Safe Haven
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I stared at the daring lady in the mirror with an unimpressed smile. I wore a simple black tie gown with a pastel pink hue and sparkly beads that cascaded from the breast towards the hem. It had a sophisticated and elegant feel to it. The silver stiletto poked out from the split on the side of the floor-length gown. If I hadn't been compelled to go, I would have thought it was incredibly cute.

Naglakbay ang mata ko patungong mukha. In contrast to the events I used to attend, the makeup was light yet appealing. Despite the fact that I appeared unassuming for such a large event, I knew that people would still be encircling me later, especially if the mayor allowed media to attend his daughter's party.

Dahan-dahan na inangat ko ang bestida para mag-ensayo kung paano ulit maglakad. It's been months since I last walked with small-tipped heels and even though I am a model, I wouldn't want to humiliate myself later because of how complacent I am.

Pinilit kong hindi pawisan para hindi agad mag-init ang ulo ko mamaya kapag nakita sila daddy. I had no idea what went through my head when I accepted the invitation. Kaninang umaga, nagulat nalang ako na panay gising sa'kin ni Leonora dahil may selebrasyon pa raw akong pupuntahan. And it was at that point that I began to regret my decision.

One reason was that my sleep had been disrupted, but it wasn't the only one. Last night, I was so impetuous that I forgot the Fortalejos are a wealthy and well-known family in town. Mr. Fortalejo is the current mayor, but he is also a well-known agricultural businessman. When it comes to business, reporters and journalists are constantly there on the street. Kung hindi ko lang sana pinalabas sa kabilang tenga ang sinabi ni daddy, edi hindi sana ako magsisisi ngayon.

I could just walk away if I wanted, but I'm afraid I won't be able to. I'm not even sure if daddy has informed the mayor that I'll be attending.

Napahilot nalang ako ng sentido. Isa pa 'tong anxiety ko. I know I'm not getting any better, but I'm placing myself in a risky scenario for the nth time. Mabuti nalang at naroon sina Francisco at Grandpa, but, given the large number of people expected, I'm not sure they'll constantly be at my side.

Bigla tuloy akong dinaga ng kaba kung hindi lang dahil kay Leonora na biglang pumasok.

"We're going na po." at umahon na naman ulit ang kaba.

Napahinga ako ng malalim at pinilit ang sariling tumayo. Habang naglalakad pababa ay hindi ko maiwasang magplano kung saan ako magtago o di kaya ay kung paano ko hindi makuha ang kanilang atensyon mamaya.

Sabay kami ni Grandpa na pupunta doon. The Fortalejos' house was located the opposite way of Hacienda Silverio. Hindi ito malayo katulad ng hacienda, however, it is situated on a high mountain ridge from which residents may enjoy a panoramic view of the Everett Valley.

"I was about to scream when I thought I saw your mom. Ikaw lang pala ito." ani Grandpa kaya natawa ako.

Binigyan ko siya ng pangkukutyang ngiti, "I love how you lowkeyly complimented me. Well, you also look like kuya Thadius right now, with your black tuxedo and shiny oxford shoes. Older version nga lang." napabuhakhak ito ng tawa nang sabihin ko 'yon.

He was on the verge of crumpling my hair when he realized we were going to a party. Ikinuyom niya nalang ito sa ere at ibinulsa, "I'll let it pass since you told me I look like your cousin." I shrugged and smiled at him.

Matapos noon ay sumakay na kami sa SUV nang marinig ang makinang tumunog. I kept cracking my fingers and looked outdoors. I couldn't get the worry out of my head. Kahit na nandito na sila Grandpa ay hindi ko pa rin talaga kayang hindi kabahan. I couldn't help but wonder how I did it the last time when I haven't retired.

I was always surrounded by different kinds of people and cameras. I have a bodyguard as well but I already felt safe if Dona is the only one besides me.

She was my refuge when I was still in Buena Luna. Siyam na taon rin kami magkasama kaya may kumpiyansa ako basta nasa tabi ko siya. But this time is different. Wala siya sa tabi ko at kahit kasama ko sila Grandpa ay hindi pa rin ako panatag.

Maybe because I was getting used to a life without strangers around me or perhaps I haven't got my own refuge in Everett Valley like I have in Buena Luna.

The time was fast, I got out of the car with dozens of cameras surrounds me. Some reporters even called my name but fortunately, Francisco was so quick to block them. Ganoon na rin ang ginawa ni Leonora sa gilid ko. I didn't even know that we were already holding each other's hands as we entered the residence.

Medyo nakahinga ako ng maluwag dahil kahit papaano ay may mga usherette at bodyguards rin ang mayor na gagabay sa mga taong darating.

It looked as if the president was throwing a party, with a slew of well-known politicians and business leaders in attendance, nagmukha tuloy na hindi para sa kaniyang unica hija ang handaan na'to.

Nanginginig na tinanggap ko ang kamay ni Grandpa. I quickly shook my head since he seemed concerned about me. "It's always like this. Don't worry, I just need to get used to it a little more." I whispered in assurance.

Nasa mukha pa rin nito ang pag-aalala bago kami tinawag ng mayor na ngayon ko pa nakikita. I was really astounded when I saw him. Hindi kasi ito yung nasa isipan ko. He stood tall and was quite attractive. Kung hindi ko lang alam na may anak itong kasing tanda ko ay mapapagkamalan ko na sana siyang binata.

He was handsome and fit but I think I like Noah more. I mean, that guy is on another level.

"You must be the very famous Crisceana Silverio?" tinanguan ko siya at kinamayan. Despite the anxiousness, I kind of feel better when he recognized me as someone I had made rather than simply as a Silverio.

Narinig iyon ng ibang mga bisita kaya bigla silang nagsitunguhan sa gawi namin. The mayor didn't really bother it at all. Hindi na rin nakaangal sila Francisco dahil baka mamasamain pa nila ang trabaho nila Francisco.

All I could do was give them the fakest smile. Ang dating kaba ay nahaluan na ng takot at inis. While I was talking to them, I silently plotted my escape. I kept on glancing at the rooms where I could hide but every room on the floor was crammed with visitors.

Nanghihina na ang mga tuhod ko nang makaramdam ng mga kamay sa tiyan. A pang ascended from my stomach. Mabilis akong napalingon sa likuran at tinaas ang mga palad sa mga lalaking humawak sa'kin.

"Woah, easy. We're not inside a bar and most importantly, I'm not a stripper." I tried so hard not to sound rude especially that a lot of people were watching me.

Narinig kong natawanan ang iba sa sinabi ko kaya pekeng natawa rin ako. I didn't apologize to the two guys but I swear I saw how pissed they look. Bigla akong kinabahan doon at kinuha ang pagkakataon na umalis.

"I think I need to go the bathroom...if ya'll won't mind." wala naman silang angal doon at pinalaya ako.

Francisco and Leonora had been watching me from distance, but they vanished when the two males from earlier obstructed my view. Kahit hindi ko man sila nililingon ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang mga mata nito.

Mas natakot ako at walang pakealam na banggain ang iilang mga bisita. I couldn't help but feel sorry for them. I am honestly becoming frustrated by my condition. Sana talaga ay hindi nalang ako sumama.

Maraming mga pintuan na akong napasukan at panay hingi ko nalang ng tawad sa tuwing may mga tao sa loob. The more doors I open, the closer those two get.

Huling pintuan bago ang hagdanan papunta sa itaas. May pagdadalawang-isip akong pumasok o pumanhik nalang paitaas kahit may nakalagay na harang. I don't want to make a mess at this party, but I'm perfectly aware that there's another group of people who may be disturbed if I go through this door.

"Crisceana..."

Biglang nanlaki ang mga mata ko doon at napalingon sa daan na dinaanan ko kanina. I could hear their footsteps, and seeing their faces was the last thing on my mind.

Walang pag-iisip na tinulak ko ang pintuan papasok. I'd already made up my mind to join whoever was there behind the door. But just as I was ready to push my way in, napaawang labi nalang ako sa gulat nang masilayan ang grupo ng mga bandilang gulat rin na nakatingin sa akin.

They were also stunningly clothed. I wanted to look at Noah, but I couldn't because of the female who sat next to him. May iilan rin taong hindi ko kilala na nasa loob at isa na doon ang babaeng nasa tabi ni Ysmael.

Ysmael appeared to be so startled that he couldn't even speak. I couldn't help but flinch as our gazes met. Napakurap ako at bahagyang umatras. I'm not sure if I should go into the room or not. I felt so different from them, and I also didn't believe I'd fit in with them. Nagbaling ako ng tingin kina Chandran na tinatawag ang pangalan ko. I couldn't do anything but open and close my mouth. I have no idea what was going on with me; I honestly had no idea.

Nakita kong tumayo si Anna sa inuupuan at tumungo sa akin. Her kind grin greeted me, but before she could say anything, a pair of hands seized my shoulders, at kasabay nun ay ang malakas na sarado sa pinto.

Napatili ako at dahil siguro sa magkahalong takot at kaba na kanina ko pa iniinda ay nakita ko nalang ang sariling binti na sinipa ang kanilang gitna. Wala sa pag-iisip na sinuyod ko ang daan patungo sa ikalawang palapag.

I don't care anymore. All I want is to run away from them. I wanted to be alone because it's the only time I feel secure even without comfort.

After seconds of running, I found myself in a solemn place where there was only a piano in the center. Nanginginig pa rin ang buong katawan ko. Although my anxiety was still rising, I was able to push all of the jarring images that trigger my illness to the back of my mind.

Maalikabok ito at mayroon malaking bintanang tinakpan ng kurtina sa harap nito. Nagtagpo ang kilay ko. Aside from the sofa and piano, there was practically nothing in the room. Is this room secluded? Pero nakaawang ito nang pumasok ako.

Regardless of the perplexity, I paid no heed to it. Hinihingal na naupo ako sa isang mahabang leather chair atsaka sumandal sa dingding na nasa likuran.

Hindi pa ako nakaisang oras dito pero ang rami nang nangyari. I hadn't even gotten a chance to look at the celebrant. Although I don't feel obligated to wish her a happy birthday because we are just strangers to each other.

Lumipad ang tingin ko sa nakasarang piano at napatitig rito. I'm no pianist but my fingers badly want to press the keys. What's stopping me is the noise it'll make. Malaman pa nila agad na may tao sa loob, baka mapagkamalan pa akong magnanakaw.

Napailing nalang ako at nag-inat. I suppose I'll just sit till they find me.

Babalik na sana ako sa pagkakasandal nang bigla nalang may isang babaeng nakagown ang pumasok dito at malakas na binalibag ang pinto. Napasapo agad ako sa dibdib at gulat siyang pinagmasdan.

There's only one thing I want to ask right now. Ito ay kung bakit ang ganda niya. Because never in my whole life I got so insecure, ngayon lang. Gusto kong ilarawan siya but the word beautiful is an understatement. She's like an angel that fell from heaven.

Napakurap ako nang bigla itong naglakad papalapit sa maalikabok na piano at basta-basta nalang na binuksan. I gasped when I saw how clean the keys are. Mukhang lagi itong ginagamit.

Hindi siya nagbahalang ayusin ang suot niya at sumalampak sa upuang nasa harap ng piano. I expected an aggressive play when she placed her hands on it, but she drew my attention for the second time.

Nang mahawakan niya ito ay bigla nalang siyang kumalma at huminga ng malalim. It took her less than five seconds to settle herself before she began playing the instrument.

Napamaang ako sa linis ng pagkatunog nito. The piece was very familiar pero hindi ko ito mapangalanan.

Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa kaniya habang hindi niya pa ako napapansin. I'm hoping she'll be able to finish the piece before realizing she's not alone. Gusto ko lang marinig ito ng matagal.

There's something in the way she plays that pain me. Mukhang may pinagdadaanan rin siya but it felt more painful and terrifying than mine. My nervousness dissipates with every note she pushes. I was becoming increasingly light. Despite the fact that I had no idea what was going on, I feel happy.

Huminga ako ng malalim at hanggang sa matapos siya ay doon ko napagtantong napansin niya na pala ako.

"Paano ka nakapasok dito?" she asked.

Napatuwid ako ng upo at napalunok. She doesn't sound mad but she's intimidating. "Door." simpleng sagot ko dahil sa kaba. Akala ko pa naman ay magagalit ito sa sagot ko pero hindi pala.

Taka ang mukha kong tinitigan siya habang tumatawa. She's already holding her stomach and giggling herself silly. I was very envious of her since she was laughing so hard and still looked so beautiful.

"Gago! Natawa ako dun, ah!" sambit niya sa gitna ng tawa.

Hearing her swear made me squirm. It was full of conviction, and I couldn't help but notice how her demeanor contrasted with her immaculate looks.

Nagkunot nalang ako ng noo at napailing. I would have gone out the second she started laughing if I hadn't been hiding. She's loud and weird, I can't stand it.

"Gabi nga pala." pakilala niya. I figured that she was the mayor's daughter the moment I heard her playing the piano.

She didn't extend her hand and pulled off her converse sneakers casually. She had caught me off surprise for the third time. Ibig sabihin ay natural na matangkad talaga siya? She's not even wearing heels! Mas umalab lalo ang pagkainggit ko.

Nabalik nalang ako sa realidad nang tingnan niya ako na nakangise. "Adik ka ba?"

"W-what?" I almost choked my own saliva when she asked that. How the hell do I look like an addict? Is she stupid?

Humalagapak lang ito ng tawa, "Kanina pa kita tinatanong anong pangalan mo, hindi ka naman sumasagot."

"And how is that an addict?"

She shrugged, "Sinisiguro ko lang." at bumungisngis.

Napangiwi nalang ako at naghanda ng tumayo para maghanap ng ibang pagtataguan pero napatigil na naman ako dahil sa kaniya.

"Daming tao doon, dito nalang tayo." walang halong biro niyang sambit. Nakita kong ini rolyo niya ang tela sa harap ng bughaw niyang gown hanggang sa umabot ito sa paa. Lumitaw ang dalawang paa nito na may suot na jeans kaya labis nalang ang pag-irap ko. Ang sama niyang mag-ayos.

Matapos niyang itali 'yon ay inangat niya naman ang isang paa at inilagay sa inuupuan niya. She rested her chin on her knee and wrapped her arms around it after settling into the seat. Nginisihan niya ako matapos nun at doon ko lang napagtanto kung anong klaseng babae siya.

I shook my head in disbelief. I was literally jealous for nothing.

"So, ano na nga ang pangalan mo?" she asked again.

I rolled my eyes, unbothered that she might get offended. "Crisceana." tipid kong sagot.

Nagliwanag bigla ang mukha niya. "Ah! 'Yong babaeng Silverio!" sigaw niya sabay turo sa'kin na may hindi makapaniwalang mukha.

Anong babaeng Silverio? Mukha ba akong lalaki? Gabingina 'to.

"Swerte ko naman at nakausap kita." hagikhik niya.

I furrowed my brows, "Why? Do I bring luck to people I talk to?" I asked sarcastically.

"Ewan? Hindi naman ako tao. I'm a horseshoe." all I could do was stare at her.

Tawa lang siya ng tawa at hindi ko na pinansin. Hiningi niya pa ang permiso ko na magpatunog siya ulit kaya pinabayaan ko nalang. Hearing her playing the piano is better than her voice.

Unlike a while ago, the piece she's playing is light and upbeat. Mukhang ayos na ata siya. Pinapakinggan ko lang ito at napapailing sa tuwing binabalingan niya ako sabay taas-baba ng mga kilay.

It was all chill for me and goofy for her until someone stormed in. Napaigtad ako at siya naman ay panay mura. Inis niyang tiningnan kung sino 'to at ganoon naman ako.

I flinched when I saw the color of his hair. He wasn't someone I knew, yet his hair brought back a memory from my past. Napahawak ako sa upuan habang pinanood silang dalawang nagpipikonan.

"Gago 'to! Buti pa aso marunong kumatok!"

"Lumabas ka na kasi. Ako na naman ang mapapagalitan ng daddy mo." may inis na pagmamakaawa ng lalaki.

Kumalma ng kaunti ang dibdib ko nang marinig kung gaano ka mahinahon ang boses nito. I should really get used to guys around me.

"Edi, mapagalitan ka. Hahaha!" buhakhak ni Gabi. Napasapo nalang ang lalaki sa noo.

When he did that, doon naman niya ako napansin kaya napalingon ito sa akin patalikod. His body became a silhouette of the light from the windows. Napakurap ako nang biglang nag-iba ang anyo nito sa paningin ko. And again, my panic attack triggers.

Mabilis ang pagtayo ko at nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya. My quivering fingers attracted my attention, so I concealed them among the waves of my garment.

"Okay ka lang?" pag-alala nito sa napansin.

Tumingala ako nang bigla itong naglakad sa kinaroroonan ko. My body shook with terror, and my mind was unable to operate correctly. Sa walang pag-iisip ay inangat ko ang kamay ko para huminto siya. He immediately stopped, as well as Gabi.

"Don't get close." my mouth swung open and close, "I-I..." stammered in hesitation, but there was no reason left at all but the truth. "I have a very bad experience with guys. Please, just don't get any close. Please..."

Halos pumiyok na ako sa pagmamakaawa. Hindi ko na sila pang naramdamang gumalaw kaya dahan-dahan ko ulit silang binalingan. Kapwa silang nakatingin lang na may pag-aalala bago ko nakita ngumiti ang lalaki at tumango.

"Pasensya na, hindi ko alam. Gusto mo ba akong luma—"

Sakto ang pagbukas ng pintuan at ang pagsulpot doon ng nag-aalalang mukha ni Ysmael. I got startled when I saw traces of blood on his mouth. Kaya napakunot ang noo ko na tinitigan siya. His face was disappointed when he scanned the room, ngunit nawala lamang 'yon nang mahagip ako sa mga mata niya. At para bang nabunutan ito ng tinik sa dibdib dahil sa lalim ng pagbuga nito.

"I was looking everywhere for you." ani Yael atsaka pumasok.

Bumaling ulit ang tingin niya sa dalawa at napataas ng mga kilay nang makita ang lalaki. Mabilis ang kamay niyang hinawakan ang likod ko. It sent a chill to my spinal. Napaayos tuloy ako ng tayo at napatingala sa kaniya.

"Huwag niyo po sanang masamain ang pag-alis namin. Hinahanap na po kasi siya ni Señor Crisando." mas hinigpitan nito ang pagkakakapit sa bewang ko atsaka ako ginaya palabas.

Hindi ko magawang ilarawan ang nararamdaman ko. But one thing is certain: I felt protected for reasons I don't understand.

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nyariina
7/29/'21