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When I saw her for the second time, I knew I had to keep a distance from her. However, things always seem to go against my wishes—no, it's more on against my mind dahil sa totoo niyan, puso ko mismo yung lumalapit sa kaniya.

I vividly recall the first time Olivia showed me her cousin's photo. Una, hindi ako naniwalang pinsan niya iyon dahil magkamukha sila. But when she started typing her name on the internet, I knew I had sin.

Buong buhay ko hindi ko pa nagawang maguluhan ng ganoon. Kahit sa mga pagsusulit sa paaralan, o di kaya ay ang walang kwentang mga tanong ng mga kaibigan ko. Pero nang makita ko ang mukhang iyon, doon ako natakot.

Because even God knows that my heart skipped when I saw that.

Unfortunately, my girlfriend saw it. Handa na akong madismaya siya sa akin pero iba ang sinabi niya sa inakala ko.

"I'll be very happy if you'll end up with her...by that, I can be assured that my hero is in good hands."

And that irked me lot. It bothered me because I had no clue why she felt compelled to say it in the first place., but that was not all. I was more disturbed by something else than by what seemed to trouble me.

It had something to do with the fact that I wasn't even enraged at the time she said it. And it totally fucked me up.

Years later, when she had reached the pinnacle of her career, she became very well-known and beautiful. Halos mukha niya na ang makikita ko sa tuwing dumadaan ako sa mga kilalang tindahan o sa tuwing hawak ko ang lapis. Kahit nga sa palengke kung saan nakaplastar ang mukha nito sa mga notebooks o sa mga cellphone covers. Minsan, naiinis nalang ako dahil kahit saan hindi niya ako tinatantanan. Sapat na sa akin yung galing sa bibig ni Olivia, eh.

Kaya naman sa paglipas ng panahon ay mas lalo ko lamang pinatitigas ang dibdib ko.

However, I had the distinct impression that I was chosen as destiny's favored victim. Years later, after one of the greatest gifts I received left, it was when the person I have been ignoring arrived.

Wala akong planong tingnan siya noong narinig kong uuwi ito ngunit bigla nalang akong nanghinayang lalo pa't alam kong malayo ang rancho sa mansyon nila. That's why I went to just take a peek of what she looks like, kung totoo nga ba na ganoon ang mukha niya o baka retokada lang.

But heaven knows how embarrassed I was when her grandfather caught me!

Nakangise lang ito habang nasa mga bulsa ang pares na kamay. Nahihiya ako sa tingin niyang may pang-aasar pero naglaho agad at napalitan ng pagkablanko nang tanungin niya ako.

"Anong ginagawa ng beterinaryo ko dito? Mukhang naligaw ata." seryosong biro niya na may mga ngiti sa labi.

Tanging kamot lang sa ilong ang nasagot ko doon bago niya sinabi sa akin ang bagay na ikinakunot ng noo ko.

She did what...?

Bigla tuloy akong naintriga at nagkaroon ng pag-aasam na malaman ang dahilan kung bakit ayaw nito sa mga lalaki. I know that she had been through a tough time but hating men is a whole other matter. Doon ko natanong sa isipan ko kung ano nga ba ang nangyare sa kaniya.

Moreover, I swear that my insatiable curiosity has just landed me in yet another predicament.

Naging bodyguard niya ako nang wala pang isang segundo.

It's never acceptable to take advantage of someone, but something was telling me to do it to figure out what was wrong with her. Kaya tinatagan ko nalang ang sarili ko at pinagpatuloy ang kung ano na ang nasimulan. It was not that difficult to deal her, though. Para ka lang nagtatanong sa harapan ng puno, kung hindi man lamig ang matatanggap ay sakit naman galing sa engkantong nakatira.

Siyempre, hindi naman ako naging successful kung sumusuko lang agad. It took me time and patience to understand her. I'd always grab the chance each time I'm around her. Hindi siya namamansin kaya inaasar ko nalang para pansinin niya na ako, 'yon nga lang sa nakakadiscourage na paraan pa.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero gustong-gusto ko lang talagang baguhin ang blanko niyang ekspresyon. She looks really beautiful with a blank face but it was nothing compared to when she smiles.

Napapangiti rin kasi ako kung ganoon.

And that night came when she wounded me. Sa totoo lang, wala lang talaga sa akin 'yon, alam kong aksidente lang pero hindi pa rin ako mapakali sa kalaisipang bakit siya takot at kung baka hindi siya makatulog dahil sa kasalanan niyang hindi niya sinadya.

Nagdaan ang isang araw, at dalawa, at hindi ko alam kung kailan bago ulit kami nagkausap. From the time our eyes met, I saw how disappointed she was in herself. Hindi ko naman siya mapapatawad dahil wala naman itong kasalanang ginawa pero isang pang-aasar ko lang ay bumalik rin naman kami sa dati.

Sa pagdaan ng araw, akala ko puro pagiging suplada, elegante, at mayaman lang ang alam niya—pati pala sa pagpapakabog ng puso ko.

I didn't set out to develop feelings for her. I dismissed it at first as a vague sense of disorientation, but as it deepened, I became more concerned and scared.

Takot ako sa tatlong bagay: una, kamukha siya ni Olivia, pangalawa, takot akong malaman niya iyon, at pangatlo, naguguluhan na ako sa damdamin ko.

Ayaw kong laruan ang kahit sino. At baka, kaya ako nagkaroon ng damdamin para sa kaniya dahil nga nakikita ko si Olivia sa kaniya. Alam kong kailangan ko nang gumawa ng paraan doon kaya pinuntahan ko ulit si Olivia, sa lugar kung saan siya nakahiga.

I was saying sorry even though I know she wanted this. I asked her for an advice even though I know she wouldn't respond. Pero akala ko lang 'yon, dahil pagkatapos na pagkatapos kong makipag-usap kay Olivia ay siya namang pagdating niya.

At the moment, all I could do was stand there dumbfounded. Wala, eh. Pinaglaruan talaga ako ng tadhana.

Pero kung hindi dahil doon, sigurado akong mas maguguluhan lamang ako. Rather than denying my emotions, I attempted to appreciate them as they should be and didn't even try to keep them from her. Pinakita ko at pinaramdam sa kaniya. Despite her obtuseness, I had the impression she was aware of it—at least, that's what I assumed.

Nasa birthday party kami ni Gabi noon nang bigla nalang siyang pumasok na hiningal. I was actually flustered that's why I wasn't able to move. Part of it was because of how gorgeous she looked in her gown and hair. It was simple yet endearing. Pero agad namang naglaho ang pagkamangha ko nang mabasa ko agad ang mukha niya.

Terrified. That was what it screamed. Tatayo na sana ako para lapitan siya kaso sa isang iglap, ay bigla siyang nawala.

The loud bang of the door awakened the animal inside and that's when I snapped. Luckily, Noah and Corbin immediately stopped me from killing those bastards. Naalala ko pa nga kung gaano ako kaasar sa dalawa dahil kung hindi nila ako pinalayo ay hindi sana makakatakas ang isa pang hayop.

I could tell that day was something special for me. Feeling ko kasi naging knight and shining armor niya ako dahil ako yung sumagip sa kaniya sa lahat ng problema hinarap niya sa araw na iyon. And because I was so overwhelmed, inuwi ko siya.

I brought her to the place exclusively for our group. Alam kong nasaway ko ang isa sa panuntunan namin na huwag magdala ng kahit sino sa loob, handa na akong masigawan o di kaya ay pagalitan nila ngunit hindi iyon ang nadatnan ko.

"Ano, nakabuo na ba?"

Sa totoo lang, naaasar ako sa ganoong mga kutya. Napaka-immature at nonsense. Pero iwan ko ba kung bakit imbes na mapikon ay kinilig pa ako.

At hindi na nga ako nagpigil pa na gustuhin siya matapos niyang ibigay sa akin ang regalo niya. It was the cutest stethoscope that I have ever received in my entire life. Akalain mo iyon, yung babaeng pagiging suplada at pantataray lang ang alam ay binigyan ako ng elephant designed stethoscope! Color sky blue pa! Tawang-tawa ako doon! Pero siyempre may kasamang kilig.

At hindi ko namalayan ang bilis na paglipas ng mga araw nang bigla nalang niya akong kinompronta. I was speechless in the face of what she stated. Though she gave me a clue, I didn't realize how difficult it would be to accept when she told me she liked me. That's why I went with what my gut told me to do.

Natakot pa ako dahil baka magagalit siya dahil nasa publiko kami, but all hail to the destiny that brought me to that place—dahil nauwi pa kami sa kama!

They said that there's nothing more exciting than having a family—at totoo nga! I'm aware that we haven't visited her obgyne yet pero hindi na kailangan 'yon dahil kampante naman ako na naipasok ko na.

Our road was all sunshine and smiles that I almost forgot that there's rain and storms coming.

In a splint of seconds, nakita ko nalang ang sarili kong nakaupo habang nakinig sa isang makapangyarihan na tao sa lungsod.

"Did you, Rustom de Franca, rape Crisceana Silverio last year in August, after her walk-show in Paris?"

There were only families inside the room but the tension almost suffocated me. Bukod sa mayayamang de Franca ay kasama ko rin ang lahat ng magpinsang Silverio. Lahat sila ay nasa harapan ang atensyon, nakakunot noo, at tiim bagang na pinapanood ang mga ebidensyang tinago ng polisya mula sa imbestigasyon noong panahong nangyare iyon kay Crisceana.

When I watched how he tormented and abused her, I had no choice but to look away from the monitor.  Now I know where she got that stab on her stomach, the fright when she's around men, and the tears whenever her trauma triggers. Gusto ko nalang gawin sa potanginang iyon ang ginawa ko sa dalawang lalaki noon.

After Beviene's case, it was then followed by Crisceana's. Nagtagumpay kaming ipakulong si Rumulo de Franca kaya halos maiyak na pati ang magpinsan nang marinig iyon. Now that it's Rustom's turn, it turned out more intense.

Who would have thought that this guy has been raping girls since college? Mapa-matanda man o bata. He has been reported numerous times but because of his family's wealth, none of them succeeded.

And that's what you call beating money with money. Kung hindi mo madadaan sa malinis, idaan mo nalang sa mas marumi at madahas na paraan.

Silverio alone can handle them only if it's not for Crisceana hiding it from their eldest cousin. Now that even the infamous judge was on our side, I doubt that the brothers could still get out of jail.

At hanggang sa pagbagsak ng malyete at pag-anunsyo ng hukom, doon na nagbagsakan ang mga luhang kanina pa nila pinipigilan.

And until a pair of warm arms wrapped around me, I promised her that this will be the last suffering she'd ever had.

Or not.

"You bighead! This is all your fault! Akala mo natutuwa ako sa ginawa mo?! Pacholongina ka! Magsama kayo ni Pacholo sa bahay ng mga kabayo! Stupid jerks!" she shouted as she screamed louder until the baby finally got out.

She was so happy that she forgot how mad she was minutes after she saw our baby. When her tears rimmed, doon na ako napaiyak ng tuluyan.

"Eleonor Francis Archibald Windisch..." she stated our baby's name with a pleasant smile on her face before turning to me, "It was a joke..." aniya na ikinalito ko.

"The curses I screamed earlier...it was all just a joke...I love you..." she said as she suddenly drowses off.

Natawa nalang ako doon at napangiti bago hinawakan ang singsing na sinuot niya sa akin walong buwan na ang nakalipas.

Everything just felt surreal to me. Akala ko pa noon na masama ang magustuhan siya. Pero ang hindi ko alam ay siya na rin pala ang huli kong magugustuhan hanggang sa huli kong hininga. It didn't matter if there were roadblocks in our way: she was under a lot of stress, and I was full of doubts because all just seemed reasonable about why they have to happen.

As I jumped out the car and fixed my shirt, hindi ko maiwasang mapalunok nang masilayan ko ang kabuuan niya mula sa kalayuan, sa ibaba ng puno kung saan ko siya unang nakita.

I could only stop at my steps when I saw her. It was as if I travelled back to the first time we met. The same butterflies and scenery, the only difference was instead of two people, there were three of us, one of which was in her arms.

Ibinulsa ko ang mga kamay ko atsaka sila pinuntahan dalawa. She giggled and laid her head on my chest after being startled when I immediately embraced them both.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" I asked her.

Her visage had remained indelible in my memory since our first meeting. I knew that the girl I saw was someone who lived in Everett kaya naman ay hinanap ko siya. I didn't know why, I just thought of seeing her again. Kaya nang makilala ko si Olivia, akala ko siya na iyon. She had the same brightness with Olivia. Their elegance and sweet smiles are almost replicated, kung hindi lang talaga ang malalalim na biloy ni Olivia ay hindi ko rin mapagtantong iba pala ito sa nakita kong babae noon.

I admit that I kind of disappointed by that thought, but nevertheless, I loved Olivia that's why I didn't bother looking for Crisceana after.

But things just get confusing when Olivia introduced her cousin to me. Doon nanumbalik lahat ng naramdaman ko sa ilalim ng punong iyon. Her brilliant smiles, innocent eyes, and expressive features were all gone, yet her beauty was undiminished.

Hanggang sa gabi mukha niya pa rin ang naiisip ko. I tried distracting myself by carving but the time that I realized what I carved, doon ko lang naihinto ang ginagawa ko.

Just what the hell is with that Crisceana that I can't get rid of my mind?

Butterflies. Those are what she has that I can't get rid of.

I had intended to continue carving the lady when I realized that I had forgotten how she looked when she smiled. That pure one. Kahit pa man maghanap ako sa internet ay wala pa rin akong mahanap dahil lahat ng ngiting iyon ay peke. Kaya ang ginawa ko ay tinago ko nalang upang hindi makita ni Olivia. It was a very disappointing action, though. Ni hindi ko man lang inisip kung anong pwedeng maramdaman niya.

And I expected the rest of my life to be simpler, but it wasn't—though it was still better.

Nothing else comes close to how content I am right now with my family. My level of satisfaction has never been higher, and it's hard for me to imagine being happier than I am now. There are probably more problems to explore, a bigger world to wander, and thousands more to love. With her, I know that we can make it.

And when everything else fails, I'll continue to be the strongest fortress around, protecting, comforting, and loving my Queen until the very end.

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nyariina