Chp. 67 "Morning After"

I felt movement against me, immediately waking me up from my sleep. I opened my eyes, seeing Avery's naked body sitting up in her bed, looking at me. I felt my heart ache at her glare, which held quite a bit of confusion and sadness. I didn't quite know what to say to her, but I knew I should say something.

I whispered, "Morning."

I saw the muscles in her jaw clench as she looked away from me, pulling the sheets over her chest, "Morning."

I lifted myself off of my back and crawled over to her, wrapping myself around her for comfort. I ran one of my hands through her hair and looked at her, wondering what I was going to do to fix her. She seemed to cringe when I touched her, and I tried to fight the sadness inside me but it was so hard.

I had really hurt her.

I grazed her jaw with my hand, lifting her face up to see me, "Avery... please talk to me."

She seemed to be fighting back tears, but it was becoming easier for her now, which was oddly depressing to me. I didn't want her to fight back anything, not in front of me, but maybe she was too exhausted to cry.

She shook her head, "I can't get it out of my head, Andy... The thoughts there every second I'm awake, it's in my dreams... It's driving me crazy."

The reason I felt so bad for cheating on her was because I knew how it felt, and even when I had promised Avery I wouldn't, I did anyway. I knew how bad it hurt, and I knew how hard it was to try to forgive, considering you could really never forget the image of someone you love with someone else.

I whispered, "I know what it feels like, ok? It's why I feel so bad, because even when I vowed to you and myself, I still fucked up. I became the person I never wanted to become, and I hurt you."

She looked at me, confusion hidden in her light eyes that seemed worn out and tired, "You've been cheated on?"

I clenched my jaw at the painful memories, nodding, "Yea, multiple times."

This seemed to reach Avery, and she held my hand, "Who?"

I knew I would have to tell her about it eventually, and I shrugged and looked at her, "My first girlfriend, although I barely considered her a girlfriend in all honesty. I really fucking liked her, like the first girl I ever really gave my all too. We were sophomores in high school and we had been dating for about five months, caught her at a party with some other girl."

Avery's hand squeezed, as if she was feeling the pain I had felt all that time ago. I knew she was hurting, and I knew she was hurting bad if she was anything like me. I looked at her, embarrassment written in my eyes, "I forgave her and let her back in, it happened again three weeks later."

Avery sighed, "Fuck that bitch."

I looked at her, wondering why she had transferred her anger from me to my ex-girlfriend, "Avery, I did the same thing to you."

She looked up at me, and I could see something change in her expression, as if she was trying to forgive me. She leaned into me and spoke, "Andy... I love you, but I can read people really well, and I know you love me too. I can see it, I can feel it, and since I can do that, I find it's a lot easier to try and forgive you."

I gave her a skeptical look because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Last night she had thrown me around, and I had let her, and now we were here being all lovey-dovey and shit. I smiled, "You're giving me another chance?"

She seemed to be struggling with something inside her, and I knew it was the front she always put up. It was a permanent fortress she had built around her heart because of her family, and all the years she had pushed people away so she wouldn't become vulnerable. I had broken that barrier, then I had broken her heart, and she was trying really hard to let me back in. I could see it in her eyes, the pain, the fear, but she was trying for me, because she really did love me.

She nodded, pulling me into her and kissing me, and then pulling back and speaking, "But if you cheat on me again, I'll kill you."

I smiled, almost allowing a cute smirk to play on my lips, "You couldn't kill me if you tried."

And I knew in that moment I was completely in love with Avery Ryan, and I wanted to be with her forever.

She looked down and then back up at me again, as if debating whether or not she should ask me whatever question she was thinking about. She sighed and leaned back against the headboard of her bed, "So, why'd you do it?"

I looked at her, seeing a serious look in her face and I knew she was asking about me and Taylor. I sighed, rubbing the back of my head, "It really wasn't planned, we were training and she was teaching me to find someone. The whole exercise was me following her around, and it was our last one and she told me to find her, and when I did we were in her room. I know I should've left right then and there but... I don't know why I didn't Avery. Then she came up to me talking about how we were attracted to each other and shit, and we kissed."

She looked at me, as if trying to see if I as lying or not. She was good at this, and from what I said I really hadn't lied, I had just left a few minor details out. We had made good progress and I didn't want to ruin that with "Oh, and by the way, I kissed her", no telling what she would do to me then.

Or worse, Taylor.

She sighed, "And then what?"

I shrugged, "Then I realized what I was doing and I ran out of there, and I ran into you."

She leaned forward, as if struggling with herself, "I guess karma's a bitch."

I looked at her, knowing exactly what she was talking about, and I knew better than to agree with her, not at this time. I sighed, "Avery, you didn't want to hurt me, I understand why you lied about it."

She shook her head, "It doesn't matter Andy, if I wouldn't have lied to you and then told you months later you wouldn't have felt the need to find someone else for comfort. It's all my fault, and as much as I want to yell and scream at you, I can't because I provoked it."

I studied her, realizing she had been feeling guilty ever since the day she became my friend. She had been hiding something so huge from me, and I knew that had really put a lot of stress on her. She had been scared to tell me, and I was no longer mad about it, but I knew she was still blaming herself for everything that had fallen apart.

I spoke softly, trying to comfort her, "Avery, just because you lied doesn't mean it gave me the right to cheat. That's my problem, ok? You didn't make me do anything; because I'm my own person, but we're gonna get through this."

She smiled, crawling over to me and kissing me one more time, "I love you, and I'm going to fight for you, because you're the only thing in my life that hasn't left."

I felt a slight pain in my heart from those words, knowing she was talking about her family and everyone that had walked out on her. I had promised her I wouldn't do that and then I went and cheated on her, but she was right about one thing.

I was never going to walk out on her like everyone else.

~ ~ ~ ~

"Max, I don't know if I want you coming in there with me."

Max leaned forward on the lunch table, "Andy, no matter what you tell me I'm not going to back out. I'm coming with you. You know we're stronger together; it's always been that way. You're not going in there alone."

I sighed at his stubbornness, which was something I had always hated about him. This time it was serious, and I was scared for his life because he was risking it going in there with me. I looked at Avery and Gage who were watching Max and I argue, and the only one who wouldn't be actually going into the F.P.S. was Gage.

Avery would be part of the plan to, because she was secretly trying to make sure her father didn't get killed when we went in there.

"If you ask me, I think the plan is absolutely crazy."

I looked at Gage who had voiced an opinion, and I wished he hadn't because I knew he was right. The plan was insane, and it required not only me, Avery, and Max to go in there, but it also endangered Taylor and Roger as well.

Everyone's life was at risk.

I was scared but I knew it was the only sneaky way to hit General Pearce off guard without him having the upper hand. At least this plan held the element of surprise, and that would give us an advantage if everything worked out well.

It was an in and out job, a simple mission that would eliminate someone that needed to be put in jail a long, long, long time ago.

Roger just wanted to make sure he couldn't get a third chance, and I didn't blame him. The only thing I was really worried about was my friends, and also if I would be expected to kill people. I didn't know if I was capable of that mentally and emotionally, but I knew I was physically. I was a walking weapon, but I had never even fathomed the thought of killing someone, someone who was possibly innocent.

What if I couldn't and one of my friends got killed because of it?

What if I came face to face with General Pearce and I couldn't do it?

Then Max spoke, "Well Gage, at least you don't actually go into the place, you're just the getaway driver."

Gage shrugged, "That's quite alright, I'd rather not get shot at when I'm off duty."

I studied my friends further, wondering exactly was going on in their minds. They really couldn't be that calm about this entire situation, I mean I was freaking out and I actually couldn't die. Was I overreacting over this or were they underreacting?

And were they anticipating the call from Walker as much as I was?