Irresistible Jaime
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I mistook him for being my savior, forgetting that he lived in the same sea, surrounded by predators.

I didn't go to work the next days after that, I didn't even go out of my room and locked myself for four straight days. I didn't give a damn if they thought I was immature. They couldn't hold it against me because I was wounded and embarrassed! Kasi kahit paman gaano ako ka taray at walang pakealam ay may nararamdaman pa rin ako.

I clenched my fist and buried my face into the pillows. Alas nwebe na at kanina pa ako gising. Katulad ng nagdaang araw ay ganoon pa rin ang ginawa ko. Hindi ako nagpapasok ng kahit sino sa loob, kahit si Grandpa at tanging si Leonora lang kapag hinahatiran ako ng pagkain o di kaya ay may kailangan ako.

Leonora sensed it, and I felt sorry that her attempted cheerful welcomes were ineffective. Naramdaman niya kaya nakiramdam siya.

Napabuntonghininga nalang ako bago lumipad ang tingin sa labas. Presko pa rin sa puso ko ang sakit na naramdaman. Tila ba ay dumikit ito at lumala sa kada magdaan ang araw. At kahit pa man hindi ko itatanong kung bakit ito nangyayare ay alam ko na mismo sa sarili ko.

Who wouldn't feel offended if their savior saved someone else first? I was overcome with a sense of bitterness and betrayal. Masakit isipin na ang akala ko'y kakampi ay kinampihan ang dapat na kalaban. And the way he stared at me stings much more! It was brimming with displeasure and hatred. And it has hurt me to no end.

Paingos na napaikot ako sa pagkakahiga atsaka tamad na dinukot ang cellphone. Ganito lagi araw-araw. Kung hindi sa netflix magbabad ay sa cellphone naman.

Nang mabuksan ay tumambad naman sa akin ang mensahe galing sa group chat naming magpinsan. It was all messages from Pacholo and Loki, and none of it made sense for at least one of them. Pero dahil nababagot ay binasa ko ito lahat mula sa simula.

I couldn't stop giggling at their discussion, so I typed to express myself.

You:
What else do you expect from a stupid hoe? Right Pacholo?

Mas lumapad ang ngise ko nang agad nila itong mabasa. Nagpaunahan naman sila sa pagtype kaya hindi ko mapigilang mapahalikhik.

Lowkey:
HAHAHAHA! Patira ka nalang sa bakla, boi!

Jarvis the Artist:
Nandito na si Ceana. Magbabardagulan na naman ang dalawa. 😩

Gysen:
Dumbness lasts they say. 🤷‍♂️

I grimaced when I noticed that someone has been messing with our names again. Pinabayaan ko nalang ito at hinintay ang nagtitipa pa rin na Pacholo. Agad namang pumawi ang ngiti ko nang mabasa ito.

Pacholongina:
Buhay ka pa pala?

Lowkey:
HAHAHA, pacholongina talaga!

Jarvis the Artist:
Magbestfriends
seen by Gysen, kuya Will pa kiss, and Thadius Silverio

I rolled my eyes and grunted. Pacholo never failed to get on my nerves.

Pacholongina:
Hala! Si kuya buhay rin!
Thadi-yows! Eyy! Eyy! Kamusta ka kuya?

Nang makitang online si Thadius ay agad na napakagat ako ng labi sa pang-aasar na mensahe ni Pacholo. Walang sumabay kay Pacholo pagkatapos at lalo na nang biglang nag-typing si Thadius. Halos magwala ang dibdib ko sa kaba habang hinihintay ang sasabihin nito. I'm sure that I'm not the only one who's feeling this. Paniguradong kami lahat maliban lamang kay Pacholo.

Bakit nga ba hindi? Of course! Thadius is the most impatient and serious man alive, with no sense of humour or puns. He doesn't say much and makes snap judgments. Minsan lang itong nagpaparamdam sa amin at kung man ay kailangang nasa tamang huwisyo kami. Kaya naman ay hindi ko mahulaan kung ano ang sasabihin nito sa pagkakataong ito.

Thadius Silverio:
Die, fucker.

Dalawang salita na ikinasabog ng dibdib at tawa ko. The others instantly mocked, and even William, who had been mysteriously silent the entire time, finally messaged. At ang nangyare ay napuno ng pambubuska kay Pacholo ang group chat kaya natatawang napailing nalang ako.

Just as I exited the conversation, consecutive notifications coming in late popped up. Napakunot ang noo ko doon at nagtatakang sinilip ito. My heart instantly throbs when I saw Ysmael's name on them.

It was a notice indicating I had missed someone I was following's postings. It said that they were posted days ago and one was currently. Napalunok ako at nakipagtalo sa sariling isipan kung titingnan o ignorahin ba ito.

At sa huli ay tinalo ng kuryosidad ang kaakuhan ko. Nanginginig ang daliring pinindot ko ang pangalan niya at walang isang segundo na ginaya ako papasok sa profile niya.

Agad akong napakurap nang makita ang limang bagong litrato. As I gently pass past them, I swallowed hard. I began by opening the oldest of the posts. Agad na nag-arko naman ang mga kilay ko nang maalala ang huli naming pag-uusap. Perhaps this was the one he mentioned before?

The image was simple. It was only him in the casual attire he wore at the mayor's heir's celebration. Yet even how simple it was, the likes reached half a hundred thousand with a noisy comment section.

I felt a surge of pride about it. I guessed correctly that he'll become famous in no time if he shows his face. Siyempre, ganoon ang social media—kapag pogi, pagpapantasyaan. I couldn't blame them for that, kasi ganoon rin ako—kay Noah.

Dahan-dahan naman akong pumunta sa itaas upang masilayan ang iba pangposts nito. The second was a set of aesthetically pleasing photographs of their cabin and the beach in the background. Sumilay ang maliit na ngiti sa labi ko nang matandaan ang mga nangyare doon. It was bittersweet but a memory I could not forget.

The third and the fourth were all landscapes and animals so I headed towards the last one. 'She misses you' it said, and I couldn't have been more heartbroken when I saw Chance unknowingly gazing at the camera as a hand, I believe Ysmael's, holding the bottle that feeds her.

I felt an ache in my heart and realized I was missing Chance. Nakalimutan ko tuloy na may naghihintay rin sa akin sa rancho. Dinaga ng kalungkutan at kastigo ang dibdib ko dahil sa makasariling desisyon. Bigla akong nasabik na dalawin ito pero sa tuwing maalala ko si Ysmael ay hindi ko mapigilang magalit ng husto.

Napabuntonghininga ako. I couldn't avoid Ysmael as much as I wanted to, especially because of Chance.

Napangitngit nalang ako at wala sa sariling nai-swipe ang litrato. Pakurap ko namang nilinaw ang mga mata upang basahin ulit ang nakasulat doon. It was a simple 'Me too'. A familiar sensation arose, which heightened my feelings. The background, on the other hand, drew my attention.

Now that I think about it, I feel as if something is missing inside of me. Something I only get when I'm sitting on my own swivel chair at work.

Malakas akong napabuga ng hangin at padarag na pumanhik patungong banyo. I fought it for four days, as hard as I could, but a simple emotion altered everything.

Agad akong pinalibutan ng dalawa pagkarating ko sa clinic. It was past 2 in the afternoon when I arrived. Supposedly, Ysmael would be around but he was called out by Grandpa for the construction of the new barn. Si Kepter naman ay nanatili muna rito sa rancho hanggang sa hindi pa makakalakad si Chance.

Kepter and Hailee genuinely assisted each other in treating the other babies that Ysmael had sent. Kaya hindi nakakapagtataka kung bakit laging may tao sa clinic.

Kasalukuyan ko lang rin nalaman na assistant pala si Hailee ni Kepter sa farm na pinamamahalaan nito kaya naman ay kilalang-kilala na nila ang isa't-isa, iyon nga lang ay walang araw na hindi magtatalo.

Sa gitna ng paglalaro kay Chance ay napapitlig ako nang biglang marinig ang boses ni Ysmael mula sa pintuan. "The engineers will be here at 3. Kepter, make sure—"

No one, not even Chance, dared to interrupt him. He was just shocked when he became conscious of my presence.

Narinig kong biglang paghagikhik ni Kepter at kasunod doon ang mga yapak niya papunta kay Ysmael. "Nahinto ka. What seems to be the problem ba?" may bahid na pangkukutya nitong tanong kaya nabalik si Ysmael sa katinuan.

He then proceeded to instruct him as Hailee and I returned Chance to her small nest. I also gave tiny pats on the heads of the other babies. Sapat na 'yon upang mapangiti ako.

"I'll head back to the office, Hail. Kaya mo bang mag-isa dito habang wala si Kepter?" I worried but she snorted.

"Kahit hindi na siya babalik. Kainis na lalaki." may pagkabrusko nitong sambit kaya hindi ko napigilan ang tawa.

"Just knock on the office door if needed a hand." I waved her goodbye.

Pagkalabas sa silid ay naabutan ko naman ang dalawang seryosong nag-uusap. They instantly became aware of our presence and came to a halt in their conversation. Mataray ni inangatan ko ng kilay si Kepter nang sumilay ang pang-aasar sa labi nito.

"Oh? Anong ginawa ko?" he acted innocent and I was used to it. Syempre, ganoon rin si Ysmael at magkaibigan sila.

Mabagal na umirap lang ako at ginaya ang sarili sa pintuan. I walked past them, barely breathing and sweating profusely. Narinig ko ang mababang daing ni Ysmael at sinundan 'yon ng malakas na pagbuga. I was about to go out the door when I heard Kepter say something for the last time that made my breath catch in my throat.

"Hindi ka rin pinapansin ng babae mo?"

Pasalampak na napaupo ako sa sofa ng office. I clutched my chest to feel my heart's frantic beating. Napakagat ako ng labi. I'm not sure what happened to me, but instead of being upset alone, another familiar sensation invaded my mind.

Pilit ko lang itong binura sa damdamin ko at panay alala sa nangyare noon. Right now, I should be furious with him. He may not have committed any crime, but his actions wounded me. Hindi pwedeng kalimutan ko lang agad 'yon. Isip bata na kung tingnan pero magtatampo ako kasi gusto ko.

Mabilis akong napatayo nang walang katok na binuksan ni Ysmael ang pintuan. When he did that, I instantly scowled at him. He felt a bit bad when he realized he should've knocked first, but I had already turned my back on him before he could even open his words.

Kinarga ko ang duffel bag nito na nakapataong sa mesa para asikasuhin na ang mga records na napag-iwanan ko.

"Hey..." he whispered.

Maingat ko lang ito kinarga papunta sa mesa ko at hindi siya pinansin. He called me out again. "Apple..."

Napairap ako habang nakatalikod sa kaniya. I don't want to talk to him right now and I hope he feels that. Nagpanggap lang akong inaayos ang mesa habang pinapakiramdam siya sa likuran ko.

"How have you been these past days? Were you sick? Bakit hindi ka nakapasok sa nagdaang araw? And you didn't read my messages too." he directly asked with a gentle voice.

Napairap ulit ako. Is this guy okay? Mukhang nakalimutan ata niya ang ginawa niya sa akin sa gabing iyon. How could he dare act as if everything was alright?

"Why are you ignoring me? Have I done something wrong?" he asked that almost made me scoff.

How did I not know that this guy would be dense enough to not read the mood inside the room? Napangitngit ako bago ulit ito nagsalita.

"Crisceana...hey, why aren't you answering?"

"I don't want to talk with you. Stop annoying me." I bitterly said.

He was speechless for seconds before he grunted quietly, "Don't want to talk...to me...?" it was almost only air that came out from his mouth.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng pagkailang nang hindi ko na ito marinig pang magsalita. It was as if that first night repeated. And as much as I want to sneak a peek at him, I can't because I don't want to receive another humiliation like how I got that night.

At doon nanuyo ang lalamunan ko nang bigla nalang ako nitong pinagitnaan ng naglalakihang braso na nakapatong sa mesa ko. My breathing stopped. My heart raced. And my face? It instantly became red. We were so closed, our skin almost touch.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang init na paghinga nito sa bandang ulo ko bago bumaba sa leeg. And the forbidden fire awakened just like that. Napakapit ako ng mahigpit sa kargang duffle bag at pinilit ang sarili na makapagsalita.

"W-what the hell, J-jaime?" as I attempted to get away from his sexually enticing hot breath, I stuttered.

Ngunit nabigla ako nang ipatong niya ang kaniyang sentido sa balikat ko. And that small touch came dangerously close to destroying the sanity I'd been maintaining.

"Come on...talk to me." bulong niya sa tenga ko na ikinatayo ng mga balahibo ko.

"C-can you move away? I'm already sweating here." rason ko para maibsan ang init na nararamdaman.

I didn't want the arousal to continue. It was something that I consider to be a sin. A terrible sin that has the potential to destroy my life again.

"I'm sorry...for whatever I've done. So, just talk to me." sambit niya ulit kaya nababagot akong yumuko at naghahanap ng pwedeng daanan.

Pero hindi ako nito pinayagan at mas lalo lamang pinaliit ang distansya namin sa isa't isa. Two inches apart was enough for his heat to envelope me. Panay lunok ko lang at dahil sa magkahalong nararamdam ay wala sa pag-iisip ko siyang tinulak gamit ang puwetan ko dahil hindi ko magamit ang mga kamay na nakahawak sa duffle bag.

I pushed him a little too hard, which is why he gasped loudly and backed away from me. My forehead creased when I saw how far we are from each other. Him being just right beside the door, 4 meters away from my escalation.

When my body temperature returned to normal, I felt at peace, but I was also perplexed when I looked at him. His face was red and his breathing was heavy. As if he was chased by something he did not want to catch him.

"The hell are you doing?" sambit ko agad nang maalala ang kahalayang ginawa niya.

He only fluttered his eyes and gaped. "N-nothing."

Ilang segundo bago ko siya inirapan at umikot papasok sa cubicle ko. He was there in front of me, still stiff from something I couldn't put my finger on.

Nagsimula na akong magtrabaho at pilit siyang inignora. It was just a matter of time until he returned to his old self. Kaya nanumbalik naman ngayon ang kaba ko.

"Can we talk?" his low voice asked.

I frowned, "We already are."

I heard him took a deep breath and then sat down in the chair in front of my desk. "Bakit ka galit sa'kin?" he questioned bluntly, without any hesitancy.

Tinunghay ko siya at blankong tiningnan. Akala ko talaga ay alam niya na. But unfortunately, this guy here is a little airhead. Napailing nalang ako sa pagkadismaya at binalik ang tingin sa mga papel.

"Apple, no problem can be solved with silence. Please, speak up." he pleaded.

I smirked, "How about politicians covering the lips of their victims to keep their crimes hidden?"

Napabuga siya ng hangin, "Come on, that's not what I mean—"

"—that's what you asked." I countered.

Halos sabunutan niya na ang buhok niya dahil doon. He's frustrated, and I'm upset—emotions are doing havoc on both of us.

"Apple..."

I groaned, "Stop calling me that. Tingin mo sa'kin, mansanas?" pagpapalaki ko pa lalo sa apoy kahit wala namang silbi ang pinagsasabi ko.

Emotions not only make us sensitive, but also makes us dumb and stupid.

Tumayo siya at napayuko papunta sa akin, magsasalita na sana siya kung hindi lang sa taong biglang kumatok at tinawag siya. "Hoy, Jaime. Nandito na sila. Tapos na bebe time, balik ka na sa trabaho."

After cursing at Kepter, who was behind the door, I noticed how his jaw tightened. "One second," he said and dragged his eyes towards mine, "Dahil ba ito sa nangyare noon?"

"You're actually asking that?" I swallowed and puffed.

"Tell me what made you upset." my eyes felt as though they were being raped by his, "Tell me, so that I could give you an answer."

My mouth parted and Kepter shouted, "Ano ba Jaime! Hindi ako makitao! Lumabas ka na, tangina 'to." but he ignored him.

"Isn't it working hours? Leave, so that I can continue my wor—"

"I don't want them to notice." he suddenly spoke and I was baffled.

"What?"

"Especially you." he went on, "since your father was present and may become enraged if he notices it."

"What are you talking about?" may inis at lito sa mukha ko.

"I was talking about that night. That night you believed I abandoned you, that night you thought I didn't care about you." The more he admitted, the more it perplexed my emotions and irritated my mind.

Everything was subtle yet bold. But just what the hell was supposed to be unnoticed?

He said, a little smile on his face as he delicately lifted his fingers to my wrist, "Have you treated it?" tukoy niya sa pasang nakuha ko noong hinablot ako ni daddy.

Honestly, I didn't notice the bruise until the morning came. Ni hindi ko nga naramdaman ang masasakit na salita na binabato ni daddy noong gabing 'yon. My mind was just too occupied of Ysmael and so as my heart. Kaya siguro hindi ko napansin ang ibang sakit sa paligid dahil punong-puno ito sa sakit na nakuha ko mula kay Ysmael.

He stared at it while I stared at him. Eventually, his expression changed. It was filled with resentment and remorse. Bigla siyang nagtiim bagang bago napabuga ng hangin.

"It might have been painful and lonely for you...I'm sorry." He gently squeezed my swelling wrist and held my hand in his as if he were curing both my wrist and grumpy heart. And I hate how effective it was.

Mabilis kong inagaw ang kamay ko at naiilang siyang tiningnan, "Ang drama mo. C-can you just go now?" pinilit kong ibalik ang usuwal na sarili.

His mouth finally chuckled. Tumayo na siya ng maayos at ibinulsa ang dalawang palad. Sinamaan ko naman ulit siya ng tingin nang bigla niya na naman akong titigan. He laughed again, this time louder that made my lips arch.

"Remember the promise I told you the first time we met?" he randomly asked.

"No," I said, arching my brow because there was technically no promise made.

"That's something I'll keep forever. But, for the time being, I must return to work," he remarked before bidding his farewell and left me there confused and relieved at the same time.

I already knew how much I could not resist him, but this feeling is really getting worse. And I'm scared it'll grow more starting now.

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nyariina
8/7/'21