MAY, 2009

Phil

I never quite realized just how boring waiting was.

It feels like I've been stuck in this chair for hours and hours, although I know that of course it hasn't even been one.

Today was Dans last session, where they determined if he was okay to go home or not, and they'd requested I sit this one out, so here I sit, glumly swinging my feet back and forth like an impatient little kid. I lean my head back, resting it on the uncomfortable plastic backing of the sticky chair, staring at the white ceiling. One of the lights was flickering, the sickly yellow light washing over the blinding white of this stupid hospital. We're both sick to death of all the white.

Finally, the thick white doors creak open and Dan walks out of the room, looking smaller than usual.

"Hey!" I say, jumping out of my chair and walking over to join him. "How'd it go?"

Dan just smiles and replies "Fine," in the simplest, most unreadable way possible.

"That's good."

I am about to open my mouth to push him for answers when he turns to me.

"Hey, maybe when I finally get out of here we can go get some actual real coffee instead of that gross stuff from that cafe, yeah?" he said, tilting his head, and I nod gratefully, glad that he'd unintentionally stopped me from being stupid.

"Don't let them hear you say that, or they'll dump their gross coffee all over your head," I said teasingly, and he gave me one of those cute little grins that he has where his mouth goes all lopsided and his eyes light up. They'd only appeared a short while ago, but they truly own every single soft place in my heart.

"Right, better be careful then."

Without another word, he grabs my hand and starts chattering on about a conversation he and Pj had the other day.

My mind wanders. 

Wanders to soft lips that taste like vanilla and the feel of his hands curled up in my hair.

We kissed, that much is for sure. More than once, which normally I would say is a pretty good indication of relationship status, but he hasn't said anything. Not a damn thing. Are we together? Are we still just friends? God, boys are confusing. All of a sudden, a sweet voice interrupts my swirling confusion.

"Phil? Did you hear what I said?"

I force a sheepish smile onto my face, hoping my inner struggle hadn't been obvious.

"Um, no?"

Dan just laughs and taps the side of my head.

"Come out of your mind and talk to me."

God, he was so adorable.

"Okay, okay. What was the question?"

"I said, do you mind if I borrow one of your t-shirts that you have here, all mine are gross," he says, swinging our hands back and forth.

"Yeah, of course."

We reach Dan's hospital room and Dan breaks his hand away from mine, bouncing across the room to where my bag was, while I flop down onto a chair and watch him in amusement. He ruffles through the bag for a second before coming up with a brightly colored shirt and a cute little smile.

"Can I borrow this one?"

"Of course," I smile, and he disappears into the bathroom before popping back out in the shirt, which was adorably huge on him. He hugs his arms to himself and spins around.

"How do I look?"

You look adorable. "Like a nerd."

Dan sticks out his tongue at me.

"These are your clothes, Philly. If I look like a nerd, that means you do too," he says, collapsing on the bed with a teasing smile.

I push myself out of the slumped position I'd crumpled into and join him.

"Hey!" Dan squeaks in protest. "You're sitting on top of me!"

I laugh and roll off, wrapping my arms around him.

"Is this better?" I mumble, burying my face in his neck.

"No, get off of me you big oaf."

I can hear the smile in his voice and feel the heat in his cheeks.

My hands wrap around his waist and pull him close to me, toying with the hem of his shirt absentmindedly.

"Dan?"

"Hmm."

"What... what are we?"

I wish I could grab my words and shove them back in my mouth.

"I don't know." he says thoughtfully. "Whatever you want us to be, I guess."

My heart jumps to my throat.

"Um, okay," I croak nervously. "Then, maybe, you could be my boyfriend?"

I'm glad that my face was hidden in his shirt.

"Hmm, I'll have to think about it."

My heart sinks in disappointment.

"Oh."

"Phil, of course I'll be your boyfriend. There's nothing I would like more in the world," he says, and I lift my head hopefully.

"Really?"

"Of course."

I am smiling like a huge idiot when I lean in and kiss him. He smiles against my lips and kisses me back, resting one of his hands on my cheek and crinkling up his eyes adorably. He is so soft and sweet and beautiful and warm and my heart is so, so full.

Finally, he pulls away, leaning his forehead against mine. The tips of our noses touch and his eyes stare into mine. I am mesmerized.

"I can't believe you thought I would say anything but yes to that question."

"You're a gorgeous angel creature and I'm just Phil. It's a miracle you said yes."

Dan pouts.

"'Just Phil' is my favourite person in the entire world, so you better not say anything bad about him."

"Whatever you say, flower boy."

Dan rolls his eyes at me.

"That's just a stupid name Peej calls me, don't you start too."

I sit up and fold my legs under me.

"Where'd that name come from anyways?"

Dan's face turns red.

"Nowhere."

"Does it have to do with that picture of you?" I ask, poking his side.

"N..no, " he starts to say, but just then the door creaks open and a cheerful looking Pj stands in the doorway.

I grin mischievously and pounce.

"Hey, Peej, where did you get the name 'flower boy' from?"

Dan squeaks in protest.

"Well, he came over to my house once with all these flowers in his hair and he asked me to take a picture of him, so I just kinda started calling him that. Why?"

"Pj !" Dan squeaks. "Why would you tell him that?!"

I look over at him.

His cheeks are bright red and he was hiding his face in his arms, and I poke him in the side. He peers up over his arm, frowning.

"It's stupid, you'll laugh."

I look at him disbelievingly.

"Dan. Really?"

"Fine, fine."

He lowers his voice and leans in, whispering in my ear.

"You made me so happy. I wanted to remember it forever."

I bite my lip, cheeks warm.

"Really?"

He nods, and I grin.

"That's so sweet, I had no idea."

He wrinkles up his nose and shoves me, cheeks pink, smiling shyly.

I almost kiss him, before I remember Pj is in the room and has been in fact watching us for the past several minutes. I break away my gaze and scoot a bit away from Dan, dropping his hand.

"So, what's new with you?" I ask as casually as possible, turning to face Pj.

He just looks confused, looking from Dan to me.

"Um, I think the question is what's new with you? Are you guys like, together?"

Dan quickly shakes his head no. At this, I follow along with a "No, of course not."

Pj pauses for a minute, looking doubtful, but finally his face breaks into a smile and he shrugs it off and flops down on the bed with both of us, chattering on about a new place he'd gone for dinner.

Even though we'd never said the words aloud, I knew that Dan and I were on the same page. We weren't quite ready to tell Pj yet. Right now, it was our thing. It was new and precious and beautiful and ours.

Me and him against the world.

--

a/n thingy: hiyo !! decided to do a quick update after a long day of studying, as i've decided to take a course over the summer to free up my schedule a bit during the year and there's a huge final tomorrow. :-(