TW: mentions of death, mentions of trauma, mentions of addiction

I sat on my windowsill and next to my open window, the seemingly relentless rain of Queens freezing me to my core as I held the cigarette in between my lips. I sucked the smoke into my lungs and held it there for a moment before releasing it into the October weather, it quickly dispersing into the air. I looked around my dark apartment and sighed as I thought. About what exactly, I wasn't entirely sure. My thoughts had a habit of running away from me, though they often ended up in one of two places. Thinking about MJ, or thinking about Peter. I looked to my locked front door, my mind not being able to shake the fact that Peter's aunt May was only metres away from me. And there was nothing stopping me from knocking on her door and finally finding out what had happened to Peter. I bit my lip so hard that I could taste blood as my mind slowly made its own way to the preferred solution.

"Fuck it." I mumbled as I took one last hit of the cigarette before putting it out on the windowsill and shutting the window. I climbed down from the windowsill and wrapped my cardigan further around my body as I grabbed my keys and headed for the door. I unlocked it and stepped out, making sure to lock it again before walking the few steps that it took to reach May's apartment. But as I reached the door, I froze. I gulped, my heart starting to speed up as the reality of what I was doing was sinking in. I had waited five years to find out what had happened to Peter after MJ's death, and the only thing that had stopped me from finding out had been my own fears and anxieties. They were still there, but I wasn't going to let them stop me this time. I took a deep breath before raising my fist and knocking against the wooden door. I gulped, my heart in my throat as I heard shuffling. After a moment, the door opened to reveal May. Her eyes widened slightly as she saw me, but most of my nervousness melted away as a smile quickly adorned her features.

"Y/N, goodness, it's been far too long, how lovely to see you." She gushed as she pulled me into a hug. I returned the embrace, the nerves returning as I wasn't sure how well she would take the reason that I was here.

"Y-yeah, sorry about that. Life has been kind of hard since I left college." I nodded.

"Oh, don't worry, honey, you've had more pressing things to take care of than making sure that the ageing Italian woman down the hallway is okay. Come in, come in." she ushered.

"Ageing? May, you don't look a day over thirty." I smiled. She returned it as she headed back into the kitchen, me following her into the apartment as I sat on the sofa.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee? Cookies?" she asked.

"A coffee would be great, thanks, May." I nodded. She returned it and turned back to the counter to make the drinks. I took the opportunity to let my gaze wander around the apartment that I hadn't been in in five years, but in the prime of Peter and I's friendship, I could have been over here several times a week. That was partly what had made it hurt so much when Peter had closed himself up and had practically disappeared after MJ's death. I could hardly blame him for having developed addictions, after all he had been utterly broken by her death, but we had both always made it clear to each other that we were there for the other person, no matter what. A pact that he had broken, and hadn't let me fulfil. My eyes wandered over the walls and scanned the photos of Peter and May together, as well as a few of Peter and Tony Stark, from back when he did the Stark Internship. I desperately missed the young and happy boy that was in the photos, almost not recognising him over the thinning and eye-sunken boy that Peter had been before he'd disappeared off of the face of the Earth.

"Here you go." I looked up and gave May a small smile as she walked towards me with two mugs of coffee.

"Thank you, May." I nodded as I took the mug and she sat down opposite me.

"So, what can I do for you?" she smiled. I looked at her and sighed.

"So, um, I'm sure that you know that the five-year anniversary of when MJ died is coming up. And, I don't know, it got me thinking about Peter." I admitted as I looked timidly at the woman. Her smile dipped slowly, and she sighed.

"I mean, is he okay? I haven't even heard from him in five years, I don't even know if he's dead or alive." I choked and shook my head, making May sigh again.

"He's alive, sweetie, I can promise you that much. It's just that he blocked everyone out after what happened, including me, and so he moved out, he left. I don't know where, though." She spoke. I looked at her and gulped.

"I didn't even know that he was alive. I mean, I know that addiction is a very hard thing to fight, but I can't help but feel like I didn't just lose MJ that day. I lost Peter too." I nodded. May returned it and put down her coffee.

"I understand what you mean, honey. A big part of Peter died when MJ did, and I think that it was just too much for him to handle. I mean, I can't blame him, can you? The girl that he loved died." She scoffed and shook her head. I nodded again and looked down as I thought.

"I know, but...I don't know, something always felt off about it. He always seemed to blame himself solely for her death, despite the fact that really, it was Spider-Man. I mean, sure, Spider-Man didn't mean to kill MJ, but it wasn't Peter." I muttered. May's eyes widened slightly as she looked at me.

"Oh, god, he never told you?" she gulped. I looked at her.

"Told me what, May?" I asked. She gulped again, her slightly wide eyes wavering as if she tried to decide whether or not to tell me something.

"I lied, I do know where he lives." She admitted as she shot up. My eyes widened.

"What?" I scoffed, watching her as she darted around the apartment and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen whilst she was at it. She nodded as she sat back down and started to scribble something onto the paper before turning it around and sliding it in front of me. I gulped as I looked down at it, what she wrote looking to be an address.

"He lives there. Make sure to take a gun because it's not a safe neighbourhood for women to be in alone. He'll be very resistant, he won't want to talk to you, but if you push, he'll give in." she nodded. I stared at her with wide eyes.

"May, what are you talking about, I'm not going to some random neighbourhood in Queens to talk to him-."

"Please, Y/N." she cut me off as she took my hands into hers. I gulped and looked at her.

"Five years ago, he lost himself. He went from being a boy with a really bright future, to thinking that he had nothing and to withdrawing from society. You are the answer, Y/N. You came here today because you care about Peter. Show him that. Please." She begged. My eyes wavered and I sighed, my mind unsure of what to say to her.

"May, I'm probably the last person that he'd ever want to see. I remind him of what happened to MJ." I scoffed. She returned my sigh and bit her lip as she looked at me.

"Just, trust me. There are so many things that Peter never told you, and he did that to protect you, but because of those things, I know that he'll want to see you. Please. I need my nephew back." She choked. I gulped and reluctantly nodded, making her bite her lip.

"Thank you, Y/N." she spoke, her lips curling into a forced yet still grateful smile. I returned it as I stood up.

"I better go, May. But I promise that I'll go and see Peter, and that I'll do my best to talk him around." I nodded as I stood up.

"Thank you, honey. Even if it doesn't work, the effort means the world to me." She reassured. I sighed and gave her another small smile before heading to the front door of the apartment and leaving.