~ Chapter 25: While Damon was gone. ~

(New chapter!! Told you it would come soon! So, I have been thinking about a cast for this story even though you guys didn't request one, but I felt like maybe Maia Mitchell could be Leah? I don't know, let me know what you think and for Damon I was thinking maybe Pawel Bednarek? I've screenshoted some pictures of them, I just have to figure out how to put them on the side because right now, they're asking for a link but I don't have one.. God, I'm really bad at this!

Do you guys have any idea who you see them as? Thanks, good reading and don't forget to vote/comment ;) <3)

                                                                         *

        We spent a whole week on the Lake Powell, then went back to the city and took the plane. We had passed by the most beautiful natural bridge ever called the Rainbow Bridge, and had seen the most amazing landscapes. But we had to get back now, we still had a lot on our plate, or should I say list.

Damon went back in his house and I went in mine. It was empty. No sign of Jenny. I think it was the exams period of the year, so obviously she was in college. I sighed and crawled under my sheets. Last night, Damon had told me he needed to go see his family back home and had to do it alone so he was going to leave tomorrow morning. He didn’t know when he would come back. I hadn’t asked him but I was wondering if he was going to tell them about me. I knew he would probably try to spend a good time with them, you know, since he was dying and everything. It wasn’t part of the list, meaning it wasn’t written in it. But I knew he had probably thought about going anyway. He kind of had to. Not that it was bothering him, cause it wasn’t, Damon loved his parents, but he had told me that seeing them was more hurting than anything. Everyone would cry, and say they would miss him etc and Damon hated to be constantly reminded he was going to die.

Anyway, I don’t know if I’m making any sense right now.

Damon passed by my house to say goodbye, and I don’t know if I was making stuff up in my head, but it awfully sounded like a real goodbye. Like he was going to be gone for a long time. Which I don’t think I was going to be able to handle. I know I’m supposed to be the strong one in all of this but I’m not. I can’t do anything about it. I suck, ok, deal with it.

I watched him leave in his car from my window and tried not to cry for the billionth time. God, I’m so weak, I hate myself sometimes.

Days passed, each one as boring as the previous one. I was feeling so lonely. I would try to call Jenny but she was busy working on some exam so I would apologize and hang up quickly. I had nothing to do, no one to see. All my friends were in college. I realized it had been a while since I hadn’t seen them. I used to be around them all the time in college but now that I wasn’t going anymore, since they weren’t living in the same town as me, it was getting complicated to see each other.

One day, I think a week or so after Damon’s leaving, my phone finally rang. I picked up, hoping I would finally have Damon on the phone.

“Hey! It’s been a while since you’ve called!” I answered, a smile appearing automatically on my face.

“Um… Yeah… How are you?” A guy answered a little confused.

I frowned and looked at the name on my phone. Sam. It took me a little second to remember who he was. And then it hit me. The guy with whom I had slept with before his departure to Paris. Oh my god.

“Sorry, I thought it was someone else…” I apologized. “So… How are you?”

“Fine. I just came back from Paris.”

“Good, how was it there?”

While I was asking, I had a more important question in mind: why the hell was this guy calling me? Months after our sort of thing.

“Really great. So look, I didn’t know if I should have called or if it was weird or-”

You bet it is! I thought, but didn’t say anything.

“But I would love to have coffee with you some time. You know, catch up…”

“Are you doing this because we slept together and you feel like you have to because you think I think you’re a jerk?” I asked.

“Do you? Think I’m a jerk, I mean.”

“No. Truth is I had sort of forgotten about you.”

“Oh…”

There was a little moment of silence.

“But you know what, coffee sounds great. When can we meet?” I asked.

I had nothing better to do anyway. I was as lonely as a cloud. Sam asked if tonight was good. I said yes then he hung up. Well… That was interesting. I hope he wasn’t expecting to end up this evening in bed, cause I sure as hell wasn’t. I would never cheat on Damon. Ever. Even if I had remembered how good-looking Sam was. Wait, what did I just write? Consider it gone. No one is better looking than Damon anyway.

So after putting on a shirt and a pair of jeans, for the first time since Damon had left (what’s the point in dressing up when you’re staying home anyway?), I met Sam at the café. He was already there. He hadn’t changed, except maybe he was a little more suntanned. I entered and walked toward him.

“Hey.” I said, as I came in front of him.

He stood up and there was this awkward moment when we didn’t really know if we should hug or whatever else. He ended up hugging me strangely then we sat, a little on pressure.

“So… It’s good to see you.” He said.

I couldn’t have told if he was lying or not. Probably not cause he was the one that proposed to meet.

“Yeah, you too.” I answered.

Luckily, the waitress took our orders next and brought them quickly. I took a sip of my coke, trying to find something to say to break this silence.

“So, how was Paris?” I finally asked.

I could see him sigh internally in relief that finally we had something to talk about.

“Really great, the school is amazing and, believe it or not, I have good grades.”

I remembered teasing him about it when he had told me my drawings were good. I smiled and took another sip.

“I went to Paris too.” I said. “A few months ago.”

“Really? Did you like it there?”

“Yeah, it was awesome. And beautiful.”

He agreed and drank a little.

“How’s your book going?”

“It’s going nowhere. I’m in an impasse right now.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know what to do next with the story.”

“Can I help?”

“Not really, but thanks.”

He shrugged.

“I didn’t ask to meet you for coffee because I felt guilty or something.” Sam explained. “I jut thought about you and I was curious to know if you had submitted your book to an editing company yet or not.”

“I told you not to hold your breath. It’s not going to happen any soon. Or ever.”

“You say that but I know it’s not true.”

“I wish.”

“Are you seeing anyone?” Sam asked after taking a sip of his drink.

There it was. He just wanted a night like the one we had had. But that wasn’t going to happen.

“Yes. I have a boyfriend. But he’s away right now. He went to visit his family.”

“Oh. Good.”

He didn’t seem too disappointed. Well, maybe I was wrong.

“And what about you? Did you meet some nice French girl?”

“I met someone but she’s Spanish.”

“Good. What’s her name?”

“Juliana.”

“That’s great.”

He smiled a little. I hate to say it but the chemistry we might have had before was long gone. It was just… awkward. And weird.

“So, look, I’d better go, my friend is waiting for me…” Sam said, standing up, when he was finished with his drink.

“Ok.”

“I’ll call you sometime.”

I knew he wouldn’t.

“Sure. Bye.”

He hugged me then left. I went home and checked my phone for the hundredth time of the day. Still no call or text from Damon. He was probably busy with his family. A little disappointed, I changed my clothes to my PJ’s and crawled in bed. I took my computer and put on some music. The rhythm got me going and I ended up dancing in my room. Lucky I was alone. Then, when I got tired, I went downstairs to take something to eat then started writing. I don’t know why but I suddenly had a lot of inspiration. I knew exactly how the story would turn out. I wish this kind of big revelation would happen to solve my real life problem. Like my boyfriend dying. Or not even calling me.

Another week went on. I had received a text from Damon just to tell me not to worry and that everything was ok. To reassure me and make sure I wouldn’t go off and imagine he was dead or something. I just said ok then, well, nothing. I was feeling lonely as hell. I missed Damon with all the parts of my body. I missed sleeping in his arms, against his muscled chest, feeling his reassuring heartbeats. I missed his kisses, pretty much every time of the day. I missed his laugh, his smile. Basically everything about him. Except his pain, when he was hurting because of his disease.

I wanted to call him but he had said he needed some time alone and I didn’t want to pass for the sticky needy girlfriend. I could survive a few days without Damon, right? Or could I?

Every day that passed I was hoping he would come home and we’d choose something to do from the list, but no, he was still away and the notebook was resting on the side of my bed, waiting for his pages to be flipped in order to find something exciting to do.

Sam obviously didn’t call me back, but it didn’t really matter. I didn’t have anything interesting to say to him anyway. Jenny, on the other hand, called and we spoke for hours until she had to hang up. She promised to try to come by the house soon. I couldn’t wait. Being alone in this house was just so boring! I had the crazy idea that maybe I could join everyone in college to see my friends but I remembered it was the exams period so no one was going to be able to party or do anything fun. So going there was pointless if it was to watch everyone working.

So instead, I worked really hard on my book, and wrote a lot. It was coming to an end. I was still hesitating in how to finish my story but I still had a lot of time to think about it. Every time I was getting my computer and some snacks, with my mind on writing mode, I’d imagine that someday, someone would read the words I was writing, maybe in the subway, or just at home. Or maybe at the beach. And it would motivate me even more.

The first “book” I wrote was with about a girl getting hired at the circus. It wasn’t very good and filled with errors but, hey, give me a break, I was eight! It was like ten or fifteen pages long and it even had draws in it. Then it was a “book” that was gathering three different stories. This one I wrote when I was twelve. The characters would solve mysteries and there would obviously be a love story or even love stories. It wasn’t a good story either but my parents pretended to like it. My mom even corrected my spelling mistakes with attention and encouraged me to send it to an editor. She knew it was worthless but it didn’t matter. I got an automatic email saying something like they had a lot of books and mine wasn’t selected to be read. I hadn’t really believed I would actually be published anyway but trying it was good. I promised myself the next time I’d try they would at least read my book.

After this one, I wrote a thousand stories. Most of them unfinished. I put a final dot on three of them. But I had forgotten to save them on an USB key or something and, one summer, my computer was stolen. So I lost all of my stories. It was really hard. I had also kept a journal on it where I would write about the crash and everything. But that didn’t matter at all compared to all of my lost stories. I had a hard time getting over it. The hardest was that no one seemed to understand why this was meaning so much to me. To have lost my stories, I mean. Pretty soon, I started writing again. I couldn’t help myself from it. I needed to write. All the time, I would have stories running through my mind. I even started writing my ideas in a notebook I would carry everywhere. I guess I’m passionate. A lot.

Five days later, finally, thank god, Damon came home. When I saw his car outside I literally jumped off my chair and dropped my glass on the floor. I ran outside, wearing my pj’s and jumped in Damon’s arms. He was a little surprised but caught me.

“Oh my god I missed you so much!!! I’m so glad you’re back!!”

Damon smiled a little. He looked… embarrassed. Or sad. Or maybe he was just tired.

“I’ll let you unpack and then you come over ok?”

He nodded then took the suitcase out of the trunk. I went back home and dressed up quickly before running in the living room to wait for him. An hour passed. Than two. I decided to go look for him and found him asleep. There was a note on the door.

Leah, I’m sorry, I feel really tired and need to sleep. I’ll come by your house tomorrow.

That’s it. Nothing else. Like maybe an “I love you” or “I missed you”. No, nothing else. Disappointed, I threw the little paper in the trash and went back home.