Jealousy, jealousy
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There will always be a point when you must pick between two things that you cannot afford to lose. And it is undeniably a peacebreaker.

Simula noong makasisid ako sa dagat hanggang sa umahon kami upang kumain ulit ay hindi ko na ito pinapansin. Litong-lito ako ngayon at gusto ko munang maintindihan kung totoo ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko.

I should have guessed this sooner but I've only been in love once, that's why I'm not confident of my own judgements.

Pero kung sakali mang totoo ito, it'd be a problem for me to choose between taking the risk or not.

"Cholo! Sama na kayo sa'min, dalhin niyo lang mga pagkain at kumot niyo kasi hindi tayo magkakasya dito." sigaw ni Maddox sa amin na may bitbit na palayok.

Mabilis naman hinila ni Pacholo ang inuupuang kumot ni Loki kaya ay napahiga ito sa buhangin at nasapo sa mukha ang kinakain. Loki, being so unusual this day, only sighed and controlled his anger from coming out.

Tumayo ito ng kalmado at pinagpag ang suot niya. Iginaya niya ang dahon sa saging sa basurahan at kalmado pa ring naglakad papasok sa cabin upang maghilamos.

Nagtinginan kami ni Jarvis na may pagtataka at kapwa napakibitbalikat. "Ba't hindi 'yon galit?" tanong ko.

He shrugged for the second time, "He's probably out of his mind right now."

Him being the composed one of the group, lost his mind? I doubt it. It probably has to do something about this day, perhaps the surroundings or maybe the people around? But this guy is not that introverted.

"Tara na." aanyaya ni Loki at nauna pang maglakad sa amin.

Nagtinginan ulit kami ni Jarvis na may nanlalaking mga mata. There really is something wrong with him! Saka kami kumilos bago bumalik ito sa tamang huwisyo.

Kung ako lamang ang tatanungin, ayoko sanang sumali sa kanila. Dahil nandoon si Ysmael and him being near me is danger. Kung hindi ako kinikilig ay nag-iinit lang ang katawan ko. And just by the thought makes me think I'm a maniac!

Tahimik akong naupo sa gitna nila Maddox at Pacholo, iyon nalang kasi ang bakante maliban sa bakanteng nasa gitna nina Noah at Haoran, but then I can't sit there because I'll be out of place with them. Sisikapin ko nalang muna ang kaingayan ng dalawa.

It's a good thing that I'm far away from Ysmael but being far mean being in front, kaya asar na asar akong napamura sa sarili. Mas lalo lamang napuno ng iritasyon ang katawan ko nang makita ang babaeng si Agustin na nasa tabi na naman nito.

She was simply content speaking with Ysmael and munching on peanuts. With a flat look, Ysmael, on the other hand, was simply listening to her. Although, it didn't seem to upset her, and I guessed she was too occupied with him that she didn't even notice when Corbin passed the soda to their Korean friend who's named Jisoo. At dahil ang likot ng kamay nito ay aksidenting nabuhusan ang paa niya.

She screamed so I rolled my eyeballs. Napaka-oa niya rin. Ikamamatay niya bang mabuhusan? Napailing nalang ako at nakangiwing pinanood siya na nakakingking na pinunasan ang paa.

She was holding the peanuts in her right as the left wiped herself. Nag-iinarte pa ito at talagang inutusan pa si Ysmael na punasan ang natirang basa.

Ysmael's face immediately crumpled. Napakurap siya at hindi nagustuhan ang ideya. Matutuwa na sana ako doon nang bigla niyang tanggapin ang tissue.

Napayuko ako at malalim na huminga, mga ngiping nagngingitngit, at kamay na gustong manapak. I fired daggers of look towards Maddox who had clearly sensed my irritation when I heard a laugh from my right.

Mariin kong kinagat ang manok sa tinidor at inirapan siya. Lumakas naman ng kaunti ang tawa niya atsaka bumulong, "Huwag kang magseselos, binigay niya naman kay Indiana. Loyal ang kamay niya sa paa mo." bungisngis niya kaya humupa bigla ang inis ko.

"Dapat lang..." I muttered under my breath before returning my eyes to them.

Halos mabilaukan na ako sa kinakain nang matagpuan ang seryosong titig ni Ysmael sa amin—sa akin. Lumunok ako at mataray siyang tinaasan ng kilay.

I expected him to smile as he normally does, but he didn't. Instead, he maintained a blank expression with icy glances.

Napakurap ako doon at naasar ng kaunti. Galit ba siya? At siya pa ang may gana! Siya nga itong naglalandi sa taong ayaw niya raw! Liar!, "I don't have a thing my ass!" I hissed in silence bago nag-iwas ng tingin.

Lumipas ang mga sandali at nakita ko nalang na nag-iinuman na sila habang panay kuwento ng mga nakakatawang karanasan. Nangunguna doon ang dalawang tao sa magkabilang gilid ko at doon lang ako nagsisi kung bakit sa gitna nila ako pumwesto. May rason tuloy si Ysmael na titigan ako!

Damn, I'm having a bad case of this feeling.

Napalingon ako sa paligid habang naghahanap ng pwedeng lipatan. Dumapo ang mga mata ko sa gitna nina Noah at Haoran at dahil desperadong makaalis ay hindi na ako nagdadalawang-isip pa na tumayo.

I didn't know that my decision was worse than staying there because when I stood up, Maddox suddenly grabbed my shorts, pulling me back to my seat, "Walang tatakas!" anunsyo niya dahil sa kalasingan na rin kaya nakalimutang hindi ako kasali sa pag-iinuman nila.

He did succeed in making me sit but he failed to bring me back in my seat when I fell on his lap, both of us drenched in the soda I've been drinking and the beer he's holding.

Napahinto ako. Nagtigil rin siya. Pareho kaming hindi nakagalaw at ang malala pa ay ang biglang pagtahimik rin ng paligid.

I felt a surge of embarrassment and irritation within me. Lalo na noong nagsalita siya, "P-pota. Hindi ko sinadya." nanginginig ang boses na sambit niya pero hindi naman ako ang tinitingnan kaya mas nainis ako.

And because my fury had reached its maximum, the only choice was to curse him, but only if Pacholo, who was inebriated, didn't scream.

"Bungal ba kayong dalawa?! Ba't kayo naliligo ng beer? Iniinom 'yon! Mga bobo!" when I finally heard everyone laughing, my anger and shame began to fade.

Nakita ko naman ang nag-aalalang mukha ni Anna na ipinangko ako. "Goodness, Maddox!" she growled as she wiped the stain on my shorts left by the beverages.

Pinigilan ko siya at nginitian, "It's fine, Anna. Magbibihis nalang ako." I told her so she stopped.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I immediately declined, "I'll be right back." sambit ko atsaka sila iniwan.

Actually, I lied.

Because I never thought of coming back again. Ang gusto ko nalang ay ang matulog upang maipagpahinga ko rin ang pagod kong damdamin.

When I got into the cabin, I didn't bother entering the bathroom and just stripped off everything I was wearing. Naghanap rin ako ng maisuot. And blood instantly drained from my face when I realized Jarvis forgot to get me some underwear.

Naghanap ulit ako at binuksan ang lahat ng zipper ng bag ngunit wala talaga akong nakita. Tiningnan ko ulit ang suot kong bra at panty kanina at nandidiring ibinalik ito.

I'm not going to put that on again unless I wash it first.

At dahil wala nang pagpipilian ay napipilitan sinuot ko nalang ang maluwag na T-shirt ni Loki na nakasampay sa upuan. Bumaba ito ng ilang pulgada mula sa gitna ko.

Medyo hindi ako naging komportable doon pero nang may mapagtanto ay agad akong napangise sa sarili.

This would be sufficient cause to avoid returning. Even Pacholo, who is completely inebriated, wouldn't want to see me wearing nothing underneath. Baka ay magwala lang ito.

May ngiti akong pumasok sa maliit na kwarto upang matulog. Mayroong malaking foam bed doon na nakaharap sa malawak na karagatan. Sinadya kasi na buksan ang isang dingding nito kanina upang makapasok ang hangin kaya sa halip na isara ay hinayaan ko lang ito. Wala rin naman atang sisilip sa akin lalo na't nasa bahagi na ito ng tubig.

Dahan-dahan na gumapang ako rito. Tahimik at maaliwalas ang paligid kaya napapikit ako ng ilang sandali. It was after someone barged in and cursed before I realized my nudity.

"Apple, are you here? Where are you—fuck!"

Mabilis akong napaupo paharap sa pintuang nakabukas at nanginginig sa nasapit. Ilang segundo lang nang bumalik si Ysmael, dala-dala ang isang tuwalya at mabilis na ipinalibot ito sa bewang.

He stood up again and clenched his jaw, "Why the hell aren't you wearing a panty?!" napakurap ako sa biglang sigaw niya at napanguso.

Teka, ba't siya galit? Kasalanan ko bang hindi siya marunong kumatok?

He instantly calmed down when he realized it was half his fault too, "Paano nalang kung hindi ako ang pumasok? Paano kung si Noah o si Maddox?" raking his hair through his fingers showed me his frustration. It's so unusual to see him this frustrated.

Napakurap ako at umuwang ang bibig upang makapagsalita, "Why are you here, though?" mahina ko tanong na ikinahinto niya.

"Because you were alone so I needed to follow you," he answered.

"Because of what exactly?"

He remained silent and closed his mouth, his eyes darting around in search of an appropriate response to my question. "Because I'm your bodyguard," he simply said, causing me to roll my eyes.

His explanation irritated me, and I'm not sure why.

"Okay. You've already seen me wholly intact, maaari ka nang lumabas ulit at bumalik sa kaibigan mo." I announced, turning my back at him to bless my eyes with the serene view.

He sighed, "Hindi ka na babalik?"

"I would if I'm insane enough to wander around without underwear." malamig kong sambit at hindi na siya ulit pinansin nang magtanong.

After a few minutes, the environment quieted down. I'd assumed he'd left, but the froth abruptly subsided and I felt his breath on my neck. Mabilis ko itong nilingon siya.

Everything within me was stirred by a single movement. Hindi ako nakagalaw kahit paman ang liit ng distansya namin sa isa't isa. His gaze stayed locked on my eyes, while mine was drawn to his lips, wondering what would it taste.

I gulped, swallowing both the shyness and intimacy in me, "What are you doing?" I whispered and gazed back into his eyes.

We weren't having sex but his eyes penetrating mine so hard that made my baby wet.

"Breathing you." aniya bago naglakbay ang mga titig papunta sa labi ko.

I swallowed again for the second time, "Does inhaling me required to be this close?" he nodded.

"I'm also taking off Maddox's scent from you. Ang baho kasi." doon ako napaurong at tiningnan siya ng masama.

"So, mabaho ako?" I expected him to laugh but he didn't.

"Not you but Maddox." he clarified and went back to stare at my lips.

Doon ako nagsimulang mailang at napabasa ng mga labi. What is he doing, really? Hindi niya ba alam ang dulot ng presensya niya sa katawan ang puso ko?

"You should go back. I want to sleep." maingat kong inilayo ang katawa mula sa kaniya at pinabayaan niya naman ako nun.

Mukha akong nabigyan ulit ng hangin nang makalayo. Kinuha ko ang iilang unan sa tabi niya atsaka inayos upang mahigaan ko. He didn't speak even after I lied down.

Maingat kong tinakpan ang dibdib dahil nahihiya akong makita niya ang mga ito na walang hiya na yumuyugyog bigla.

At dahil nahiya ako ng tuluyan ay tumalikod nalang ako sa kaniya. He groaned and finally spoke, "Are you avoiding me again?" his voice was a hint of confusion.

"No," I answered.

"Talaga? Ba't iniiwasan mo ang tingin ko kanina?"

I scoffed, back still facing him, "At bakit kita titingnan? Si Noah ka ba?" irita kong asik.

His temper rose, "Ito na naman tayo kay Noah—"

"—eh, anong gusto mo? Si Maddox?" I didn't mean to add fuel to the fire, it just came out from my mouth.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang inis at galit na pilit nitong pinipigilan. I could only bit my lower lips to that before breaking the silence, "You know what just go back to your circle. Baka hinahanap ka na nila."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." diin niya kaya asar na napairap ako.

"Edi, huwag kang bumalik." I whispered and good thing he didn't hear it, dahil baka seseryosoin pa.

"Apple..." mansanas.

"Come on, talk to me." ayaw ko.

"Kung hindi ka magsasalita ay tatabihan kita—" one thing that aroused the heat and scared the hell out of me.

"—you're with Agustin, of course! Bakit ko nanakawin ang atensyon mo sa harap ng babaeng may gusto sa'yo? I don't want her hurt, Jaime. Makiramdam ka nga." asik ko at inis na tinabunan ng unan ang mukha.

He easily snatched it away from me, revealing my ashamed and angry expression, "It's not your fault if she'll get hurt."

I snorted, "It is! Because I am aware of her feelings for you!" I retorted, now sitting and angrily faced him.

He got more annoyed and stood up, "How about my feelings? Are you aware as well?" he's annoyed yet remained calm.

Napakurap ako at umingos, "We're not talking about you here, Jaime. We're talking about that Agustin—"

"—then fuck that Agustin for stealing your attention away from me!"

At doon na ako hindi nakapagsalita ulit. I got flustered and I did not know what to say anymore. It was the first time he yelled at me and also the first time he said something my heart couldn't handle. My cheeks became flushed, and my knees sagged. Good thing that I'm sitting, dahil baka nasa sahig na ako kung nagkataon.

I hate assuming things but what does he mean by what he said? And what is it that he's so angry about? Hindi ba dapat ako pa ang galit dahil ginugulo niya ang puso ko? Pero bakit parang kasalanan ko pa?

My stares drew back to his when he suddenly sighed and shook his head in disbelief, "You know what, I'll just go back. I'm sorry for interrupting your peaceful time." aniya at iniwan akong nakatulala doon.

Hindi ko alam ang nangyare sa kaniya at dahil doon ay hindi tuloy ako nakatulog at maghapon lang na nakatunganga sa kalangitan.

I only got up when Jarvis knocked on the door, "You there?" he asked before I answered him.

Pumasok naman siya na may dalang pagkain atsaka ito inilagay sa gitna namin, "Heard from Yael that you were too tired to go back," he started, pouring water into the cup, "Why were you tired? Did you two have sex?"

Mabilis pa sa alas kwatro na naibuga ko ang iniinom kong tubig sa sinabi nito. I looked at him ridiculously and erased the wrong idea he thought, "Why the hell would I do that with him?!"

Nagkibitbalikat lamang siya, "Because you two are couples?"

Napatili ako sa inis, "Bakit ba ayaw niyong maniwala sa'kin? Kapatid nga lang ang turing niya sa akin!" frustratedly sighed all the air inside me.

Jarvis chuckled and like daddy, he denied what I said, "You should really believe what Uncle told you. Wala naman kasing tao na susuntukin ang kaibigan niya dahil aksidenteng naupo sa paa nito ang babaeng gusto niya. Come on, Crisceana, you're only ignoring his feelings and yours." sambit niya na ikinaawang ng labi ko.

Before my heart would even invade my controlled mind, I immediately shook the idea of him being jealous. Paniguradong hindi lang niya nagustuhan ang ginawa ng kaibigan niya. Kasi paano na lang kung mas malala pa ang aabutin ko? Edi, mapapagalitan siya bilang bodyguard!

Before stepping out, he faced me again, "And by the way, whatever you told that furious Yael, congratulations for you have successfully taken him off that leech's arms. I'm proud of you, baby girl."

At sa pangalawang pagkakataon sa pangalawang tao ay naiwan na naman akong tulala.

Gulong-gulo na ang isip ko at mas lalo lamang nilang pinakabog ang dibdib ko. I honestly don't understand why my cousins thought the wrong thing. Hindi kasi nila kilala si Ysmael kaya napagkamalan nila ang sadyang pagiging maaalalahanin at mabait nito.

Ysmael is obviously concerned about me since he recognizes my weakness and pities every inch of me. At isa pa, bodyguard ko ito kaya normal lang ang ginagawa niya.

Napatango ako sa sariling konklusyon. Tama, dapat iyon ang iniisip ko ang hindi mga delusyon mula sa pinagsasabi ng mga pinsan ko.

And now that I think about it, even if I took the risk, I wouldn't be able to accomplish it due of the condition I have. Hindi ko dapat kakalimutan na ang damdaming iyon ang naglagay ng buhay ko sa peligro.

I ate and stayed the whole dinner time inside. Gusto ko sanang lumabas kaso sa tuwing naaalala ko ang nangyare kanina ay napapaatras ako bigla. Kaya sa halip na makabili ng maayos na kasuotan sa loob ng building ay naghintay nalang ako ng ilan pang oras hanggang sa hindi ko na marinig ang ingay nila.

It was a breathe when the clock struck nine o'clock and everything was dark and still. Doon lang ako bumaba at mabilis at sinuyod ang daan papuntang building.

There were still employees working, and they welcomed me cordially, two of them perplexed by what I was wearing.

Mabuti nalang at puro sila babae kaya hindi ako dinaga ng takot lalo pa't madilim na. "Can I buy a pair of underwear? I dropped my extra in the water earlier." rason ko nalang upang maiwasan ang hiya.

Agad naman nila kong ginaya papasok sa maliit na tindahang puro merchandise lamang ang nakadisplay, "Ayos lang po ba kung ito muna? Naubusan kami ng stock ng Traverson Line. Pero kung gusto niyo po ay ang mga bikinis dito? Ang kaso baka hindi po kayo komportableng matulog nito."

I couldn't help my chuckles with her pensiveness, "I don't really mind buying merchants from our own resort." sambit ko atsaka ko binayaran ito.

I sincerely thanked them for their service before silently walking myself through the path of darkness howvering. Ingat na ingat pa ako dahil baka makaengkwentro ko pa si Ysmael.

Malapit na ako sa cabin at nakahinga ng maluwag nang hindi makasalubong ito. Ngunit nagtagumpay man doon, hindi naman sa babaeng pinag-aawayan namin kanina.

Pilit ang ngiti ko na humarap sa kaniya sabay nagtaas ng mga kilay upang itanong sa kaniya kung may kailangan ba ito. She only smiled after so long of blank stares.

"Do you, by any chance, like your bodyguard?"

Napaangat pa lalo ang mga kilay ko doon. I was taken aback by her sudden question. It was something so serious that I needed to answer it properly before I could even regret it.

"What does it have to do with you?" I questioned nicely and she only smirked, as if she was offended.

Gone were the sweet smiles she did earlier as she held her arms across her chest, "Nothing. I just didn't expect a woman of your social standing to stoop down to Yael's level. Hindi bagay." at humagikhik ng nakakainsulto.

Mabilis na nag-abot ang mga kilay ko sa gitna. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang itinuring nito lalo na sa pang-iinsulto nito kay Ysmael.

Inangat niya pa ang kilay niya at nagpatuloy, "You have all the prospective suitors, yet you want to settle for less. Like fitting into a basic group to which you don't belong and like someone who isn't even good enough for you. How low class of you."

Her eyes rolled and I almost smack the shit out of her face. Mabuti nalang at kontrolado ko pa ang sarili ko. But heaven knows how I wanted to hurt her so badly. Kung hindi lang talaga sa reputasyon ko at mukha niya na masisira, baka hindi pa tuloy siya magustuhan ng kahit sinong lalaki.

Huminga muna ako ng malalim at kahit anong galit pa ang nararamdaman ko, pinipigilan ko ang sarili na bumaba sa level niya.

"I don't know if someone has ever told you this but you're obviously dumb and stupid." bigla siyang suminghap doon at nagtagis bagang kaya nagpatuloy ako.

"You're beautiful but apparently your attitude makes you ugly. Insulting someone and degrading them won't make you a saint—obviously. Siguro santo ng mga demonyo pa." pang-iinis ko kaya lumaki ang butas ng ilong niya.

"Who the hell are you to say tha—"

"I thought you like him? Ngunit may tao bang hilain pababa ang nagugustuhan niya? Or maybe you're just doing that to humiliate me? Bakit? Sa tingin mo ba talaga ay wala akong standard sa lalaki? I do have, actually. But never did I ever included their status in the criteria. Why? Because I'm seeking for someone who will always be there for me when I fall down. And Ysmael appears to be the benchmark I was looking for." diin ko sa harapan niya habang sinasampal sa kaniya ang kabobohan niya.

She did not like what I said. She did not like the humiliation she got from me. She was prideful and persistent. Kaya naman ay sinubukan niyang lumaban ngunit hindi ko ito pinayagan.

No bitch must ever talk back to me. Ipapakain ko sila sa doberman ni Thadius pag nagkataon.

"But if we're on a different page, don't even think about getting a happy ending because happy endings don't work for pathetic villains."

She breathed flames, fists clenched as if she wanted to avoid violence. "Hindi pa rin ako susuko! I will never let you have him!"

I grimaced. My blood boiled at how persistent she was. Ininsulto niya na nga at aabutin niya pa rin? Akala ko talaga si Pacholo na ang pinakabobo sa buong mundo.

"Okay, then. Game on. I mean, it's not like he'll ever be yours, duh?" Ni hindi pa nga ito nakakamove-on kay Olivia. I gestured my hand in my ear, "Just give me a call kung gusto mong paglamayan ang pinatay mong puso, okay?"

Matamis na ngiti ang huling binigay ko sa kaniya at pinasadahan ng pandidiring tingin ang kabuuan niya. I couldn't help but pity her as I walked away.

Now that she confronted me, she gave me the answer to my risky choices.

Damn, risk. Damn, disorder. I'm fucking taking the path to happiness.

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nyariina
8/10/'21