CHAPTER 17

HAPPY COULDN'T STOP smiling as she watched Blake and Lucky said their vows to each other. Every word that came out from Blake's mouth, she felt it. The love he had for her sister... Lucky was in good hands. And she wished her sister's good health so she could be together with Blake for a long time.

They both deserved to be together and happy.

And when the ceremony ended, she immediately went to her sister and now brother-in-law, Blake. Hindi niya pinansin ang lalaking nasa tabi ni Blake na madilim ang mukha habang hawak ang bulaklak ni Lucky na ibinigay rito ni Blake.

"Congratulations!" Masayang-masaya siya para sa dalawa. "Alagaan mo ang kapatid ko, ha?" bilin niya kay Blake.

Nakangiting sumaludo sa kanya si Blake. "Yes, Ma'am. Alagaan mo rin ang kakambal ko, ha?"

Hindi niya ipinakita ang tunay na nararamdaman. Ayaw niyang sirain ang araw ng dalawa, kaya naman nagtaray na lang siya. "Wala namang kaala-alaga sa kakambal mo, saka doktor naman siya. Alagaan niya ang sarili niya."

Tumawa si Blake, saka bahagyang napailing. "Mabuti naman at marunong ka nang mag-Tagalog."

Her smile widened. "I'd been studying so hard to learn your language. I like it here."

Naputol ang usapan nila ng bagong kasal nang lumapit sa kanila si Blaze at bigla na lang ibinigay sa kanya ang bulaklak ni Lucky.

"Here," sabi ni Blaze sa kanya.

His gesture made her frown. "What's that for?"

Blaze looked into her eyes. "Marry me."

Hindi alam ni Happy kung bakit nagpanting ang mga tainga niya sa narinig. Siguro dahil pakiramdam niya ay parang binale-wala lang nito ang sakit na naramdaman niya kahapon.

Iritadong ibinalik niya rito ang bulaklak. "Marry yourself."

Pagkasabi n'on ay tinalikuran niya si Blaze at naglakad palayo dahil ayaw niyang makaharap ito. Pero sinundan pa rin siya nito hanggang sa labas ng simbahan.

"Happy, come on, marry me. Happy... Happy!"

Tumigil siya sa paglalakad, saka humarap dito nang kalmado. "May kailangan ka ba sa akin?"

Blaze looked at her, his hand still holding the bouquet. "Marry me?"

Hindi siya makapaniwalang napatitig sa lalaki. "Naririnig mo ba ang self mo? Blaze, why the hell are you asking to marry me? You don't even like me as me."

"I want you to stay," he said. "Please?"

That made her frown and confused. "For what? So you can use me to make you feel better?"

Blaze looked lost as he looked at her. "Can we talk? I'll explain. Please?"

Wala sa sariling napatitig siya sa tattoo nito sa mukha at pakiramdam niya, lalong nanikip ang dibdib niya. Lucky told her everything this morning, while she was helping her ready for the wedding.

Lucky told her about Blaze's tattoo on his face.

Happy took a deep breath and sighed. Maybe it would be better if they would talk about what was on their mind after what happened yesterday.

To clarify and end things.

"Sige, pero later na puwede?" pakiusap niya. "Unahin muna natin sina Lucky at Blake. This is their special day."

Blaze nodded but he didn't move to leave. Kaya naman siya na lang ang umalis at nilampasan ito, saka bahagyang natigilan nang makita ang ama niyang naglalakad pasalubong sa kanya. Madilim ang mukha nito.

"I'll kill him!" her dad hissed angrily.

"Daddy..." Agad niya itong pinigilan sa kamay. "Don't."

Her father let out a loud breath before facing her. "Sinaktan ka niya. Ang prinsesa ko na pinakaiingatan ko. He has no right to made you cry, princess."

"Dad—"

"Seeing you cry like that yesterday, I know you're heartbroken and it breaks my heart too, princess." Kumuyom ang kamay ng ama niya na hindi niya hawak. "Ingat na ingat ako sa iyo, 'tapos paiiyakin ka lang niya?"

Masuyo siyang ngumiti, saka niyakap ito sa baywang. "Daddy, remember what I told you last night?"

"What?" he asked grumpily.

"That it wasn't Blaze's fault?"

Her dad face darkened even more. "Not his fault, my ass! It's his fault!"

"Dad..." Pinakawalan niya ito sa pagkakayakap, saka masuyong sinapo ang mukha at pinakatitigan. "It was my fault. Ako ang nagpapasok sa kanya in my life. I know he has issues, so it was my fault," may diin niyang sabi para mas ipaintindi 'yon dito. "At kasalanan ko kasi hindi ko siya maintindihan... kung bakit he did what he did."

Lalong sumama ang mukha ng ama. "So ikaw pa pala ang mag-a-adjust para sa kanya? Is that it?" Tumalim ang mga mata nito. "Remember what I told you, Happy? You are not born to adjust for anyone."

She stilled. Ginamit na ng daddy niya ang pangalan niya, hindi na "princess." Galit talaga ito kay Blaze... at ngayon sa kanya.

"Stop defending him, Happy. I don't care about him," sabi ng ama niya na nagtatagis ang mga bagang. "You are my daughter, Happy, and my loyalty goes to you, so don't ask me not to be angry. As your father, I have the right to be because you are my princess." Then he turned around. "Doon lang ako kay Lucky."

Bumagsak ang mga balikat ni Happy habang nakatingin sa papalayong likod ng ama.

She had always been open to her father about her life. What happened to her and Blaze was not an exemption. She told her dad. Everything. They were that close.

And now she was regretting that she did.

Happy took a deep breath before walking back to the altar. Nag-uumpisa na ang picture taking at kailangang kasama siya.

Her smile never disappeared from her face even when she felt the opposite. Hindi niya ipinakita sa kapatid niya na may iniinda siyang sakit. She would not ruin Lucky's special day.

Her happy face remained as they went to the reception area. She felt proud that Lucky and Blake's visitors seemed to like her design. They kept complementing it, making her feel elated.

And when the celebration began, it was amazing. Lalo sa first dance ng bagong mag-asawa. Hindi niya mapigilan ang matawa sa pinaggagagawa ng mga kaibigan ni Blake.

Then Happy found herself dancing with Blaze because she was the maid of honor and he was the bestman and it was the tradition.

She couldn't argue with the tradition.

Pero pagkatapos ng isang tugtog, kumawala siya sa mga braso ni Blaze na nakapalibot sa kanya, saka tahimik siyang naglakad palabas ng hall.

When the fresh air hit her face, she smiled and continued walking towards the bermuda grass, just meters away from the hall. She sat on one of the benches there.

This village is peaceful.

Happy was admiring the children on the playground just meters away from her when someone sat beside her.

By the smell, she knew it was Blaze.

Tuwid siyang umupo, saka bumaling sa lalaki. "Is it okay if we talk here and now? Baka maging busy tayo later."

Blaze nodded but he remained silent.

Happy sighed softly. "Is there anything you want to tell me?" tanong niya para lang magsalita na ang lalaki.

Blaze nodded before leaning on the back of the bench and looking up at the blue sky. "Are you mad at me, Happy?"

Umiling siya. "No."

"Disappointed maybe?"

"At you?" she asked and shook her head. "No. To myself? Yes."

"Why not at me?"

She took a deep breath. "I don't know, Blaze. 'Yon ang napi-feel ko ngayon, eh. I told you before that I will not expect anything from you, but unconsciously, I did." Mahina siyang natawa. "Kaya disappointed ako sa self ko kasi ako 'yong nag-expect. Kaya kasalanan ko."

"I'm sorry, for making you cry," he whispered.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "I'm sorry to say this, Blaze, but I don't believe in your sorry anymore. It's like I lost the ability to believe in you. I'm sorry."

Hinuli nito ang mga mata niya, nagmamakaawa ang tingin. "Can't you believe in me again?"

"I can't say." She smiled apologetically at Blaze. "I actually don't know how will I talk to you right now without feeling my heart aching. I cried so much yesterday. I soaked my dad's shirt." She laughed a little remembering the scene. "It's funny though. Wala namang tayo pero brokenhearted ako."

"Happy..."

"The truth is, I'm trying my best to understand your situation since last night," pag-amin niya habang titig na titig sa lalaki. "I was thinking that maybe I was hard on you. That I was maybe unfair to you. But then I asked myself, why would I understand the man who didn't even try harder to understand me?"

"I do... I understand you."

Mapait siyang ngumiti. "Do you really? Then let me ask you, Blaze, in those times that we've been together, is there a time when you didn't use me to relieve the happiness you felt when you were still with Cassie?"

Blaze became silent. And that meant she hit a spot.

Happy sighed. "I guess there isn't."

"Iiwan mo ba ako?" tanong nito kapagkuwan. "Can't you stay?"

She felt her heart tighten in pain. "Last night, I was in a war with myself. Part of me wants to stay and understand you, while the other part wants to leave and let you be. But if I stay and try my hardest to understand you, I will lose myself, Blaze. I might end up playing the role of Cassie in your life and it's so unfair because I'm not her. I'm me and you can't see that. It's like you can only see Cassie and I will not lose myself for someone who can't appreciate me."

Seconds and minutes passed, Blaze didn't speak.

"Ikaw ang gustong makipag-talk, 'tapos ayaw mong mag-talk. Why is that?"

Blaze still didn't speak until a couple of minutes passed.

"I love Cassie," sabi nito, saka tumingin sa kanya. "In my mind, I only belong to her, and I'm having a really hard time moving on."

"And that's okay." She smiled. "Spend your time loving her if that makes you happy. Just don't use anyone while you're at it."

"I will lose you," Blaze whispered. "I can't let go of Cassie and I don't want to let you go."

"You can't have both, Blaze." She took a sharp deep breath. "It's okay. Love Cassie as much as you can. Hold on to her memories tightly as you can. But don't ask me to stay and understand you because it's like you're asking me to kill Happy and live as Cassie." A lone tear fell from her eyes. "I will not stay for someone who can't see me as me. I'm sorry but I take a lot of pride of being me."

Umiling si Blaze. "Happy... please don't leave me... don't take my happiness away."

Hindi siya makapaniwalang napailing. "Asking me to not take your happiness away... it's like asking me to let you continue using me to be happy. You don't really want me, you just want the feeling that I can make you feel. And you're being selfish, Blaze. Please don't use me. Hindi ako bagay na puwedeng gamitin para maging masaya ka. I will not sacrifice myself for your happiness. I don't deserve to be used, Blaze, and I don't deserve to be a replacement. So, let's end this. Whatever this is that we have. Let's end it here and now."

Blaze looked down and she saw a tear fell from his eyes.

"Don't cry," sabi niya, saka tinuyo ang mga luha nito. "Hindi nakasalalay sa akin ang happiness mo... it's here." Bumaba ang kamay niya sa dibdib nito kung nasaan ang puso nito. "You can be happy without using me. You can be happy on your own."

Blaze looked at her. "How?"

"Deal with your past," sagot niya. "Because that past you have, it's dealing with your happiness right now and it will take everything away from you, until there's nothing left but a shell of a broken man. But you need to want to deal with your past, Blaze, it has to be your choice... because happiness... it's a choice. Your choice."

Natahimik si Blaze. Kapagkuwan ay inabot ang kamay niya, saka pinagsalikop ang kamay nilang dalawa at tumitig sa mga mata niya. "Alam kong hindi ka na naniniwala sa akin, pero sorry. Sorry talaga sa nagawa ko sa iyo. Sa mga ipinaramdam ko sa iyo. I'm really sorry, Happy. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. Hindi man ngayon pero tandaan mo, babawi ako... babawi ako sa iyo, Happy."

Tumango siya, saka napatitig sa pisngi nitong may tattoo. Alam na niya kung ano ang tattoo na 'yon. It was an intricate tribal design, and it formed into a word—a name. Cassie.

He really loves Cassie so much.

"Be happy, Blaze," sabi niya. "Choose to be happy. For yourself. Because you deserve it and you're worth it."

Blaze nodded. "I will."

"That's good." Tinapik niya ang balikat nito, saka inagaw ang kamay na hawak nito. "Let's go back inside. Baka hinahanap na tayo."

Tahimik na tumango si Blaze at magkatabi silang naglakad pabalik sa reception.

Hindi niya alam kung makakatulong kay Blaze ang mga sinabi niya, pero isa lang ang sigurado siya, kailangan niyang burahin kung ano man ang nararamdaman niya para sa lalaki. Para sa susunod nilang pagkikita, hindi na siya aasa ... at masasaktan uli.

HAPPY WAS TIRED after the reception but instead of resting, she was packing her clothes and putting it on her luggage bag. Her dad wanted them to leave right away. He even handled everything just so they could leave tonight.

Isa-isa niyang itinupi nang maayos ang mga damit bago ipasok sa maleta niya. At nang matapos siya, ang mga gamit naman niya sa banyo ang ipinasok niya sa bag.

Nang maisara ang maleta, hinila niya iyon palabas ng kuwarto. Pero napatigil siya sa may pinto at nilingon ang kama kung saan mayroon siyang masayang memorya kasama si Blaze.

And remembering Blaze... self-doubt entered her mind. If he was really kissing her because of her or because of Cassie.

Ipinilig niya ang ulo, saka huminga nang malalim bago tuluyang lumabas ng kuwarto niya.

Nasa sala na ang daddy niya at handa na ang mga gamit nito.

"Nagpaalam na ako kanina kay Lucky pagkatapos mong magpaalam," sabi ng ama niya. "Sabi ni Blake bibisita naman daw sila palagi."

Walang imik siyang tumango, saka itinabi ang maleta sa maleta ng ama.

"You're sad," pansin ng ama niya.

Tumango siya. "I am."

"Is this because of Blaze?"

Tumango uli siya.

Agad na nagdilim ang mukha nito. "You can't stay. I won't let you. You're very worth it to be a replacement."

"I know, Dad." She smiled at her father before hugging him around his waist. "Thank you."

"For?"

"For raising me to be a strong woman who loves herself too much and who knows her worth and what she deserves and wants."

Natawa ang ama niya, saka hinalikan siya sa noo. "I'm proud of you, princess. Don't ever change, okay? I know you're hurting and I can never know your pain. But I do know this, months or years from now, you'll find a man who will see you as you and will treat you with respect that you deserve. He will see your worth. And when you finally meet this man, bring him more and marry him... because that is the man that you deserve."

Naluluhang tumango si Happy, saka humigpit ang yakap sa daddy niya habang tahimik siyang umiiyak.

Her father rubbed her back. "That's okay. Daddy understands. Just let it out, princess. You can cry a river, your old man won't mind."

Lalo siyang naiyak. And her soft sobs turned into frantic sobs and then she was crying loudly.

"My princess..." her father whispered while consoling her. "Of all the men out there, why did you choose a broken man to like?"

She didn't answer, she just cried and cried until there were no tears left to cry.

"He'll be very sorry that he lost you," her dad whispered, making her fell better. "So stop crying and pull yourself together. Remember what an incredible woman you are. Always."

Her tears just kept on falling and her dad just stayed there. Consoling her. And when she finally pulled herself together, her dad smiled proudly at her.

"That's my princess," sabi nito. "Chin up and keep your heart strong. You'll need it."

Tumango siya habang tinutuyo ang basa niyang pisngi.

Ngumiti sa kanya ang ama, saka inilahad nito ang kamay. "Ready to go home, princess?"

Sa galip na tanggapin iyon, inangkla niya ang braso sa braso ng ama, saka nginitian ito. "Let's go home, Daddy."

Tumango ito at sabay silang lumabas ng kuwarto.

Nang makababa sila sa lobby, nag-check out siya habang ibinababa ng bellboy ang maleta nila ng kanyang ama. Pagkatapos ay inangkla uli niya ang braso sa braso ng ama, saka sabay silang naglakad palabas ng hotel, deretso sa sasakyang naghihintay sa kanila.

Their driver drove them to the airport. And before they stepped out, her father handed the driver a bulky white envelope.

"Sir?"

"Kunin mo na," sabi ng daddy niya.

Nag-aalangang tinanggap iyon ng driver at sinilip ang laman. Ang namimilog nitong mga mata ay tumuon sa kanyang ama. "P-pero binayaran na ho ako ng agency ko, Sir."

Nagkibit-balikat ang ama niya. "Take it. Napanalunan ko 'yan sa casino. Magagalit ang anak ko kapag inuwi ko 'yan."

"Salamat, Sir!" galak na galak na sabi ng driver.

"Welcome," sabi ng ama niya, saka tinapik ang balikat ng driver bago lumabas ng sasakyan.

Siya naman ay may iniabot na box sa driver. "Naaalala n'yo ho ba 'yong address ng mansiyon ng mga Vitale?"

Tumango ang driver. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Pa-deliver naman ho ako nito kay Blaze Vitale," nakangiting sabi niya.

"Sige ho, Ma'am."

"Salamat po sa lahat." Inilabas niya sa clutch bag ang cheque na inihanda, saka ibinigay iyon sa driver. "Heto ho. Thank you sa pagiging careful and honest na driver."

"Salamat din ho, Ma'am. Para sa pamilya."

Nakangiting tumango siya. "Para sa pamilya."

Lumabas siya ng sasakyan at nagpasalamat uli sa driver na inilabas ang mga maleta nila.

And when they entered the airport, they were greeted by the airport staff who immediately helped them with their luggages.

Happy eyed her father suspiciously. "Dad, what did you do?"

"Connections, princess." He grinned at her. "Connections."

Napailing na lang siya at sumunod na lang sa ama. They went to the security and baggage checking before they went to their plane.

And it was not commercial. It was their private jet.

"Dad?"

"I want my princess to be comfortable." Kinindatan siya nito. "Come on. King is waiting for us."

King was his father's butler or some sort of a secretary. He was actually an all around guy. He knew a lot of things, including piloting a jet or anything that would fly. He was just a bit older than her but he was a very handsome man.

"King is here?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Since when?"

"Since two hours ago."

Inalalayan siya ng ama pasakay sa pribado nilang eroplano. Agad siyang ngumiti nang makita si King na nakatayo malapit sa pinto.

"Young Miss, it's nice to see you again," bati nito sa kanya na hindi man lang tinugon ang ngiti niya. "Welcome aboard."

Napailing siya. "I miss you too, King," may bahagyang sarkasmo na sabi niya. "You don't have to be so cold all the time. And stop calling me young miss. It's Happy."

Hindi nagbago ang emosyon sa mukha ni King. "Duly noted, Young Miss." Kapagkuwan ay tumuon ang buong atensiyon nito sa ama niya. "Sir, welcome aboard."

"Thanks, King." Tinapik ng ama niya ang balikat ng lalaki. Let's have a smooth flight, shall we?"

Tumango si King, saka pumasok na sa cockpit pagkatapos siguruhin na maayos ang pagkakasara ng pinto.

Siya naman ay nag-seat belt at tumingin sa labas ng eroplano habang gumagalaw iyon.

At habang papataas na ang eroplanong sinasakyan, ipinikit niya ang mga mata at pumasok sa isip niya ang guwapong mukha ni Blaze.

Blaze... I hope you'll choose happiness. You deserve it.

CECELIB | C.C.