I was up late (obviously) and i have made a terrible mistake. I made a rule for myself a while ago that i can not watch any of Dave's videos when im up late. Not for the reason you might think. But because it makes me cry. Despite that, today i said "Who cares im still gonna watch one of Dave's videos" and i did. Well that was a mistake. Now im crying. Why?!?! Well. See when watching his video i scrolled thru the comments and found a bunch of people who see him as an idol. Much like me. And i realize late at night when reality likes to set in the most that Dave- ok this will sound dumb but...
Dave
Is
Human.
Yup that is basically why i cry. Because sometimes i forget that he is human like me, Meaning i am capable of making a the same kind of impact on people as he does. But i dont. And i think that me and him think alike and have the same veiwpoints on alot of stuff...exept he is alot wiser since he is older. But still. No one listens to me like they listen to him. And i hate that i never ever express myself because im afraid of what others might think. I hate that i have to change the way i act when i am around  certain people just to get their apoval. But i still am seen as too weird. I hate that i hate myself. And i hate that i hate that i hate myself and so on. I just think that Dave is such an awesome guy and i would love to even just be an acquaintance of his. But even that will never ever happen. He makes me feel so insignificant. And i just want to stop thinking. i just want sleep. But forever. Like dreaming forever. Because at least in my dreams i have some control over who i am and what i can do. At least in my mind in my whole other dream world... I am free. But no i still have to wake up tomorrow (or today since it is 2 AM) and i have to be constrained to the limits of social rules, my parents, my school, the laws of physics...i hate it. I suppose that is why o daydream so much...to escape the earth for a moment. Anyways...it is late

~spicy pickle chip