I'm out of breath and don't know why. I instantly drop my used brush and fall to the ground in passionate tears. I'm shivering involuntarily, I can't get up anymore. I hold myself, then I let go gently.

"I don't deserve to be held." I say sympathetically and lower my wrenched arms. I narrow my eyes and lay down to the ground. Squirming around, I'm pulling my hair out.

"I DON'T DESERVE IT!" I scream hysterically. I'm clawing my skin, and it hurts, but I deserve the pain.

"MAYBE I SHOULD CLAW MY DISGRACEFUL EYES OUT!" I scream again, my voice getting hoarse. Tears dripping down my face. I'm screaming my lungs out; I was torturing myself, I am hurting myself.

"Jamie..." I overhear a voice. Familiar footsteps coming closer.

"Jamie, Jamie, stop, stop..." I hear someone say. I pause for a moment. I calm down a moment.

"BUT I DESERVE IT?!" I say in a vague panic.

"I DESERVE IT. I DESERVE IT!" I scream horribly.

"I need to stop, please stop..." I think to myself, violent pain in my sore eyes as I cover my face and my ears with my bruised elbows and hands.

"Jamie, it's me." Is it who I imagine it is?

"Damien, Damien Jekyll. Damien Dean Jekyll." I mumble incoherently, I can't comprehend anything and I can't hear correctly. I wait for moments.

"WHY CAN'T I HEAR ANYTHING?" I scream shrilly in my mind.

"I. CANT. SEE." I can't speak. Why won't the unusual words leave? I. DESPERATELY. WANT. TO. SPEAK.

At this point, my heart is hammering. I can't believe anything that's going on.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHAT'S HAPPENING??" I ask. I need to know right now.

"Jamie, Jamie. Here." I hear my closest friend say. In my hand, I feel my paint brush. I grip it tight and calm down. I'm done struggling hopelessly, I'm down screaming. I start to breathe properly. I sit up. I look at the brush. The tears only stopped for a moment when the started up again. I throw the brush violently into the private pond of my backyard and I look at my friend in front of me. I smile lightly and move my hands to my neck. I start to squeeze very very tightly, a smile, though it was timid, was still on my face. I'm crying now, I can't breathe anymore, I survey my friend in a panic. Damien looks at me horrified, he's looking around, then suddenly grabbed my arms and started to pry them away from myself. I start to breathe again, I then frown. I breathe for a moment and throw my friend into the private pond in my backyard, where my brush was. I smile to myself as I sit there. I'm ruefully chuckling. Now I'm giggling nervously. Now I'm laughing uncontrollably. I look over to Damian, naively expecting to find him giggling as well. I looked over. Tears were in my eyes from the uncontrolled laughter. I wipe them away. I open my eyes. I see blood. My smile fades. My eyes widen. My heart seemed, inevitably to freeze. He wasn't moving much. I crawl towards him.

"Damie?" I say solemnly shaking. No answer.

"Damian, My sole friend?" I ask again with hope.

"Dae? Damie? Damien?" I tried to call.

"You're making me nervous Dae..." I start shaking again. I waited, and waited, and waited. 

"Not again...NOT AGAIN!"