Thursday Night

October 24, 2019

"Alright," Gwen starts as she drops down onto the air mattress, a large bowl of popcorn sitting snug in her lap. "Intervention 'Torture and Reveal' is now underway." Carmen and I toss each other looks before giving our attention back to Gwen.

"Is the torture part really necessary?" Carmen asked as she reaches over and grabs a handful of popcorn.

"Yes."

"Why?" I asked, reaching for my own scoop of movie time snack. Gwen bats my hand away and shoots a Cheshire grin my way.

"Boys who skip practice don't eat such unhealthy snacks and the torture part gives it pizzazz."

I roll my eyes and reach for the popcorn again, swiping the entire bowl from her this time. I toss a few, buttery pieces in my mouth and smirk. "Need I remind you who's making me skip football practice?"

Gwen snatches the bowl back from me, grumbling as she does. I just chuckle before turning serious. "So, intervention. Who wants to go first?" My eyes move over my two childhood friends. Gwen, who's sitting parallel me on the air mattress and Carmen who's sitting up on the couch. We're all camped out in Gwen's large basement, something that has been a requirement of her fathers since we all entered high school.

I guess the knowledge of a boy sleeping over in his daughters' room, even if they're childhood friends and Carmen's there too is too much for him to handle.

While the room hasn't changed much over the last few years, I did notice a lot of boxes lying around when I first entered the house. A lot of the stuff I remember being down in the basement is gone as well.

"I'm moving," Gwen spoke up, snapping my attention back to her.

"What?" I question, taken back by the blunt confession. One look towards Carmen tells me she already knows about this very large matter. I look back towards Gwen. "Since when? How soon? To where? Why am I only just now hearing about this?!"

Gwen looks down into the popcorn bowl and shrugs. "You seemed busy with your own shit going on ya know? I didn't want to stress you out."

"Then how come Carmen knows?!" I toss my hand out towards her and she flinches. "Sorry Car, I didn't mean to raise my voice." My hand lowers when I apologize, and she shakes her head as a small smile appears.

"It's alright. I just kind of stumbled onto it. I've got pretty good intuition."

Well, I can't argue with that.

My thought is bitter, and I turn back towards Gwen, waiting for her to answer the rest of my questions. She sighs. "My parents told me about it last week. We'll be moving at the end of November to New York City. My dad got a job transfer to the large firm located there." Of course, it had to do with her dad's work. He's a big wig company worker making large ones.

"Jesus, that only gives us a little more than a month," I said my heart cracking in my chest at the realization that my childhood friend is going to be hours away soon, located in another state. We all know that we'll be parting ways come next fall but that meant we still had a year together and now here comes fate with her cruel reality laughing in our faces.

"I told them I didn't want to go. That I could stay here but they were against it." Gwen gives a short, bitter laugh as she runs a hand over her face. "Believe me I fought tooth and nail against it but then I realized something." The tone of Gwen's voice changes and she looks at both Carmen and I. "I'm okay with moving."

"What-"

"I mean, I'm not happy to be parting ways with you two so soon. It sucks and it hurts like I'm losing a part of myself but I'm okay with leaving this town. That was always the plan one way or another so I knew we wouldn't be together forever. This just speeds things up a bit but I'm okay with it because I'm ready to get out of here and see the world." She speaks the long sentence in one breath and when she's done her chest is rising and falling at a rapid pace. Tears run down her face, creating tracks over her cheeks.

"Aw, Gwen." Carmen hurries from the couch to the air mattress, pulling our friend into a hug and Gwen leans into it continuing to cry. We all know that she's speaking the truth, but the reality doesn't hurt any less. "Seth called me out on my cutting," Carmen speaks up then once Gwen's sobs quiet. We both look at her with wide eyes.

"He what?!"

"That piece of shit, I'll kill him," I growl out getting ready to stand as if I were going to beat his ass now.

"No, no, no, no." Carmen reaches out and latches onto my arm, stopping me from going anywhere.

"Why the hell not? Let him go. Take your asshole jock friends with you and wipe the floor with Mop Head. If you won't I will." Gwen said and I nod in agreement.

"No, really, it's okay guys."

"That's not okay!" Gwen and I bellow in unison.

"It's the exact opposite of okay. I thought things were going good with you guys. What happened?" I demand answers from Carmen, and she begins rubbing her hands up and down her sleeved arms where I know numerous scars lie.

"It's just, I made him really angry because I got really angry and he didn't mean what he said, I know he didn't but I just got upset over it and-" She chatters on until she begins to cry, no longer able to continue talking. Her and Gwen switch positions and I reach over, running my hand up and down her back. "He hurts himself too." Gwen and I both freeze at that, our eyes clashing with one another.

"Shit." Gwen breathes out a shaky breath because I'm sure neither of us had been expecting that type of revelation from Carmen.

"He-he hurts himself and I should have known, you know. I should have realized, and I didn't and I'm just the worst person in the world for not realizing it."

"No, you're not." I'm quick to speak up at that. There's no way in hell I'm letting Carmen get sucked into that poisonous mindset that Gwen and I had been part of after the incident two years ago. "There's no way you could have known Car."

"But we've both been through it. If anyone should have known-"

"No. It's exactly because you know what he went through that you should also know if he wanted it hidden it was going to stay hidden" Gwen speaks up now. "How long did you keep us all in the dark about your situation?"

Carmen has no answer to the question, and I nod. "Exactly. You only stumbled onto this, didn't you? That's why there was such an argument. I'm sure he never wanted anyone to find out." My childhood friend stays quiet. "Though, it doesn't give him the right to say whatever the hell he said to you. I'm sure you have no intention of telling us just what that is?"

Carmen doesn't meet either of our gazes and I sigh. "Sorry." Her voice is tiny, and I give a small smile.

"It's alright chickadee," Gwen said. "I'm just glad you're okay. You're okay, right?" She asked and for a moment I expect Carmen to nod and smile and give the reassurance she always does. Instead, she shakes her head and says,

"No, I'm not."

I think it's that moment that makes this whole intervention that started as a stupid joke real to me. Carmen's never admitted to not being okay. Sure, Gwen and I always knew she wasn't which is why we keep such a close eye on her, for both her sake and our own. But now, she's admitting it and it hits me like a solid punch to the gut. I become breathless and grip the spot over my heart as it becomes impossible to breathe. I look at my two best friends before me. One of them getting ready to leave our group and take a piece of us with her, the other struggling with her dark past of depression and fear of the spotlight.

Then there's me.

"Steven?" Carmen calls my name and I look from her muddy brown eyes to Gwen's dark blue ones.

"Hey King, you alright?" Gwen asked and I shake my head.

"No. No, I'm not either." I say and I bite down hard on my bottom lip,drawing blood as I struggle to speak the next few words, my throat closing in on me. "I-I've been lying these past few years to you, to myself, to everyone and I royally screwed up." I look at my two best friends. The people who I rely on for everything. Who I can't imagine my life without. "I hate who I've become. I hate who I currently am. I thought I was playing this trick on everyone else, but I think I'm finally realizing I'm the only one suffering from it." My eyes run over my hands and I grip them tight, the skin turning white before I look towards my best friends once more. Carmen nods her head in encouragement and Gwen's eyes hold all the support in the world. "I-I-" I pause and pull in a deep, breath before unraveling my trick to my friends.

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