Crisceana Silverio
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Life is a hurdle that one must overcome. It is up to the person on how he will breakthrough, whether he choose to live a happy life or rather a miserable one.

Throughout the journey, the pain awaits. In order to lessen the pain, one would either weep or continue their steps. Whether they choose pessimism over hope, for these are still merely two sides of the same coin. Similar to life that is full of delight interspersed with despair.

However, few people couldn't choose any of them. Those who ceased to trust, whose souls were emptied, and those who decided not to flick the coin—the ones who picked the word in between the two which was over.

Dreaming is my escape, but it is hampered by my cowardice.

I stood in front of the reporters surrounding the place. The dazzling flashes from their cameras stung my eyes but I refused to remove my stare and continued unbothered. I must nurture the last seconds of my spotlight before my time meets the end. As I walked down to the two-step stairway, the crew instantly protected me by creating a human border from frenzied reporters. The briskly efficient usher who accompanied me from the platform stayed behind as I make my way through the crowd.

"Does your retirement have something to do with what occurred in New York, Crisceana Silverio?"

"What about your huge project for the next Slay the Show? Are you withdrawing the opportunity to become one of the judges?"

"Will you still be partaking in small competitions?"

"Rumor has it that you are married to Rustom de Franca, how true is that?"

Ten minutes ago, I faced the hundred of attentive reporters in the press conference and thousands of more citizens somewhere beyond televisions and screens. It was the time they have been anticipated; wherein I officially announced my retirement.

Mabilis na ginaya ako ni Dona, ang aking manager, papasok sa itim na explorer van. I reached for my hat after I seated and straightened my legs to stretch. Nangalay ang mga binti ko sa kakatayo sa harapan ng mga tao, ang malala pa ay napakataas ng takong sa suot kong stiletto.

I held my neck to support it while gently rotating my head. Sa tingin ko ay ito na ata ang pinaka-nakakapagod na araw habang nasa industriya ako. Who would've thought that retiring demands more energy than having a whole day schedule?

Hinilig ko ang ulo sa backrest at pumikit para matulog. May kakaunting ingay pa sa labas na galing sa mga reporter na desperadong makatanggap ng sagot mula sa akin.

I opened my eyes to roll. Everyone does everything for money and I can't blame them for that. However, some people often step over the boundary merely to achieve goals—an intolerable act of greediness. That's how insensitive they can be, ignoring the word privacy for their pleasure.

Napabuntonghininga nalang ako at bumaling ng tingin sa bintana. I saw us passing through the famous buildings I used to see every single day. Their vibrant lights never failed me. I would miss this cityscape but I'd rather leave them behind than carry them with me. It'd be of no help. Furthermore, it would simply add stain to my new beginnings.

Nilingon ko si Dona nang marinig itong magsalita. I saw her on her phone with wrinkled brows. "We'll be there in 30. Please prepare the plane and leave no reporters behind."

Upon ending the call, she looked up to me and smiled, "Your cousin hasn't arrived at Traverson Privates yet, so I tried contacting his assistant. Mabuti nalang at agad na sumagot ito." she looked relieved in a second before she remembered me.

Bakas sa mukha nito ang biglang pag-alala kaya nginitian ko lang siya ng malungkot. "I'm sorry..."

Among those people who have been with me from the start, Dona has the hardest hit. She's been my manager for 9 years now. We've been through a lot and brought success together. Other than my cousins, she's the only female I could rely on. Kaya isa siya sa mga dahilan kung bakit may pagdadalawang-isip ako sa pagreretiro.

Although my retirement doesn't really do that much damage to her since she still has Jarvis. Nakakapaghinayang lang talaga ang tagal ng pinagsamahan namin na matatapos lang sa isang iglap.

She puffed her cheeks and deflated them as she sighed, "Hey, this is not about me, okay? It's still your decision that matters." she gave me a smile as assurance. "But have you chosen already?"

My forehead creased, "About what?"

"Between freedom and dreams."

Tumatak iyon sa isipan ko. Ang tanong na kung saan ako nahihirapan. Freedom and dreams are what keep us moving; the other foundations of life. The desire they provide to people is uncontrollable. It is a chasing game that one must participate in order to live, thus inescapable and wicked. Because no matter which one a person chooses, it'll always end up sacrificing what's important.

Like how I abandoned my dream to obtain freedom.

Choosing freedom is like escaping reality, and I don't really like the idea. It is like standing in a full room, watching everything that you dream of vanished in the thin air, just to start over again. Everyone may be thinking about starting a new life, but it's never been simple. Like a chapter in a book that was deleted—it hurts so terribly how the things you worked on just went to waste. But regardless of how awful it seems, sometimes freedom is the only option.

"Ceana, your things have reached Everett Valley without damage. It was handed over to Señor Crisando at 6 this evening. And he relayed a message to take care on your flight home."

Simpleng tango lang ang isinukli ko sakaniya bago bumalik sa pagkakasandal. Like how I ran out of options, I also chose to head back to where I came from, to the place where I used to call home.

Bago ulit lumipad ang isipan ko ay minabuti ko nalang na magpahinga ng ilang minuto bago ko nasilayan ang eroplanong sasakyan ko pauwi. I scanned the whole place before my gaze caught Loki, the 5th cousin, whose mom owns the place.

He gave me a warm hug as soon as he reached my point. "Baby girl, how are you?"

Other than Dona and Grandpa, were my cousins who know what happened. Isa si Loki na tumulong sa akin upang malutas ko ang pinagdaanan. Aside from him was the 6th cousin, Pacholo, who lives in the city next to Buena Luna. The other guys could only send their regards since they were far from us.

"I'll be better." sambit ko lang para hindi na ito mag-alala pa. He was protective, especially that I'm the only granddaughter of the famous Silverio and the only female who runs his blood. I heard his low laugh as he tousled my hair.

Napanganga ako sa ginawa niya at tinampal ng malakas ang kamay. "Are you stupid? I don't have any hairstylists to make my hair later at Everett Valley." nakanguso na inayos ko ang sariling buhok. Ang laking pagsisikap ang ginawa ko kanina para hindi ito masira tapos guguluhin niya lang.

"That's the Crisceana I was looking for." his smiles show satisfaction that halted me for a second. Seeing him that way made me admit my defeat; I couldn't resist him, I couldn't resist any of my cousins. Inirapan ko nalang siya bilang ganti at ngumiti.

He accompanied me towards the plane and even walked me inside. After I reached my seat, he instructed the crew carefully and even threatened their lives if something bad happens to me. Napailing nalang ako.

"I'm sorry I cannot come with you this time. Ang dami kasi ng inutos ni mommy, buti nalang at nakaabot pa ako." mukha ngang okupado ito dahil hindi man lang napansin ang kuwelyo ng suot na papunta sa loob ang tupi.

I didn't bother telling him. "It's okay. Nandoon rin naman si Grandpa, I won't be alone anymore." tumango ito at sa huling pagkakataon ay nagpaalam.

I could only watch him disappear gradually as the plane lift. Huminga ako ng malalim at hinanda ang sarili. It's officially the end of one struggle and the beginning of another. Everett Valley may be the place where I came from but it was also where everything started. And the only thing I hoped for was to never experience the same thing again.

An instant nostalgia rushes down to my body containing a comforting feeling. Blessing my eyes with the serene view as I breathed. Apat na oras lang ang hinintay ko upang makarating. Madaling araw noong lumapag ang eroplano. Madilim pa kaya hindi ko nagawang masilayan ang pagbabago ng lungsod ng Everett Valley. Ngunit mula sa mga nagliliwanag na gusali ay malinaw sa isipan ko na hindi na ito kaatulad noon, mas malaki at maganda na ito ngayon.

Dalawang oras pa bago ako pinababa. Bilin ito sa kanila ni Loki dahil ayaw niya raw na bumyahe ako ng wala pang araw. I didn't figure any sense when I heard that until I saw the shy sun peeking behind the silhouette mountains. Wala sa sariling napangiti ako. It slowly painted the whole sky a vast of glistening rays of orange and golden yellow. Maganda ito tignan dahil bukod sa binigyang kulay nito ang mundo ay binuhay rin nito ang pag-asa ko.

Perhaps it's a sign that my life in Everett Valley will be better.

"Magandang umaga, maayong adlaw, good morning to you all! Your girl is here, Leonora!"

Napamaang ako sa harapan ng masiglang babae na kasalukuyang nagpapalakpak sa sarili. I searched for her nametag that's above her breast. Hindi ako makapaniwala na siya ang magsilbing katulong ko habang nandito ako. Hindi naman sa panghuhusga pero base kasi sa itsura nito ay sa tingin ko ay palpak lagi ang kalalabasan. Not to mention her petite build, is she even capable of carrying heavy things other than being talkative?

Hindi ko nalang ito pinansin at pumasok na sa SUV na sasakyan ko. Just when I was about to head towards the car, a familiar built prompted the furious animal in me. I am well aware of it but I still can't help but tremble in fear.

Iwinaksi ko ang ideya sa isipan at pilit na pinapagaan ang loob. I know very well of how diverse each one is and so as our thoughts. We view things from different perspectives, whether rational or unethical. But, no matter how different we are, we all have something in common. And it is in our nature to make inexplicable errors—like how I describe all men as a bunch of heartless trash.

Nang makapasok ako ay napakurap ako nang tumambad sa akin ang isang pagitan na naghahati sa loob ng sasakyan. It was made out of transparent glass; the same material used for the windows of the car. It was very apparent that I wasn't able to notice it.

Umandar na ito pagkapasok ni Leonora sa harapan. It would take us another two hours to reach Hacienda Silverio. Kahit papaano ay malaki rin ang lungsod ng Everett Valley, lalo na ngayon na mukhang mas lumawak ang inookupahan nito.

Everett Valley is the only city situated on the island. Dahil bukod sa mabundok ito ay dito rin nakatayo ang pinakamalaking hacienda ng buong bansa. However, its notoriety isn't due to Hacienda Silverio, but to the famous school of geniuses, Unibersidad de Agusta. And funny how Pacholo is an alumnus of it—well, not because he's stupid but simply because it is their school.

Nagmulat ako dahil sa malakas na katok ni Leonora sa harapan. "Señorita, we have 10 minutes to wait until we get there." itinaas niya pa ang dalawang nakabukas na palad para maintindihan ko ang sinasabi niya.

Napakunot noo nalang ako sa ginawa nito at umiwas ng tingin papunta sa labas. Hindi ko namalayan na nakapasok na pala kami sa hacienda. Mukhang napalalim ang tulog ko.

Hinanda ko na ang sarili ko. I grabbed my big, cream-coloured occasion hat and placed it above my hair that has curls on the ends. After inserting my hand in a lacy glove, I lifted it to adore the look but my concave reflection in front caught my attention. Not to brag but I honestly look good with what I'm wearing.

From my silky hair that wore the hat down to my shirtwaist dress which sleeves ended on the folds of my arms—I couldn't be more confident. My attention riveted through the windows when I caught a glimpse of a familiar surrounding. Bigla akong kinabahan at napatanong: Will I really be able to heal myself in this place?

Freedom over dreams. I have always been living with my dreams. My dream was to be in the spotlight, specifically in front of the cameras. I gained thousands of honours and supporters. Alongside my awards were the struggles that I had to face. It was never an easy chase. I encountered millions of problems and discouragement but I was always been brave to pass through all.

I was the bravest fighter with the healthiest well-being. It put me in a position where others could hardly reach, yet I was also smothered. Because the higher I climb, the more I drown myself into a stream of emptiness.

It wasn't the first time, though. In fact, it was always been like that. Dreams were supposed to be my escape but they took away my happiness. Even with those number of supporters, I knew that no one among them can fill the emptiness in me.

On the other hand, I've always seen freedom as a form of reliance, but I wasn't aware that I was heading the same path that others took. Freedom was always the option, lalo na kapag nasasakal ka na. I chose freedom over my own dreams because I was selfish.

While I was beaming in popularity, I encountered a trauma.

A trauma that forced me to change my life.

And I felt that freedom would put an end to all of the phony acts I do in front of others, as well as ease my pain. Malayo na ang naabot ko at nakakapanghinayang pero hindi ko na kaya pang mabuhay ng isa pang araw habang pinipilit ang sariling iniinda ang sakit.

I was startled when I saw Leonora's face in front. Hindi ko namalayang kanina pa pala ako nito tinatawag. Tumikhim ako at iniangat ang tingin sa nakahilerang kasambahay sa malaking hagdanan papasok sa mansyon.

Pinagbuksan naman ako ng pintuan ni Leonora. Even though she annoys me I still thanked her for her generosity. Nang makatapak ako sa labas ay hindi nakatakas sa pandinig ko ang mahihinang bulungan. Maybe it's their first time seeing me. Hindi ko sila masisisi kung bigla nalang itong magpapa-autograp, I may have stepped down as a model but my popularity is worldwide. I didn't go home for that, though; I went back to recover.

Nang makababa ay tinapunan ko ng tingin si Leonora, she immediately held out a smile. She looked so happy that I overheard her small chuckles. Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa isipan. Although she is a little annoying, her presence brightens the environment.

The staccato beat of my high heels echoing off of the marble stairs held my powerful presence. I clasped down my glasses to get a clearer view. I'm used to this situation but I couldn't help but suppress my ridicule. Medyo cliché na kasi ito panoorin.

Habang papaakyat ako ay nasiliyan ko sa isang bahagi ang naglalakihang mga lalaki. They are probably the only men left. Nahagilap ko rin ang sumundo sa akin kanina. He's in between of the two big guys, who are probably half of his age. Hindi na ako nag-abala pang pasadahanan ang mga ito ng tingin at dire-diretso na naglakad papasok.

"Crisceana!" a frail low voice echoed the space. It was my 70-year-old grandfather, Crisando Silverio.

Nginitian ko siya at hinantay na yakapin ako nito. I received yearnings from his tight hug, and instead of being trapped, it was rather home that I felt. Bago pa man ako maluha ay dinaan ko na ito sa tawa. "I missed you too, Grandpa."

Unlike what I did to Loki, pinabayaan ko lang itong hubarin ang sumbrero ko para guluhin ang buhok. "Ang tangkad mo na, oh. Noon kayang-kaya pa kita kargahin pero ngayon, imposible." nagpailing-iling pa ito.

"It's not impossible, Pa. It just so happened that you're getting on in years. Your bones are weaker so you cannot carry me even if I'm just a half-tonne." narinig kong natawa ang mga kasambahay nang makitang nagmusot si Grandpa.

"Hindi ko naman 'yan mapapakinabangan. Ang importante ay gwapo pa rin."

Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin ng sabihin niya 'yon. Not only that it's cringey but also embarrassing to his servants. Bumuhakhak lang ito atsaka hinawakan ako sa likuran para gabayan papasok.

Pasimple ko siyang tiningnan habang nakikipag-kuwentuhan sa akin. The last time that I saw him, his hair hasn't grown any white strands yet and his face was firm. Ngayon ay medyo kumunot na ang balat nito at may kaunting puting buhok na rin pero hindi naman iyon dapat ikabahala dahil kahit papaano ay medyo bata pa itong tingnan sa edad na sitenta.

A small smile escaped from my lips. This man will be at my side throughout this new chapter, and I couldn't be more secure. Sa lahat kasi ng pagsubok na dumating sa buhay ko, nasa gilid ko siya palagi. He has a lot more difficulties than I do, yet he always prioritizes his grandkids. Kaya siguro ay panatag akong bumalik dito.

Mula sa hagdanan na pinag-aakyatan namin ay kitang-kita ko ang malawak na bungad ng mansyon. Malaking hagdanan pa rin ang nasa sentro nito at malawak ang espasyo ng nakapalibot dito. Ang dating gawang kahoy na sahig ay napalitan na ng makintab na marble floor. Nakaplastar naman sa magkabilang dingding ang naglalakihang glass windows kaya malayang nakakapasok ang sinag na galing sa labas.

Habang papasok ay napukaw ang atensyon pabalik sa mga pigurang nakita ko kanina. I hadn't intended to look at them, but a stare drew my senses. It gave me the chills, and I couldn't help but feel intimidated. Wala sa sarilling napalingon ako dito, halos masamid na ako sa sariling laway nang magtama ang mga mata namin.

With barely a few seconds to spare, I wasted no time in sweeping my gaze over him. He was tall, but just a few inches shorter than the man next to him, who stood over two meters. With those muscles protruding from his thin shirt and proud breasts in front, it's obvious that he's used to hard labor. His skin was tanned, but it suited him. Apart from his exotic features, I don't see why he couldn't meet my requirements for men. Oh, wait—now that I think of it, I don't exactly like morenos. But then, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend in the first place.

Nang matapos ko itong husgahan ay ibinalik ko na ulit ang titig ko sa kaniya. Only to find out he was already smirking at me. Mabilis ang pag-iwas ko dito pero kahit gaano pa 'yon kabilis ay hindi mababago ang katotohanang na nahuli niya akong tinitignan siya.

But what's annoying was that mischievous grin.

Nauntog ako sa balikat ni Grandpa nang bigla itong huminto. Tiningala ko siya at umatras. "Why?" I asked, acting as if I was on my mind a while ago.

"Anong why? Ayaw mo bang makilala ang mga makakasama mo?" nagtataka man ay sinundan ko nalang siya ng tingin. Right under the doorway stood three people. Si Leonora lamang ang nasilayan ko dahil natatakpan sa katawan ni Grandpa ang dalawa pa. However, based on their physique, I was very certain that those were men. And I couldn't help but tremble a little.

Sumunod ako dito at huminto nang magsalita si Leonora. "Magandang umaga, maayong adlaw, good morning to you all! Your girl is here, Leonora!"

Ang iba ay natawa ngunit nagkunot naman ang noo ko nang inulit niya ang sinabi niya kanina.

"Ako si Leonora Girl Mendoza. 22 na po ako, Señorita. At ako ang magsisilbing tagapagsilbi mo. Nice meeting you po!" umaga pa lang ay ang sigla-sigla na nito. Narinig kong pinalakpakan siya ng ibang kasambahay.

Sumunod sa kaniya ay ang malaking tao na nasilayan ko kanina katabi ng sumundo sa akin. Tipid lang itong ngumiti at tumungo, "Francisco Storm. Bodyguard po."

Even with the anxiety building up, his gentleness forbid it to grow more. Tinanguan ko lang siya at nginitian rin.

The last person was the last guy I wanted to cross paths with. He was only two meters away but I can already sense trouble in him. Pasimpleng ngumiti ito sa akin, sa pagkakataong ito ay walang halong pang-aasar kaya medyo nakahinga ako ng maluwag doon, or so I thought.

"Ysmael Jaime. Your nighttime saviour." he gave me a wink and I couldn't believe how shameless he was.

Sa harap pa talaga ng maraming tao, sa harap pa ng lolo ko. But that was not what surprised me. It was my grandfather's raucous laughter that did it.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang tingnan siya. Is he really tolerating such behavior? Will he just let him off the hook?

Inakbayan niya ito habang nagpunas ng luha. My brows arched. They seemed so close, I wonder what their relationship was.

"Ikaw talagang bata ka. Basta ha, huwag niyong pabayaan 'tong apo ko. Kung maaari ay huwag niyo rin paiyakin. Hindi naman sa magagalit ako pero para na iyon sa inyong kalagayan." tumago pa ito sa likod nila at pakunwari na bumulong kahit dinig na dinig ko naman. "Nakakatakot kasi iyan magalit." at pagkatapos nun ay nauna na itong pumasok para hindi ko maabutan.

Tinawanan lang siya ng mga ito kaya napailing ako. Although his looks had changed, he remained the same old Grandpa I knew.

Nilampasan ko na rin ang tatlo upang sumunod sa kaniya. However, it was a terrible idea that I walk past that Ysmael Jaime guy. Dahil hindi lang sa pilyo nitong ngiti ako nairita kundi pati na rin sa sipol niya.

They'd be watching him roll down the stairs if I only wasn't able to restrain myself. I continued walking past him unbothered and silently plotted how I would murder him. As much as possible, it is better to avoid crossing paths with him. He may have my grandfather's trust, but I have my doubts. First impression lasts, and I'll be holding onto that.

Getting back to Everett Valley will be the very first step to start again. To reclaim what has been lost and heal me, I choose freedom above my dreams. After those years of misery, I met some folks that I'll be with throughout the process. I thought I had everything worked out perfectly, but there was one flaw: that cocky guy Ysmael Jaime.

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nyariina
7/19/'21