TW: Mentions of Rape, Violence, Slight Disassociation, Derogatory language

Ouma's POV:

The alarm blared as I pressed stop, a small yawn escaping me still as part of me begged to be able to go back to bed. Just to have five more minutes, and then wake back up.

You knew better.
I know better.

Quickly I reached over and grabbed my clothes, changing in the perfect span of time. A white shirt with black checked pants, at least that's what they told me it was. A small hair tie was left on my bedside, as I quickly combed it and tied it back in a long ponytail. Black fuzzy socks that balanced on being unbearably warm yet too soft to not continue wearing as well.

Even if we weren't in a technical house, I wasn't allowed shoes.
Maybe I should call it home.

Sharp objects were banned.
You'll hurt people.
I couldn't be trusted.
I didn't deserve trust.

I reached over to the side of the wall.

Two long crutches laid against the wall, as I wrapped the straps around my arms and hesitantly sat up. My leg ached with the motion, even the more mobile one. The lack of exercise really had taken its toll, and I was thankful that at least the arm exercises I had done made me more than capable of carrying my weight.

Weaknesses are intolerable.
I won't be weak ever again.

I knocked on the door and waited patiently as a slight buzzing sound was made and the door unlocked. Grabbing the cold and chilling handle I opened the door and quickly made my way out the door.

The hallway smelled of dust and nearly made me sneeze once again. The halls were cold against my feet, even with the socks as the rough concrete sent small pieces of rock into the holes in my socks. It was a little painful, but nothing that could kill me.

Don't complain.
It's easily tolerable.

I traced a hand against the wall, allowing some of the wall to take part of my body weight as I walked forward. The doors didn't have any braille labels and despite my best efforts every day it seemed as if everything from chairs to boxes were moved around making the terrain next to impossible to memorize. Shadows could only account for so much when I could hear the flickering lights above me and part of me resented the lack of easy passage. Part of me wondered if this was some kind of unsaid punishment for refusing any eye correctional surgery time and time again, or for the lack of progress I had made in my physical therapy. The limp in my legs still took some minor getting used to, and I knew that from most people's perspective it was a clear exploitable weakness just like my eyes. Because if it at least stayed consistent I wouldn't have bruises or end up late for any required meals.

You're pathetic.

It doesn't matter, it was never intentional.

Do you want to bite the hand that feeds you?

I was just being dramatic.

No one else will stay with you.

I know.

Finally, I traced over the scratched wood of the door to the cafeteria. I knocked again, three times this time as I waited patiently as footsteps emerged from behind me. "It seems you for once arrived ahead of me, this is a welcome change" my father praised. "You said punctuality was the key to life" I reminded calmly.

"So you do learn fast, I knew your teacher was wrong about you. She regarded you as a wayward student without care, but all it took was proper nurturing of your natural talents" my father praised, as I heard his keys clink against each other as they unlocked the door. The whiplash of warm air brushed against my face as my father grabbed me by the shoulder and dragged me to the table.

I could have walked there by myself.

He's just being nice.

I'm overreacting.

From the distance, I could hear the gas cooker starting and the faint scent of oil on a pan, my mouth watered slightly as I quickly pinched myself in retaliation trying to get my mind together. Just pay attention to yourself, don't act needy or everyone leaves. You don't want that, you already know that you're only here out of the kindness in his heart. And there's only so much room for that kindness...

"I have big plans for us today" my father brought up, some slight hints of excitement in his voice as I raised an eyebrow confused. "Am I leaving the bunker?" I asked, hoping my fear, or is it joy? wasn't present in my voice. "No, you'll still be here. It isn't safe for you up there, I'm sorry. But I promise that soon when I know you're ready for that world again, I will bring you up there myself. But for today, I'm bringing the surprise to you" my father lectured me.

"What is the surprise?" I asked instead, I tried to keep my expression neutral as I heard the sound of frying from where my father was. "An opportunity to gain a clear mind." Was the only answer he gave me, this time I didn't shy away from showing my clear confusion but my father only hummed in response before he asked cautiously "what kind of world do you want to return to someday?".

"A world of peace" I answered dutifully. "No, for once not the answer I have preached to you. What answer do you have? Perhaps we can learn from each other depending on your answer" my father encouraged. I paused drumming my fingers against the table thinking of an answer. "The world is a vast place, even if I had to limit it to just my corner of the universe by changing it I change the lives of maybe hundreds of others. They won't like how I change it to fit my needs, so I just want a world that's suited for most people if not all" I answered honestly.

"It will one day, sooner than you truly believe, suit your needs" my father promised then as he finally approached. An amazing aroma filled the air, as I quickly picked up my chopsticks waiting for the go-ahead to eat. He tapped his chopstick against his plate seemed to be my signal, as I quickly gave thanks and began eating.

"You've been more talkative lately, I'm glad" he praised, I nodded quietly. "You were so quiet when I first brought you home, it was sad to see. You were talkative even back when you were a baby, you would babble to yourself or anything that would interact with you. I'm sorry her family hurt you, I'm sorry you felt the need to hide" my father apologized as I paused.

Don't pity the one who tormented you.

She was my mother once.

And she was a monster.

She changed, she always tried, she tried to help me...she tried to help me.

But what did her help do to you? If she loved you, she wouldn't have left you behind

If she loved you she never would've laid a single finger on you.

If she loved you, you would've forgotten her a long time ago.

...I miss her.

You shouldn't.

"Kokichi?" my father called, he sounded slightly agitated. "I'm sorry, I just...had a lot on my mind lately," I told him. It wasn't a complete lie, he had time and time proved himself to catch up on my lies. So it was better to not try at all, I don't think he would notice this one though since I never specified what.

I don't want to be predictable.

"After breakfast, we'll work to clear some of that" my father promised, his tone slightly malicious as I squirmed in my chair uncomfortably. "What do you mean?" I asked, hoping that the concern in my voice would be enough. "Impatient still, aren't you?" my father teased with little amusement. "I'm sorry" I quickly said bowing my head down and squirming in my chair as I heard my father get up from his seat. "I suppose we'll have to break routine before the curiosity destroys you further," my father said tiredly.

He pulled back my chair, not waiting for any arguments as I quickly got my crutches and followed him. My father walked always at a fast pace, despite all his lectures on patience. He said that it evoked an aura of confidence that was needed in his line of work, though I found his slow methodical walk to be much more intimidating than I cared to admit. Surprisingly we went through one of the locked doors, the keycard registering with a small beeping sound before the cold cement registered even further. The floor was smooth and cold to the touch, it felt like pure ice and the air vents overheard must've been broken due to the entire hallway feeling as if I had stepped into a freezer.

"I thought I wasn't leaving?" I asked confused, "you're not, I just kept him in the other room" my father answered.

Him.

There's somebody in the bunker, who? Why would he take someone here when I can't see people? Is it a trick? Was this some kind of test that I had failed? A patience test? But he wouldn't have said him then...if he wanted to punish me he wouldn't have answered me till he locked me in a cell again. He always tells me what he's going to do, he always asks...so I can walk in the cell myself. This isn't like him, this is too surreal.

So who is in here? Momota? Do I want Momota to be here? I miss him but...Momota shouldn't be here. He probably hates him for discovering his true identity, I don't want Momota to be in any danger because of me. Please don't make me face him, please say that he isn't somewhere in these halls...

"We're here" my father interrupted my thoughts with a stern voice, "try to stay calm" he advised. I paused waiting for him to open the door, only to realize after a few beats that he was waiting for me to promise him this. I nodded, though unsure and it was more rushed. It didn't do anyone any good avoiding what was ahead, that was something Saihara tried telling me. That you just have to face the truth, even if it's ugly.

The door opened with a creak.

And I smelled copper.

A rusted and vile smell overloaded my senses, as I paused taking in the smell as fear raised throughout my body my mind frantically connecting the dots. Him. Whoever that was, was bleeding. Bleeding so much that the odor could fill the entire room and escape at the slightest opening as the smell made me nauseous. The room wasn't just warm-it was boiling and I could feel myself sweating bullets as my father prodded me to move forward.

A quiet yet audible groan erupted from somewhere in the room. I bit my lip, "what is this?" I asked finally trying to be brave. "I think you're clever enough to know what I have here. Ask a different question" my father advised in a malicious voice, he was gleeful now in his sadistic happiness.

..."Who did you bring here?" I rephrased. My father laughed, "you shouldn't address a pig by a name, but you're acquainted with this man. You gave this man retribution the night we first clashed" my father hinted.

That night.

The night Genkei nearly lost an eye to his blade.

The night we truly allowed rage and hatred to blind us to logic.

The night that we allowed ourselves to purge an entire store and destroy gleefully despite it never filling the aching sadness and guilt in our hearts.

The night that wasn't even planned the day before.

The night that truly marked us as too far in to go back.

The day Riko had told us about a man who took advantage of her. The man that employed her family, and the man who led her to cry out choked sobs that none of us could ever hope to silence.

He was in front of me.

"Why?" I asked, slight anger tainting my voice. "Why would you bring him here? Why would you bring someone like him here?" I demanded my voice raising causing a louder groan from the man in question. "Wha..." a low and mature voice asked, his voice was raspy though and it made me think he was a smoker. "What the hell?!" the voice immediately screamed as I heard the sounds of a chair scraping against the floor as I realized the man had likely been fully restrained. At least I had been given a bed, this man was likely tied to a chair. Maybe he was even blindfolded.

Good.

"Quiet, this is a private conversation" my father ordered the man in question with a stern voice lacking any of the compassion he showed me. "To hell with that! Where am I? Who are you, people? Please I'll give you anything you want, money? I can give you money just please let me go! I have a seven-year-old daughter at home, please! Please I need to back to her, I'm all she has left!" the man pleaded, pure cries of desperation in his voice.

But those cries were laced with lies.

"Your daughter is eleven, and has been living with your former wife since your separation two years ago" my father corrected his annoyance clear still for having been interrupted and his orders continuously defied. "By even mentioning your daughter at all, your lack of care for her is evident. If you were truly all she had left you wouldn't even utter her name in fear of us using her as blackmail against you. You didn't even consider that possibility, so I won't consider the possibility of granting you mercy for the sake of a daughter who never had a father to begin with" my father told him, with a menacing and almost joyous tone as he told the man this. The man sobbed and screamed incoherently after hearing this, till a loud slap rang in my ears following the sounds of violent beating till the man fell silent again with only brief whimpers of pain.

"s...stop it..." I mumbled, my confidence waning with each horrible snapping sound that echoed in the room as I continued to hold back my fear. My father laughed at this, "did you really think I would deliver justice for you Kokichi? Of course I wouldn't ever rob you of so well deserved karmic retribution" he insisted.

..."what?" I asked confused, "I'm not going to kill this man. You are." my father explained. Despite how direct this was I couldn't make sense of the words, it was clear and set in stone. He had the willpower to believe that such a horrifying reality could be true, that I would take whatever weapon or with my own bare hands kill the man that was bound in front of me. That I had such burning resentment that I could steal life from this world, even one as rotten as his...this was...this was to...

"I can't. I can't do this" I apologized, my voice choking up as I did so. "I can't kill someone, I'm sorry," I told him hoping that he wouldn't get that upset over this. "You can't, or you won't?" my father rephrased his disappointment clear and evident. "Won't, DICE wasn't exactly the most lawful group...but we would never condone killing someone regardless of what they might've done to deserve it" I admitted hoping that my resolve was equally if not stronger than my father's.

By sparing him you betray her again.

I don't want to be a murderer.

"So you're choosing to be weak, you're choosing to allow the world to walk all over you even in this type of opportunity and all the work I had done to arrange this for you. Kokichi there will be no consequences if you choose to eliminate this man, the only thing that will happen is that you can move forward with a clear mind. This is the test Kokichi, to prove you will move forward and never have the temptation to look back" my father preached. "I...I...I can't kill someone" I tried to argue, "I said no...so just let him go".

"So what's your response to the casework done by detective *BLEEP*, surrounding your relations with one of the victims Sanyu Riko?" A metallic voice asked ricocheting off the halls and came from a broken loudspeaker. I paused confused listening to the conversation, it sounded like an interview.

"What...what is this?" I asked confused, "stop...I didn't...mean it..." the man cried out in a desperate plea, his voice sounded like a cornered child. My father laughed, I don't know at who.

"I deny everything the detective says, there's just no proof. I indeed knew the victim before her death, her parents used to work at my convenience store before the break-in and its later closure. It's a shame what happened to her, and I offer my sincere condolences to her family but I never hurt that girl and I won't allow myself to be slandered as this" a man rebutted. No. Not just a man, it was him. HE was the one in this interview.

"You liar" I muttered, my voice meek. "It wasn't...it wasn't supposed to...it was so long ago...I didn't...I didn't mean..." the man tried to argue, but I tried to block out his voice. His denial of the claims only stirred up more of the anger within me, a part of me that demanded to see him be punished for what he had done. I heard shuffling from behind me, with a hand on my shoulder.

"But you did hurt my friend...you did do all those horrible things...how can you live with yourself?" I asked my voice lacked any sort of power behind it, yet I still felt desperation clinging to what kind of response they would give me. That somehow the answer would bring some comfort to me, though I knew no answer could even begin to try.

"She was fine, look she might've been a little hurt, but what this man did...oh god I'm with her murderer...kid how can you look at me and compare me to HIM?" the man asked in an accusing tone. My father scoffed, as I froze in place as felt something being placed in my hand. I didn't bother to feel what the item was as I bit my lip.

He doesn't feel guilty.

I don't get how people can be so cruel.

I'm sure people didn't understand you either.

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" I screamed finally losing my patience, "you don't-you don't get to make excuses! You don't get to lie about what you did to her! SO SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" I screeched at him as I tried to cover my ears only to realize what I had been holding, and the choking sobs and silent pleas from the man. I held it...and finally felt what I was gripping in my hand.

I wanted to drop it, but my fingers only gripped the gun more.

"People rarely feel guilty," my father told me with a soft voice, "the fact you do means you have virtue, now use that virtue to purge the ones who will never learn" my father commanded as I shook my head. "I can't" I pleaded as I shut my eyes as I heard the man in front of me begin to scream, "NO! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! YOU WANT TO KILL ME? I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU BASTARD! DO YOU HEAR THAT CRIPPLE? IF YOU LAY A HAND ON ME AND I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU SON OF A BITCH!-"

I felt my father adjust my grip, I weakly fought back.

"DON'T GOT ANY WORDS? NO BALLS? WELL, WHAT I SURPRISE I GUESS YOU WEREN'T SOME KIND OF TOUGH GANG LEADER? I KNEW YOU WERE A COWARD! YOU AND YOUR LITTLE MINIONS WERE ALL PATHETIC COWARDS! MENACES AT BEST! YOU ALL JUST RAISED DESTRUCTION AND MAYHEM WITHOUT ANY CARE FOR WHOSE LIVES YOU IMPACTED! AND YOU WANT TO CALL ME AN AWFUL PERSON? LOOK AT THEM!" he screamed.

I felt my father's hand guide me to the trigger, I flinched at the feeling in my hand as the safety was removed with some small adjustments. The room grew hotter as the man's voice drew out, it was replaced by static as I could hear my friends screaming in my ears. Some of the voices were kind to me, and others were screaming. Some were sad, and others had gone mad. All demanded one thing and one thing alone, they wanted to escape and I wanted the same thing.

But...

If I kill this man I'm proving everyone right about DICE, that we were just monsters. I won't let them be remembered as monsters when they were the kindest people life ever had to offer.

"I don't..." I repeated as my will began to crumble. My father sighed, "Then let me give you a helping hand" he offered, before I could question it all sound in the room was drowned out by a loud ringing. My ears were blown out, silence filling with the ringing that grew louder by the second as my legs buckled beneath me and dry and hysteric sobs escaped me.

My hands were covered in something thick and heavy, and the room didn't have any more sobs or begs for mercy. The room was silent if not for my ugly cries and begging to make this all a nightmare as I couldn't help but throw up over the smell.

Monster.

Her voice rang clear as without another warning my mind caved to the vacuums of unconsciousness.