Chapter 5 - The Carrier

Louis didn’t remember anything and he didn’t know the moment he started to forget. When it became something he’d do automatically. When it lost all meaning and he was just repeating a pattern. Jane had said that little girl… Emilia? Emily? Yes, Emily. Jane had said that Emily was his little sister, but he didn’t know. He didn’t really know who she was or why he was watching over her. But at some level in his mind, he knew he had to. He just didn’t know why anymore, if he ever knew.

Why had he picked staying watching over that girl when he had to move on and leave to the Next Dimension with Jane?

He didn’t know many things, but he knew he had to leave the moment he died… and he died three years ago. Was that a lot? Time didn’t have meaning for Louis anymore.

And he wasn’t sure where Jane was taking him, but he knew one thing: He was afraid. He knew Jane was afraid for him, too. Was it really that late? Had he made a mistake? Why? He didn’t understand.

“To which realm do you think I’m going?” Louis asked Jane but she kept walking through the white empty space. It was all white, nothing but whiteness, Jane and Louis walking towards something. “Jane?”

Louis didn’t remember his life, and he tried to remember, but nothing came to him. But he did remember Jane… for as long as she would touch him. In one occasion she let go of him and everything was white for him, white and empty. But then she grabbed his hand again and he remembered her. He remembered some of her words and explanations.

Why couldn’t he keep a memory on his own? Was he really fading away that badly? What would happen next?

“I-I don’t know, Louis. You lost all your human life, all your lessons. You’re an empty soul now,” she replied but he didn’t understand. What was an empty soul exactly? “An empty soul is like a new soul. They are ready to learn, to gather all memories from every life. You gathered many memories, but they were wiped out… you’re blank now. All what you learnt is gone. You go to the Next Dimension to present all your memories and lessons and by using those memories you get judged. You can’t be judged and sent to a realm, Louis. You have nothing to present,” Jane explained and although it didn’t make much sense to Louis, he understood one thing: he was lost.

Whatever the reason was why he decided to stay, instead of doing what he was supposed to do, was his worst decision… it had brought his doom.

They finally arrived somewhere. It was still all white, but there were other structures. Doors. There were three, huge, imposing doors with gates and a being in front. It was wearing a white tunic with a hoodie that covered its whole face, leaving it in shadows.

“Master,” Jane greeted, bowing her head and Louis didn’t know why she did that, but he copied her.

“Jane,” the creature spoke. It didn’t have a female or male voice… it had all the voices. It was like a chorus speaking. “You were supposed to bring this soul three years ago.”

“Only now he accepted to come, Master,” she replied, still bowing to him. “I could not force him and I am afraid it is too late. I failed. I am sorry.”

The creature, the master, didn't answer, didn’t move, didn’t do anything. And Louis was getting anxious. What was going to happen to him?

“He is an empty soul. He lost all his lessons. All of them, even from past lives. He cannot go through a door,” the master finally spoke and Jane looked up.

“I know… but he is still here, and for as long as I hold him, he can remember me. Maybe… maybe there is still hope for him, Master,” she tried and for five seconds, the master didn’t speak a word.

“He cannot get back what he lost,” the master spoke again, the chorus of voices surrounding Louis. “There is only one option, and you know the consequences, Jane.”

Jane turned around to look at him, squeezing his hand tighter before she took a deep breath. Louis was confused, he didn’t know what was happening but the master had mentioned on option and if that option kept him from fading, then he would take it. He had nothing else to lose, he didn’t even know what he lost already.

“You can become one of us. A carrier. But there are consequences, Louis,” Jane spoke to him and Louis frowned. “You’ll never cross a door, you’ll never get to a realm. You’ll never get an ending. You’ll be forever carrying souls, but you won’t disappear.”

“I’ll be like you?” Louis asked, trying to understand everything that was happening.

“It’s the only way to save what’s left from you.”

Louis thought… he said no to Jane once, he took the other way and ended up losing everything, even the reason why he chose that. And now everything was meaningless to him, even himself. He wasn’t even sure if he was Louis or not.

He wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

“I take it,” he said and Jane blinked surprised. Then he looked up at the creature, the master although it didn’t have a face nor eyes to meet. “I take it. Make me a carrier if that’s the only chance I have to survive.”

“You won’t get anything back, you won’t even have a chance to say goodbye,” Jane added and he nodded. Maybe he should tell the little girl he wasn’t coming back, but why? Who was she?

“I have nothing… I’m nothing.”

“You shall be a carrier, then,” the master spoke. “You shall bring souls to me and I will judge them and decide to which realm they go. You shall never cross one of these doors. From this day on, you are Louis the carrier and nothing else,” were the final words before everything turned white and Louis accepted his new destiny. His new identity. His new self.

+ + + + +

Since then all what Louis did was to collect souls and take them to the Master of the Gates, one of the many masters that would decide the fate of the souls and tell them to which realm they belonged to. Louis never got to see what was at the other side of the doors, but he always wondered what was at the other side.

He didn’t lose more memories after that and he learnt many things about being a carrier, about the things he should tell and shouldn’t tell a soul. About how to lead a soul through the in-between. He learnt to manage and modify time and space according to his needs.

He didn’t forget the new things he learnt, but he didn’t forget that he had forgotten everything else either. There was always a nagging feeling in his head, telling him that there was someone important he left behind, someone he didn't even say goodbye to. And with every soul he carried, with every soul that opposed to go with him he would think of that, of the things he lost and he couldn’t even know what they were. He only knew he had lost everything.

There was nothing worse than knowing you had lost everything about you and everyone you cared about. Knowing that you were alive once, but you refused to go with your carrier. He started to resent every time he had to carry a stubborn soul. And he would almost always get one of those… and most of the time he would lose the soul.

He never saw Jane again nor the little girl he watched over once. He only saw death, stubborn souls that would make him stay there, following them until they would disappear or accept it was time to leave. Most of the time they would disappear and after so long, he stopped fighting. He would warn the soul and wait. They never fathomed the extent of their choices… they never realised they were fading away until it was too late.

“You’ll regret this,” Louis had said so many times and so many times he had been underestimated. Those were the souls that disappeared forever.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” he recited so many more times, yet the outcome was the same.

“You need to come with me,” he tried every time, it almost never worked.

“I just need a bit more time,” one soul replied once. Probably, the most stubborn soul he had met: Jake Wood. A boy sure that he had to tell his best friend he had been in love with her. The only soul that made a deal with him. The only soul that just wanted to do one short thing and then leave. Most souls didn’t want to leave their loved ones, others couldn’t believe they were dead. But not once since Louis became a carrier had he seen a soul using another body to fulfil its unfinished business.

He had never met a soul like Jake and part of him wanted the soul to succeed, but a bigger part of him knew better. Jake was disappearing already; it was a matter of time before it was all lost, even his precious Cassidy.

Jake would be gone forever… and Louis would get a new soul assigned and the cycle would continue, because that was what being a carrier was all about: always carrying souls, never stopping. Always alone.

That was what carriers did… that was what Louis would always do because that was all he had left, all he was after losing everything. He was just a carrier who didn’t even know what he had lost.

~the end~

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And this is how this story ends. I told you all it wasn't a happy story, it didn't have a happy ending but it gave you a better insight. I hope so. This is what happened to Louis, this is why he can't tell Jake, because he doesn't remember anything... and this is what could happen to Jake if he doesn't leave Liam soon.

You wanna know how that will end? Keep reading The Comeback.

Last dedication of this story to @wishuponyourluck. I can tell you... Jake won't end up as a carrier. His destiny is other. 

To you, and to everyone who's reading this: Thank you for taking the time to read this short story.

Bel, xx