet into his shoes, grabbed his backpack and began filling it with items from the tent.

"Orion!" He yelled, never pausing in his haphazard packing. "Ri, get in here!"

He heard Orion's footsteps coming toward him. Leafy took a deep breath, trying to ignore his heart hammering in his chest.

"Something wrong?" Orion asked, eyebrows furrowed. His eyes jumped from Leafy's bed matted hair to the bag in his hand to the empty shelf next to him. "What are you doing?"

Leafy shoved Orion's backpack toward him. "Packing," he said. "We have to leave, Orion! Now. Get everything you can, okay?"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Hold your horses." Orion clamped his bear-paw hands over Leafy's shoulders, holding his in place. "What're you on about, Leaf?"

"I had a dream, okay? No time to explain!" He yelled, trying to wrestle himself from Orion's grip. He tightened his hold, frowning at Leafy.

"What was the dream about?" He asked calmly.

Leafy growled, pinching Orion's hand. He slackened his grip just long enough for him to get away. Pillows wouldn't fit, neither would Pippin's toys, but where was his bible? He'd have to take that with him. "A man with a dog," he answered. "He's gonna turn us in, Ri. Pack up, pack up! We have to go!"

This seemed to finally shake Orion out of his calm. He fumbled to open the bag and then began to stuff things into it just as feverishly as Leafy. Books, silverware, clothes -- "Wait!" Orion exclaimed, never pausing in his ransacking. "What about Amethyst?"

He shoveled his whittling tools into his backpack, trying to formulate an answer. "Where is she?" Leafy asked.

"Outside, I told her to take a walk."

"She should be gone for awhile?"

Orion nodded, hesitating before scooping a pile of Pippin's toys into his bag. Leafy sighed, watching the dog watch them from the entrance of the tent.

"Leave her a note," He said, although he hated to utter the words. "Tell her the truth. In the dream, Ri? The dream says the guy'll take her back where she came from. She'll be fine, don't worry about it."

He didn't respond, busying himself with the tangle of blankets on the bed. Leafy sighed, going to raid their food stock. He knew that leaving Amethyst behind would be difficult for Ri. The two had become such good friends already. However, there was no other choice. They had to move on, and she couldn't go with them.

"Start writing," he ordered, taking the bag from Orion who didn't protest. "I'll finish up."

XXX

Amethyst liked the marsh even better than the lake. It was squishy and soft, perfect for cooling off on a hot day or playing hide and seek.

She kicked off her shoes (Orion had re-sewn the seams, so they were good as new to her) and waded into the bog, wiggling her toes in the silt. At first, the feeling of the mud oozing over her feet had repulsed Aimee, but now, she found it pleasurable.

"Do you want to swim?" She asked Kochanie. The doll shook her head, crawling under the collar of Aimee's shirt for protection. "There's nothing to be scared of," she assured her. Leafy said there were crocodiles, but Orion said he was lying. She believe Orion.

Besides, crocodiles didn't eat girls. They ate fish and things in water. Not people.

Maybe the lack of people was what she liked so much about the marsh. Orion didn't like it -- he said it smelled weird, and that the ground was too squishy for his taste. Leafy rarely ventured this far into the forest. So Amethyst had the marsh to herself.

"And if we did sawed a croc-did-ile," she told Kochanie, "We could make friends with him and ride on his back."

As she waded through the marsh, Amethyst recited to herself the math problems Orion had taught her. "One plus one is two," she informed Kochanie. "And two plus two is four. Four plus four is . . ." she paused to count on her fingers. "Seven . . . eight! Eight plus eight is two-fousand."

They were quiet for a moment, squishing through a deep part of the marsh with caution. Amethyst recalled the time she'd stepped on a newt over here and the little lizard had hissed at her. Leafy said it was the devil personified. Orion said that was "bullshit".

Kochanie was getting scared. The sky's blue began to fade into gray, the sun disappearing behind a cloud. Amethyst frowned. "Let's go home," she said.

XXX

Dear Amethyst,

I don't know how much of this you will be able to read, but I think you deserve an explanation, either way.

I'm sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but there isn't time to wait for you. Leafy and I must be on our way now. Stay in the tent, Aimee. A man with a dog will come soon, and he'll take you home. Just wait for him.

You're probably wondering why we had to leave. I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone else, okay?

Do you remember when I told you about my daughter, Sophie? How she disappeared? Well, I'm afraid I didn't tell you the whole story.

See, I met Leafy the year after Soph was born. We fell in love, but we couldn't be together. I was married to Sophia's mother, a woman whom I didn't love. She was despicable, really -- when she got angry, she was violent. Throwing things, hitting me and her daughter, knocking things over and calling us names.

But I didn't want to hurt her, Amethyst. It was an accident.

She was angry, one night, for good reason. She'd caught Leafy and I together at the house when she was supposed to be out shopping. She was so mad, she grabbed a kitchen knife and began to chase me with it.

Little Soph walks into the room, and she starts to cry. This made her mother even angrier -- and you won't believe what she did. This woman went after her own daughter with the knife.

I was furious. It was almost an out of body experience. Sophia's just standing there, sobbing, she doesn't know what to do. I tackle the woman and grab the knife. And before I know what's happening, there's blood everywhere.

I know, I know. You're three, and that story is probably too confusing for you to comprehend. The point is: I killed somebody, and when you kill somebody, you either run away or go to jail.

Leafy and I, we packed up to leave, but Sophie was already gone.

She ran away from me. She was scared.

I don't know where she is, or if she's even alive. But ever day, I regret what I did, and what I didn't do. And I know that every day from now on, I will regret running away again. I will regret leaving you to your fate, whatever that may be, but there is no other choice. Between running and rotting, I'd rather run.

Leafy, Pippin and I will miss you very much. I'm sorry.

        -Orion

XXX

I'm cutting my mind off
It feels like my heart is going to burst
Alone at a table for two and I just wanna be served
And when you think of me
Was I the best you ever had?
Share one more drink with me
Smile even though you're sad

I'm walking the long road
Watching the sky fall
The lace in you dress tangles my neck
How do I live?

-Death Of A Bachelor, Panic! At The Disco