Once and Twice
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I went back and forth, fumbling with my hair and oblivious to the curious looks from my cousins. Kanina pa ako panay tawag kina daddy pero ni isang beses ay hindi nito nagawang sumagot.

Hindi ko na iniisip ang mga lumalabas sa bibig ko. Naririnig ko nalang ang mga impit na halakhak nina Pacholo. They're lucky I was busy and preoccupied with Beviene dahil kung hindi ay hindi lang bugbug ang maabutan nila.

"Come on, Dad. Answer your phone!" I almost hissed but there was still nothing but the constant dial tone on the other line.

Inulit ko ito ng pang-ilang beses bago ko na bato sa piano ang cellphone ko. I saw how all of them flinched and flustered after what I did. Napakumot ako sa buhok at pinagmumura ang harapan ng bintana habang walang pakealam sa apat na lalaking nakatitig sa akin.

"Hey, you should calm down first...maybe they're busy or—"

"Busy?! They're busy while their daughter is fking out there crying for some serious matter?"

It made me feel bad for yelling at Jarvis, but I knew he got it. They're all aware of my ordeal, at alam nilang takot na akong maranasan iyon ulit. Beviene may not be my real sister but she's a woman, I couldn't just deny and ignore her pain just because of what my father did to me.

Nawala naman na ang galit ko kay daddy, but this happening right now triggered the fire inside me. And I swear that if something bad happens to Beviene, hindi ko talaga siya napapatawad.

Sapat na iyong iwanan at pabayaan ang sarili niyang anak. Hindi yung pati anak ng iba ay madamay pa sa katangahan niya.

Takot na lumapit si Pacholo sa akin at tahimik akong pinaupo sa upuan niya. While the other two worked to soothe me, he left the room to grab a drink. Pareho kami ni William na nakikinig lang sa kanila. Nakakatawa ngang isipin dahil kailangan pa iyon makita ni William na kakabalik lang sa sarili niya.

"Maybe you misinterpreted her cries."

"Baka nagsumbong lang sa'yo dahil pinagalitan nila tito." singit naman ni Loki.

"Although I was under the impression that Tito was never one to chastise his children, this might be the case. Also, he may have said something to Beviene that enraged her to the point that she called your number to vent her frustration."

They gave me more reason to relax and let go of the tension that had been building. Kahit papaano ay gumaan naman ang pakiramdam ko doon pero sa tuwing maaalala ko ang tunog ng iyak ng kapatid ko, hindi ko talaga magawang mapanatag kasi alam kong may mali.

The worst thing was that it was the same pain I had at my worst moments, so no one could ever contradict me.

Mariin ko silang inilingan at matatag na sinalubong ang kanilang mga mata. "I swear it was something...I swear something is happening to her. That's why I badly want to talk to her parents about what could possibly happen to her and why she had to cry that much. I told her that I could be her ears! Kaya bakit ito tatawag sa akin na umiiyak kung walang masamang nangyayare sa kaniya?"

Her bruises were still fresh in my memory. Noong panahong nandito pa sila, una kong hinala sa mga pasa niya ay baka may sakit siyang tinago nila daddy sa amin. But when I saw how scared she was after I witnessed those, doon ko napagtantong mali pala ang iniisip ko.

And that's when I began to suspect it was something more sinister than a sickness. It's possible that she's being abused or that something improper is going on in her household. That said, I really doubt it was her parents' deeds because everyone knows about them. It's possible that Daddy has a strong sense of morality but no matter what, he would never touch a woman with his hands.

Kaya doon na ako nagsimulang magtaka at maguluhan. Beviene is actually very weird, not mentally but perhaps in her way of socializing. Para kasing wala itong kaalam-alam sa mundo. Everything around felt new to her kaya unang impresyon ko sa kaniya ay inosente, which I find it very advantageous—to other people of course.

She's the sweetest person I ever met in my entire life. She's refined and innocent, I'm even jealous of how kind she is. She's too good for the world that even stealing a glimpse of her would be considered a sin. At bilang isang babae, ay iyon ang katangiang pinaka-ayaw ko sa lahat.

The innocent and fragile feature that could become a hindrance to saving your life from death.

That's why I hated seeing her because it reminded me of how weak I was before.

Too weak that I failed myself.

Huminga ako ng malalim at pinakatitigan ang labas ng bintana. Umaambon at nasa silid ko na ako ngayon. No matter how hard they tried, Loki and Jarvis couldn't help but sigh since every explanation they offered to comfort me was a counter-argument to their reasons.

Ang tanging nagawa nalang nila ay tumayo at tulungan ako sa pagkontak kina daddy. Loki even reached for Thadius to ask help. Hindi na ako umangal pa dahil alam kong kakailanganin namin 'yon.

Hours later, I got a call from Ysmael. Puno ito ng pag-aalala kaya hindi ko maiwasang magalit sa sarili. Matapos ang tawag namin kanina ay hindi ko na siya dinisturbo pa dahil alam kong mayroon rin itong problema at ayaw kong madagdagan pa.

He was asking me about my worries and listened to me until I woke up from a noise that automatically halted every nerve inside me.

Ilang segundo bago ko ito sinagot at napasigaw nalang sa frustrasyon. Although, when I heard the whines on the opposite line doon ako napatigil ulit.

"D-dad? Why...are you crying...? What happened?" kasabay ng panginginig ng boses ko ay ang paglamig ng mga kamay ko.

"I didn't know...we didn't know..." he cried.

"About what, dad?" pilit nalang ang paghinga ko nang tanungin iyon.

"She never told us...your sister never did." even as his tears poured down upon my heart, it became more difficult for me to take a breath or shed a tear as a result.

"Why dad? Anong nangyare sa kaniya? Tell me, please... I've been dying to know..."

One word that stopped me. Ang panlalamig ng kamay ko ay kumatay sa buong katawan ko.The world around me slowed down as if it had lost its batteries. For the longest time, I assumed this could only happen in a romance film, but it turns out it can happen in a horror film as well.

Hindi paman ako nakapag-isip ng matino ay nakita ko nalang ang sarili kong papalabas dala-dala ang susi ng kotse ng hindi ko alam kanino. Kasi sa oras na ito, isa lang ang nasa isipan ko.

Ang makita ang kapatid ko.

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nyariina
9/27/'21