TW: mentions of death, mentions of depression, mentions of mental health issues, mentions of abortion, mentions of trauma.

I sat at my desk at work as I tried to focus on the article that I was working on. But I couldn't focus on anything right now. I gulped harshly, the waves of nausea that were moving through my body getting worse as I tried to fight them back. I took a deep breath and took a sip of water in an attempt to stop the nausea, but no matter what I tried, it was only getting worse.

"Nope." I shook my head as I shot up from my desk, Robbie looking up at me as I rushed past his cubicle.

"Are you okay-."

"I'm going to throw up!" I called back, making his eyes widen as I ran into the women's bathroom. I rushed into one of the stalls and collapsed onto my knees, my hands fumbling to pull the seat up as I threw up into the bowl. I threw up again, my stomach twisting in anxiety as I wiped my mouth before sitting back on the floor with my back against the cubicle door. I gulped harshly, tears pricking my eyes as I got the worst feeling that I knew what this was. And it wasn't good.

"Y/N?" Robbie called out as the boy stuck his head around the door to make sure that I was the only one in the bathroom.

"You're okay, Robbie, it's just me." I sighed. He slipped into the bathroom and gave me a small smile as he walked towards me with a plastic cup of water.

"Here." He nodded as he handed it to me. I took a sip before spitting it into the bowl in an attempt to get the disgusting taste out of my mouth before I sat back against the wall.

"What caused you to be sick? Should we be worried about a stomach bug or something?" He gulped as he leant against the other wall.

"Should you be worried about some bug going around and getting everyone sick? No. Should you be worried about me? Abso-fucking-lutely." I scoffed and shook my head. Robbie's eyes widened slightly, his mouth falling open as he realised what I was saying.

"Holy shit...you're having sex with your new guy, yeah?" He checked. I nodded and bit my lip.

"And you guys use protection?" He checked.

"Every time, but obviously something went wrong. Maybe the condom broke or something. All I know is that I haven't been sick like this since kindergarten, and my period was meant to come three weeks ago. It still hasn't come." I shook my head. Robbie stared at me, his wide-hanging mouth telling me that he had no words.

"Holy fucking shit, dude. You have to tell Mr Jameson, he can't fire a pregnant woman." He scoffed, making me return it as I stood up and headed to the sinks.

"Robbie, stop, please." I mumbled as I splashed water onto my face.

"Why? This is your ticket to staying for at least another nine months-."

"No, it's not, Robbie, because I don't know what I'm doing yet, and I'm sure as shit not telling my misogynistic boss that I'm pregnant if I'm not going to be pregnant next month." I spat as I looked at him. His eyes widened slightly.

"O-oh...I'm sorry, I didn't realise that you were considering that as the first option." He spoke quietly. I sighed and looked down, tears pricking my eyes as I gripped the porcelain sink.

"I'm sorry, Robbie, sorry for snapping, you're only being a friend and I appreciate that. But, yeah. As much as I hate it, terminating the pregnancy is the only option that I have right now. I mean, come on, I'm not even twenty-two, I have a job where I could get fired at any second because of how much my boss hates me, I've been depressed since I saw my best friend get murdered, I...I can't have a baby. Not right now." I choked and shook my head. Robbie sighed and gently put his hand on my back.

"I'm assuming that the father doesn't know yet? Of course it's your body, so your decision is the final one, but what would he want to do, do you think?" He asked. I scoffed and shook my head, tears now freely leaving my eyes as I stared at my reflection in the dirty mirror.

"I love him, Robbie, I really do, but there's no way in fucking hell that he'd be able to handle this either right now. He's got his fair share of issues too, and he's only been clean for a few months, so...no. He also can't handle having a baby right now. Neither of us can." I whispered.

"Come here, Y/N." Robbie spoke gently, making me choke as I turned and walked into his arms. I sobbed into his shirt, his hands soothingly rubbing up and down my back as he just held me. My entire body felt numb, I felt like my world was falling apart around me. Peter and I were in a good place, not to mention how much progress he'd made with both his mental and physical health. Neither of us could handle a baby and I knew that. But it would still hurt to tell him, and then to go through with the abortion.

"If you need me to, I can go with you to do it. If you're not comfortable telling the father." Robbie spoke. I pulled away and shook my head as I gave him a small smile.

"Thank you for the offer, but it's okay. He needs to know. It's not that he's a bad guy, he's the best thing to ever happen to me, I just...know that he can't take this. Neither of us can." I scoffed and shook my head as I wiped away the tears that had fallen.

"I believe you, Y/N. I believe that he's a good guy. You wouldn't be in love with him if he wasn't." He reassured. I nodded and gave him a small smile, making him return it as he headed back out of the bathroom. I took a shaky breath out and leant against the sinks, tears still pricking my eyes at the situation. I'd have to buy a home pregnancy test on the way home to confirm my suspicions, but everything pointed towards me being pregnant. With Peter's baby. I couldn't believe our luck. We were finally in the perfect place, nothing had gone that wrong recently, not to mention the fact that we'd only had sex a handful of times and had used protection each time. And yet still somehow, we had ended up facing one of the biggest challenges that a couple could face, especially when they weren't ready to face it. I didn't want to tell Peter, but I knew that I had to. I took a deep breath and swallowed thickly, recomposing myself as I finally headed out of the bathroom.

Tears ran down my face, the small drops of saltwater wetting my skin and creating trail lines down my cheeks as I stared into space. My entire body felt completely numb, no thoughts or feelings being processed whatsoever as I stared at the positive pregnancy test that I held in between my fingers. How the fuck had we ended up here? Of course I knew how but how the fuck had we gotten ourselves into this mess? It wasn't as if we were careless, we'd been using protection every time since I had taken Peter's virginity, and we'd only had sex a handful of times even after that. And yet somehow, I was pregnant. I choked and shook my head as I looked down, my hands raking through my hair as I stared at the bathroom tiles that sat beneath my feet. If I really concentrated, I could tune back into my own body to be able to feel the icy porcelain of the toilet seat underneath my legs, could feel the fabric of my jeans around my ankles and the material of my blouse against my chest. That was better than focusing on how the fuck I was going to tell Peter about this. I loved him with all of my heart and I truly believed that we were making good process, but I wasn't stupid enough to convince myself that we were anywhere near ready for a baby. We both still had demons that we fought daily. Peter had been clean for months now and was doing so well, but both of us knew that one small thing would be all that it took to take him right back there. One small thing like a baby. I bit my lip and looked up and out of my bathroom window, my head pounding with how much I'd been crying. I couldn't hold onto this, I had to tell Peter. I had to tell him that I wasn't willing to keep this baby. I sniffed and shook my head as I grabbed a piece of toilet roll to wipe my nose with. I wiped the space in between my legs too before pulling my panties and jeans up, my fingers quickly doing them up as I flushed the toilet. I gulped, my eyes still sore from crying as I opened the bathroom door and wandered out. Before immediately wishing that I hadn't. Peter looked up at me from the island in the kitchen, making my eyes widen and my hands shove the test into my back pocket so that he wouldn't see it as my boyfriend's sweaty state told me that he had just been to the gym.

"Hey, babe." He greeted me as I slowly walked towards him.

"Peter, hey...I wasn't expecting you to be home so early." I gulped, making him look at me.

"Well, isn't it a good thing that I'm home early? Now we have the entire evening to spend together." He smirked, making my eyes waver as he curled his arms around my waist to pull me into his body before he leant down and pressed our lips together. I barely returned it, making Peter break it and look at me.

"You okay, angel? You never reject my kisses." He mumbled, his eyebrows furrowed in concern as his gaze flicked across my face. My eyes wavered, more tears pricking them as I looked into his gorgeous chocolate ones.

"We, um...we need to talk." I nodded, more concern filling his eyes as I left his arms and headed over to the sofa.

"Why do I feel like I'm about to be broken up with?" He gulped as he hesitantly followed me to the sofa as I sat down on it.

"I'm not breaking up with you, Peter, but...fuck, I can't guarantee that you'll say the same about me after I tell you." I choked and shook my head. He gulped harshly, his eyes glued to me as he sat down next to me and put his hand on my thigh.

"Baby, please, you're really scaring me. What is it?" He gulped. I returned it and bit my lip so harshly that I could taste blood as I pulled the pregnancy test out from my back pocket. I showed it to him, his eyes flicking down to it before widening.

"I'm pregnant." I admitted quietly. He stared at the test, his shaking hand raising to cover his mouth as the other hand gently took the test from me. I gulped harshly, tears running down my face and my heart almost deafening in my ears with how loudly it was beating as I nervously awaited his reaction.

"A-are you sure that this is correct? I-I mean, some pregnancy tests give false positives, right?" He gulped.

"I mean, yeah, but it checks out, Pete. My period is almost a month late, and I've been getting sick when there's no bug or anything going around at work. All of it points to pregnancy." I shook my head. He nodded, his gaze glued to the small stick as he chuckled quietly.

"Wow. Just when I thought that life couldn't get any better." He smiled. I looked at him, my eyes widening slightly at his reaction. Oh, no, I thought as I felt my heart drop. What if he did want to keep it after all?

"Sorry, Pete, you...you're happy about this?" I scoffed as I sat forward.

"Of course I am, baby! Sure, it's a shock, I wasn't expecting this, but how incredible! We're having a kid!" He exclaimed excitedly as he looked at me. I choked and shook my head, my eyes wavering and my heart breaking as tears once again started to roll down my face.

"No, Peter. We're not." I whispered. He looked at me again, his smile dipping at my words.

"What do you mean, angel? It says right here that you're pregnant, you're having a baby." He gulped as he pointed at the small window on the stick.

"No, I'm not. Because I'm terminating it." I admitted. His eyes widened.

"What?" He scoffed as he sat forward in his seat. I returned it and shook my head, my tongue in my cheek as I stood up and started to wander the floor in front of the sofa.

"Tell me something, Peter, in what universe are we ready for a fucking baby? We're way too young, we both have some seriously big shit that we're always dealing with, not to mention the fact that I got kidnapped the other week and we still don't know who was behind it! You really want to bring a baby into that?!" I exclaimed as I threw my arms up in exacerbation, Peter standing up too so that we were facing each other.

"Yes, I do, because I believe that we can do this, Y/N! Our ages don't matter, we're grown fucking adults who can handle a baby, not to mention my Aunt May and Mr Stark who could help. In terms of our shit, I know that we deal with a lot, but we get through it. I stay clean every day for you, babe. I stay clean every day because I love the life that we're building here, and I know that it would crush you if I relapsed. A baby will only help that. A baby will only give me more reason to get up every day and fight! As for the assholes who took you, I'm getting closer every day to figuring that out, I'm close, baby! I just need you to trust me-."

"Like when I trusted you to be there after MJ died?!" I cried as I cut him off. His face dropped as I said that, his eyes wavering as a tear fell from his face.

"How long have you been holding onto that one?" He asked quietly. I scoffed and shook my head, my hand raising to my hair as I paced the floor in front of him. My heart raced in my chest, regret already seeping in at my words as I refused to look back at Peter.

"I needed you, Peter. I really fucking needed you. I was hurting so badly. And I know that you were too, and I know that I never understood why until I saw the suit, but fuck. I needed you to look after me like I was willing to look after you, that's why I said that we'd look after each other. We were the only ones who fucking knew, who were there, who saw the life leave her eyes. We needed each other, Peter. And what did you do? You up and left!" I cried and shook my head.

"Look, Y/N, I know that it was hard for you. I can guarantee that any negative thought, any depressive thought, any suicidal thought that you've had over the last five years, I've had ten of them. I know that it was tearing you apart, believe me, I know. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't be there for you whilst trying to keep myself alive, you saw the needles, you saw the house, you saw how much I just wanted to fucking die. So, I'm sorry that I left, I'm sorry that I couldn't handle it, but I couldn't find a reason enough to stay and fight with you." He returned, tears also streaming down his face. I stopped in my tracks, my breath catching in my throat as my heart plummeted at his words. I looked at him.

"I wasn't enough of a reason? The fact that I needed you wasn't enough to make you stay?" I cried through gritted teeth. He sighed and gulped, his red and puffy eyes staring at me as tears continued to roll down his face.

"No, Y/N. It wasn't." he shook his head. I stared at him as my eyes wavered, my entire body becoming numb again from his words. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces at the admittance that after MJ had died, I hadn't been enough of a reason for Peter to stay and get through her death with me. He hadn't just given up on himself. He had given up on me too. I had been so stupid to believe that his feelings had started before I'd met him again, to believe that maybe, just maybe, there had been a glint of hope for us in high school despite him being with MJ. How fucking stupid I'd been to let myself think that.

"That's great-great to know. Great to know that I wasn't enough of a reason for you to stay when we needed each other the most. That's great." I whispered and nodded, my legs turning to jelly as I sat down on the sofa and put my hands to my hair.

"Y/N, please-."

"I think that you should stay at May's tonight. O-or at least sleep on the sofa, or I could get a hotel room or something." I shook my head, my mind still processing what he'd said as my heart went numb. Peter's eyes softened, the beautiful chocolate of them laced with pain as he looked at me.

"Please, neither of us need to sleep somewhere else, we can get through this-."

"Yes, Peter, we can get through this, but to get through this, I need a night. I need a night to process everything that you've said, process the fact that I'm fucking pregnant and nowhere near ready for a baby, I just...I need time." I choked and shook my head. He gulped harshly, his eyes wavering as they stayed on me.

"I'll stay at May's. You're pregnant, so I'm not letting you sleep on the sofa, or rent some shitty cheap room in a dodgy motel in Queens. I'll stay at May's." He mumbled. I gulped and nodded, my gaze glued to my hands as I refused to look up at him. I heard him sigh as he went into our bedroom, my eyes squeezing shut and more drops of salty water pouring down my skin as I tried to comprehend everything. I couldn't believe what Peter had said here tonight. Not only had he wanted to keep the baby, completely opposite to both what I wanted and what I thought that he'd say, but he'd also admitted that I hadn't been enough for him to stay after MJ's death. I was fucking heartbroken, and I could already say that we'd have to work hard to come back from this. I heard Peter come out of our bedroom with a duffel bag, my gaze still glued to the floor as I refused to look at him.

"I love you, Y/N. And I'm sorry." I heard him choke, making me harshly bite my lip as the door opened before closing. Silence filled my apartment, my brain all too aware of the nothingness that surrounded me. I was alone, just like I'd always been. Completely fucking alone. I choked and lay down on the sofa, my tears running down my cheeks and landing on the sofa cushions as I just stared ahead and refused to move. I bit my lip, every ounce of me wanting to put my hand over my stomach to see if I'd already be able to feel Peter's baby moving and growing inside of me. But I knew that that was a bad idea. If I felt it even for a second, if I let myself believe for even a moment that it was real, that it was there, I'd not be able to give it up. And I had to give it up. Another sob left my lips, my heart feeling as empty as my apartment was as my eyes fluttered shut.