So i have an F in english. I refuse do do the useless crap im forced to do. I hate it. So the other day my english teacher called out of class. She asked y i turned in my late work so late and not even complete. As usual i got some anxiety so my eyes began to tear up and i could not breathe. Thing is she expected me to answer. But when i get anxiety i cannot speak. I cant breathe and when i try to say something all i can do is try to get some oxygen cus it dosnt feel like i am getting any.  I am litterally rendered speechless. My teacher also said that yelling at me is like kicking a puppy. No one wants to kick a puppy and if they do they feel immense guilt. It is comforting to see that ppl dont like yelling at me. I actualy like my teacher as a person it is just that there is too much frikin' junk in the curriculum! Also friday was fun ill make another part about it. But yesterday i spent most of my day crying and trying very hard not to break my skin with my long nails. I was doing my english work(because my parents were forcing me to) when i got EXTREEMLY frustated with my self. I was trying to make it perfect because there is nothing i hate more than disappointing people...ok maybe i do hate some stuff more but u get what i mean. Ugh i was over analyzing stuff and ugh... I began to cry and my dad was like "SHUT THE FUQ UP! GET UR ASS UP AND DO YOUR WORK!" wich made me cry more and he kept commenting on how annoying i am. On the other hand we have my mom who kept asking "Whats wrong? Why are you crying?!?!" and i got anxiety again so i couldnt even answer her and all i could do is keep crying. All i could think was 'ihatemyself ihatemyself IHATEMYSELF SO GOD DAMN MUCH!!!' but i could not say it out loud. Then my parents left the house and took my lil bothers(it is a pun...brothers bothers get it?) with them and when i was alone i did what i do when im crying alone. I hugged my teddy bear with a bowtie that is a bit taller than my youngest bother(he is 4) and pretend it was dave. Yup pathetic ik. But it calms me down better than an actual person or anything really. And then i watched two of Dave's videos the i was fully calmed down. Then i did my history work. Then my parents came home. My mom again asked y i cried so much and again with the same anxiety crap. I was able to say that i frustrate myself because i am slow. That is only part of the problem but ugh i cant tell my mom that i hate myself. They say they will test me for attention deficit disorder. I did not go to school today since my parents let me "take the day off" to catch up on school work. And my dad just called to tell me they are taking me out of honours English and putting me in English 10 CP( college preparatory, basically basic average 10th grade English class) YAY :D honours is too much for my lazy unmotivated self to handle.... XD BAI
~peaceful, spicy pickle chip