TW: mentions of death, mentions of trauma, mentions of depression, mental health issues.

My eyes fluttered open, a yawn leaving my lips as I fell out of sleep's central grasp. I looked at my alarm clock and sighed as the numbers one-thirty stared back at me in a luminescent red light. I sat up and stood from the bed, knowing that I probably wouldn't be able to get back to sleep now anyway. I walked out into my apartment and my eyebrows furrowed as the sofa and blanket lay abandoned, with no signs of Peter.

"Pete?" I called out as I looked around the apartment. I walked into the kitchen in search of the boy to see that I had accidentally left my phone on the counter last night. I pressed the home button and a smile spread onto my lips as I had a text from the boy:

Peter: On the roof (received 1:25).

I smiled and bit my lip as I grabbed my cardigan and keys before leaving the apartment and making my way up to the roof. I opened the door that led to the concrete top of the building, my smile widening as I was faced with Peter's back turned to me as he sat in a lawn chair and stared at the stars.

"Started the stargazing without me, huh?" I teased, making Peter look up at me as I walked towards him. A smile spread onto his lips.

"I figured that I'd let you sleep, and then you could join me if you woke up and saw the text." He shrugged before patting his lap. I rolled my eyes playfully and sat on the boy's lap, us having become increasingly close in the months that he'd been living in my apartment, to the point where my feelings for him were completely and utterly confusing me by now. I gulped, that feeling being made worse as Peter wrapped his arm around my waist and rested his other hand on my thigh.

"So, what are you doing awake at half one in the morning?" I asked. He sighed and shook his head, his eyes glued to the sky as he looked at the stars.

"Part of being a superhero is that you start to lose sleep over everyone that you failed to save. So, my sleep was bad enough, and then we lost MJ. I haven't slept for more than a couple of hours each night since then." He nodded. I sighed and returned it as he looked at me. Peter gulped, his gaze flicking slightly between my lips and my eyes as he studied my face.

"Y/N, I need to talk to you about something. In the spirit of my new beginning, I need to be honest with you." He nodded. My eyebrows furrowed, nerves filling my stomach as I looked at the boy.

"What is it, Peter?" I asked. He gulped again as his eyes continued to flick to my lips.

"I'm falling for you. Hard. I don't know whether it's because you're the only one who was fully there for me, or because I've only just started to notice everything that there is to love about you, but I'm falling. And I don't want to stop." He admitted, shaking his head as he held my gaze. My eyes widened slightly at his words, my heart starting to beat faster in my chest at his words. I had been gradually falling for him more and more since he'd moved in, so to finally hear him admit how I had hoped that he felt was incredible. It was everything to me.

"Peter, I...I'm falling for you too." I confessed. His eyes widened too, a breathless laugh leaving his lips at my simple words.

"Oh, thank fuck for that. I thought that I'd have to move out of your apartment and back into May's to avoid the embarrassment of you saying that you didn't feel the same." He joked, making me laugh and shake my head.

"No, Pete. I feel the same. I have for a while." I admitted. He smiled and bit his lip, his head nodding at my statement before he cupped my cheek and pulled my face down gently. He met me halfway and pressed our lips together, our eyes fluttering shut as we both sunk into the kiss. I let my body completely relax, letting myself curl further into Peter's arms and lap as he deepened the kiss. But to my surprise, instead of the kiss making fireworks go off in my mind, there was only one thing that I felt. Guilt. I broke the kiss and looked down, making Peter's smile dip as he looked at me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked as he used his hand on my cheek to try to get me to look at him, but I refused as I kept my gaze on my lap.

"It...it feels wrong." I admitted, my heart plummeting to my feet at the realisation. After all, I was in love with him by this point, so to finally kiss him and realise that it felt wrong instead of perfect like I thought that it would have done, well. That was breaking my heart all over again.

"What? I thought that you wanted me too." He chuckled nervously.

"It feels wrong because of MJ." I nodded as I looked back up at him. Peter's eyes wavered, a defeated sigh leaving his lips as he nodded and looked out across the Queens skyline.

"I get that, babe, but she'd want us to be happy." He spoke as he looked back at me. My eyes widened slightly.

"Peter, you've been killing yourself over her death for the last five years, but as soon as it comes to someone that you want to fuck, she'd want you to be happy?" I scoffed, slightly shocked by his hypocrisy as I stood from his lap. Peter's eyes widened as he also stood up.

"Y/N, the reason that I was killing myself over her for the last five years was because I didn't have anyone who gave a single shit about me. I went from being a boy with a bright future, great friends, a loving Aunt and an amazing girlfriend, to someone who could show up dead from a drug overdose and no one would even go to his funeral. So, when you show up, give me a home and literally help me to turn my fucking life around, don't be surprised if I want to be with you, and want to start finally moving on with my life. Fucking shoot me if that's so bad." He spat. My eyes wavered at his words.

"Peter-."

"I thought that the whole fucking point of getting me out of that shit hole and getting me off of everything that I was on was so that I could finally live my life and stop being haunted by what happened to MJ. But the moment that I start moving on, after five fucking years of telling myself that it was my fault, you shove me back in there and say that us having feelings for each other isn't okay because of her. Who's the fucking hypocrite now?" he nodded as tears moved down his face. I gulped, a tear also leaving my eye as I just stared at him. I had really fucked this up.

"Pete, I'm sorry, you're right. You're finally out of that space, I shouldn't force you back into it." I shook my head. He sighed and looked down.

"Whatever. Maybe I shouldn't have left that house after all." He mumbled as he started to walk past me and towards the door to the roof. As he passed, I reached out and tried to take his hand.

"Please, Pete, I'm sorry-."

"No." he scoffed, cutting me off and pulling his hand out of mine as he looked at me. I choked and bit my lip, making Peter sigh.

"Just, please, Y/N. Leave me alone." He nodded, making another tear leave my eye as he headed back inside and left me alone on the roof.