https://youtu.be/hDqCz7aa2jA

People ran after time. But it didn't matter if Elena had time, she still was incapable of doing anything useful. You can have all the time in the world, but if you don't have the drive and the energy, it's futile. Elena sometimes wanted to make an effort, but something would stop her every time. When she looked around herself, she didn't understand how people spent their day shopping, eating out, partying, studying, laughing, talking. It didn't make sense that they could be so normal when the world was upside down, pleading for help.

"Oh, Elena, you've always been an overthinker, and because of that, you're an empathetic soul. And that gift is rare, Elena. Treasure it," Melissa said to her once on her front porch, her chocolate brown hair in a playful, messy bun.

She could see beyond what met the eye. Elena knew Melissa understood the world far more than anyone else. Why, then, did she escape it?

Elena took Kennedy's advice and sat in the freezing cold room at a mental health center. She was hoping no one she knew would also be in the waiting room. But Elena knew all her friends could benefit from therapy.

The receptionist,  named Vivian,  who held a forced smile on her oval face, led Elena into a warmer room.

The lavender walls weren't at all soothing to her. The ticking of the white analog clock got louder in her scattered mind. The window in front of her looked out to downtown across the street with its flashing, neon lights. It reminded Elena of wasted weekends and she felt a pit in her stomach.

She waited on the flimsy, leather couch that wasn't comfortable. Her legs tapped on the white tiles underneath and her hands fidgeted beside her. The golden glow of the cylindrical-shaped lamp illuminated in one corner of the chestnut-coloured office table. A peculiar vase with gold cracks sat in the corner. Brochures on mental health and depression were stacked on a side table in the room. On her left side, an easel with a large whiteboard was placed. The board was dirty with marker residue all over it. She heard muffled talk and laughter in the room beside hers where her therapist was with another client. Its door swung open and she heard heels hitting the floor tiles.

Elena sat still and clasped her hands together in her lap, darting her eyes around the room. She cleared her throat while her hands became more sweaty. She concentrated on not tapping her shoes against the floor. The door handle turned and the woman walked in. She saw the bronze placard that was drilled into the door. Jennette Lee, PsyD. Dr. Jennette slid the tab so it read "in session."

"Hi, Elena!" She said in a professional and friendly manner. "I'm Dr. Jennette, how are you?"

Her voice was soothing. Elena looked up at the smiling Asian woman whose thick, black glasses rested on a round face. She was dressed in a black blazer, white button-up shirt, and conservative black skirt. Her silver, diamond-shaped earrings complemented her brown eyes and pale face. She wore a toned-down red lipstick and a bit of blush. Elena found her to be charming and pretty. She extended her hand towards Elena and she reluctantly slipped her sweaty hand into hers to shake it. But, Dr. Jennette didn't react. She smiled warmly at Elena and took a seat on the sofa in front of her.

"I'm good," Elena said. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks!" She said, getting comfortable in the seat and crossing her legs.

She reached across the table for a clipboard and pen.

"So, is this your first session with a therapist?" She asked, grinning at her.

Elena nodded. Jennette's voice was like silk.

"Did you expect I would make you lie down on the sofa and make you cry?"

"Kind of," Elena gave her a crooked smile and nervously shifted her body on the couch.

Jennette chuckled. "Don't worry. I'm not going to make you do that. All we're going to do is have a conversation. So, Elena, what brings you in today?"

Elena took a quick breath. "Um...Well..."

Suddenly, she couldn't speak. A lump formed in her throat and several emotions welled up inside of her - anger, confusion, agony, embarrassment, and frustration.

"Um...," She said, gulping down dry air. "I..."

She still couldn't speak. Her hands clenched and unclenched beside her and she tapped her dirty shoes on the floor restlessly. Jennette patiently waited for her.

"It's okay, Elena. Take a deep breath," She said calmly. "And just in case you may not know, everything between us remains confidential."

"Sorry, I don't know why...I don't know why I can't speak."

Jennette nodded. "How about you stand up. And don't feel nervous. Remember, we're having a conversation."

Elena slowly stood up and took a deep breath. "Well, my dad..."

Elena heard the shouts in the hospital all too clearly. The nurse used the stethoscope to check her father's heart. She shook her head sadly. It wasn't beating. Elena looked at the time. 12:01 AM. Thursday night. She remembered herself wanting to strangle the nurse with the monitor cords. Elena looked at the pills on the table beside her father. She looked at his skeleton frame and hollowed cheeks. Cancer had diminished him into weak bones. He was half the size he used to be. His chest was heaving up and down and then it stopped midway. He had been in a coma. He was so drugged up, the pills had slowed his breath to nothing. His oxygen had been set to the highest setting.

"No, no, he's not dead," Her mother's face had lost all the colour in it. "No, no! It can't be!"

The nurse hugged her and said three words. "I'm so sorry."

Stella, her sister, began to wail and sob and she hugged Elena. But, Elena didn't hug her back. She stood paralyzed in place.

"Elena?" Dr. Jennette said. "Are you lost in thought?"

Elena looked at Dr. Jennette with a blank expression.

"My dad passed away a couple of months ago," She finally said.

She sat back down across from the woman.

"My condolences," Dr. Jennette said, looking at Elena with a sad smile. "And how have you been coping with his death?"

"My friend, um, -"

She decided not to disclose her name. "Was really helping me."

"And is she still helping you get through it?"

Elena shook her head and looked down at her shoes. "No. Not anymore."

Jennette frowned. "And why is that?"

"Because she's gone too. She died a month ago."

It was strange saying it out loud. It brought back too many good memories that made Elena ache for her.

Jennette's eyes slightly widened and painfully looked at her. "Oh, my dear child."

She smiled at Elena again who avoided her kind eyes and stared at the posters that hung on the freshly painted walls. Her eyes filled up with tears threatening to slip down her cheeks. She remembered the conversation she had with Melissa the day before she died that conveyed the sadness and frustration she felt with the world. But, Elena was too naive. She didn't read between the lines. And while she was passed out on her bed, Melissa was dying and she wasn't there for her. She ran to Tarence's at 4:00 AM in the morning. Some of her friends were there: Crying, shocked, or too inebriated to comprehend the news.

"Do you mind me asking how she passed, Elena?" Jennette asked softly.

"She OD'd," Elena croaked. "Overdosed."

The empathetic woman slowly nodded her head and pursed her lips. Elena fidgeted in place. She wasn't the type to display her emotions publically.

"And how did your dear father leave this world?" She asked.

"Cancer," Elena said, looking down at the marble tiles that glistened from the glow of the dim lamp.

"And you're here because of this collected grief, right?"Jennette asked her, folding her hands in her lap and putting away the clipboard.

Elena nodded her head. "Yes. I'm here because the way I cope with the grief is...Is unhealthy."

"What do you mean, Elena?" Jennette gently asked.

She had a motherly touch to the way she talked. It made Elena feel comfortable in telling her anything. She pursed her lips and looked down shamefully. Jennette looked at her, trying to figure out what she was holding in. Elena looked at the second hand on the clock and back at the therapist. Its ticking agitated her.

"How do you cope with the grief, Elena?" Jennette gently asked again, patiently waiting for her answer and furrowing her eyebrows.

Elena swallowed dry air. "I...Take pills."