Author - swachchatoya983 

Reviewer - Grisha2610 

I will be doing your review poem-wise and in a broad view as well. Kindly note that the poems I have reviewed are not in order as I wanted to review a variety of them depending on their lengths so that it would be as fair and as objective as possible. The following poems have been reviewed-

1. A Streak of Sunshine

2. Madeleine

3. Growing Up

4. Nemesis

5. Ode to the Wildflower

6. Vagary

COVER AND BLURB (8.5/10)

The cover is nearly perfect. I like the picture, however, I would suggest you search for similar pictures but in more of a painting format. It can be a little similar to old literature covers that resemble western paintings. The font complements the background really well so not a lot of problems here.

I love the blurb! It is poetic and reveals your style that properly unfurls inside the book. My only suggestion would be to insert some line breaks and italicize them-

In lost strains from aeons ago,

In summer winds sighing sweet and slow

In tinkling laughter just beyond sight,

Words shall sing in dark and light

I just feel it creates more of a rhythm. I don't think it's necessary to do so but I would suggest changing it just for a few days and see how it is. You can change it back if it doesn't feel right. Overall, it is great.

CONCEPT (5/10)

Although I really like a lot of the individual poems in the collection, the concept itself is very muddled. That is not to say that there is no concept and it's just a bunch of random poems, it's just that the order that the poems are placed in is all over the place. One good thing about poetry collections is that you can divide them into sections that follow different styles and concepts. I would suggest dividing your collection into four sections-

· Poems that are similar to the ballad style of writing. E.g.: A Rhapsody, An Ode to the Wildflower, etc.

· Poems with the names. E.g.: Madeleine, Amaranth, etc. (This one depends, however, as there are only two of them)

· Poems with verbs as titles. E.g.: Indebted, Growing Up, Thoughts Unexpressed, etc.

· Poems with Latin words as titles. For e.g.: Quietus, Desideratum, etc.

You don't have to even title them because it truly depends on what your mindset is once you've finished the collection. I would just suggest placing them in order this way as it just becomes more coherent for the reader.

GRAMMAR AND STRUCTURE (8.5/10)

I generally don't bother about grammar in poetry as it is not the most integral part of most poems. I only do so unless it is super egregious but fortunately, there are no problems regarding that here. Poems have always had a very free-flowing format which you use to your advantage. There are some unnecessary commas and incorrect word placements that I have pointed out in inline comments but they don't really interrupt the poems and can be easily fixed. So, overall, good job!

POEM-BY-POEM ANALYSIS

1. A Streak of Sunshine (7.5/20)

Ø DESCRIPTION (3.5/10)

Unfortunately, compared to your other works, this one felt a little too direct and didn't click with me as much. You tried a more confessional writing style while using the sun as a metaphor. In my opinion, it lacks the originality that other poems showcase so beautifully. It is about looking at the optimistic side when one is stuck in the dark. It's inspirational yet overdone. However, I do like the second stanza as it kind of shows the dual nature of the curtain and its relationship with the window. And how the source of both the negatives and the positives of a situation lie at the same spot which is an interesting theme to explore; I would suggest delving into that a bit more. I also was quite disappointed in the ending as it was abrupt and acted as a 'quick solution'. Compared to works like 'Growing Up' and 'Ode to the Wildflower', it feels forced while those had a natural flow to them. Overall, I found this one to be a bit more basic than others.

Ø LITERARY DEVICES (4/10)

The only device that was implemented well here was alliteration with the 'single streak of sunshine'. It lacked metaphors that could've improved this piece in my eyes. Of course, there was the dark that represented the challenges while the sunshine represented hope, and even though it was very prominent, it wasn't as creative or detailed as it could've been. Expand on the darkness around you and how the sunshine acts. I even think that the personification of these two elements would be great. 'Weeping darkness' or 'Laughing sunshine' or something similar could prove to be more emotional to the reader. Overall, there is room for improvement here.

2. Madeline (14/20)

Ø DESCRIPTION (8/10)

I love the first two lines-

'Memories, wispy like forgotten tunes-'

It sets up a great scene as it beautifully describes the poet's (yours) relationship with her past and the close relationship with her grandmother. And even if they are forgotten and distant memories she still remembers them fondly. However, the next line can be a little tighter and less vague. Maybe you can add an adjective next to 'smiles' and write it as such-

'Rosy smiles and stolen secrets'

t adds another layer of interpretation to a poem that is relatively more specific, which you definitely should aim for. A line that I adore is

'An endearment in my madcap days'

You have a way of encapturing old descriptive styles with a twist of originality in them which I appreciate. This shows how the narrator used to be so eccentric as a small child, and the way the line is phrased reminds me of something in an old literary piece, especially when it is next to really personal memory, it just makes it more detailed and intriguing for the reader without mentioning too much.

While I do like the line 'Stories in amber, black and white' as it leaves many interpretations to be there for the reader and makes them look deeper into the lines and not just brush it off at the surface level, I would suggest a different structure-

'Stories in amber, black, and white'

While I do like how the colours give a different interpretation to different readers and how simplistic it is rhythmically, it can be structured in a way that represents both the poem's emotions and the timeline of the events more effectively. I do think that the poem ends off on a great line. Overall, good work!

Ø LITERARY DEVICES (6/10)

Although I do like the poem, there is nothing particularly interesting about the devices here. There is nothing that stands out in that context. The only one that is noticeable from the first glance is alliteration in 'stolen secrets'. I personally don't think this needs that many changes in that unless you want to make it longer. To me, this is just a short and sweet poem about a walk down memory lane and not necessarily an elaborate tale.

3. Growing Up (12/20)

Ø DESCRIPTION (6.5/10)

I like how you made a poem about boredom still so engaging. While I do like the concept and some of the lines, I do think that this needs more adjectives and more structure to are it, especially when describing the raindrops. Maybe you don't even need to mention the raindrops in the first two stanzas. Let the reader think for themselves. For e.g.:

'They hit the coarse cement wall, and bounce back

They try to get in through the oak doors and tinted windows If only they weren't shut tightly'

Adding such adjectives or nouns can make your poems more symbolic. Why are the doors made out of oak? Why are the windows tinted? It makes the reader look into the theme and elements of your poem a little bit more. However, I do like the next stanza. It is very intense and shifts the tone of the poem immediately. Even the ending is mostly great. I would just suggest adding an adjective next to 'raindrops' in the fourth stanza. Something like 'desperate' could work great as it personifies the droplets. Overall, although I enjoy the poem as a whole, it does lack adjectives that would add more charm to it and make it more structured.

Ø LITERARY DEVICES (5.5/10)

This poem has a lot of potential of being great in my opinion if you use personification to its full advantage. Personifying the raindrops will add more emotion and reliability to the poem. It can act almost like a friend or a companion trying to get the man out of his mundane routine and reminding him of his dreams as a young boy. It will create more of a relationship between both of them. You could even add one or two more stanzas. Applying transferred epithet by adding a new line along with personification can truly make the theme of the poem shine. Something like-

"The raindrops sighed at him during the sleepless nights"

Or something similar can help make the relationship more meaningful and have more impact on the reader. There is some personification and alliteration here but it can definitely be improved.

4. Nemesis (18.5/20)

Ø DESCRIPTION (9 /10)

I love the style of this poem. It is so detailed yet still interpretive. I will start with one of my only criticisms which is to replace with 'smitten hand' with 'callous hand'. It emphasizes on the harshness of the environment you are placing these characters in. The relationship between the sand, the enchantress and Peril leaves so many interpretations to the reader. The animosity between the Peril and the enchantress while the sand is swirling as the former pulls us back in is such a fresh and intriguing concept. I also love the phrase 'quicksand of silver shimmer' as it shows how little of time we have and how the shimmering opportunities just slip right away. I really love the ending upon which I will elaborate further in the next section. You also end it on a depressing note which I personally enjoy more as a pessimist and because it represents reality more through a lens of fantasy. Overall, I absolutely love the concept, the message and especially, the execution.

Ø LITERARY DEVICES (9.5/10)

I will start with my only criticism here which is to change the last line to 'his fingers' so that it gives more personality to Peril who already exudes such an evil and wicked energy. This simple change can just make your poem more fantastical. Except that, I love the metaphors in this poem. They are so subtly hidden but when you do scratch the surface they reveal the glimmer of a precious gem inside. And as you keep scratching the surface, you find even more gems. Another point I wanted to make was about the imagery. You are able to make lines grotesque as well as beautiful which I think you should apply more to your other poems. The phrase 'heedlessly fingered' just makes my skin crawl while 'quicksand of silver shimmer' makes me think of the most pleasing scenery. Finally, the use of alliteration during 'dissipated dreams' is so effective and is a great ending to a poem with such twists and turns; It reminds me of a song called 'Welcome to the Black Parade' (if you have heard of it) where the phrase is 'decimated dreams' which I love. It shouts misery and sadness without ever saying it outright. Overall, lovely work!

5. Ode to the Wildflower (19.5/20)

Ø DESCRIPTION (9/10)

This poem is absolutely beautiful! I have already praised it in the comments but I will be more specific here. One of my favourite lines in the poem is-

'Friend to the songbird and mother to the bee'

There is so much meaning packed in just this one line. I love how the little wildflower is described as a motherly figure as she feeds the bees her nectar and how she is also a friend to the bird, assuming the one next to her, which sets the scene perfectly. I just love the simplicity and beauty of it. It doesn't use heavy vocabulary and effectively conveys the message.

I also love the third stanza with the 'smitten hillboy', 'resilient beauty', and 'lonely poetess'. I really like the change in the lines when you talk about the poetess which shows self-reflection and projection but not in a way that is on the nose. It is a good balance between reflection and subtlety. This stanza and the next one also show how important the wildflower is in a relationship even though it is not as beautiful or fragrant as roses or jasmine and often ignored, it is authentic and the first sign of love. My only 'criticism' here would be to add adjectives next to jasmine and roses but that is also me just trying to find something to improve upon because I don't think this needs any changes. And it is very insignificant compared to the whole piece.

The last stanza is a perfect ending to these thankful words to the wildflower as it reveals that she wasn't forgotten when the lovers were children nor when they grew up. Overall, in awe of the descriptions you wrote!

Ø LITERARY DEVICES (10/10)

Repetition really played a big part in this poem. It definitely wouldn't have been as impactful as it is if it wasn't for the constant emphasis on selected lines that meant to show how essential the wildflower is. The anaphora (Repetition of a word in the beginning) of 'yet' was correctly used and had a great rhythm to it. I also really like the oxymoronic words- 'dirty white'. It symbolizes the wildflower being an 'ugly' counterpart to other flowers yet still more pure and authentic than them.

I also would like to compliment you on the structure, especially in the first stanza, where the last line with the word 'distant' moved away from the previous lines. It's quite clever and shows that you have a talent for adapting to different styles.

In a sea of poems that overuse enjambment, it felt like a breath of fresh air to see a well-structured poem and a poet who isn't afraid to write a piece that takes inspiration from old styles. Great work!

6. Vagary (16/20)

Ø DESCRIPTION (8.5/10)

This poem is quite short with intriguing phrases that let the readers delve into your mind while walking under a golden sky. I love the phrase 'whimsical escapade' as it shows how this poem represents just a moment of escapism and we should sometimes forget about the problems we have that are symbolized by the phrase 'Woolen thoughts astray'. This is further emphasized by the 'Tides of melancholic homecoming' as it compares the message you are trying to portray with a beach or a sea shore. My main criticism is of the line below it-

'Promises of another heart to share sorrow and joy

It is so vague compared to the other descriptions you beautifully crafted in this work. The sorrow can be represented by 'blue waves' while joy can be symbolized by 'amber glow'. It lets the reader interpret the meaning of such emotions themselves. But overall, I enjoyed this piece!

Ø LITERARY DEVICES (7.5/10)

It is similar to Madeleine in this section where although the imagery and the alliteration do stand out more than that poem, there is nothing that wows me away or needs heavy criticism. My favorite use of alliteration here is 'solitary silhouette' as it creates an interesting image in the reader's mind. It is short and is a pretty piece about escapism and imagination. Overall, no major changes needed.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I really like your collection. I liked it so much that I couldn't control myself from giving extra comments to the poems I did not review. So many poems are endearing, interpretive, thoughtful. While I do think, you need to work on some poems that lack originality or metaphors, most poems I read I did enjoy. Overall, you are a great poet and you truly shine when writing about nature and its elements.