Problem after the other
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"Come on, pick up the phone Dona. Pick it up..." I paced back and forth, biting my lower lip and running my fingers through my hair, as I waited for Dona to pick up the phone.

Tinawagan ko ulit ito ng pangatlong beses bago napaupo sa kama sabay sapo ng noo. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa diskobre ko. Bukod doon ay hindi ko rin alam ang gagawin ko kundi ang lapitan si Dona.

I have been avoiding issues even after I retired. Pero may pagkakataon talagang hindi ito maiiwasan at sa mga pagkataong iyon ay lagi nalang si Ysmael ang dahilan.

I returned my gaze to the photos that have been widely circulated in the media recently. It has been making waves since this morning, spreading like wildfire. Ni hindi ko nga ito nalaman kung hindi dahil kina Pacholo at Loki. At ang nakakatawa pa ay saktong sa pasko pa ng mga taong nasa likod nito piniling ikalat.

Here I thought this would be the perfect Christmas in my entire life.

Napasalampak ako sa kama at nagtitili sa mga unan. For the nth time, I looked at the images again and couldn't help but cry. Sa lahat ng pwedeng ma-issue, dating issue pa talaga namin ni Ysmael.

Pinagsusuntok ko ang mga unan at sinubukan ulit na tawagin si Dona. Alam kong medyo makasarili lalo na't pasko ngayon, pero wala na talaga akong ibang malalapitan pa. Of course, I can easily stop this from spreading with the help of Pacholo. Pero alam kong hindi niya ito gagawin lalo na't tuwang-tuwa pa siyang inisin ako.

Biglang tumalon sa tuwa ang puso ko nang sagutin na ito ni Dona.

"Dona! Oh god! Thank you so much for answering! I have been calling you a hundred times already and I'm really sorry for the inconvenience."

Narinig ko siyang tumawa sa kabilang linya, "Pasensya na ngayon lang nakasagot. Nanood kasi kami ng fireworks kani-kanina lang kaya hindi ko napansin."

"It's okay. No problem about that instead I have a different and insane one. That's why I need your help." umahon na naman ang kaba at pagkataranta ko.

"Calm down, Crisceana. I already know about it." sambit niya na ikinatuwa ko.

"Really? God! I almost peed on my pants! So, when we'll we address the issue?" she simply giggled, as if she thought what I said was hilarious.

"I don't believe you need to reveal the truth, Crisceana; let's just let it spread and allow people make assumptions about something they don't know for sure."

"What? Why?" my confusion immediately rose.

"Isn't it an advantage for you if people think you've finally found a boyfriend after Rustom?" she attempted to reason out, but I couldn't understand what she meant.

"But I can't just lie to them about who I'm dating!" it may not be a huge deal for someone else, but what about me and Ysmael, who was dragged into this mess?

"I know. But this is an opportunity for you to clean your name, Crisceana. Gusto mo ba laging maging bitter sa mata ng mga tao? I'm not doing this out of fun, Crisceana. I'm doing this to clear the mess Rustom left you."

I completely understood what she was saying. But I can't just exploit Ysmael for my personal gain. Not him! Because first of all, will he be even happy about it?

"But how about Ysmael? His reputation would be ruined, especially that he's seeing someone with a shady history. Isa pa, I can't risk losing our friendship, Dona." kahit pa man na mataas ang pride ko sa sarili ay hindi ko pa rin mapigilang mag-alala sa ibang tao, lalo na kung kasalanan ko.

She sighed, finally understanding what I felt, "Magtiwala ka lang sa'kin, okay? Pabayaan nalang natin ang mga taong mag-isip. Huhupa rin ang issue na'to."

But I just couldn't help but worry, "They'd definitely be mad, Dona. Baka pati si Ysmael madamay pa." worry about Ysmael who's got nothing to do with this in the first place.

But she only chuckled at my worry, "Oh, honey. Trust me. They are loving it." she assured me, her voice suddenly changed into a high-pitched excited tone.

Napakurap ako nang bigla akong nakatanggap ng mensahe mula sa group chat namin. Pacholo sent it, mentioning me along the message. Mabilis ko itong binuksan para tingnan. At halos malukot ang mukha ko nang makitang ang mga fan shipped videos namin ni Ysmael.

Photos of the two of us were combined and plainly cropped out. Maraming mga litratong biglang nabuhay at pati na rin sa pagkabata namin na hinalukay ng mga tao. Napapangiwi ako sa tuwing pinipilit nilang i-bagay kami sa isa't-isa. At halos hindi ko na matandaan ang iba pa sa daming mga video na ginawa nila.

Nakita kong panay pangkutkutya nila sa'kin kaya napahagis nalang ako ng cellphone sa kama. At napasapo sa mukha.

Good God, why is this happening to me? And of all people, why Ysmael? Ito na ba yung karma dahil sa pagkalandi ko sa araw na iyon?

Kahit anong bura ko sa isipan ng mga litrato namin ay hindi talaga mawawala. Ano bang mayroon sa mga litratong iyon na hindi matanggal sa isipan ko?

They were just merely a picture of Ysmael and me outside the bookstore talking to each other. Hindi talaga sana iyon magmukhang iba kung hindi lang isinali ang kung saan iginaya niya ako sa kotse at yung pagkakataon na napatingala ako sa kaniya. Because we freaking look like couples in there!

Nag-init tuloy ang mukha ko sa naalala. Damn, screw those feelings that caused this. Ano nalang kaya ang masasabi ni Ysmael tungkol rito? At paano ko ulit siya papansinin ng katulad noon?

Mabilis akong napatayo at inabot ang cellphone ko. I probably should call him to apologize. And since it's the only and most convenient way to reach him without having to stare at his eyes and melt. Dahil baka mautal pa ako dahil sa hiya.

One ring and he picked up. "Merry Christmas, apple." unang bati niya pagkasagot.

Umurong tuloy ang dila ko at napalunok ng maraming laway, "Uh—Merry Christmas..." I bit my lower lip in embarrassment. Damn, I almost stuttered!

"Have fun with your folks?" maybe because of how I'm so accustomed to him that I could immediately tell his smiling on the line.

Umayos ako ng pagkaupo at huminga muna ng malalim bago siya sinagot, "It's the best Christmas, I guessed."

"Really?" tumango ako.

"We weren't complete but we all reached to one another and sent our gifts." I almost swore at myself when I realized the gut-churning tone I used. Something is wrong with me!

"H-how about you?" pagpapatuloy ko sana sa usapan pero mukhang ikinasisi ko pa ito nang pumiyok ng mahina.

He giggled, "I missed being with my family and relatives. But I somehow regretted being here when they started asking about marriage." tumawa siya doon at ako naman ay nagulat at nahiya rin.

Ysmael is not getting any younger and it's not new if his family is asking him about when he plans to marry. But I cannot really see Ysmael getting married for now. Hindi ko alam, siguro dahil hindi pa nito nakakalimutan si Olivia kaya hindi nagkaka-girlfriend. Pero may ibang parte rin ng isipan ko na ayaw itong makitang may asawa. And I swear to god that it's the weirdest thing I've ever thought.

"That's normal. Kaya hindi umuuwi si Kuya Thadius dahil diyan." I bit my lips and tried not to sound bitter, "B-but you should reconsider it especially that you're the eldest."

Narinig ko ang pagtahimik niya matapos kong sabihin iyon. Biglang dinaga ng kaba ang dibdib ko dahil baka hindi nito nagustuhan ang komento ko. Maybe I was going overboard without even noticing it.

But then he laughed and hemmed, "Bakit? Handa ka na ba?"

It was subtle and oblique, but I understood what he was saying right away. Dumadagundong ang dibdib ko doon at tinakpan ang bibig dahil baka bigla akong mapatili sa sinabi niya. And when I realized how disgusting I was doing, mabilis akong napaayos at tumikhim. "You're such a hoe, aren't you?"

"Hoe for you." aniya kaya napangiwi ako.

"By the way..." I started the real purpose of my sudden call.

"Yeah?"

Simula noong sagutin niya ito ay purong saya lang ang nasa bibig nito na tila ba hindi pa alam na pinag-uusapan na siya ng medya. I'm going to be disappointed with myself if I heard his happy voice turned into something I don't want to hear.

I swallowed and breathed in a lot of air, "I-I wanted to apologize, that's why I called you."

"Apologize for what?"

He definitely does not know anything!

"I hate to say this but you're all over social media, Jaime—we're all over social media." nanuyo na ang lalamunan ko sa kakalunok ng laway. At nang hindi ito marinig sa kabila ay mas lalo lamang akong kinabahan at natakot.

"You mean the dating issue?" he said to I answered 'yes' instantly.

At doon ko lang napagtantong alam niya pala. "W-wait—you knew?!"

Natawa siya, "Yeah, I knew. It was the walking flags that told me. So, what's about it that you were apologizing for?" he said, unbothered, not even a bit.

"Shouldn't you be mad right now?" I ridiculed almost as if persuading him to get mad.

"I should be mad because?" panggagaya niya kay Corbin.

"Because I'm causing you trouble?"

He chuckled, soothing the anxiety away, "You've always caused me trouble, apple." he laughed and instead of getting offended, I received a flattery heart.

"But seriously, you should get mad. You're allowed to get mad at your boss, at me. So, please listen to your feelings. I want to hear the truth, I don't want you to lie..." seryoso kong batid sa kaniya.

Nahihiya ako sa pinagsasabi ko pero iyon lang ang tanging paraan para maibsan ang pag-aalala ko. I heard that boys are usually secretive. They tend to hide their true feelings in order to prevent themselves from hurting and others. Kaya naman ay gusto kong ihatid kay Ysmael na kaya niyang magbukas ng kung anong gusto niya sa akin dahil handa naman akong umintindi at makinig katulad lamang ng lagi nitong ginagawa sa akin.

I heard his heavy breathing, "Do you really want me to tell the truth?"

Bigla akong natakot doon pero nilunok ko ang lahat ng ito at matatag na tumango, "Yes, please."

It took him over five seconds to speak. And when he spoke, it was not what I was expecting. And I despised the way my heart's flatteries intensified and became the same feeling I felt when I mistook it for reliance.

"I want to see you right now...can I?"

Mas malamig pa sa gabi ang pares na kamay at malakas pa sa simoy ng hangin ang pintig ng puso ko habang hinihintay si Ysmael sa dambuhalang tarangkahan ng hacienda.

Kakarating ko lang dito at ang totoo niyan ay sekretong hinatid lang ako rito ni Francisco habang okupado ang lahat sa pagsasaya sa mansyon. I even ask Francisco to keep his mouth shut, pero tinawanan lang ako nito at tinatapunan ng malisyosong tingin.

I shook my dress, fixed my hair, and even wiped the tip of the loafer that I wore, just in case I missed a spot of dust earlier when I cleaned it. Tumayo ako ng matuwid sa labas ng tarangkahan, pilit na maging ignorante sa apat na guwardiya sa labas.

I'd be lying if I say I wasn't anxious about them but they were too grateful to continue my anxiety. Binigyan nila ako ng pwedeng mauupuan habang naghihintay kay Ysmael. But since Ysmael will arrive any minutes from now, I respectfully refused it.

Maayos naman sa kanila iyon at binigyan pa ako ng ngiti. Masayang binalik ko naman iyon sa kanila at pinakiusapan na huwag sana itong malaman ni Grandpa o kahit sino sa loob. They had no problem with it since they knew I was going with Ysmael.

Ilang sandali ay agad namang nakarating si Ysmael, riding his Mercedes Gullwing in his thin polo which sleeves ended on his elbows. Napakurap ako at panay lunok.

He welcomed me with a smile when he saw me. Agad itong huminto atsaka sinuyod ng mga mata ang kabuuan ko. I blushed and embarrassedly looked away. He chuckled before he leaned against his car and crossed his arms.

"Did someone ever tell you how beautiful you are in red?"

Napasinghap ako at agad siyang sinamaan ng tingin upang hindi mapansin ay pagbabardagulan ng puso at damdamin ko. My lips parted, "O-of course!" I shouted with pride and he only laughed good-naturedly. And I swear to god that that was going to be my mind.

Watching him in front of me, looking this hot and handsome is dangerous.

Kaya ayaw ko sa mga moreno dahil doon, eh. Not only that they're hot but my heart is easily attracted to them. At kahit ilang ulit ko pang sabihin na hindi ko sila tipo ay alam na alam ko sa malandi kong puso na sila ang gusto ko. At hindi mestizo.

And that's why Ysmael was the flaw of my perfect plan.

"Shall we go? O baka gusto mo pa akong titigan ng ilan pang segundo? I can let you do that for an hour, apple. Just say so."

Mabilis akong pairap na umiling atsaka naglakad patungo sa kaniya. "Pasko na pasko, pinapainit mo ulo ko." pati dibdib.

He only smirked and behind it was something suspiciously playing, "Buti nga ang ulo mo lang pinapainit ko."

Akala mo lang 'yon!

"As much as I want to smack the jerk out of you, I can't because unfortunately, I am causing you problems that you must not have." simangot ko nang makapasok sa mercedes niya.

Tumawa lang siya at maingat na inayos ang suot ko para hindi maipit sa pintuan nito. Mabilis siyang umikot at pumasok sa loob. Nang isinuot niya ang seatbelt ay ganoon rin naman ako at tinangala ulit siya.

"Stop staring at me like a creep." naiilang kong sambit nang magtama ang mga mata namin.

"Come on, it was my only way of telling you you're pretty." he never really failed to wobble my heart.

"But it's making me blush!" ngitngit ko sa ngipin bago napagtanto ang nasabi.

Huli na at hindi ko na napigilan ang malapad nitong ngiti sa mukha. I felt heat rushing in my cheeks, filling them with a darker color. At dahil doon hindi ko napigilang mahampas ang matigas nitong braso.

I immediately gasped when I slapped him hard and how hard his bicep was. Napabuhakhak siya sa reaksyon ko habang hinihimas ito. "Don't worry, I have sisters to annoy too," he assured to wipe my worry.

Hindi na ako nagsalita nang magsimula siyang magmaneho. He opened the windows to let the cold breeze enter the car. Napangiti naman ako doon.

"Do you have somewhere you want to go?"

Umiling ako, "I'm not really familiar with the city." amin ko.

"Should we just drive around the town and buy snacks for this night?" he suggested so I agreed.

Tutal may dalawang oras pa naman bago ang pasko, so maybe welcoming Christmas with him is not that bad.

Agad kaming dumaan sa drive thru nang makapasok sa sentro. He let me chose what I wanted to eat so I picked the usual meal and included an ice cream. Pagkatapos noon ay panay kuwentuhan lang namin sa mga nangyare sa araw na 'to.

It's Christmas so we both didn't go to work. Kaya hindi ko ito nakita kanina.

Naikuwento ko rin sa kaniya ay kahihiyang ginawa nina Pacholo sa akin at panay tawa lang siya doon. I couldn't help but laugh as well even though I was so pissed of by my two cousins.

He wasn't lying when he said we'll drive around the town because we actually did. We passed through all the tall buildings, colorful parks, schools, villages, and even along the sea. Huminto lang kami noong napag-isipan namin kumain na.

"Do you wish anything for Christmas?" he asked, eyes were staring far into the night sky.

I shook my head, "Not necessarily a thing but a better well-being and life ahead."

"Ako ayaw mo?" he started again.

Inirapan ko lang, "Kahit siguro magbagong taon ay hindi pa rin magbabago ang pagiging malandi mo."

"Gusto mo bang magbago?" ngise niya kaya umiling ako. "Dahil handang akong mas lumandi para sa'yo."

Napasigaw ako sa pandidiri at inis habang siya naman ay tawa lang ng tawa, tuwang-tuwa pa sa pagkalaswa niya.

"How about you? Anything you wish for Christmas?—and please don't ever say that it's me. I won't hesitate to pour this in your car if you say that."

Tumawa muna siya, "But I really want you for Christmas—ito na, seseryoso na." he went on laughing, "Like everyone wishes, I want good health and more money." I puffed a laugh.

"How about love life? Or something you can please your parents?" kiyuryos kong tanong.

He only smiled and rested his elbows on the window frame as he stared at me with a mischievous grin, "That can wait." he uttered and that eased my heart but then he continued, this time pursuing his annoying words, "But if you can't then I'd definitely be glad to introduce you to them."

Kulang nalang ay malasahan ko ang dugo sa labi dahil sa diin ng pagkakagat nito. He laughed harder so I smacked him for the second time again, this time, without any worry that I might hurt him.

"I just want to let you laugh, I'm sorry," he said in between his laugh kaya napaingos nalang ako.

Pinabayaan ko muna siyang tumawa mag-isa habang pinanood ko lang siya. I got to admit how good his laugh was in my ears. Yung tipong poging pagtawa na pagnanasaan mo at hindi nakakasawang pakinggan. Not to mention how it could someone smile unconsciously. Siguro ay isa iyon sa asset niya.

"Gusto mo na ba ang moreno?" mga mata niya na gumigilak sa sinag ng buwan dahilan kung bakit ako napatitig.

I was aware that I was staring at him, at his mouth, to his lips, hair, and eyes—all over his face. Regardless of that fact, I continued to pleasure my eyes which made the space became silent and he stiffened.

Gusto kong matawa dahil naramdaman niya na sa wakas ang nararamdaman ko tuwing naiilang ako. I wonder if it has the same effects on him, and if it has, how would he react to it?

"You're handsome."

It was honest and pure. I didn't mix it with anything else but the true reality of what I've been thinking.

Napaawang lamang siya ng labi kaya nagpatuloy ako, "So, you must be aware of how you can easily get the attention of ladies around you. That's why I wonder why you chose to let go of the opportunities that were already knocking on your door." I smiled, "Am I too nosy? I'm sorry, I just can't help but wonder. You're not obligated to answer, though." I chuckled.

I'm surprised that I didn't feel embarrassed when I said that. It was as if I am opening the sense of rejection to myself, and I'm happy how effective it went.

Nalipasan pa ng ilang segundo bago siya nakasagot, "I'm actually just waiting for the right time. You know, that time when I'd be able to please both me and the woman I'm certain I'll be spending the rest of my life with," tumango ako at ngumiti, "...and also." he continued, fixing his gaze on mine, sending them mysterious warmth. "I'm not wasting any opportunities here, apple." he clarified.

"I'm sorry..." I apologized so he tapped my head.

"That's the third time you said to me," he commented.

Maya-maya ay natapos na rin kami sa pagkain pero nanatili muna kami hanggang sa mag alas dose upang masilayan ang saya ng pasko mula sa mataas na parte ng Everett.

It was five minutes before midnight that I received greetings from my cousins and aunts, as well as from Dona. Nabasa ko rin sa group chat namin ang paghahanap nina Pacholo sa akin kaya hindi ko nalang pinansin at sinara ito.

Saktong pagbalik nito ay sabay-sabay namang nagputukan ang mga fireworks sa langit. Napatili ako dahil sa gulat kaya panay tawa lang ni Ysmael sa akin. I rolled my eyes at him and eventually smiled watching the wonderful and loud fireworks of Everett Valley.

My back straightened when I suddenly felt fingers touching my neck. And when I looked back, I was faced with Ysmael's pleased face as he carefully tied something to my hair.

"I didn't know what you wanted and I heard from Ysa that women, like you, appreciate simple and useful things. So, I'm giving you a scrunchie."

Marahan ko itong hinawakan at napangiti sa kaniya. It wasn't as expensive as what Grandpa gave, as big as Jarvis's gift, and definitely not as memorable as Pacholo's present but it was something that flatters my heart. Something that only Ysmael can do.

"Thank you..." wika ko bago napayuko, "I actually forgot your gift at home." kagat-labi kong pag-amin kaya napabuhakhak siya.

"You already gave me your present." aniya kaya nalito ako.

"When you let me see you and your presence tonight." he simply said, almost making my heart gone wild.

Natawa nalang ako bago siya ulit nagsalita, "How are you with your daddy? And his adoptive daughter?" I supposed that he didn't really want to talk about it but there was a hint of worry in his voice that bothered me.

Nag-aalala ba siya na dadaan nalang ang pasko at hindi pa rin kami nagkabati?

"They greeted me a merry Christmas too and shared the celebration. Hindi ko alam kung may regalo ba sila o wala but I really don't care, though. I only wish for their well-being and nothing more." nakita ko siyang tumango bago ako napahinto mang may maalala.

"I actually kind of ran into Beviene earlier when I escaped the house." nahihiya kong sambit, "I know that she's already given me a gift but I think her sorry was another thing I was happy receiving." may bahid na ngiti ang labi ko at panunubig ng mga mata nang sabihin 'yon, "But yeah, she's still in her favorite long-sleeved dresses and I wonder why."

Naramdaman ko ang biglang pagkahinto ni Ysmael nang sabihin ko iyon. I looked at him with curiosity and tried to call his attention. Inangat ko ang mga kilay at tinanong siya, "Are you okay?"

His lashes bat, "Yeah...it's just I remembered something from what you said."

"What is it?"

Ipinilig niya ang ulo papunta sa kabilang bahagi habang inaalala ito, "I'm not sure about this but I thought I saw bruises on her arms when I carried her to her room."

Mabilis akong napakurap doon at hindi makapaniwala na napalapit sa kaniya. "W-what do you mean?"

He placed his palms on the air and leaned backwards, "I didn't clearly see it because of the cloth covering them. So, I might be wrong, hopefully." he said but it didn't lessen the worry that was trying to escape.

Ysmael noticed it and carefully pulled me closer to him. His body was warm and being placed in his arms felt like a refuge. That's why I didn't refuse because I also needed it: the comfort my heart desires to feel.

The comfort where I could only find in Ysmael.

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nyariina
8/8/'21