TW: Suicidal Thoughts, Panic Attack

Ouma's POV:

I don't remember when we moved back downstairs, or back to the classroom, my lungs felt like they were on fire and my throat filled with sand for every breath I took. As if my body was trying to make sure I knew everything that had happened today wasn't some sick nightmare I was experiencing, but real.

It crashed down like an oncoming storm, one anyone could have seen well beforehand and taken shelter from, but my mind remained numb to it, my survival instincts of self-preservation buried under the cold chill that had settled and buried inside of me as the shock finally cleared my mind.

I was alone, truly alone.

DICE, the group who I once made promised to guide to a world of our own design was gone, they blindly followed me to their demise and I didn't even follow them to the grave. My masks of happiness, clarity, and confidence were abandoned with them when I first tried to see them again, only for a hand to repeatedly hold me back.

Why did it take me so long to realize this? That as much as a safety net Momota had become for me, he never managed to help me escape the pit, just delayed my fall no matter how much I fought the ropes protecting me. Now that net had finally broken beneath my feet, and this time he wouldn't come to save me. I don't think I would have wanted him to.

Mother...the memory of what that person from the alley said repeated in my mind, Mother...my mother was dead.

It didn't feel real, as if that claim was breaking a law of the universe. It wasn't because she was even a consistent factor in my life, her addictions and manic mind proved that to never be the case but...she was always in the background. She was there before I even met DICE, she was there throughout my childhood, and when the world broke and all the monotone years that followed, she was always there.

Maybe not as a supportive figure but...a hole was left behind and I didn't know if I wanted to or should fix it.

Saihara.

My friend. He's gone too. At least he was alive and healthy. Karma must have decided to give me a break finally.

He left...he's gone...as quick as he came...he left...he left me behind for this hellhole, he's going to come back for me right? He's not going to just leave me here?! I can't do it, I can't just stay here...but where can I even go?

I'm trapped. I'm going to be stuck here forever, who else is going to get hurt because of me? I knew it, I knew that I was cursed but they didn't listen and now they're gone and it's all my fault.

"Ouma?" Harukawa asked, her voice had the rare tone of concern, it was so quiet though as if it was from a far off distance as my chest began to ache, and radio silence filled the space the intense piercing ringing in my ears nearly made me cry out in pain as my heart burned.

I'm alone...this time there's no Momota or Saihara to drag me out of the mess I've buried myself under, what HE buried me under...and everyone in DICE is dead, they're not going to come and tell me some kind of funny joke, or scold me for some kind of prank...no one believes I can even think anymore, that I'm essentially a doll.

I'm alone. I really am alone now. With my so-called 'classmates' or what they boldly claimed 'friends', a bunch of people dumped me onto Saihara. I...what do I even do? Come on, HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?! 

WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS?!

A cold hand yanked on my shoulder as my body froze in place like stone, don't hurt me, it hurts so much make it stop please anyone makes it stop already I'll do anything just make it go away-

"Don't touch him!" A voice cried out, I couldn't tell whose thought, you don't know anything, you're a useless child, you're a pathetic child who brings nothing, you shouldn't have lived past that day.

It burns, I felt bile filling up my throat as I cupped my hand to my mouth as the burning pain from my heart continued to race.

I'm going to die, it's going to kill me, my hearts going to give out, and then I'll be dead and no one will notice and no one will care because-

"You deserve this after what you did to me~"

I froze as I heard a familiar voice in my ears, I could feel myself choking as I tried to get even tiny sips of air as I felt choking, trying desperately to breathe.

Voices collided in one another, screaming and merging into an incoherent mess as I covered my ears trying to block out the noise. A familiar copper smell filled the tainted air as I broke out in choked sobs.

This isn't possible. There's no way I can hear her...I'm going crazy, aren't I? For real this time...heh...heh...great, exactly what I needed.

An arm grabbed me again as I winced as ice filled my body, no I was stone turning into the stone where I will be forever, forever cracking and breaking apart until not even dust remains-

A loud slap echoed, as I froze even further, ice-cold ice prison like the one you deserve-

"Can I touch you?" A voice asked gently, I froze trying to identify the voice before I shook my head. The voice didn't respond negatively though, instead of in an even calmer voice asked, "can you try and copy me? Can we count to ten?"

I paused before shaking my head manically, I can't do anything, stone and ice can't talk, and neither can I-

"One," the voice said calmly, as I focused on their counting as with shaky hands I tried to sign one, I'm sure I barely did it right, "that's good that's ok you're doing good, two..." the voice praised as I continued following as the noise started to began to dial back.

"Three....breath in and out, you can do it" the voice encouraged as they began breathing deeply in and out to demonstrate as I copied it the best I could while still signing, my lungs cheered at the relief of fresh air.

"Four...five....six" the voice continued and with every number they paused and waited for me to copy, as we began to reach ten, they were patient to the point of even repeating the number as drowsiness began to fill me as my shoulders finally sagged and finally my body felt numb, with only a bit of my ragged breathing remaining.

"Can I hug you?" The voice asked carefully, I paused before nodding and I was surprised with the cold...metal?

'Kiibo?' I asked, "yeah it's me, do you want to go home?" He asked, I nodded eagerly.

"How did you do that....?" Harukawa asked shocked, "when...after this morning when I nearly cost Ouma a panic attack with Akamatsu I began searching up ways to help someone on google, I wanted to do better the next time...I didn't think it would happen so soon" Kiibo lamented.

"But more importantly, where is Saihara? I left him with Ouma but you took Ouma to school today Harukawa?" Kiibo asked concerned.

"Saihara...Saihara left" Harukawa explained briefly, as I heard a quick conversation as I tuned out focusing on my breathing.

"I promise Ouma, I'm not going to leave you behind or make you forget anything, I will support you and together...I'm sure we can help you"

You're a liar.