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One stern old tern, Two hyper vipers and Three magic springtime sweet peas


The house lights dimmed 

The curtains drew back 

The audience quieted down 

Into the spotlight strode the show's MC 

Ed Cellophane, one stern old tern was he 


'Good evenin' ladies 'n gentlemen. 

On ewr stage we proudly present, 

straight from the agricultural wasteland, 

that famous trio of singing ladies -give a big hand to ewr, Magic Springtime Sweet Peas.' 


The band played an intro 

The audience roared 

Delivering a thunderous applause 

Spinning on the spot, Ed waved them near 

The better for the audience to hear 


'Now tell us just what are your names.' 

The first pea smiled and said, 'I'm Shelly." 

The others said, 'We're Snap and Snow.' 

'And here they eur, the sister rappers

 performing their latest recording, Two Hyper Vipers!' 


Ed clapped his hands and backed away 

Imploring the audience once more 

'Ladies 'n gentlemen, The Sweet Peas!' 

They took their place, toes began to tap 

And the trio of voices belted out their rap 


'We first came across one in the Garden of Eden

Eve was mopin' 'cause there was somethin' need'n 

It slithered down the trunk 'o that tree 

held out some fruit and said 'bite me' 


The next was Cleo on her royal barge 

This one was small, not too large 

When she heard Octavian wanted to put her on display 

She said, 'Asp, bite me.' Asp said, 'No way. 


The boos began in the orchestra seats 

Then spread quickly to the balconies 

Ed hurried on stage, hands in the air 

'Now- now ladies 'n gentlemen let's act ewr age 

that's not we treat performers here on ewr stage!' 


Ed folded his arms and did a spin 

Placed his fingers on his chin 

But his words were lost in the following din 

He called for the lights so he could see 

As he audience rose and roared, 'BITE ME!' 


Phew, exhausted and left but not before placing in the box 

a spatula, 

a stapler 

and chain saw 

for good old silenttomorrows!

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