*******
Be kind to yourself!

******

"Lizzy___" He started and she cut him off quickly, "wait!"

"No I need to tell you something." He replied. It had to be now, not later, it had to be now.

Liz was scared of the resolution in his mismatched eyes. She was scared he was going to make his choice already.

"Wait Jason, please I need to tell you something first." She begged.

Jason went off now, "its not always about you Liz. I need to tell you something too will you just listen."

Liz stood rooted to the spot at his outburst. She didn't like the way he spoke to her, she didn't like the fear tingling in her spine. It didn't matter how mad was at her right now she needed to say this.

"I know that you have all the right to be angry at how childish I was when we last spoke. I also know that I can be a difficult person, and you don't deserve my baggage. I know I make you feel like you're at the end of your road, it's when I look at you and tell you I'll be better alone. Its just the pride and pain talking because we both know I'm the definition of wreck when you look into my soul." Liz's eyes watered as she spoke and so did Jason's.

"These last two weeks I've been too scared of loosing you to actually hold on to you. If only the fact that you've been with me through all of my worst moments then I should be here for you too. Also a large part of me was Jealous of her, jealous that you get to share a part with her forever. Even if we have kids my child will be your second child, because you already have someone else. It won't be as special as starting parenthood together." The last two statement came as a shock to her because she didn't even know it was how she was feeling.

Subconsciously she was thinking about having kids with him. Jason looked at her full of confusion and guilt. "You said you don't want kids Liz."

"I know, but we've been talking about it in therapy and then I found out that my fear is more towards making sure I don't turn out like my mother than to

Why didn't you say this two nights ago Elizabeth or even a week ago. He mused gently.

The timing was wrong and off, here she was telling him everything he wanted to hear two days ago.

The fact that it was coming just right after he messed up made him feel like shit.

"Lizzy___" he started again, feeling his insides knot with dread.

"Wait I'm not done." She returned and put one of her finger on his lips to keep him quiet then continued; "I'm scared that with them you'll find out that holding onto me isn't worth it. But then, I'm too scared of starting life without you. This rocked my world to the very bottom because it was asking me to be the very thing I've been running away from my entire life; A mother. Whether I liked it or not accepting that child means being a mother to her."

Liz didn't even know why she was crying but she was. "I hate the fact that I'm not am emotional stable place for you. I see that sometimes and it kills me. I even called my mom to tell her I forgave her."

Jason felt his body go cold at the mention of Liz's mom. "Elizabeth!" He called sternly.

"I told her I forgave her but we didn't need to reconnect now, she makes me more sad than happy you know. Even if her disappointments aren't planned I'm not ready to have her back in my life until she is a stable support." Telling him these words felt like a huge mountain lifted from her chest. Talking to someone may not make you feel better instantly but sometimes it helps you acknowledge what you're feeling to give those thoughts and fears expression.

Jason couldn't help but smile, it was a small smile but it was one full of pride. He was proud of her decision with her mom.

"Lastly I want us to go see your girl. It will take me a while to call her our child but I want you to understand that this is a big deal for me." She fiddled her thumbs together as she finished speaking and stared at the floor.

Now his tongue must have stuck to the roof of his mouth. He couldn't bring himself to say it to her, especially not with the way she stared at him with eyes full of hope.

"Let's go to bed Liz, we'll talk about the rest later." He swallowed now the lump of saliva stuck in his throat along with the truth.

******

Jason was nervous for so many reasons but mainly because of what was about to happen. He raised his hand to knock on the oak panel door of the new home he got for Tiara and Lily. Even though he had invited Tiara to a cafe during the week to apologise and tell her of his wife's decision to visit. Jason couldn't shake off the nervousness and guilt of putting both women under the same roof.

Liz who stood beside him slipped her left hands into his as a show of support and plastered a fake smile on her face that couldn't even disguise that she was nervous to her bone also.

What if Lilly didn't like her?

She was holding on to a box of homemade cookies prepared by their housekeeper after Jason banned her from attempting to make more cookies after preparing three batches.

Liz peered to look at Jason's face and could feel his nervousness and an unknown emotion she couldn't quite wrap her head around. He was still so much distant towards her, she was praying this meeting will set them back right on track.

After three rapid knocks and the loud yell of "coming" from Tiara the door was finally opened. Liz stared at the Latino woman for a second as she tried to assess the entirety of the situation.

The door revealed Tiara in a simple blue, sleeveless skater dress and Liz couldn't help but assess the woman in from of her slowly. The assessing was mutual as a wave of awkward silence passed between the three of them and Tiara finally invited them in, "Please come in."

"Thank you so much" Liz answered with a simple smile. She was tempted to fiddle with her wedding band but instead she settled for letting her eyes wander over the beautiful home.

The room was painted shades of mauve, white and brown in a way that made it lively and elegant. There was a colouring set to her far left on a tailored desk and chair for a little girl. Every furniture accentuated the homely feel of their house alongside the accessories and pictures on the wall.

Liz was suddenly cut short when a tiny girl shrieked and bundled downstairs and rushed past her into Jason's arms. She felt her heart clench gently as she saw the bond between them and it was a sweet ache. It wasn't one of bitterness right now just deep longing to share something so ethereal with him.

Jason finally set her on his laps and Lily stared right at Liz. The combination of those two pairs of mismatched eyes staring her way made her eyes water. To Liz; Lily was beautiful, a tiny replica to the man who owned her heart. So how could she look into that adorable innocent face and hate her.

Tiara was still standing looking at the tiny exchange between both Jason, Lily and Liz.

"Who are you?" Lily asked shrewdly staring at Liz.

"Lily!" Tiara called sharply.

Lily pouted and bent her head sharply then said; "you're the reason we don't live with my daddy." Even though the words were spoken innocently Jason froze as he hated the position he was in now.

Tiara looked at him longingly and also with guilt. Liz was so fixated on lily and probably didn't notice anything.

"Come," Liz opened her arms towards the little girl, hoping she would.

At first Lily didn't respond, she just kept staring at Liz. It is said that children can feel deeply insecurity or fear from adults that they can sense it that they know your energy and whether to trust you or not. So while Liz waited with arms open, Lily just stared at her not saying either yes or no.

Finally when Tiara was about to urge Lily to go to Liz. Lily came down from her position on her fathers legs and moved towards Liz as quickly.

Liz didn't carry her into her arms yet she just allowed the girl put her tiny palm into hers. She majored in child psychology so even if this was tricky to her, she loved the challenging gaze in the little girls mismatched eyes. It intrigued her and reminded her of an adult pair.

"My name is Liz. What's yours?" She asked.

"Lily." It was a tiny whisper which was followed with a smile.

"Liz and Lily" Liz called out and the smaller girl smiled even wider making Liz smile too at the way their name seemed connected. Jason stared at them and felt a knot of emotion string through him. Seeing them smiling at each other was so beautiful, because it had taken Liz almost five whole minutes of opening her arms towards the girl with utmost patience to lure Lily in.

"You have your Daddy's eyes." Liz remarked and the little girl beamed happily.

"Here," handing her the box of cookies. Lily collected the box and presented it to her mom and all the adults relaxed a bit.

The couple had promised to stay for dinner and dinner was filled with chatter centred about Lily with Tiara a little jealous.

Lily was proud to be the centre of attention she wanted to tell her dad every new happening in her life and her new friend Liz.

After dinner the three adults had sat down with Lily and told her all about the living arrangements. They explained to her that Liz was like a second mom and at first the little girl was confused but soon she dissolved into bright smiles.

Jason had let Liz explain herself to the little girl so that she could begin to see the importance of Liz to her. They made sure they didn't pressure lily to immediately begin calling Liz mom.

Tension still flowed a little between Jason and Tiara. Though, Tiara told herself she was going to let go of Jason. In reality, the road was tough. She wished for that gentle understanding look that passed between the couple throughout dinner, she wished for that genuine worry from him. The one that made Jason invite her for coffee to trash things out. She wished she never had to share her kid with the other woman but at the same time seeing how beautiful and gentle Liz was with Lily broke her down.

Tiara couldn't relate this calm collected woman with the one who kept pushing her husband out of the door. It would have been better if Liz was vicious or cold towards her like that day in her house. At least Tiara will have a chance to go after him without regrets but then again all that was in Jason's eyes nowadays was strong guilt towards her she wasn't sure they could ever walk back the friendship.

Though she kissed him first and he pulled off the last one was different because he initiated it and to the this stubborn man that prides himself on himself self control it must have been a low blow.

One thing was for sure though; Tiara knew Jason haven't told Liz yet about what happened between them.

********

Oh mehn😥😥 first I know I said I wasn't going to update here for a while. But again here am I 🙈

Thank you for being patient with me, thank you for supporting me, thank you for understanding, thank you for you.

*sighs* hopefully this glitch is resolved soon. My timeline was to finish writing this book at the end of October but we all know how October has gone.

If you ever want to rant, vent, or cry come to my DM I'll listen. I wasnt able to attach google docs of Mentally Aware Nigeria support form. But now beyond everything else please check on your mental health. Search the platform on all digital sites.

Your Trusting writer.
Orex💕