Chasing the Chaser
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"Has Jaime returned?" bungad ko kina Hailee na kasalukuyang nagpapakain ng mga hayop.

She raised her eyes to me and smiled, "Bakit gusto mo na ba ang moreno?" bungisngis niya halatang nakikisali kina Ysmael at Kepter.

Pero nagulat siya noong tumawa lang ako, "Seryoso?"

I didn't respond and turned away to return to my office. Tinawag niya pa ako pero tinawanan ko lang atsaka na pumasok. Napatunghay ako sa orasan at nagnguso. Ysmael should be back by lunchtime, but it's now 1 p.m.

Umupo ako at sumandal sa swivel chair. Mukhang may nangyari na naman kaya ito natagalan. Pinakatitigan ko muna ang orasan bago bumalik sa pagtitipa.

Lunes ngayon at ito ang unang araw ko na nakapasok ng trabaho sa bagong taon. The confrontation last night was unexpected. Wala sana akong planong palambuin itong nararamdaman ko ngunit dinagdagan lamang ng babaeng 'yon dahil sa pang-iinsulto niya kay Ysmael.

I hate her.

I hate her for encouraging me to consider my feelings and to get selfish with Ysmael. Alam ng lahat na ayaw ni Ysmael sa kaniya kaya kahit papaano ay kampante ako pero napakamapilit niya. Tinakot pa talaga ako. At heto naman ang malandi kong puso na nagpapaapekto.

I glanced back at the wall clock again after 30 minutes had gone by. Wala pa rin si Ysmael kaya ibinalik ko nalang muna ang atensyon sa ginagawa.

Yesterday, when he yelled at me—or rather, admitted something I couldn't get my finger on—ay hindi na kami nagkausap pa. Hindi na rin kami nagkita hanggang sa makaalis kami pasado alas dos kaninang madaling araw.

I couldn't figure out what had gotten him so worked up. Puro kasi ito atensyon ko. Oo nga't nairita ko siya dahil bigla-bigla nalang akong umiiwas pero ano ba ang ikinagalit niya doon? Hindi ba't ganoon ako lagi noon pa man? Naguguluhan talaga ako sa kaniya.

If he'd just say it to me straight, we may be able to understand one other.

Hanggang sa nag-alas dos at dumaan ang alas tres ay wala pa rin ito. Nakaramdam na ako ng kaba at inip sa paghihintay. Gusto ko sanang puntahan si Hailee pero baka ano na naman ang iisipin nito lalo na't pang-tatlong beses ko nang tanong sa kaniya kanina.

I blasted the air within it out with my cheeks puffed up. Akmang sasandal na sana ulit ako nang mahagip sa tenga ko ang kaluskos sa likod ng pintuan.

Agad na dumapo ang mga mata ko doon at alerto naman akong napatayo. As I waited for it to open, I could feel my heart pounding faster and faster.

But in my disbelief, the noise stopped and slowly faded away. Natameme ako doon. Perhaps that wasn't Ysmael? Kaya ito papunta sa clinic? But why did I hear the sound of keys? Bukod sa akin ay si Ysmael lang ay may hawak ng susi sa office.

Dahil sa pagkainip ay hindi na napigilan ng sarili kong mapatayo at padarag na umalis sa opisina upang bisitahin sila Hailee sa kabilang building.

Agad nagkunot ang noo ko nang makarinig mga mababang boses sa loob. Sure that Kepter was inside, but who's that other man's voice?

Rumehistro sa isipan ko ang susing narinig kanina at walang katok na binuksan itong pinto. Agad na napalingon ang mga tao sa loob. Maliban kina Kepter at Hailee ay si Ysmael at isa pang lalaki sa loob, na nakalupasay lang sa pang-isahan na couch. Ngunit diretso ang mga mata ko kay Ysmael na seryoso lang akong tiningnan.

I was ready to greet him when he turned aside and resumed his discussion with Kepter.

Hindi ako makapaniwala doon sa ginawa niya at napasapo ng dibdib na tiningnan si Hailee. She shrugged and giggled before shoving me inside.

She whispered, "Nandito na hinihintay mo pero mukhang ayaw ka atang makita." pang-iinis niya pa pero tinawanan ko lang at matalim na tinapunan ng tingin si Ysmael.

He didn't see it, though. He was too occupied with his work and it seemed like he didn't want to talk to anyone if it's not about business stuff. In short, ayaw niya akong kausapin!

Padabog akong naupo sa tabing upuan na inuupuan ng lalaki. Mukhang wala itong balak umayos ng upo at sinamangutan lang ako. Dahil sa inis kay Ysmael ay sa kaniya ko pa nabuntong ito.

"What?" asik ko at naghalukipkip.

Pinakatitigan niya ako bago sumilay ang ngiti niya. Nagtuwid ito ng upo at inihiga ang mga braso na arm rest sa pagitan namin. "Sino ka?" pabulong niya kaya nagkunot ang noo ko.

Teka, sino ba ang taong ito at hindi ako kilala bilang apo man lang ng may-ari ng lupang tinatapakan niya?

"You don't know me?" pabulong ko na rin na ikinapagtataka ko.

But what's more surprising is that I didn't even feel any anxiety in front of him! Kasalanan 'to ni Ysmael, eh! Pinapagalit niya ako.

He chuckled, so cute, his lips worn to small dimples in each end, "Obvious ba?"

I scoffed, "Hindi rin kita kilala. I guess, we're even." mataray kong sambit atsaka hindi na siya pinansin pa.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko kina Ysmael at agad na napatalon ang puso ko nang magtama ang mga mata namin. Ang malamig niyang tingin at pagtiim bagang sa akin ay ang ikinainis ko lalo.

I wanted to go berserk but then I remembered that girl. Mariin na napakagat labi nalang ako at pilit siyang bigyan ng matamis na ngiti. Ngunit pag-iwas lang ang itinugon niya.

I kept my cool because I knew this was just the beginning.  But this unknown guy beside me burst out a teasing laugh. Mabilis ko siyang tinaasan ng kilay at hindi makapaniwala sa pang-iinsultong ginawa niya. That wasn't meant as an insult, but knowing what he was laughing at can't help but bruise my ego.

"Is this the first time you witnessed a girl being neglected?" I scowled.

He began laughing louder and more rudely, "Of course, not! Kung isasali natin ang mga babaeng na-busted ko, siyempre hindi na mabibilang." he said proudly, his arms filling the armrest of his sofa.

Napangiwi ako at nandidiri siyang tinitingnan, "Ew, heartbreaker."

Mas lalo lamang lumakas ang tawa niya at napapailing akong tiningnan, "Baka mainlove ka pa." conceited, making my face even more crumpled.

"Are you beer? Because you're making me puke." I countered but he only finds it amazing.

"That could be a pickup line if you'll change that to 'you're making me crazy." sa pagkakataong ito ay kumindat.

Napaurong ako sa kinauupuan at nabuga ng hangin. Paano kapag si Ysmael ang nakipaglandi sa'kin ay hindi naman ganito ka nakakadisgusto?

"Why are you so disgusted?" he went on, "Perhaps you want a kiss from me?—"

Both of our necks snapped toward Ysmael whose eyes and fuming mad. Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko doon nang makita kong sa akin ito nakatingin at inakalang galit ito.

His glares drew towards the guy, "Toper, I suggest you wait outside. The workers will be here soon. I'll follow you any minute." aniya at haharapin na sana ulit si Kepter ngunit umangat ang katabi ko na Toper ang pangalan. Weird. Parang si Kepter lang.

"Ayoko. Ang init doon. Dito nalang ako sa clinic, malamig pa at may nagpapainit," kinindatan niya ulit ako at hindi mapigilang magtagis ang mga ngipin.

Why are men around me keep on ruining my mood? Sapat na sina Pacholo, Kepter, at Ysmael pero dinagdagan pa ng malanding asungot.

Ysmael heaved a sigh but it wasn't an ordinary one. It was brimming with rage and damnation. Nananayo ang balahibo ko doon lalo nang marinig ang sinabi nito, "Toper, have you heard about Maddox?"

His words sent shivers down my spine and made Toper swallow hard, "O-oo...b-bakit? May ginawa b-ba akong masama?" he couldn't even speak straight after Ysmael terrified him.

Ysmael just gave me a fleeting glance before returning it to Toper. Toper let out a gasp and sprung from his seat. His smiles were big when he appeared to understand it immediately.

"Sinabi mo sana agad, tinakot mo pa ako. Puke 'to." natatawa niyang sambit atsaka ako binaling at kumaway, "It's so nice flirting with you, Señorita, but my face is my only asset kaya aalis na ako." huling kindat niya bago nawala sa paningin namin.

I quickly inquire as to who that man was, but Ysmael simply gave me a blank face before proceeding to speak with Kepter.

Gusto kong abutin ang vase na nakalagay sa mesa sa harap ko at ibato 'yon sa mukha niya. I despise how he treats me as if I'm a stinking ghost that can't be seen. Nakakainis!

Mabuti nalang at sinagot ako ni Hailee kasi kung hindi ay babalik ako ng opisina na may hiya sa mukha.

"Kapatid ni Kepter. Kakambal, actually."

Lumuwa ang mga mata ko, "But they're far from the word similar."

Tumango siya, "Maliban sa malanding ugali." natawa naman ako doon.

"I'll go get the papers and make a copy of them as soon as possible." narinig kong mabilis ang kilos ni Ysmael na papaalis kaya taranta rin akong napatayo upang sundan ito.

"Hey! Wait up!" sigaw ko at malalaki ang hakbang na pinuntahan siya.

He entered the office quietly, but quickly. Gusto ko itong kausapin ngunit natatakot ako baka madisturbo ko lang.

"Can I help you?" I offered to help, but he didn't even give a damn.

He kept himself occupied by hunting for some documents. Nang mahalungkat niya ang loob ng duffel bag niya ay mabilis naman siyang nagtungo sa opisina niya at panay hanap sa mga aparador nito.

I could only stand at his doorway and clamp my lips together, unsure whether or not to speak again. "Anong reports ang kailangan mong ibigay kay Kepter? I might know where it's stored." nahihiyang sambit ko.

He paused for a while before continuing his search. Napanguso ako habang unti-unti nararamdaman ang tampo na papaahon.

Nakakahalata na siya. Baka akala niya ganoon ako kabobo upang hindi mapansin ang pag-iignora niya sakin. Mariing napapikit nalang ako at huminga ng malalim. I get it. He doesn't want to talk to me because of what I did yesterday. Now he wants to get even. And it's hurting me.

Bumuga ako ng hangin at binuka ang bibig upang magsalita ulit. Ngunit bago ko pa man ito magawa ay naramdaman ko nalang na dumaan ito sa giliran ko at walang paalam na umalis sa opisina.

Napanganga ako at napakurap. Tila ba'y pinagtutusok ng mga karayom ang dibdib ko dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman.

The pain is almost as painful as the death of my mom. But it's much more terrible to think that simple neglect might lead to being abandoned.

Kinaumagahan ay maaga rin akong pumasok sa rancho. Unlike the usual, I dressed into something I unlikely wear. Isang skinny jeans at polo shirt na kulay pula sa itaas. Minsan lang ako nagsusuot ng ganito kaya hindi ako komportable sa una lalo na kung umuupo ako at sumisikip ang maong sa paa ko. But later on, I eventually got used to it.

I've already been working for three months. Three months taught me a lot about patience and animal compassion. At sa loob nun ay marunong na rin akong magpatakbo ng kabayo habang nasakay dito. And I'd do that every morning while walking around the grounds examining them.

Kakatapos ko lang nito at mahinang tinapik sa binti si Uno, "That was an awesome ride, baby." nakangiti habang hinihimas ang katawan nito.

Nang maibalik siya sa stall ay saka naman akong naglakad paalis. Saktong pagkalabas ko ay ang mukha ni Ysmael na bumungad. He didn't appear flustered at all, as if he was expecting me. He was just standing there, his hands in his pockets.

Bigla namang sumakit ang puso ko nang maalala ang pag-iignora nito kahapon. After he left, he didn't even bother coming back until 7 pm when I left. Gusto kong magtampo sa kaniya pero sino naman ako para lambingin niya?

Dahil sa taas ng pagkakasabik na mapansin ulit niya ay nagawa ko pang ngumiti at kinawayan siya, "Wala ka bang rounds ngayon?" nakangiti kong tanong.

Matiim niya lang akong tinitigan bago ako biglang nakarinig ingay mula sa katabing barn. Napintig ang tenga ko nang marinig ang matitinis na boses ng mga babae.

"Yael! We're ready."

Isang nakakarinding boses na hindi ko makalimutan ang siyang nagpainit sa ulo ko. Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang tatlong babae. Dalawang hindi ko kilala at isang naaasar akong makita.

"Do I look nice with this?" inosenti niyang tanong kay Ysmael na nasa akin pa rin ang tingin.

He took a peek at her for a second before he answered, "Mukha pa ring tao." may pagkabagot niyang tugon bago ulit ako binalingan.

When he did so, all of the women's gazes were drawn to me, and I saw the leech's hand tightened right away. Walang paalam na iginaya niya ang mga kamay pakapit sa mga braso ni Ysmael at mabilis itong hinila.

"We should go, Yael. The sun is starting to hurt our skin."

Nagsalubong agad ang mga kilay ko sa gitna at galit na galit silang tiningnan. I simply saw Ysmael nod and didn't bother to remove the leech's arms.

Inis kong hinila ang kuwelyo nito mula sa likod upang mapahinto. He was taken aback by what I did and stared at me with wide eyes. I took a gulp of breath, "Don't you have a job to do?"

The leech chuckled, "Can't you see what he's doing? He's working. He'll be teaching us how to ride the horse." matamis nitong sambit hawak-hawak pa rin ang braso ni Ysmael.

Inignora ko ito at tiim bagang na tinitigan si Ysmael, "Isn't this Jigo's job?" I said hoping he'll finally speak and he did!

"He's not around." but it wasn't the answer I wanted.

Napaatras nalang ako at kinunotan siya ng noo, "So, you'll single-handedly teach them? These women?" may bahid na pait ang boses ko.

He didn't say anything but gazed at me. His cheeks flushed with interest. The leech grabbed him just as he was going to say anything. "Come on, Yael. I'm starting to perspire." he hesitated, but he didn't say no.

Sa halip ay nagpaubaya ito habang iniwan akong nag-alumpihit sa sakit na gawa ng puso ko.

My eyes were hot, and I felt compelled to cry. But crying equals defeat, and I didn't want to lose to someone who wasn't deserving of victory.

Pakurap kong binalik ang mga luhang gusto sanang kumawala and swore that I won't ever lose to that leech again.

Nagtagis ang ngipin ko at mapait na napabuga ng hangin. "Funny how he's been avoiding me since yesterday, yet couldn't even avoid the woman he told me he doesn't like. Traitor, pacholongina." I cursed in the air, letting the entire world know how betrayed I had been.

As I clenched my fist, leaving the barn, my heart brought everything including the bitterness, grief, and desertion Ysmael gave.

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nyariina
8/11/'21